QUEENIE BABY: On Assignment (14 page)

“Um, not real well,” I conceded. “He thinks I’m hung up on my old boyfriend Rick.”

“The one from high school?” Carol asked with surprise.

“Yeah.”

“That’s weird,” she said. “Why would he think that?”

I paused. “Because I’m having dinner with Rick tonight.”

“What? Since when?” Carol asked.

I sighed. “It’s a long story. I’ll catch you up later. I need to get payroll started.”

“Geez. I’m out a few days and everything goes wacky,” she said.

Fifteen minutes later I had cleaned up as best I could and was attempting to organize the timesheets for payroll. The front door opened and in strode David dressed in an expensive suit and acting like he owned the place. Which, I guess at this moment, he did.
 

“Ah, the lovely Diana,” he said breezing past me on his way to the back office. “Thank you so much for coming in and taking care of things.”

I went back to working on payroll. A few seconds later he popped his head out. “Is there any coffee?” he asked.

“The coffee maker is out of commission,” I said.

“Oh,” he replied. “Be a dear and run out and fetch me a cup at the coffee shop.”

I stared at him. In all my years temping no one had ever asked me to fetch them a cup of coffee. Fetch like a dog. Just keep it together until Mark can get rid of this guy, I told myself. “How do you take it?” I asked between gritted teeth.

“Black’s fine,” he said as his cell phone buzzed.

I grabbed my purse and headed for the door. A text came through on my phone. It was Mark.

Mark: How’s it going?
 

Me: He’s making me go get him coffee :( He’s an ass!
 

Mark: Grab me a cup too.

Me: You’re an ass too!

As I reached the front of the office the door swung open and in walked Thomasina/Thomas Deville in all her/his glory. I hadn’t seen Thomasina in about six months. We were pretty sure that Thomasina was technically a man. However, he had habit of randomly showing up dressed as a hooker and calling himself Thomasina. This didn’t go over well with customers. When he was in Thomas mode he seemed like a normal, although slightly effeminate guy. He was fairly dependable, all things considered, but Thomasina had a habit of showing up at the worst possible moments. Like when the president of Mayfield’s parent company decided to tour the facility and Thomasina came to work instead of Thomas, dressed in lime green hot pants and a blonde wig. Carol had been burned a couple times by the cross-dressing temp. Although she had never technically fired him, she only sent him out on assignments if she was desperate. Thomasina also lacked the basic professionalism that Thomas possessed.

“Hey, girlll,” she drawled. “Where Miss Carol at?” She sashayed up to the front counter and plopped her big sack purse down.
 

“She’s out sick,” I said trying to move her back towards the door.

“Oh, that’s too bad,” she said and then paused dramatically and raised her hands in the air. “I got to ask Jeezus to heal Miss Carol! Take the devil from Miss Carol, Lord! Amen! Sista!” Her eyes closed when she felt The Lord moving her. She opened one fake eyelash ringed eye at me. “Can I get an amen, Sista?” she asked with attitude.
 

Oh, brother. “Amen,” I said.
 

“Praise Jeezus,” she murmured.
 

“Can I help you with something?” I asked, still trying to move her towards the door.

She rolled her eyes and pursed her mouth. “I got a problem with you people,” she began. “My brother, Thomas, says you won’t give him a job. He says it’s because of me.”

I just stared at her. Let them talk it out of their system, Carol always said. “Now I told my brother that Carol has always liked Thomasina. She just hasn’t had any positions that match my
particular
qualifications. I guess we should have checked with Carol before I filled in for Thomas at the factory.”

I nodded. This was a new development. Thomas was trying to get back in Carol’s good graces by pretending Thomasina was his sister. “So you’re saying that you’re not Thomas?” I asked and then cringed at my rookie mistake. Never challenge their delusions, just pretend that everything they say is completely logical.

“You sayin’ I look like a man!” she shrieked at me. One eyelash fell off and floated to the floor like a butterfly. Her wig was slightly askew. Things were starting to get out of hand.
 

David called from the back, “You back with my coffee, Diana?”

I smiled. “I’m pretty new here so maybe you should talk to the owner. He can help you while Carol’s out.” I pointed to the back office.

