Pyg (7 page)

And so indeed it came to pass. For the first week, our performance was preceded by a musical
soirée
, featuring the talents of a certain Mr Morgan upon the
Violin
, and the
vocalisations of a Mrs Ellis, but the Interest was so Plainly in our
Favour
, that the proprietor decided to give us the Top billing—upon which Morgan and Ellis promptly quit the show,
being most Unwilling, they said, to follow a
Pig
upon the programme. Their departure was Lamented by
None
, and Mr Bisset quickly expanded our Act, adding a Routine we had practised,
whereby I would ‘Tell’ the time after examining a pocket Watch provided by a member of the Audience, as well as a Clairvoyant Act, in which I seemed to read Minds. Of this particular
portion of the show, out of professional Pride, I will not disclose the
Secret
—but those who are Privy to similar Acts performed by
Humans
, will easily be able to infer how I
managed to fit the same Bill. It is still Remarkable to me that there are more people willing to credit a Pig with
Extraordinary
powers than with the most Ordinary ones, such as the
understanding of the Rudiments of
Language
.

The Gardens were packed to their Limit every Evening, and even though the proprietor hired carpenters to put in additional
Stalls
on either side of the benches, the crowd spilled out on
to the Grass, with people vying for the best
View
, and jostling one another in their anxiety to behold this new Wonder. We had a run of nine weeks, with almost no decline in Attendance, and
drew our show to a Conclusion more for the sake of our own Rest than for any slackening in our Business. The last night was the most crowded of all, and at the end of our Performance, we were met
by the Lord
Mayor
and a Committee of Prominent Citizens, who presented us with the Liberty of the Town, and claimed pride of place as the First city in which the Learned Pig had made his
Public
reputation.

It was by this time quite late in the Year, and the Season for performances out-of-doors was quickly drawing to a Close. We had one other Prospect that Mr Bisset had contemplated, which was to
take ship from Liverpool to Dublin, where we might manage a booking in an indoor Theatre or Lecture-hall. He had already corresponded with a number of possible venues, sending along the latest
clippings from the Press as evidence of our Warm reception. The most notable of these was Astley’s Amphitheatre, a dependent
House
of its Parent Chapter in
London
, which did an
enormous trade in Equestrian shows, with a Variety of other Acts between. As the Premier establishment of its Kind, its Rates were far higher than any we had yet Commanded; the least expensive
Seats cost a Shilling, with private Boxes running from 10
s
. 6
d
. to £2 11
s
More might be made in a single Night there than we had earned in our entire time in Liverpool,
and Mr Bisset was quite keen to secure an Engagement.

We waited a further Week, the Weather being quite Dismal and
Wet
, and almost had decided to go Home, when a letter arrived via the Dublin Packet. We were offered a two-week stand at
Astley
’
s
, with a most generous Guarantee against receipts; should Attendance be better than contracted, we would gain a Percentage of the sales of Tickets. Mr Bisset was beside
himself, and Sam’s mind was quite
Overtaken
with thoughts of Dublin. And yet, for myself, I must in Truth declare that I had begun to Weary of the life of a
Performer
, and
secretly Hoped that I might enjoy some months Away from the Stage, or perhaps even
Retire
with my Laurels intact. Never the less, seeing my Benefactor’s heart was so much Set upon the
Journey
, I undertook to accompany him
Freely
and put aside my Doubts, trusting that our Success
There
would mean a longer, quieter time
After
.

The next morning, as we went to board the Packet, I encountered the first of what, in retrospect, seem ill Omens. The Captain of our Vessel absolutely
Refused
to have any Animals above
deck, however crated or Constrained; we must be in the
Hold
. No amount of Cajoling would change his mind, neither any
Sum
—and Mr Bisset made a most Generous offer, more than
Twice
the fare of a human Passenger—induce him to Budge so much as a Fraction. I was therefore hauled down Below by a pair of stout young Sailors, and my enclosure
Packed
with
all the others, alongside a slatted crate of half-starved Cattle, and several boxes of laying
Hens
. It took some ingenuity, but Sam, of course, eventually managed to
Find
me and,
though his Visits were brief, he brought me morsels of his own
Food
, and News from above Decks, such that I considered myself not much less Comfortable than I would have been Above. The
crossing was a lengthy one, with an intervening Call at the Isle of
Man
, and it was very late indeed that I learnt—by Sam’s shout—that the distant lights of Dublin could be
seen.

As we drew up along the stone Quays of the River
Liffey
, I could hear the shouts of the
Stevedores
as they readied their ropes and nets, and before long I was at last restored to
Fresh air. As I was hauled out on a Pallet, I caught my first Glimpse of that vast
City
, which was the dim outline of the Custom House, and behind it the lamplit streets of a bustling
Metropolis. So here we were: at the peak of our Fame, doubtless soon to be the Talk of the
Town
—and yet, for some reason I could not
Fathom
, I felt nothing within my heart but a
sort of cold, containing darkness that I could neither penetrate nor shake off.

8

O
ur Lodgings in Dublin were of the Best sort imaginable, with my Master and Sam in a suite of Rooms, with a door opening right into the Inn-yard, a
portion of which had been fenced off for the accommodation of myself and Mr Bisset’s other Animal companions. The very next morning, we met with a Mr
Sweet
, who introduced himself as
the chief Trainer at Astley’s, and spent some time looking over the Horses. They went through all their paces, but Mr Sweet seemed strangely Displeased by their performance, although he gave
their Abilities his grudging Admiration. ‘They may do Tricks, sure, but these Horses aren’t properly
Trained
—we’ll have to keep them apart from the others in the
Ring,’ he declared. From what I could gather, his idea of training had a good deal to do with the use of a
Whip
, and he considered Horses trained in any other Manner to be a great
Hindrance to him as he could not rely upon their
Obedience
to his commands. He did not bother very much about the other Animals, but did take a good long look at
Me
, and I felt at
once a sort of Chill in his regard. He would just as soon see me cut into
Rashers
as have me cut Capers on his Stage, I thought, but since there was said to be some
Money
in it, he
snorted, turned, and strode alongside Mr Bisset into his rooms.

