Quarantined in Chaos (Nova Nocte) (9 page)

             
Cal, I’m not going to use the energy talking. I’m tying myself to the moment. Can you hear me?

             
“I hear you. Just maintain the battle. You don’t have to gain ground, you just can’t lose any or your mind will slip away.”

             
He wiped his tears and held my gaze.

“Fight to stay with us. Daemon will be back soon. Stay with us. We will sort the rest later, but you cannot meet back with Reggie like this. He will not bend our laws; he will kill you. Do what you must but stay.”

              The tug of war between reality and the inside of my mind made me lightheaded. I shook my mental head and saw that my physical head shook as well.

             
I’m going to be okay, Cal. Reggie won’t hurt me. Daemon and I will be together. Soon the three of us will leave this place and start a life. A very long life.

             
He laughed.

             
“That is the plan. To live a happy and long life. Keep your focus, your message was fading at the end.”

             
I imagined myself planting my feet in the ground and walking slowly out of a deep pit. With each step, my vision cleared but the pull backwards increased tenfold. I heard Daemon and Bubba talking.

             
He must’ve glamoured him already.

             
“Squirrel, your eyes are going out of focus. Are you still with me?”

             
Dammit, yes.

             
I forced another step and realized I’d slipped some.

             
I’m here. It’s so tough. What else can I do? How long until this stops?

             
His eyebrows furrowed and the concern in his voice rose.

             
“Squirrel? I can’t hear you. It’s just a buzzing. Stay with us. Take it little by little. If we can keep you from the pull long enough, you will be free of it forever; just fight it.”

             
I dug my heel in and took another step out of my body and towards him. The weight of the struggle multiplied.

             
“Arrggh.”

             
I heard the groan and stopped myself from being stunned out of my concentration.

             
“Very good. Come closer. You can do this.”

             
Footsteps approached and I fought the instinct to look. One more step; the extra detail of the universe overloaded my senses. Crickets chirped and bats flew over the treetops. Another baby step. My feet slid and I fell, digging my hands in to steady my progress.

             
I’m going to be okay. I promised my family I would survive this and I will. Just concentrate.

             
“Is she doing better?”

             
Daemon and Bubba materialized from the far side of the fire. Bubba began to tend the tiny flames and pretend he wasn’t looking at me.

             
“She is fighting. She managed to say a bit, but it’s taking all her will just to stay with us. She is doing rather decently at communicating with her thoughts.”

             
Daemon grinned.

             
“Thank God. I told you she would be okay. What can I do?”

             
Another small step, this time pulling with my arms as well. The gravity of the pit within was debilitating.

             
Almost out. If I can ignore all the extra sensations, I can make it. I can persevere. Daemon, I’m nearly free.

             
“I heard her.” He took Cal’s place and caressed my limp hand with his. “C’mon Squirrel. How are we going to be together if you’re practically a mannequin? Concentrate, focus, and kick this in the balls. You can make it back to us.”

             
“Almost. Heavy, fightinnnn...”

             
My fingers left tiny trenches where I slid back a couple of inches. I climbed and dug in until the sky seemed to be pressing me flat and the chaos within anchored me in place.

             
“Squirrel, come out to us.”

             
“Are y'all sure she’s gonna be alright? She’s purty shell-shocked from the last couple a days. Should we let her git some rest?”

             
The anchor tightened and reversed me.

             
No. I’m so close. I can make it. Please, no.

             
“Squirrel? What’s happening to you?”

             
Both vampires were at my side. Panic painted their faces.

             
“Do not surrender, Squirrel. That’s how it wins; that’s how it took my daughter. Don’t let it win. Stop trying to pull away. Just hold on. Do you hear me? Just hold on!”

             
Cal gripped my hand with viselike pressure. The pain caught my attention and I felt the world grow closer. I glued my strength to that hold.

             
“Hold tight, Cal. I can. I can feel you.”

             
I tried to inch nearer to that tension in my hand. The extraneous parts of my vision and hearing cleared away; I was almost part of the world again. I squeezed his hand back. I took a breath and relaxed for a moment.

             
Noooo!

             
The world fled from me and I slammed down inside my mind. I could see everything but the controls were gone. I was driving a me-shaped robot without any controls, just a viewing tower.

             
Cal, Daemon, can you guys hear me?

             
I shouted my thoughts with the desperation of a victim buried alive.

             
“Squirrel, come back. Cal, what happened? Squirrel?”

             
“Come back to us. Focus on our voices. Follow them back to us. Squirrel, are you in there?”

             
I’m still here. Please say you can hear me! I can’t get out. Please.

              I’ve been trapped in a strange dream -- for minutes or days I haven’t been sure until now. I struggle to get my mind and body reconnected with the outside world until I’m too weak to think and then I zone out, mesmerized by the living particles dancing within and around everyone and everything. Even the fleshies are covered in waning embers of life.

