Rachel Van Dyken (10 page)

Yes
,
that had to be it. Emotional exhaustion
did
weird things to people.

Making up her mind to ignore the
almost
kiss, she tried to
distract
Blaine with stories all the way back to the house.
Though try as she might,
it was apparent he was not in the type of mood to talk. He had a
perfunctory
smile on his face
, and he nodded politely at her anecdotes,
but something had changed
.
S
he hoped it wasn’t because of her stupidity.

Her attempt to cover the awkwardness was ineffectual, but she tried. All the way back home. When the truck pulled up into the driveway, relief flooded her.

She watched as he brought the tree into the house and leaned it against the nearest wall
, then she ran up the stairs to check on her patient. He was sleeping still
.

Back downstairs, Blaine was beginning to set up the tree in front of the living room window.
“Oh, that’s a wonderful place. It looks good there. I’ll start the cocoa.” Mara excused herself to the kitchen.

****

Blaine
tightened the stand and filled the basin with water. Then he stood and stepped back to take in the view. “Tomorrow I’ll
crawl
up in the attic and pull out my mom’s Christmas boxes. We can decorate after breakfast maybe,” he called toward the kitchen.

“Hot cocoa, Captain?” Mara
rejoined him and
handed him a st
eaming frothy mug. Examining
the tree, she nodded her approval. “This is the most beautiful tree I have ever seen. We chose well.”

Standing side by side, they admired their tree
in silence
. For Blaine
,
it brought memories of
childhood
Christmases flooding back
. An overwhelming nostalgia. And he couldn’t help but imagine that, even from Heaven, his mother was dancing and clapping her hands right now over the most beautiful tree ever. A betraying
mist clouded his vision
.

Its
presence
was not lost on his companion, however. Before he knew what was happening she had reached out a tender hand to caress
his brow
,
delicately
touching him
the
way a mother might a child
. Her emerald eyes mirrored his own surprise as she met his gaze, but shone with
…
something else. Something that dre
w him in.

Instinctively
,
he reached out
,
tak
ing her wrist
gently in
his hand
,
noting how soft her skin felt against his own. Mara’s eyes never wavered
from his
as he slowly brought her fingers the short distance from his cheek to his lips and brushed the fairest of kisses across them.

Her fingers trembled.
In awe
,
he
stared into her eyes
as she
slipped her hand from his grasp and
slid
her delicate arms around his neck and pulled him into a tight embrace.

The sweet essence
of jasmine and lilac invaded his senses
,
unsettl
ing his grasp on reality. Suddenly he wanted much more than
mere
comfort from
her
.

As she held him, his mind jumbled with such a bombardment of confusion, he couldn’t think straight.
W
hen she
began to
pull away
,
an emptiness worse than he could have imagined
knocked the wind out of
him
,
nearly
driv
ing him to his knees.

But it was different
,
far
different th
a
n the bitterness and loneliness
which
h
ad
held him captive for so long
. It was almost as
though
he had spent his life as
a starving man
,
in need of food
,
and she
was
the only person capable of giving him what he needed.

He wanted more.

When
Mara
offered
him a soft smile and turned away
,
Blaine panicked and twisted her back towards him. Before he had a chance to think of the ramifications of his actions
,
h
is lips were on hers
–
inviting, begging, starving for something only she could give.

She
push
ed
at his chest
, an unconvincing weak effort to free herself from his
grip
. It only
incens
ed hi
m
more.

Then
she relented and kissed him back.
Sliding her hands to his shoulders first, then to his neck, possessively pulling him closer.

It r
ocked him to his core.

Their lips parted, both of them gasping for breath.
Coming back to himself,
Blaine opened his mouth to apologize
but found no words there
. His feet were brought firmly back to earth
by the
sudden humbling
sound
of
a lady
clearing
her
throat. He
peeked
around
the equally shocked
Mara to see an elderly woman with groceries in hand
staring at them
.

Mara whipped around so fast
,
he thought she would fall on her face.
His hand shot out to steady her, but she
dodged him
and stepped out of his reach.

“Oh
,
Mrs. Smith! I
,
um, we were just….”

