Read Quiet As It's Kept Online
Authors: Monique Miller
Quiet As It's Kept (6 page)
“Huh?” Will asked. He knew he'd forgotten to turn the light off in the bathroom, but other than the light in the kitchen, there weren't any lights on anywhere else.
“Then, if that isn't enough, we have this stack of bills that weâoh, let me correct thatâbills that I am going to have to deal with,” Morgan said. She had a way of only recognizing and commenting on the negative.
Isaiah must have sensed that something in his surroundings was off, because he began to whimper, and started squirming in his high chair. Will didn't want his wife upset, and didn't want the baby to become upset along with his mother.
“Morgan, honey, I know it's been stressful, but this won't last much longer. The Lord will not leave or forsake us. He is going to answer my prayers for getting another job. This is only a test our marriage is being put through.” Will closed the distance between them. He spoke in a soft tone to try to deescalate Morgan before her mood escalated any higher, and to hopefully make Isaiah feel like all was well with his little world again. “Now, come on, you've obviously had a hard day. I've got dinner ready for us. So why don't you just go ahead and change. Maybe after you've got a full stomach, you'll start to feel a little better.”
“No, Will, I won't feel any better with a full meal.” She picked up the bills and threw them up in the air. “See, it's not like the bills are going to just disappear.”
Will looked down at all the bills on the floor.
“There's no âpoof' to make the bills magically go away. They're still here,” Morgan said. She shut her eyes and hit the palm of her hand on her forehead.
Will gathered the bills from the floor and placed them back onto the counter. “Morgan, there isn't any magic that is going to make those bills go away. Faith in God, hard work, and determination are the only things that will get us through this test.” He stepped a little closer to his wife, who still stood with her hand on her head and her eyes shut. “Baby, we will get through this. I have faith that we will. And it won't be like this always. I don't know why we are being tested in this way, but one day we'll both understand the reason.”
He placed his hand on his wife's cheek. She pulled back as if startled. “Morgan, honey, what's wrong?”
She looked at him with her eyes squinted. “Are you that clueless? Do you really have to ask what is wrong?” The tone of her voice and volume had not subsided. It had only gotten worse. This was confirmed by Isaiah, who transitioned from whimpering to full-fledged crying.
Will took a deep breath. “I know what is wrong as far as our current financial situation. What I am asking is what is wrong with you. All I wanted to do was touch you and you're jumping like I put some hot coals on you.”
His stomach growled, and his hunger got the best of him as he said, “Look, it's not my fault I got laid off. And I am doing the best I can where this family is concerned. And I don't sit around here all day doing nothing.” Before he knew it, the elevation of his voice matched his wife's. “It's not like this is the first time a woman has been a breadwinner for her family. So don't act like you are some kind of saint or something. Our situation is what it is. And we are supposed to be in this together. So can you at least try to act like you want to work with me while I try to find a job, instead of coming in here and blowing up at me?”
“You really are stupid, aren't you?” Morgan asked.
Will flinched at her cutting words.
Isaiah wailed as he stretched his arms out toward his parents, hoping one of them would pick him up.
“Now look what you've done. Isaiah is upset now too,” Will said as his heart raced.
She stepped over to the baby, picked him up, and tried to soothe him. But it was too late. Isaiah wasn't going to be consoled so easily, especially with all the tension in the air. Will stretched his hands toward the baby and he readily went to his dad.
Morgan looked at the baby and then at Will. “Fine,” she said, and picked her purse back up. “I can't do this right now. I'm sorry for making Isaiah cry, I am sorry for coming in here and trying to let off a little steam in my own home. I am so very sorry for making you feel uncomfortable. Just blame me for it all.”
Will shifted the baby from one arm to the other. “Morgan, I'm not blaming you. I just thought thatâ”
She cut him off before he could finish speaking. “I just can't do this right now. Just give me some time alone.” She left the kitchen. He heard her ascend the stairs. Then he heard the bathroom door slam shut.
Finally, the baby's wails turned back into sniffling whimpers. Will held the baby close and rubbed his back in an effort to soothe him. He wanted things in Isaiah's world to be right again. It was a sad feeling to know that even his baby knew something in their home was off kilter.
Will couldn't let the dissension within his family continue. He had to come through for them as the head of their household and as a man of faith. Somehow, he was going to have to step up his efforts at making the world right with him and Morgan again.
Isaiah used sign language to indicate that he was hungry. Will warmed up his baby food. Instead of placing him back in the high chair, he kept the baby on his lap and fed him. Being closer to his dad put the baby at ease. Will felt more at ease also.
“Baby boy, I promise, Daddy is going to make this all better for us. Don't worry about a thing. Daddy is going to make it all better.”
