Quake (7 page)

      There’s no better way to begin my day than with Janny in my arms. I love having her here with me, sleeping peacefully while cuddled against me. It’s early yet, only a little after six, but I know I’m awake for good.

      Pain keeps me from a solid night’s rest more often than not and then there’s the nightmares leftover from my shooting. I went to talk to a therapist after it happened and he diagnosed me with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I’m much better about handling loud noises now, than when the accident was fresh. I used to dive to the ground, taking cover; sometimes it would happen in a public place. I don’t ever want Janny to see that side of me.

      I slip from the bed without disturbing her, putting on a pair of navy blue pajama bottoms and head to the kitchen. After making myself a cup of coffee I sit down at the table and think about what happened last night. It seems like a dream to me. After all the times I’ve fantasized about making love to Janny, it’s difficult to grasp that it actually happened, and it was so much more than I imagined. I lean my elbows on the table and drop my head to my hands.

     
What happens now?
Do we settle into a relationship and see where this can go or do I set her free now, knowing I’m sparing her the heartache sure to come later?

      Do I selfishly grasp this chance at happiness no matter how fleeting it might be? I grip my fingers in my hair and pray I’ll do the right thing. God help me, but I want to be with her and I don’t think I’m strong enough to walk away.

      I’m a selfish bastard for wanting to let this play out between us, knowing my life could end quick like the snap of my fingers.

      What Janny doesn’t know, what she can never know, is that there’s a bullet fragment still lodged in my brain. It’s like a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off. If it shifts even one millimeter it will end my life instantly. It’s inoperable and someday it’ll be the end of me. I’ve been living with this for three years now, waiting and wondering how much more time is left before the end is here?

     Fate is a fucking bitch for putting her in that house for me to see, because all I want to do now is cling to the happiness Janny’s brought to my life, knowing this might be my last chance at experiencing love. I know I should push her away and spare her from ever having to deal with the pain of losing me.

      “Good morning.”

      I was so lost in my thoughts I didn’t hear her come into the kitchen.

      I raise my head up; my eyes take her in from head to toe as she walks toward me. Her long blonde hair is tousled and she’s wearing one of my plain white t-shirts. She’s so tiny it falls to just above her knees, it drapes loosely so I can’t see the shape of her body underneath it, but I swear it’s the sexiest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. The way the distended tips of her nipples are poking through the worn material is making my mouth water. Is she wearing panties under there? Or is she bare and waiting for my cock to slip inside her once more?

      “Good morning, baby. How did you sleep?” I push my chair back making room for her to fit between the table and me.

      “I slept wonderful.” She smiles, her eyes still clouded with sleep as she steps between my legs and cups my cheek with her hand. I take her fingers, kiss her palm and pull her closer to me. Her nipples are pointing right at me and I do what any normal red blooded male would. I start to touch her, my fingertips teasing along the outer edges of her thighs, before moving around to cup the back of them. She gasps at their first contact and I smile as I slowly slide my hands up over her silken skin wondering what I’ll find when I reach her delectable ass. Will it be encased in the black satin panties she had on last night—the ones that matched her hot as hell bra? Or will I find her perfect ass bare and ready for the imprint of my hand?

      In the few seconds I take to explore, my cock has become hard enough to pound nails or at least to pound her beautiful, pink pussy. My hands reach their destination and I discover her bare like I’d hoped she’d be. Fuck.

      I stand up so quickly my chair tips over, clattering loudly to the floor. Janny’s eyes go wide with surprise, before I spin her around and push her onto the table. I place one of my hands on the middle of her back and clasp the other firmly around her hip. She inhales sharply when the front of her body makes contact with the cold wood. My hands move down to the hem of the shirt she’s wearing and slip underneath, moving slowly up the warm smooth skin of her back, pushing the material with them. I trail kisses from the bottom of her spine all the way up. She’s so tiny only the tips of her toes remain on the floor when I lean over kissing along her neck, moving up to whisper in her ear.

      “I’ve been tested and it was negative. Are you on birth control?”

      “Yes, the pill.”

      Fuck, I’ve got to be inside her now. I shove my pants down to my thighs and pull her hips back toward me.

       “Are you ready for me, baby?” I ask as my hand moves between her legs and I find her pussy dripping for me. “You’re so wet. Do you want my cock?” I tease her, sliding it back and forth along her slit.

      “Yes. God, yes. Please.”

       Once I hear her beg for it, I can’t hold back any longer. I’m inside her with one forceful motion, all thoughts of being gentle lost, when I feel the walls of her tight pussy squeezing my bare cock. I draw back and thrust into her again, rocking her body against the table. Fuck, I’ve never experienced anything like this. I wrap her hair around my left hand, pulling her head back so I can bite on her neck. My right hand wraps around her hip, gripping it.

       I can’t fuck her hard enough right now, I can’t get close enough to her. No matter how deep I’m buried inside her it will never be enough—I’ll always want more.