Sam told me later that there had been some quite Heated discussion between them as to the Order of the Acts, and their Placement upon the Bills. There was a great number of human and animal
Performers, who together filled the stage at Astley’s, and just as in Liverpool, few of them were willing to share their Billing with a
Pig
. Never the less, the Attraction having been
such a success, I was to be given at least a
Place
, and a by-Line, stating that I had ‘just arrived from France’ (this was meant, I suppose, to lend a sort of Continental cachet
to my Appearance), and that, having been examined by the foremost Academicians, I had been declared to be ‘the greatest production of
Nature
’ as well as ‘The Chief
Philosopher of the Swinish Race’. Now I will say that I did not mind these
Sobriquets
half so much as one might think, but that they were not
Honest
, gave me considerable Pause.
For what kind of Establishment, I wondered, would put in print such claims, so Patently and demonstrably False to anyone of knowledge or
Means
, unless it were simply to deceive the Poorer
sort, who had no Idea of ‘France’ save what they read in the
Papers
?

All the same, the Realisation that I was about to become a
Pig
of greater Note was reinforced the next Day when there arrived a Tailor who declared he had been Sent for by the
Proprietors
. He duly took my Measurements, just as he would for any Human client, and returned the next morning with a Waistcoat of fine red
Silk
, with a pattern of small Paisley
leaves. This garment was so well Fitted, that it seemed almost as Natural to me as my own Skin, only so much more
Elegant
, that I could not resist strutting about in it, and to this day it
remains my most
Prized
possession. Thusly attired, I was attended that same Afternoon by a Painter, who was preparing a number of large canvas Banners, to be hung about the place depicting
my varied
Talents
. Finally, as if all these other fittings-up for
Fame
were not enough, I was visited by Mr Sweet’s assistant, who gently Trimmed my Hoofs, then applied
something described on its container as ‘Carr & Martin’s Hoof Liniment’. The process of Beautification was completed with an application of ‘Black Jack Enamel’, a
sort of shoe-polish for Hoofs, which made them quite nearly as black and glossy as any piece of
Human
footwear. Had I the Ability, I should have almost wished to ask for a Mirror, in which I
might Behold my new
Appearance
, but once the assistant was satisfied with his work, he Extinguished his lantern and left me in the dim light of the Inn-yard, where I could only Imagine
it.

The next morning we went directly to the Amphitheatre after our Breakfast, where Rehearsals were already in progress. Each of the performers was established in a small, roped-in area to Practise
while they awaited their
Cue
, and I was heartily Amazed at the variety of Oddities there
Displayed
. There was a troupe of Tight-rope walkers, led by a Monsieur Bussart, along with a
Tumbler by the name of Monsieur
Redigé
: these were apparently the Artists in Residence of Astley’s, and conducted themselves as though they
Owned
the place. In the next
area there was a Signor
Scaglioni
, whose dancing
Dogs
were a sight to behold as they cavorted, leapt and executed neat pirouettes. Near them, an exceedingly thin young gentleman by
the name of Herr
Hautknochen
stood rehearsing his Singing Duck routine, which consisted of a variety of Comic songs, at key points of which he would Squeeze his Duck, which quite
understandably let forth a loud and melodious
Honk
in response. Last, there was a most remarkable Woman, who went by the name of Signora
Spagniola
; she was practising an Act that
required her to Dance with two Swords tied to her Feet, along with two
Eggs
—which remained miraculously Unbroken—all the while balancing on her
Head
a pair of Flower-pots
upon a Board!

Amidst all these Novelties, there was a large troupe of Horses and Trick-riders, who were the Mainstay of the Establishment. Their performances were apparently so
Frequent
that they
scarcely required any Rehearsal, and so they mostly stood about, idly executing handstands and adjusting the colourful trappings of their
Mounts
. Mr Sweet was their Director, and the
Impresario
of the place; it was he who was responsible for the entire evening’s programme, and who
Announced
each act as it was about to Appear. The word was given out that,
whatever one did, one should not
Cross
him: he was known to drop an Act from his Bills at the least offence. For him, there was not one of us—excepting the Horses, of
course—which was not
Disposable
; the public came to see ‘Astley’s’ and the name implied a certain Quality, a certain
Class
of Entertainment, which was far more
Valuable to its proprietors than any mere
Pig,
or dog, or Duck and his Man.

We found our own place was to be at the end of the first part of the Bill, which was generally reserved for newcomers so that an element of
Surprise
would mitigate the risk of
Disappointment. Mr Bisset, I believe, was somewhat forlorn to find that his own Cats, Dogs and Monkeys could have no place among the rest, but surely if he found Success with me, he might hope to
displace the rival
Hautknochens
and
Scaglionis
of his trade. His foremost concern, however, was that our Show, modest though it was, not be Lost in the glare and vastness of this new
Arena. Accordingly, he made a new set of Letters and Numbers on a much larger scale than the
Old
, so that they could easily be seen even in the galleries and cheap seats. These I found
somewhat difficult to carry in my Mouth but, with some care, I managed to transport them without Mishap; my worst fear was of dropping one prematurely.