Quinn II (Undaunted Men #2) (29 page)

Alexis cuts through the silence with a soft, yet stern, dry voice as not to disturb the baby. “You’ve performed your civic duty for the year. Thank you for the ride. Your mother would’ve been proud, but your job here is done.”

My eyes cut from the baby’s to hers, and my chest tightens. I adjust my ball cap out of sheer angst. I deserve everything she’s going to dish out at me and more.
 

“I don’t want to leave,” I softly explain. “I don't know what I can do to fix this, but I'm not leaving here until I do.”

Her eyebrows furrow as if she’s in pain, but I know I’ve just seriously confused her. “No, Quinn…please,” she croaks. “There isn’t anything to fix, so please…just leave.” She looks down at our baby and strokes her head with her free hand as she whispers, “There’s nothing to fix.”

She won’t look at me, and I watch in utter helplessness as a single tear silently streams down her cheek. It's tearing me apart to know I’m the cause of her anguish. I want to extract all her pain and consume it, taking it all away. She looks up and stares out the window with a vacant expression as she whispers with determination, “You need to go ahead and leave.”

“No, I’m not leaving.” The resolve in my voice is stronger.

She lays her head back against the soft pillow, her gaze never leaving the window, and I can barely hear her voice as she tells me the biggest lie of all to save herself, “You were right. It was all a lie. Vince and I were having problems.” She shrugs her shoulders then turns to look at me, her brown eyes hard and her voice resolute. “I don't love you, Quinn. I was only using you to make Vince jealous.”

“But the baby...” I start off.

“The baby is Vince’s,” she interrupts with another lie. My fingers itch to reach out and touch her, to hold her, to comfort her, setting things straight, but I know that's not what she wants. She looks so empty inside, yet I can tell this baby is the only thing keeping her grounded.

“I am at such a loss…I don't know what to do to make things right.”

“I don’t understand why you feel the need to make anything right. There is nothing to make right, because there was nothing between us to begin with, remember?” Her words are arctic and her lips twitch as she works to contain her growing bitterness. “How did you put it? Oh yeah, I was “
just another job
,” and we both got a good fuck out of the deal.”

I wince and briefly close my eyes. No matter what I say, I know at this point she doesn't want to hear me out, and it only serves me right, because just a few hours ago, I did the same damn thing to her. Hell, I wouldn't even let her see Kimber. I was utterly cruel and heartless.
 

It's obvious she's already shut me out. I hate myself a lot right now, and the emotions rolling through me become too much for me to handle. Frustrated with myself beyond reason, I lower the bill on my hat, drop my chin to my chest, and silently breakdown. When I close my eyes, all I see is the anguish in her eyes and my much-desired family slipping through my fingers.

Grief rips through my heart’ and my gut burns. I pinch the bridge of my nose, closing my eyes tighter. Tears slip out from between my eyelids. Nobody has ever seen me cry like this before except for my mother, and that was a long damn time ago. I stifle a sniffle.

I hear her over my silent tears as she tells me again, almost begging me this time, “Please leave, Quinn…please.”
 

I look up through a blurry haze and rasp, “I can't take away the pain I've put you through over the past months, but I can sure as hell spend a lifetime making it up to you.”
 

Seeing me this torn up, I don’t think she knows how to digest my emotions, because her eyes begin to well up with unshed tears. “I don’t understand the sudden change of heart you’re having, or why you feel the need to make anything up to me. Knocking on your door today was a fatal error on my part. I did it without thinking, and it was done in haste.”
 
She shakes her head at me and frowns. “I don’t want anything from you, Quinn. There is nothing between us.”

“That’s not true,” I firmly disagree.
 

She looks away, and then hoarsely whispers, “Just go back to your one-night stands. It’s all you’ll ever have.”
 

I wipe the wetness from the corners of my eyes and try to reason with her. “She doesn’t mean anything to me. None of those women ever did.”
 

Suddenly outraged, she lets out a bitter laugh. “I know none of those women ever meant anything to you, because it’s just like you to love ‘em and leave ‘em, isn’t it? You’re not telling me anything I don’t know. I knew you were a player the second I met you.” She narrows her eyes on mine in such a way it makes my heart still. I can see it in her eyes she’s going in for the final kill. “We only had one thing in common, Quinn. We were good in bed. You were definitely a good fuck, but Vince is better.”