      My right hand slides over her hipbone and down so my fingers can circle her clit. I’m not going to last much longer and she has to get there first. My teeth clench as I think of anything I can to stave off the orgasm about to rocket through my body.

      The back of her thighs tremble against the front of mine signaling she’s almost there. I let go of her hair and grip onto her shoulder pulling her toward me. I thrust as hard as I possibly can over and over until she cries out my name when she comes. It’s only a few seconds until I follow. I collapse on her back, all my energy spent.
Jesus Christ.
If this bullet fragment doesn’t kill me first, Janny’s pussy might do the job,
but what a fucking way to go.

Janny

  
   Holy shit
.
I can’t believe he just fucked me on the kitchen table. That was without a doubt the hottest sex of my life.

      This is not my life. Janny Moore isn’t the girl guys want to fuck on the kitchen table. I smile to myself, my cheek still resting on the smooth wooden surface while Kyle kisses me right below my ear.

      “Come on, beautiful. Let me help you up.” He wraps his arm around my stomach as I begin to rise up and pulls me toward him. I end up my back to his front, my head resting on his chest as he cradles me loosely in his arms. His mouth lowers until his lips are leaving a line of kisses along the top of my shoulder. “I didn’t hurt you did I?”

      “No, not at all.” I shake my head and bite on my lip, suddenly feeling embarrassed about what we just did. I’m not used to getting so carried away in the heat of the moment.

      “Hey,” he says, his hands on my shoulders. He turns me around in his arms, leans down and peers into my eyes like he’s searching for my deepest, darkest secrets. Little does he know he wouldn’t need to look very far, all he’d have to do is ask. At this moment, I’m pretty sure I’d divulge anything he wanted to know. He’s become that important to me.

      I wonder if he knows how much I’ve grown to care for him. Can he see it in my eyes? Can he hear it in my voice? Is it written all over my face? I hope so, because I’m not ready to say those words, not yet. Those words haven’t escaped my lips since the night of the fire and the thought of saying them now, of having such depth of emotion for another person, scares the hell out of me.

      “No, you didn’t hurt me at all. I loved everything we did.”

I’m falling in love with you.

     
I can hear the words in my head, but knowing I mean them doesn’t make it any easier for me to speak them. Maybe someday—maybe someday soon, I’ll be able to look him in the eyes and tell him how I truly feel, but for now I’ll hope he can see beyond face value.

      I took a quick shower while Kyle cooked breakfast for us. I got dressed in my clothes from last night and put my wet hair up in a ponytail. Now, while I’m sitting here at the very same table he recently had me bent over, I can’t help the flush of embarrassment heating my cheeks. My eyes lower to my hands clenched tightly in my lap, my chin tucks into my chest when I think of the wanton way I acted, how I begged him to fuck me.
Jesus
. I’ve never behaved that way with anyone before.

      Sex with David was okay, but we were teenagers. Josh and I had hot sex, but not enough to make me beg for his cock. Sex with Kyle is indescribable—it surpasses mere words. Maybe this is the way it’s supposed to be and I’ve never experienced it before.

      “Do you want toast or a bagel?” His deep voice pulls me out of my thoughts.

      “Toast please,” I answer and he winks at me before turning back to his cooking. My eyes take in his rumpled hair and the way the muscles in his broad back flex as he cooks for me. He’s so sexy barefoot with those hot as fuck pajama pants hanging on his hips. His shoulders are wide and I can see the top of the memorial tattoo that wraps all the way around his bicep. It’s made up of two banners, one with each of his parent’s names and they’re done in black and gray shading.     

      “Can I do anything to help?” I ask, realizing I should be lending a hand instead of overthinking what happened.

      “If you don’t mind, could you please grab the O.J. and two glasses. They’re in that cabinet over there,” he says, gesturing to the left with his head. I grab the juice from the double door stainless fridge and notice how neatly he has the inside arranged, before taking two glasses from the cabinet. As I’m placing them on the table he puts our plates down. He made bacon and scrambled eggs, which are my favorite kind. “Sit down,” he says, pulling out the chair next to his.

      “Thank you. This looks amazing. I’m starving this morning.” I pick up the knife and butter my toast.

      “We worked up an appetite.” I look up from my plate to Kyle as he smirks at me. My face flushes when I think about the things we did and how he worked me over on this very table.

      “I hope you cleaned the table.” The words leave my mouth before I can stop them and the moment they’re out there floating in the ether I wish I could take them back. Kyle lets out a laugh making me feel less self-conscious, as I take the first bite of eggs from my plate. The flavor of the seasoning and cheese he added makes them taste delicious.

      “Mmm, these might be the best eggs I’ve ever had. What else can you cook?” I ask as I make a sandwich out of my toast, eggs and bacon.

      “I know how to make pretty much anything. I had to learn for Kenna when my parents passed away. Why? Are you going to use me for my cooking skills?” he asks before taking a bite of toast.

