Quarrel with the Moon (25 page)

***

A series of sharp raps on the camper door stirred Josh. He got out of bed and slipped into a pair of shorts. While passing through the kitchen, he noticed the time and groaned. It was ten till eight. He and Roma had been awake till past four.

Avarilla, accompanied by a gust of chill air, stepped inside. "Go put on somethin' heavier, Josh, while I make coffee. Roma's here, I take it?" Josh was surprised by Avarilla's question.

"Yes, she's here."

"Then wake her up. I don't want her lingerin' about. I want to talk to you."

Josh scanned the old woman's face. "You sound serious."

She returned his gaze without blinking. "I am," she replied. "Very serious."

After putting on jeans and a flannel shirt, Josh sat down on the edge of the bed and pressed his lips against Roma's cheek. "Roma, Roma, wake up."

She opened her eyes and yawned. Her yawn turned into a frown. "Oh, Josh, I'm still so sleepy."

"Aunt Avvie's here."

Roma stretched. "She's probably angry with me. I was supposed to help finish the quilt for Summer's End."

"She wants to talk to me. I'm going to chase you out after you've had your coffee."

When they entered the kitchen Avarilla was pouring freshly perked coffee into cups. There was a note of disapproval in her voice as she spoke: "I was expectin' you last night, Roma. We won't get the quilt finished unless you help out."

"I'll come by today, Aunt Avvie. An' this evenin' too." The old woman nodded.

"Hey, Aunt Avvie," said Josh. "What about this Summer's End Fair? I thought you didn't approve of tourists swarming all over the Ridge?"

Avarilla eyed the young man. "There's lots of things I don't approve of," she replied. "The fair is necessary. By sellin' our goods we make enough money to buy those supplies which we need to keep us through the winter."

"I see," grinned Josh. "Double standards."

Avarilla nudged Roma. "Drink your coffee, Roma. I want to speak to Josh alone."

Roma hurriedly drank her coffee and left.

"Pour us another cup, Josh, an' sit down here next to me." Avarilla stroked her forehead and began. "Josh, there are things that need tellin'."

"I don't understand...."

"Why did you really come to the Ridge, Josh? I'm nobody's fool. You told me you came to join your friends at the Indian burial mound. You made a brief trip down there an' that was that. Your friends are gone an' you've stayed."

Josh looked sheepish. "I should have confided in you, Aunt Avvie, but I didn't want to alarm you."

"You'd better explain yourself."

Josh told her of Harry Evers' discovery. The testing of the skull and bones for authenticity. His assignment to investigate. When he finished, he tried to read the expression on her face. He had expected surprise, even shock. Instead, her face was filled with a terrible sadness. "I must ask you to keep my confidence."

"Yes, I will," she replied dully.

"You don't seem surprised by my story."

"Josh, I'm an old woman. Nothin' surprises me anymore. I've seen many, many things which I can't explain or understand. But I accept them. There's nothin' else to do." She touched Josh's cheek. "I'm concerned about you an' Roma. It seems to have gone pretty far."

"Yes, it has."

"I should have known. I should have heeded the signs. Even when Cresta left, I was sure that the two of you would make your peace, but now I know why she left. It was because of Roma, wasn't it?" Josh nodded. "Josh, you must give up Roma." She looked at him sadly. "An' I'm goin' to tell you why."

"Please do," said Josh, barely controlling his anger.

Avarilla spread out her hands in a helpless gesture. "I've lied to you, Josh."

"Lied? How?"

"You're not my nephew. I'm not your aunt." She touched his hand. "You are my grandson. You an' Orin are brothers, not cousins."

"We're twins, then?"

"Yes. Twins."

Josh shook his head. "If ... if we're twins, then Sissy is my mother. Jesus, you're saying that idiot down there is my mother?"

Avarilla slapped Josh hard across the mouth. Her voice was level, but there was no mistaking her rage. "Don't you ever call Sissy an idiot. She wasn't born that way. I told you that. Her affliction came later. That has nothin' to do with you.
Nothin'!
"

Josh rubbed his mouth. "I'm sorry. That wasn't right, what I said. I - I didn't mean it."

"Then don't say what you don't mean."

"But my parents ..."

"Kind people, my brother an' his wife."

"But why?"