For the first time in an hour, his normally smile-on-demand baby cracked a slight grin that faded almost as quickly as it had come. Will gave his baby boy a hug as he looked up and whispered to God, “Father, please make it all better.”
Will had an idea. He picked up his cell phone and dialed Phillip. The call went directly to voice mail. He grabbed the baby bag, his keys, and the baby, and headed over to his best friend's home. Throughout the drive over to Phillip's house, Will continued to dial the cell phone and home number, but failed to get an answer on either one. He hoped that when he arrived his friend would be home, and when he pulled up and saw movement in the upstairs windows, he was relieved.
By the time he parked in the driveway, Isaiah had fallen asleep in the back seat. He cracked the windows of the SUV and locked the doors. Then he rang the doorbell and waited on his best friend's front porch for someone to come to the door.
When Phillip opened the door, he said, “Will, what's up, man?” They greeted each other with the same handshake and hug they often gave each other when meeting.
Will stepped into the foyer and looked to make sure he could still see the baby in the SUV. He turned his attention to his friend for a moment. “Nothing much. I just had a question for you.” Will paused, continuing to look back out to the SUV. “I tried to call but your cell phone keeps going straight to voice mail and so does your home phone.”
“Kids, man,” Phillip said. “Phillip Jr. has put my cell phone in a secret hiding place and we've been looking for it for a couple of days. If I can't find it soon, I'll have to just get another one. Come on in and have a seat.” Phillip turned to lead his friend toward the family room.
“No, I can't stay long. I just wanted to ask you something real quick. I've got to get back home. Morgan needs me to do some things for her.”
“Oh, okay. What do you need?” Phillip asked.
Will paused for a moment, struggling to form the words he was about to say. “You know when you and Shelby were having problems a few years ago and you went to that couples' retreat?”
“Yeah. The retreat was wonderful. You know, I was able to lead one of the retreats a few months back. It did wonders for Shelby and me, and it also did wonders for some of the couples I taught. I'm thinking about going up there again to lead another retreat within the next few months,” Phillip explained. “Why do you ask? Do you know someone who is thinking about marriage counseling?”
Will stared off out toward his SUV, wishing he weren't the one needing the information. “Yes, I do know of someone who would like more information about the retreat.” Will paused again. “Me.”
“You?” Phillip asked in bewilderment. “You and Morgan are having problems?”
Will nodded. “I don't want to get into it right now. I'm still trying to sort some things out. But I know the retreat worked wonders for you and Shelby, and I was thinking that maybe it will work for our marriage.”
“Will, I'm here for you if you need me, not only as a friend and fraternity brother, but also as a man of God and your brother in Christ.”
“I know.” Will looked at his watch, and with urgency said, “Can I get that information from you? I need to get back to my house.”
“Oh, yeah, just a second.” Phillip left his friend standing by the front door to retrieve a sheet of paper to write down the information.
After he handed it over to, Phillip reiterated, “I am here if you need me.”
Will looked at the piece of paper and held it as if it were gold. “Thanks. If I need to talk, I know exactly who to call.” He turned toward the door.
Phillip gave his friend a hearty pat on the back. “Hang in there.”
“I'm trying,” Will said. “Talk with you later.” Then he left, hoping that maybe he and Morgan would benefit from the marriage retreat. He had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, not knowing what would become of their marriage.
Chapter 6
Will woke up in the middle of the night. The clock on the nightstand showed that it was 3:33 in the morning. After tossing and turning for a few minutes, he realized that he wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep anytime soon. The argument he and Morgan had had earlier that night was still bothering him. He rose from his bed as gingerly as possible, trying not to wake Morgan. He was surprised that she hadn't already awakened from all the tossing and turning he had done previously. He slipped out of their bed and headed to the kitchen. His stomach pleaded for him to eat.
After warming some leftovers in the microwave, he sat at the kitchen table and ate. He ate so fast that, before he knew it, the first plate of food was gone and he fixed another. Once he was full and satisfied, he finally felt sleepy enough to try to go back to bed. Looking at the clock, he saw that it was now a little after four o'clock in the morning. Morgan's alarm clock would go off in an hour or so, and he didn't want to risk waking her by getting back into bed.
He retrieved the baby monitor from their bedroom, and grabbed a blanket and pillow from the linen closet and took them downstairs to the den. He plugged the baby monitor back in and then made himself comfortable on the couch. With heavy eyes, he pulled the cover over his head and fell asleep within minutes.
“Shh, don't cry, Nicole. It will be all right. Don't cry, Nicole.” Will held his sister in his arms as they hid in the closet. He could still hear his father yelling and screaming at his mother down the hall in the living room. His mother cried also, and Will wished he could grab his mother too and pull her in the closet to safety. He hoped his sister would heed his pleading and stop crying. Maybe that way his dad would forget about them and they would be safe from getting beat on that night.