             
I can follow bits and pieces of the conversations around me. I recall us continuing the trek north and Daemon feeding me from his own veins so that Bubba will be safe. Each time the blood touches my lips, I feel the strength to escape grow; the battle is renewed for as long as I can hold out. Twice, I’ve been able to make him hear my thoughts and once to speak aloud.               Bubba thinks I’m traumatized and the guys are taking care of me; maybe he’s right. Cal maintains his strong facade of vampiric code when Daemon is here, but when it’s just the two of us, he cries and pleads with me to come back. Daemon has begun to set my calendar in front of me and put my journal in my lap.

             
“Here’s your journal, Squirrel. I know you hear me and I know writing things down helps you think, helps you work out problems. Today’s the 24th of December -- Christmas Eve. If you want to write...” He brushes my hair from my blank face. “...if you want to write, it’s here for you. I’m going to patrol and see if I can find some supplies in the houses nearby.

             
He left me here on the porch. My muscles remember the movements and I’ve got enough strength to use the pen. The fight to regain control is getting easier but exponentially more frustrating whenever I fail. I hope he reads this. I want them to know I’m getting closer; that I’m still trying.

             
The terror of living inside my nightmares when I rest is the second worst part. Knowing I may never be free of this trap is the first. I fall into darkness and am buried alive in the stale earth. Beasts who wear the faces of those I love devour me. I relive the last days of my family. I am kissing Daemon goodbye. The world is dead and I sit motionless to stop it. Cal must kill me while crying about his lost daughter. The floating, shivering parks of life leak out of me and emptiness takes hold.

             
###

             
Cal is holding my hand and talking to me. My field of vision turns with my head and I see his face. The words still aren’t clear, the hunger is mounting and it takes all my energy to focus on him.

             
“...Forrest isn’t strong enough to support the three of us but our fellows are only a day away. That presents more difficulties, however. Reggie will follow the laws of our kind and dispose of you as a revenant; a botched turning to vampire.” He rubbed his eyes with both hands before returning his right to my open palm.  “You must come out of this if you are to survive. Squirrel, you’ve been reacting more each day; I know you are trying. Please do not surrender.”

             
I won’t give up, Cal. Do you hear me?

             
He nodded and smiled.

             
Did you read the journal? I think I wrote in it. I am reaching out as best I can.

             
“I heard something about journal. Daemon and I read it. I’m sorry for the nightmares, but you must sleep to preserve your strength.”

             
The small room inched closer. I no longer pictured the climb from the pit; I just thought of tying myself to everything and holding on. The pull didn’t lessen, but it didn’t increase either.

             
Okay, but you have to find a way to help me, please. Living inside your head and being a helpless lump is no way to live.

             
A small tear formed at the corner of his eye but didn’t fall.

             
“Just don’t stop wanting to live. As long as you can hold on and we can hear you, I will keep trying to help. You can do this, just don’t give up.”

             
I felt the familiar distancing and conserved me strength to put it all into retaining my position. The hunger distracts me and my will falters; not much, but enough to put me too far to be heard. I feel my fangs descend out of instinct; a warm heartbeat is coming closer.

             
“I will discover the source of the heartbeat, Squirrel. Excuse me.”

             
The elder Undead left me sitting in the small bedroom with my hunger and my thoughts. All I could think of was the blood that heart was pumping. The vibrations shook the atmosphere like the turned up bass of a neighbor playing dubstep on loop. I heard a struggle and the sound of bones breaking perked my ears. Daemon’s voice cut through and then Bubba’s. Cal was giving orders; I no longer heard Bubba’s accent in the mix.

             
Please don’t bring him in here; I don’t want to kill him, but I can’t control this yet. Not another friend.

             
I watched the bedroom door in anticipation and trepidation. Desperate for the hunger to be fed, I feared for how it would happen. The knob turned among whispers. I tuned out everything but the crack of light split by silhouettes. Daemon entered first, his mentor stood half-hidden by the door speaking to someone out-of-view.

             
“Hi sweetie, we’ve got a visitor. She kinda wandered up. When she saw Cal she tried to stab him and steal some food. I think he broke her arm, but it won’t matter...” He rubbed the back of his neck and forced a weak smile. “...the three of us need more blood to live on. I know she was just hungry, but we need to feed. Bubba’s already had his memory wiped and will sleep through til morning.”

             
So we’re going to kill this innocent girl?

             
He avoided my gaze. Daemon stood fixated on the open journal on the table next to me while Cal brought the girl in. She was lean from hunger and her right arm hung limply from the elbow. The girl was no older than sixteen and her strawberry blond hair was stuck to her cheeks with tears. I noted the puncture marks on her neck; Cal had already fed.

             
“Squirrel, Daemon is going to continue to feed you from his blood in hopes that it will help complete the process of bringing you across. I’ve already supped.”

             
Answer me are we going to kill this innocent girl?