"Because of Sissy. She couldn't care for both of you. She had no husband, an' I was a middle-aged woman at the time. So I made a very painful decision. I gave one of the twins, you, to Harley an' Leoma to raise. You see, they had just lost their baby, an' oh, they loved you on sight."

"You gave me away," he muttered, shaking his head.

"I had to Josh. It was hard. I still don't know if it was right. But I knew that that child would have a better opportunity for education an' a better opportunity for life. An' I selected you, the firstborn."

Josh held his head in his hands and mumbled, "Sissy ... my mother." He looked at Avarilla sharply. "Does Orin know?"

Avarilla shook her head. "I don't think so. I think he believes what I told him."

"Just as I did," Josh replied bitterly. "Who else knows?"

"Just myself an' Sissy, but she hasn't quite put it all together yet, even with your comin' back to the Ridge. An' the granny women, Jewell an' poor Faye, they assisted in the birthings. An' Reverend Hooper."

Josh managed a grin. "Well, I guess the secret's pretty safe. Sissy's not all there, Faye's dead, and Roma tells me the preacher's only rowing with one oar. Do you plan to tell Orin?"

"I don't know."

"What do you want me to do? How am I supposed to react?"

"I want you to promise to say nothin' of what I've told you."

"Not acknowledge my own brother, my own mother?" Josh was incredulous, "and who, may I ask, was my - our father? Or is that a secret too?"

"That is even a secret from me, Josh. I don't know. Sissy's husband, Ben, did not give her children. He was drafted into the army an' was killed overseas." She measured her words. "He was already dead when Sissy conceived."

"Wait a minute. This is too much for me to follow. You mean you haven't any idea who fathered Orin and myself?"

Avarilla bowed her head. "None. An' Sissy denied bein' with another man." She lowered her voice. "I suspect that she was raped an' the poor thing could only live with it by forgettin' it."

"Jesus, what next?" groaned Josh. He looked up. "But what has this got to do with Roma and me?"

The old woman licked her dry lips. "I don't know how to say it except to say it plain, Josh." Then the words tumbled out. "Orin is Roma's father."

Josh sat back. The flesh beneath his tan paled. "Then that makes me Roma's uncle." He slammed his fist down on the table again and again until Avarilla got up to comfort him.

"Josh, I'm sorry. I don't know what to tell you."

"Then tell me this. Isn't it true that Roma has been ... intimate with Orin?"

"Yes, that's true."

"Jesus! Are they aware of their relationship to one another?"

"Roma wasn't, at the beginnin'. But Orin has always known."

"What happened to Roma's mother? Who was she?"

"Martha died givin' birth to Roma."

"Then who raised her?"

"Why, Josh, we all did. I've explained how things are here on the Ridge."

"Then why didn't somebody explain to Roma ... about incest?" Avarilla flinched at the word. "Or do we call it something different up here in the mountains? 'We take care of our own.' Isn't that what you said? Hah! Some care you took of Roma!"

Avarilla touched Josh's shoulder, but he pulled away. "Sometimes, Josh, there's no stoppin' somebody from gettin' what they want."

"You mean Orin?"

She nodded. "I don't know what makes Orin the wild thing that he is. It seems like I could never control him. He always took what he wanted. God forgive me for sayin' it, 'cause he's my own flesh an' blood, but sometimes I - I don't like Orin."

Josh looked at his grandmother with suspicion.

"You know what I mean, Josh? I love Orin, but I don't like him." The old woman's eyes were glazed with tears. "Don't pull away from me, Josh. Don't you think I repent for what I did? Perhaps Orin needed to have his brother beside him. Perhaps he would have turned out different."

"What makes you think I'm so perfect?" Josh asked sadly.

"There's good in you, Josh. An' you're strong, stronger than you realize."

"Maybe you should have given Orin away and kept me."

Avarilla turned away. "Maybe I should have. We sometimes live to regret our decisions, Josh. But now you've come back to the Ridge - to me."

"And do you think that's going to make a difference?" asked Josh. "Jesus God! You gave me away, your own flesh and blood. How in the hell do you think that makes me feel? Do you think I should be jubilant now that you're telling me what I needed to know all my life? I guess deep in my heart of hearts I knew that things weren't as they should be with Mom and Dad. We didn't really seem to belong to one another. Do you know what I mean? In a way, it comes as no surprise that we didn't."