Thomasina gathered up her purse and slung it over her shoulder. “Oh, I got somethin’ to say to the owner,” she huffed as she tottered to the back on three-inch stiletto heels.
 

I heard David calling my name a few seconds later as I walked out the front door to go get coffee. I was pretty sure there would be a long line at Shack’s.

My phone rang as I crossed the street to Shack’s.
 

“I love those boots,” said Mark.

I flushed and looked around. “You’re spying on me?”

“I’m upstairs,” he said. “And I’m not spying. I’m admiring.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I said sarcastically. “I’m so hung up on my old boyfriend I hadn’t noticed.” He laughed. “What do you want?” I asked.

“I wasn’t kidding about the coffee. Cream no sugar. Just leave it on the landing,” he said.

“You’re a jerk,” I said and hung up.

*****

After finishing a cup of coffee and perusing the local paper which contained a mention of my upcoming performance at McGlynn’s in the Entertainment section, I headed back to Greene’s with two lukewarm cups of coffee in hand. I left Mark’s next to the stairs and headed into the office. A trail of blond wig hair littered the floor along with a lime green stiletto and what looked like a gold lame tube top. David barreled out of the back office. His eye was starting to swell and his suit was stained with what looked like makeup.

“You!” he yelled at me. “You sent that that…,” he sputtered for the right word, “person back to me! I should fire you right now.”

“She wanted to speak to the owner,” I said innocently.

“She attacked me! Look at my face!” he said.

“Huh,” I replied, “she’s never been violent before. What did you say?”

“I said what any sane person would say: We don’t hire transvestite prostitutes. Now get out of my office!” He dabbed at his eye with a paper towel.

I made a tsking sound. “Probably shouldn’t have said that. What’d she do? Hit you with her purse?” I asked.

“After she leapt over the desk and attacked me,” he said. “No wonder this place isn’t worth a dime. The sooner I get rid of it the better,” he muttered. “I’m going back to my hotel to change and have lunch. Lock up when you’re finished.” He grabbed his coffee on the way out.

After David left, there were no more interruptions and I was able to finish up payroll by ten-thirty. I had no idea if David would come back, but Carol would take care of any problems that came over the phones and she had computer access from home, so it was probably just as well to leave the office closed today. It reduced the chances of brawls with transvestite-prostitutes in the middle of the office.
 

Mark was waiting outside my condo. “What the hell happened to David?” he asked. “I saw him leave and followed him back to his hotel. He looked rough.”

“A transvestite named Thomasina beat him up while I was out getting coffee,” I said.

Mark howled. “Man, I wish I could have seen that,” he shook his head in wonder. “I love that office.”

I looked around. “Any sign of Mrs. Kester?” I asked.

“Nope. They’ll probably keep her there a day or two.”

I shook my head. Maybe I should have had Thomasina pray for Mrs. Kester instead of Carol. Mark followed me up the stairs and into my condo. Max greeted him with friendly doggie hug which quickly turned into a too friendly hump.

“Hey, he really likes you,” I said.

“Great,” he replied, kneeing Max away. “I wanted to talk to you before I go to Virginia.”

“Oh,” I said with sarcasm. “I think you pretty much said it all last night.”

“I forgot one thing,” he said taking hold of my hands and stepping in closer. I took advantage of the close proximity and inhaled.
 

“Yeah?” I said.

“I want a date too,” he said.
 

I narrowed my eyes. “What?”

“I want to throw my hat in the ring,” he said. “I like you. You’re beautiful, talented, smart. Very sexy.”

“Keep going,” I purred.
 

He laughed. “I’ve decided I don’t want to sit back and wait for your old boyfriend to sweep you off your feet.”

“Oh, really,” I said. “And how do you know I would even go out with you? After all, I met you in a bar and I work for you. Two big no no’s in my book.”

“You don’t technically work for me and I think after all we’ve been through so far together you can overlook meeting in a bar,” he said.

I thought for a second and then I leaned in for another sniff. Irresistible. “Okay,” I said. “I have an opening on my dance card for Saturday night.”

“Wow,” he said, “I thought I would have to do a lot more persuading.” He pulled me in closer.