“Oh, God,”
I sucked in a quick breath, jolting backward in my chair. My chest constricts as I draw in a painful breath, her verbal slap is more like a kick in the gut. I know I deserve her wrath, but her throwing those words in my face hurts and pisses me off all at the same time.
 

I steel a breath and lean forward with renewed determination to win her back. “For your information, all of those women knew what they were getting into when they decided to tango with me. I never once misled them.”

“All those women knew the deal, except for me, I guess. Somehow, I was a little slow on the uptake.”

“No,” I argue back with a firm tone, “you’ve got it all wrong, and I’m not leaving your side, not until we set this right.”

“Oh,” she says, indignantly arching a brow. “Now you suddenly want to set something right? Let me spell it out for you, since you seem to be a little slow today. F-U-C-K off, Quinn.”
 

“Stop it,” I bark, my voice rising in frustration. “I’ve been in just as much turmoil as you. Ever since you placed your lips on Vince’s and shoved a dagger through my heart.”
 

“You are unreal,” she hisses. “You have no idea what it’s like to be pregnant by the only man you’ve ever loved, and then be cast aside like a filthy rag.
You ignored my phone calls for months, and then you didn’t even give me the common courtesy of sparing one measly minute of your precious fuck time so I could explain myself. It’s true what they say. Love is blind, and I was stupid enough to have trusted you with my heart.” The baby squirms in her arms, clearly not liking her tone or the tenseness of her body. “Now you’re upsetting
my
baby, so just get the Hell out, you stubborn asshole,” she demands harshly. I can't stand to see her this frazzled, but I’m dead-set on staying. She’ll most likely have to call security to remove me, and even then, I’m not sure they could hold me back.

Silence ensues, and the baby lets go of her nipple and makes a face, gasping for a breath, and I think she’s going to cry. A small bead of colostrum drips from Alexis’ full breast, and it’s the most beautiful fucking sight I’ve ever seen, right next to my own flesh and blood.
 

Lexi softly shushes the baby, and then protectively cradles her in her arms. She begins to rock her in a back and forth, soothing motion. The baby, having a full belly, settles back down and drifts off to sleep.

My heart skips a beat at the sight, watching mother and daughter sharing a bonding
moment. Lexi wears motherhood like a ring from Tiffany’s. You can tell her having this baby is all she ever wanted in life. Well, that and a loving husband to complete her desires for a family.
 

Anger and frustration are momentarily forgotten as I get lost in this precious little life. I find myself smiling at my daughter in the midst of this craziness. She looks so tranquil and serene in her sleep, and her lips twitch as a few fleeting smiles come and go.
 

“You know, my mother always said when a baby smiles in their sleep, it means the angels are singing to them,” I softly murmur in thought. I can’t help but think how my mom would’ve enjoyed this moment.
 

My eyes flick from the baby’s to Lexi’s. She’s biting her lower lip, probably not knowing how to respond to my mood shift. I scoot my chair in closer to her and lean forward into her personal space. “I never stopped loving you,” I tenderly whisper.

“Don’t,” she cuts me off, her glistening eyes pleading for me to stop, but I’m not going to. I'm just beginning. I can be a tenacious motherfucker, and she knows it.

“I read your diary,” I confess, and she shrinks back from me, looking affronted. Her eyes turn wild, and I nod my head, reconfirming as such.

“You had no right,” she whisper-hisses angrily.

“Maybe, maybe not,” I shrug my shoulders with indifference, “but I’m glad I did, and I’d do it again.” She lets out a huff of air, and I can’t tell if it’s anger or something else.

“Don't worry, Quinn. I'll give you visitation rights, if that's what you’re concerned about,” she says coldly. Her statement hurts like a bitch, and if this is how she felt standing on my front porch as I shoved her out of my life, I have a renewed respect for her strength.

“Don't shut me out, Lexi,” I plead.