Mrs. Smith cocked her eyebrow and grinned
.
“Yes
,
my dear, no need to explain
.
I
can
see
exactly what you were
just
doing…”

Averting her guilt-ridden gaze, Mara struggled to fill the awkward silence with something. “
Uh, h
ave you
… have you
me
t Captain
Smith
, Mrs.
Graham?” A nervous giggle. More blushing. “I’m sorry, Mrs.
Smith
. I meant Captain
Graham.
He’s visiting from Boston. His father – he’s here to see his father.
”

She offered a curt nod at Blaine, concealing her amusement.
“
Ah, yes. Captain Graham. I remember you as a little boy. Your mother and I were close friends.” She cast a sidelong glance at Mara, who was still trembling and wide-eyed. “
M
y dear
,
you don’t need to explain anything to me.
” Then glancing back and forth between the two, she added, “
Carry on,
d
ear.
I’ll just be
putting the groceries away.
”
S
he mot
ioned to the kitchen and winked
impishly
, then stepped past them and disappeared through the doorway.

Mara’s face flushed
crimson
and she wrung her hands nervously
.
Her eyes darted about the living room. Anywhere but at Blaine.
“I.
.
.”

“My apologies
, Mrs. Crawford.
I shouldn’t have been so
forward.”

“Don’t worry about it
,
” Mara said
,
turning and nearly bumping into the wall.

“Careful.” Blaine
moved to steady her again out of reflex, but stopped himself before he touched her.
I hope she doesn’t want to talk about this.
The thought shot a charge of fear through him. His need to escape the room was increasing by the second. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled and slipped his hands into his pockets with a sigh. “Um, I need to go check something outside.”
Good one.
He spun on his h
eel, strode to the front door and left.

The room was still spinning around her.
What just happened?
S
he reached out to steady herself on the arm of the sofa, and lowered herself down to sit on the floor.

It was undeniable she was attracted to him. But that kiss had happened so fas
t. Too fast. And she wasn’t certain
who started it.

They were in too close of quarters. That was it. She was just going to have to tell him that wouldn’t happen again. It
couldn’t
happen again.

Mara closed her eyes,
braced
her hands
against
the floor and took a deep breath. Glancing up at the window, she could see Blaine outside pacing in the snow with his fists clenched. His breath was visible in the cold
night
air, and the snow was already dusting his sandy blond hair and broad shoulders.

Too bad he had walked out without his coat. He was probably freezing. She could take it to him. But it was too soon
.
Mara wasn’t sure she could trust herself alone with him, even out there in front of all the neighbors.
They were
likely
already talking about the two of them under the same roof.

And now Mrs. Smith
–

O
h
.
N
o. Mrs. Smith.

****

Blaine sat on his
cot
with
l
etters
littered across
the thick blanket. He had begun to re-read them, searching his
father’s
chicken scratch writing for words that would help make this easier instead of the most difficult moment of his life.

Why is it that forgiving others seems to be t
he easier step? Asking for
forgiveness or admitting
he was wrong—wa
s humbling to say the least.

Blaine
’
s
gaze
rested on the edge of the bed where one final letter was left un-opened.
How had he missed that one?
He reached for it and tore
open
the f
lap
. Out of the envelope floated one solitary note. Bla
ine flipped it over. The words
I’m sorry
w
ere written in bold black letters. Nothing else.

It was that simple. “I’m sorry.” To say
he was
sorry and mean it, to repent for wrongdoing and purposefully go in the other direction. His father was doing this, and as his son
,
he would follow suit.

He took a few soothing breaths and walked up the stairs to his father
’
s bedroom. The
air
hung heavy with the medicinal odor of
tonics lined
on
the
nightstand
. His father had a book in hand, seeming to be entranced.

Blaine cleared his throat
.
“
Pride and Prejudice
,
P
op?” He couldn’t keep the smile from his voice.

His father quickly closed the book and dropped it to the floor
.
“Oh yes, well
,
it’s one of Mara’s favorites…”

“Right
,
” Blaine agreed. “I
,
uh…”

“Son
,
why don’t you have a seat
?
”

Blaine took his spot next to his father on the bed. It appeared his father had something to say
,
but when he opened his mouth a coughing fit followed. Blaine did the best he could to hold his father as the coughs racked his frail body.

When he was finished
,
Blaine refused to release his grip. Instead he grabbed his father
’
s hand and squeezed it.
“I’m sorry
,
”
h
e said.

“Me too.” His dad
’
s voice quivered with emotion.

They were proud men.
Neither of them was a man of many words. Those few were enough for the moment.

“So, you a Red Sox man now, or do you still like the Tigers?”

“
Tigers.
There’s nobody like
Kell and his .340 average… Not that Ted Williams isn’t a sight to see, and of course
,
no slouch as a pilot either.”