“I’m open to more persuading,” I whispered against his neck. Mark’s lips brushed mine.
 

“You’ll have to wait until Saturday,” he whispered back.

I swatted him on the arm. “Rat!” I said.
 

He laughed and jumped out of the way. “I’ll call you tomorrow with an update.”

“Go!” I said. “Before I change my mind.” I started to push the door closed on him.

He leaned back in. “Diana,” he said with a grin.
 

“What?”

“Do me a favor?" he said with a twinkle in his eye. “Try to keep it down to just the one hickey.”

“Go!” I said slamming the door.

I spent the rest of the morning piddling around my apartment and noodling on my guitar. I didn’t look at the song I’d written the other night. Didn’t want to go there right now. I updated my website and Facebook with my latest gig schedule and uploaded a couple of pictures. I wasn’t a super social media techie like some performers, but I tried to keep the basic info updated. I made a trek to Whole Foods early in the afternoon and restocked my kitchen such as it was. I had a text from Rick at three asking for my address and saying he was looking forward to tonight. I was looking forward to it too. I wanted to catch up and hang out. Maybe reminisce about old times. But I definitely did not want to end up in the back of a van again. Metaphorically speaking, of course.
 

At six I stopped what I was doing to get dressed and primp. Just a little primping, mind you. I wasn’t sure where we were going, so I decided to err on the dressier side and went with a cute little black dress and heels. I started to put my hair up and then I remembered Rick’s hands in my hair in the van. And the way he used to wind it around his fingers when we were lying in bed. I ran a flat iron through it instead until it looked like spun gold. He was driving all the way from Dover, I rationalized. I certainly didn’t want to disappoint him.
 

Max eyed my dress and hair with disdain. I swear the dog knew I was going somewhere and that he was not invited. At six forty-five I heard a car pull up downstairs. I looked out the window. Oh, no. Mrs. Kester was back. There was a younger man with her helping her out of the car. She was angrily waving him off. Rick pulled up right next to them. This ought to be good. Rick reached the foyer door first. He was knocking at my door a few seconds later. I tried to open the door and pull him in. But the second I opened the door, he ran back down the stairs to help Mrs. Kester through the foyer door.
 

“Just keep your hands to yourself, boy,” she said to the man with her.
 

“Mom, I’m just trying to help. The doctor said you would be a little unsteady on your feet until you got used to the medication,” he said patiently. “Thanks,” he said to Rick who was holding the door for them both.

Mrs. Kester looked up at Rick and then at me. “Got yourself a different one tonight, I see,” she snarled. “Like a revolving door—old ones, young ones. You name it! And don’t think I don’t know what you did last night.”

Awkward. “Hi, Mrs. Kester. How are you feeling?” I said.

“Don’t ‘hi’ me you little trollop!” she yelled.

“Now Mom, be nice,” her son said.

“Shut up,” she snapped at him.

I’m sorry, he mouthed, as he opened her condo door. She gave me an evil look and went inside.

Rick raised an eyebrow. “That was weird,” he said.

“Yeah, she’s not been well,” I said making the cuckoo sign next to my head and walking into my condo. “The ambulance had to come pick her up yesterday.”

“So she was seeing strange men with you last night?” he asked following me.
 

“She thought she saw a vampire peeking in her window and called the police,” I said.

He made a face. “And what about ‘old ones, young ones’,” he asked.

I shrugged. “Want some wine?”
 

He shook his head, but let it go. “Sure,” he said and bent down to pat Max. “Hey, little puppy.”

Max looked at him for a minute and gave his pant leg a sniff. He tolerated the pat on the head, but he was clearly not impressed. He turned around and went and laid down in his bed. That was strange. Max never turned down a fresh leg to hump.

“Cute dog,” Rick said. I handed him a glass of wine. “And beautiful lady. To first dates,” he said, raising his glass to mine.

“I’ll drink to that,” I said with a smile.

C
HAPTER
T
WELVE

RICK HAD MADE reservations at an upscale restaurant on the waterfront. The sun had already set by the time we were seated at our table with a view of the bay, but there was still a pretty glow to the sky. There was a wood fire crackling in the over-sized fireplace in the center of the room.