She rests her head back on the pillow, her jaw muscles flexing as she closes her eyes, doing just that, shutting me down. I slowly stand up and rest one hand on the bed above her head to support my weight, and then lean over her to cradle her cheek in my palm. My thumb tenderly caresses her cheekbone as I tilt her chin up and search her eyes with conviction. I'm surprised when she doesn't pull away from my touch. My heart speeds in anticipation wondering how far she'll let me push her.

“We might not be all right today or tomorrow, but I promise you: I will use every last ounce of love that runs through this heart of mine, and then some, until you and each one of your beautiful senses can grasp just how deep my love runs for you.” I lean closer in, hovering over her lips, and hear her breath hitch. I whisper over them, meaning every single word, “And once you can comprehend this love, I will then blow your mind with immeasurably more.”

I've rendered her speechless, and I want to capture her lips in a tender kiss so bad my lips throb, but I hold back. I'm not done with her. “Now that I have your attention and you’re looking at me straight in the eyes, I want you to tell me you don’t love me this time. Tell me you don’t want me in your life.” I watch as she slowly breaks down, her brown eyes glossing over as her chin quivers. She remains silent, and I know she can’t bring herself to speak the lies again. “I can't walk away from this, from you, from our baby. I just can’t do it. I won't.”
 

I can see the toll these past months have taken on her. The unspoken torment she’s endured lies behind those sable eyes of hers. Her showing up at my house today was her last-ditch effort to obtain closure, for better or for worse, and I had given her worse.

“It’s true, you know,” my voice cracks, “I’ve never stopped loving you. Every fucking day was a struggle not to think about you…and the shit Vince shoved in my face still gives me nightmares. He was more than convincing when it came to proving your betrayal to me. Did you know he showed me tapes of you fucking him?”

She gasps, her eyes lighting up in shock. “Yeah, that's right. You didn't see what I saw, and you didn’t hear what I heard, but you were
there
in those videos to torture me with every kiss, every moan, as you screamed his name out in pleasure. You ripped me to shreds.” My nostrils flare in anger just thinking about that video, and the knowledge of her being drugged. “That fucking undid me, and the physical torture he put me through had nothing on the mental fuck he gave me. He forced me to watch every second of it, and I wound up with cracked ribs over the battle, because I tried to close my eyes to escape the torment. Watching those videos twisted my gut and fucked with my head in ways you will never know.”

“I never knew,” she whispers, horrified. Tears are now streaming down her cheeks, and I lean in to kiss the salty crystal drops away. “I - After all this time, still feel so cheap, so used, so...damaged.” Her breath hitches between sentences and her lips tremble. “I can’t believe he taped me.” She closes her eyes in pain. “That's just so...”
 

“Sick,” I say, finishing her sentence. “You are not cheap, you are far from damaged, and it wasn't your fault, because I'm sure you think it is He must've found the perfect concoction, because you were looking lucid as hell in that video, and the things you were saying...” I shake my head, willing the memories away. “Reading your diary brought it all into perspective, but you had to know what it looked like from my end,” I plead, trying to get her to see my point of view.

“I don’t know what to say,” she chokes out on a quiet sob.
 

“I even tried to call you once.” With my admission, her eyes go wide, and I nod my head. “I couldn't stay on the phone. A man had answered and it sounded all too cozy.”

“What? I don't know what you're talking about.”
 

“It's not important.”

“Yes it is. Tell me.”

“All I remember is something about fresh greens.”

She covers her mouth, her confusion gone, replaced with knowing eyes. “That was Connor and me painting the baby's room a mint green. The color was called fresh.”

I close my eyes briefly in pain, wearing full regret on my sleeve. “Say I'm an asshole, because I was an asshole. I was a real bastard for not believing in you, and I was so very wrong. I've been letting anger rule me for so long it's all I knew how to react with today. I'm so, so very sorry.”

“What am I supposed to do with all that, Quinn?” She looks so torn and lost, it breaks my heart.

“Say you’ll give us a chance to start over.” I look from one amber eye to the other, trying to gauge her reaction. “I know I’m a hardheaded son of a bitch, but I’m begging you for your forgiveness. Give our little family a chance. It’s only ever been you, Lexi. I promise.”
 

“I can't take any more heartache. I just can't do it,” she softly weeps, her lips trembling, and her voice full of heartache. “My baby needs me now. I need to stay strong and focused for my baby.”