"They were good people, Josh. They loved you an' they provided for your schoolin'. Orin's had none."

"The city mouse versus the country mouse, eh? Let me tell you,
Grandma
, for all my education, I've never felt at home in the city - any city. What's that old saying? You can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy." He sat down. "I guess I've always been waiting to return. So what good is all that education now?"

Avarilla's expression was hopeful. "Then you will - stay on?"

"Stay on," he repeated. "You make it sound so simple. Already the complications are far greater than anything I could have imagined. What do I do to make a living. Dig up arrowheads and sell them to tourists? Plant corn? Raise hogs? How do I live in the same community as my twin brother without acknowledging him? And how, in God's name, can I give up Roma?"

"But you must. It's not - natural."

"Oh yes, everything must be according to nature's plan. Well, I can't give Roma up. I'm in love with her."

"Are you sure it's love, Josh, or somethin' else? I'm not so old that I don't remember passion. I know how strong it can be."

"Oh yes, there's passion. That's for sure. But it goes much deeper than that. Maybe it's because we're related, I don't know. But we're on the same wavelength. We know what the other's thinking without speaking it. There's a comfort in being with Roma that I've never had with any other woman. She's like me, and I'm like her. Aunt Avvie, you've seen us together - caring, touching, talking. Can you honestly say that our attraction is just sex?"

She shook her head. "No, I can't honestly say that, Josh. But it can't continue. It's against nature."

"Against nature! Since when is love against nature?"

They looked at one another for a long time. Then Josh pressed his head against his grandmother's breast and Avarilla kissed the top of his head. "Josh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everythin'. But I couldn't keep the truth from you any longer. It's been my cross to bear. I feel that my burden has been lifted. I know you will think things out an' will do what is right - for all of us."

Avarilla was gone. But the echo of her words remained. Josh sat, a stunned expression frozen on his face. His entire world was turned upside down, and he was slow to react. The full impact was yet to come.

He flung out his arm and knocked the cups and saucers to the floor. The sound of the breaking china routed the spell which had been cast over him. "Now that was Goddamn smart. Now I have to clean up the Goddamn stuff."

After sweeping up the broken cups and saucers and wiping the floor, Josh stripped and took a shower. He dried, donned fresh clothes and left the camper. He needed to take a walk. He needed to sort out everything Avarilla had told him.

Although the sun was bright, the morning air was sharp with autumn. Josh avoided the pathway to the Thicket and the house beyond. He didn't want to see Sissy; he wasn't prepared for that yet. As he turned toward the village, he glanced over his shoulder at the covered bridge and recalled the night he had been frightened by Jewell Runion. His memory was fuzzy. He hadn't paid much attention to her insane ramblings, but now what she had said seemed important. She'd babbled something about twins and the preacher lying. But what would the preacher have to lie about? Josh believed Avarilla, but his instincts told him that she had withheld something. She hadn't revealed all of the facts concerning the circumstances of his and Orin's birth. Did she, in fact, know the identity of his father? Did the preacher? And if he knew, then Faye and Jewell must have also been privy to the information. Josh decided that he had to ask a few careful questions. According to Roma, the preacher was insane. He wouldn't be of much help. But perhaps Jewell could be.

In the village Josh was surprised by the activity which greeted him. The young men were hastily assembling various booths for the fair, attended by the young women, who kept them in sandwiches and cold drinks. Josh stopped to watch them work. It was ludicrous, he thought. Who was going to come to a small mountain fair, and for what reason? To buy a jar of homemade preserves? A doll made of cornhusk? His eyes fell upon a youngster hammering a board into place. The tool was tightly held by a deformed hand. Near him a girl of twelve, her forehead shadowed by facial hair, poured drinks into tin cups. A robust boy of fourteen concentrated on the nail he was driving, his thick eyebrows growing together so they appeared to be one. A child of ten was struggling with a paintbrush clamped between paw-like hands.

That's what the tourists would be coming for - the freak show. Not to buy preserves, cornhusk dolls or handmade quilts, but to view the odd band of youngsters who lived on the Ridge. Josh suddenly felt ashamed. Whether that feeling was brought on by his own thoughts or the thoughts he had projected upon others, he did not know. He turned away.