             
The Roman straightened his back and his face went blank.

             
“Yes. We will do whatever we must to survive.”

             
Daemon, please don’t do this. There must be another way.

             
He shook his head and crossed the room to the teen.

             
“Please, don’t hurt me.” She sobbed, a stream of snot running towards the carpet. “I won’t do anything; I’ll just leave. Please.”

             
Daemon lifted her up and bit into her throat without a word.

             
No. Don’t kill her! Please, don’t do this.

             
I listened to each swallow he took. The girl stopped begging for her life. Her eyes rolled back and I heard her pulse weaken. My hunger peaked and my concern for the unknown girl dissipated.               

             
My fangs cut into my lower lip, drawing a drop of blood. The taste of it sent rivers of sensations through my body. I watched my love take the last draughts of the girl’s lifeblood and forgot to care that she was dying. I hated myself at that moment, but it didn’t matter.

             
Cal removed the body and shut the door. Daemon came to me and offered me his neck. I drank from him as he’d fed from me so many times before. Through the rolling turbulence of ecstasy that consumed my body as the blood spread its vitality, I could taste the difference in his sanguine fluid. It was similar to the way it tasted when he brought me across -- well, mostly across -- more human than in the times since.

             
This must be what Cal meant. It didn’t work right because there wasn’t enough human blood in him to properly change me; he couldn’t drink much of mine because of the infection from the zombie.

             
“Mmmm...” I moaned against him.

             
My hold on the world solidified and I felt freedom. A gentle push, signaled me to cease my dinner and I withdrew physically. I stared into Daemon’s eyes and realized I had not withdrawn mentally; although the tug was present, it was manageable.

             
“Squirrel, are you still with me?”

             
I kissed him deeply and wrapped my arms around his neck. His arms found my waist and a different craving rose.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” He beamed and clutched me. “A wonderful kind of yes. Which by the way, I’m not opposed to you saying to me anytime.”

              The room vibrated with all those particles and the rush of endorphins I was riding. I forced myself to ignore them and see only Daemon.

             
“I may have to agree to that.” I loosened my grip. “The girl, did she have to die for this to work?”

             
The joy in his face dulled and he set his jaw; he looked away.

             
“Yes. Cal said it might be the only way; the longer you were disconnected, the less likely you would ever come back.”

             
“He’s sure, though? It couldn’t just be more blood; it had to be all of it?”

             
He let go of me and took a tiny step back before shoving his hand in his pockets.

             
“Cal said even if it was all, it might not work. And if it didn’t...” I waited for him to continue. “...if it didn’t, he was going to fly ahead to talk to Reggie.”

             
He looked up and flitted around the room, pacing and gesturing as his words became a torrent.

“Reggie would’ve killed you; I couldn’t let that happen. And then that girl arrived and it was like a sign to try it. And Cal tried to tell me to ‘keep in mind it may not be successful’ and ‘it may be for the best to let her go’. He was ready to give up on you and he told me that even if this worked, you’ve already been in that state so long, you could fall back into it if you suffered a trauma and he just kept saying things like that, so I told him we would do it.”

              The blur of energy came to a halt so sudden my eyes wobbled.

             
“Daemon, it’s okay. I know you wouldn’t have done it if you didn’t have to; I just, well, I wish it didn’t have to go that way. And I’m sure Cal didn’t give up on me.”

             
The furious pacing resumed.

             
“But he did! He kept telling me not to give up on life if you couldn’t be rescued from this and that he’d lost someone to it himself in his youth...”

             
“He lost his daughter.”             

             
He stumbled and fell to the floor.

             
“What? How do you know that?”

             
I offered Daemon my hand to steady him.

             
“Because whenever you weren’t around he sat and talked to me. Cal was constantly telling me to push on and never give up. He told me about losing her and how it drove him to nearly end it. He talked for hours -- or days, I’m not really sure of time -- about you and how much he didn’t want you to suffer that pain.”

             
We sat together on the bed and looked at the scuffed carpet.

             
“I guess I owe him an apology.”

             
“And I think I should go bury the girl who just gave me her life; it’s only right. I wish I knew her name at least.”

             
“Sorry, I had to though. You know that right?”

             
I swallowed the lump in my throat.

             
“I know. I think killing people, innocent or not, might be something we have to get used to in the future. I don’t think we have to feel good about it; we just have to be able to do it.”

             
A light rapping at the door brought the Roman to join our pity party.

             
“I didn’t mean to disturb you; I heard both of you talking and wished to see if things worked out properly.”

             
Cal looked as if he hadn’t slept in eons, his hair was unkempt and his wrinkles seemed deeper somehow.

             
“I’m better, Cal. Thanks for the encouragement and ...” I pointed out the doorway. “...the second chance at being turned. I’m sorry for what it meant.”

             
He patted Daemon and sat between us.

             
“Well worth it in my opinion. But there is one matter to deal with: the girl.”