Nicole's cries turned into whimpers and Will held her tighter. He wished his father would just leave them alone, but knew the man had probably been on one of his drinking binges again. There was no telling when he would finally tire.
Will could imagine what the house would look like in the morning as he heard pieces of glass being broken. His mom had glass figurines that she collected and adored. It wasn't enough for his father to yell and scream at them. No, he didn't stop there. Often he hit his mother, and then as a bonus threw her figurines against the wall and broke them. There were many mornings when Will would find his mother cleaning not only her bodily wounds, but also the pieces of ceramics on the floor.
“Where is that good-for-nothing boy?” Will heard his father scream from the other room. He'd heard his mother tell his father to leave the children alone. Will closed his eyes tight, hoping and praying that his father didn't find them in the closet.
“I told that good-for-nothing boy to cut the grass today and he ain't cut it. He's hardheaded. I'm going to beat that mess out of him. I ain't raising no lazy sissy. He needs to act like a man and mind what I say,” Will's father said.
Will heard his father approaching the bedroom as he spoke. He shrank back farther into the closet, pulling his sister into him even tighter.
“Leave Will alone, David,” Will heard his mother order. “Leave him alone. He tried to cut the grass, but the mower is out of gas. You didn't buy any.”
Will heard a pause just before his father said, “Oh, so now it's my fault, huh?”
Then Will heard what sounded like an open-handed slap, which was followed by his mother yelling out in pain. Next he heard his father call out for his mother to come back and the voices faded into another part of the house.
Will had sat in the closet for what seemed like hours and was awakened by his mother in the wee hours of the morning. She had a bruise on her left cheek, but he didn't see any blood this time. His mother assured him that their father was gone and he probably would not be back for the rest of the night. That night, after his mother tucked him and his sister into bed, Will lay awake until the break of dawn in fear that his father would return.
He awoke to the sound of the baby through the baby monitor. Will hated the vivid dreams of the past. Lately he had been dreaming more and more about his childhood and he wondered why. Will continued to lie there, and closed his eyes again as he found that his heart was still racing from the dream. It took him a few moments to shake off the feelings of fear and to allow his heartbeat to return to normal.
Normally when the baby woke up, he liked to kick the trigger on his baby mobile to make it light up and play music. He liked to watch the stuffed animals go around and around over his head as he made cooing sounds with the music. These thoughts made Will smile to himself. He was a grown man now. The past was gone. He was safe. And his son was the happy little baby he should be.
Feeling a presence, he looked up to see Morgan standing just above his head at the end of the couch. He sat up. “Hey.”
She smiledâsomething he hadn't seen in a few days.
“Hey, honey,” Morgan said.
Those were words he hadn't heard in a couple of weeks.
“Hey, baby.” He didn't want to do or say too much. All in the span of sixty seconds his wife was like the woman he'd fallen in love with and married. He wondered if he was dreaming. He thought about pinching himself, which reminded him of the earring that had pierced the heel of his foot. He frowned at that thought.
Morgan's eyes grew wide as she saw him frowning. “Okay, I'm sorry for going off last night. I know you are upset with me, but please just try to understand that I've been feeling a lot of pressure lately, not only with our situation here, but also pressure at work. The corporate office is coming for a visit, and, as part of management, there have been problems I've had to deal with that are coming at me like falling dominos. And my main issue is employees who are acting as bad apples wanting to stir up trouble for me.”
Will frowned again, this time because he knew his wife was under a lot of stress. And half of that stress was being caused by their financial situation at home. He knew the only reason she had blown up was because of the home situation. Morgan was used to handling stress at her job. When he first met her he learned pretty quickly that the stress she experienced at work was what drove her.
“So, honey, please forgive me for that whole blowup last night. I guess I was a little tired, especially with the extra hours I've been working as I try to prepare for the visit from corporate.” Morgan chuckled. “Well, I guess looking at the bright side, the extra hours I'm logging do at least give us a little more in my paycheck.”
Morgan's gesture of apologizing reminded him of the many times his father would come home and apologize to his mother and bring peace offerings. Will's father was a truck driver and often drove up and down the East Coast. Whenever he was gone on trips that took him out of the state, his father would bring back souvenirs. Often he brought back figurines for their mother and little toys displaying the names of the various East Coast states for the kids.
Will nodded, and pulled his wife down to sit next to him. “Morgan, baby, please stop apologizing. I mean, I do appreciate you apologizing to me for blowing up, but you don't have to explain. I know you've been stressed. That's why I wanted to make sure you had a good, hot meal waiting for you last night.”
“Oh, my goodness. I am so sorry. It looked like you cooked your heart out and I just acted like a pure fool, like a baby throwing a tantrum who ended up going to bed without dinner,” Morgan said. “I am sorry I didn't get to taste dinner.”