      “No,” I shake my head. “I’m going to use you for sex,” I say deadpan and he laughs, rubbing my thigh with his hand. “So consider yourself warned.” I smile at him and he leans over to kiss me on the top of my head.

      “Thanks for the warning, but the idea of you using me doesn’t seem like much of a hardship. Feel free to use me and abuse me in any capacity you can think of.”

      I giggle at his reply, loving this lighter side of him. The awkwardness of the “morning after” is slipping away and it feels like we’re finding our footing while we navigate through this new territory.

      While I sit here and continue eating I can’t help but wonder what he wants this thing between us to be. Are we in a relationship? Does he want more than sex or am I just a piece of ass to him? This feels like so much more to me, but maybe I’m romanticizing the situation. God, I hope I’m not. I’m already falling in love with him and the idea of him not returning those same feelings has me losing my appetite. The sinking feeling in my stomach is overpowering.

      I put my fork down on my plate and take a sip of orange juice.

     
Calm down
.

      He wouldn’t go to all the trouble of cooking me breakfast if I was just a convenient lay, would he?

      “What are we doing?” I blurt out. He looks at me, looks down at his plate and back up at me again.

      “We’re eating breakfast,” he answers with a smirk. My lips quirk slightly, but I’m not really finding what he said funny. Now that I’ve put the question out there I need to know the answer.

      “That’s not what I meant. What do you want from me—from us?”

      He places his fork down and pushes his plate away before turning to face me in his seat. He pulls my chair closer to him, turning it so we’re facing each other. Maybe this conversation is the last thing he wants with me—maybe this is his way of saying goodbye. My stomach is in knots.

      “I really thought you could tell how crazy I am about you. I should’ve known you’d need to hear the words. I’m sorry, I’m not someone who usually does this—who has relationships. For the past two years I’ve been alone, no women in my life at all.” I’m surprised by this. It’s difficult to imagine any guy going that long without sex, but it only makes him more attractive to me.

      “I’m not the most romantic guy. I’ll probably suck at being a boyfriend, but Janny Moore, will you be my girlfriend?”

      The smile on my face couldn’t be any larger as I answer, “Yes.” I throw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck.

      He pulls me into his lap and lightly kisses me on the lips. He stares intently into my eyes, our faces close as I take in all the various shades of gold and brown that make up his irises. His hands slide into the sides of my hair, gripping my head and holding it still.

      “I’m falling for you, Janny. I want to be with you and I don’t plan to let you go.”

      I bite on my lower lip as I fight the urge to cry tears of happiness. My nose stings and my vision blurs before I feel a single tear roll slowly down my cheek.

      “I hope this is a happy tear,” Kyle jokes and wipes my cheek with his thumb. I nod my head, still feeling too choked up to speak so I kiss him. I pour every bit of love I feel for him into the kiss and hope he can feel all the words I’m not ready to say—words I may never be ready to say.

   ***

    We run by my place for clean clothes and a bag for tomorrow morning, before Kyle brings me to a park in South Boston for a picnic lunch. I’m not sure when he found the time between cleaning up the breakfast stuff and taking a shower, but he made us roast beef sandwiches and they’re delicious. He also packed Fritos, grapes and water—he thought of everything. We leisurely eat our lunch and then stretch out on the dark green blanket cuddled against one another. My full stomach, Kyle’s arms wrapped around me and the warmth of the sun lull me into a nap.

      I wake up cold and notice the dense clouds blocking out all the warmth from the sun. I stretch my arm out, tearing off a blade of grass from the overgrown lawn and use it to tickle the end of Kyle’s nose. He scrunches his nose up in his sleep, but doesn’t stir. I bite my bottom lip to hold in my laughter while I try again, this time being a bit bolder about it. He wiggles his nose and then his eyes open catching me in the act. He grabs my hand and rolls me over trapping my arm above my head. He steals the grass from my fingers and uses it to tickle the skin on my neck before his lips join in on the delicious torture. He releases his hold on my arm and my fingers move to play in the thickness of his dark hair. I wrap my other arm around him while he teases my lips with brief kisses, making me long for more, but we’re in a public park with other people around.

      “We should stop before I can’t. I don’t think this is the best place for me to rip your clothes off and have my wicked way with you.” He rolls over to his hip, sitting up and reaching into the bag he brought all the food in. He pulls out half a loaf of bread and I look at him questioningly.

      “We’re going to feed the ducks.” He gestures in the direction of the pond. I sit up next to him, smoothing the back of my hair down.

      “You’ve planned everything. I like a man who’s prepared,” I say as I lean into him. He wraps an arm around my shoulder, pulling me in close.

      “Well, I never told you this, but I used to be a boy scout.” He glances down at me.

      “So you’re always prepared?” I question.

      He leans in and kisses me on the forehead before staring into my eyes, his expression now thoughtful.

      “I wasn’t prepared for you.”