Will pulled her close and kissed her. They kissed for what felt like an eternity, especially since Morgan hadn't kissed him with more than a peck lately. And when they drew apart, Morgan was speechless.
“I understand all the stress you're under. And I promise the situation with my not working will be corrected. I've been scouring the Internet like crazy for the last few days. I'm also going to update my résumé. The only thing is, the printer ran out of ink and we need a new cartridge.”
“You've already used up both cartridges?” Morgan asked.
“Both?” Will asked.
“Yeah, did you look in the left drawer on the desk?”
“No, I didn't think to look there. I just figured we were out and it was going to set us back another forty or fifty dollars.”
“Well, just check. There should be another one in there. They had a buy-one-get-one-free sale going on when I bought them.”
Will hugged his wife and whispered a thank you to the Lord, realizing that what he needed was already there, he'd just needed to ask for it. Then he kissed Morgan again, this time even longer than before. This kiss felt better to him than the first time they had ever kissed, and even the kiss they'd exchanged on their wedding day. The euphoria he felt must have been equaled in Morgan's mind, because they made their way to their bedroom and again consummated their marriage as husband and wife.
Will loved his wife very much, and wished that they weren't going through the trials their marriage was undergoing. But now he finally knew what it meant for a husband and wife to make up after a fight, and it had been awesome. And if it were up to him, they would spend the rest of the day in each other's arms. But before he knew it, Morgan was out of the bed and preparing for work. Isaiah, who had been content with gazing at his mobile, was finally starting to stir more, babbling a little louder to indicate that he wanted some other human presence in the room with him.
With reluctance, Will also got out of bed, went into the bathroom, and washed his hands and face. Even though he hadn't had much sleep before, he couldn't tell that now. He felt refreshed, thinking it was due to the intimate moments he had just spent with his wife. Now he was on cloud nine.
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By noon, Will had successfully tweaked his résumé with three different layouts. He had also printed out the information for seven different jobs, five of which he applied for online with his updated résumé. He sent his résumé out by mail for two other jobs.
Once he was done with that, Will decided to look at their budget and rework it to see if they could cut back on a few things for a little while. He'd previously looked at services they'd been getting, like the oil changes, and figured that they were things he or Morgan could do themselves, or at least not have professionally done as often.
Morgan was used to getting her hair and nails done every week. He couldn't understand why she went so frequently, because she had natural beauty. And each time she went for her next appointment, her hair still looked as if she had just come from the hairdresser. If he could cut those costs in half, they'd be saving at least $150 a month.
There were other services they could also cut out, like paying to get their cars detailed, and the lawn service. When Will cleaned their cars himself it didn't look exactly like a professional had done it, but he had to admit it did look pretty good; so good that he decided that even when he did start working again, he'd probably still clean the cars himself.
Pleased with the progress of the day's events, Will sat back in his chair at the computer and smiled. He knew things were going to work out for their good. He glanced at the clock on the computer screen and saw that it was nearly 3:25
P.M.
The mailman normally came between 3:30 and 3:45. He gathered the two job applications and a couple of bills that were stamped, and put them in the mailbox to be sent.
P.M.
The mailman normally came between 3:30 and 3:45. He gathered the two job applications and a couple of bills that were stamped, and put them in the mailbox to be sent.
Now that all the work he'd needed to do was done, he had time to fix dinner and spend some quality time with his son. For most of the day, Will had given the baby what would probably be considered “baby busy work,” handing him random toys to keep him occupied so that he could complete all that he needed to do.
Now he felt guilty because he had been, in essence, ignoring his baby boy. As soon as dinner was started he was going to make it up to his son by giving him his undivided attention. Because Isaiah loved the water so much, and because they couldn't afford to go to the beach, Will decided to bring the beach to the baby.
He put a couple of inches of water into the bathtub, and pulled out a set of plastic beach toys he'd purchased from the dollar store. Will also had some CDs with nature sounds, one of which sounded like the ocean and seagulls. He placed the beach sounds CD in the CD player. Once he was done, the only thing missing from his makeshift beach was real sand.
The lack of sand hadn't mattered to the baby. He played and splashed just as if he was at a real beach. By the time they were finished, Will felt like he had been in the water too. Isaiah had splashed so much that the front of Will's pants and shirt were soaked. But he didn't care, because his baby boy was happy and satisfied.
In all, the bathroom-turned-beach had only cost about four dollars, since he already owned the nature CDs. He'd saved them a great deal of money, because, had they gone to the beach, he would have spent at the very least $150 for the purchase of gas, food, sun block, beach towels, beach chairs, and an umbrella for shade. Until he did find a job, Will wanted to do as much as possible to alleviate stress from his wife.
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