Racing Outside the Line: A Love Story at 190 Mph (14 page)

This wasn’t a surprise since he had called my cell phone, too—I just hadn’t bothered to call him back. I was surprised that Mr. never-shaken gave into his jealousy and didn’t pass the message along to me. There was more to this story, though, and I intended to find out what, "And?"

"He wasn’t pleased with me. Called me a few not so creative names and, well, mentioned how he had to spend all night after your drunken call showing you just how sexy and wanted you were. He added himself to the line of people who don’t think I deserve you and hung up in my ear."

"Well," was all I could think to say. Ace was a good guy with protective intentions that I couldn’t fault him for. By the sound of it, Seth had been punished enough by the information Ace had given him, so I couldn’t be mad at him either. "Okay, so he did sleep with me that night, but we actually broke up several months before that. What about Marie?"

"That was nowhere close to the vicinity of love. We went out on a few dates, and she turned into psycho bitch from Hell. I had to put a restraining order against her because she became violent. It was certainly an experience I wish I could have avoided."

"I can see why you would feel that way." Trying to let the serious tone of our conversation die out, I avoided asking more questions about Alexandria, but since it was the only thing nailed to my brain at the moment, I couldn’t think of anything else to say.

"I guess that covers your romantic history, then," he was quiet and subdued. "I don’t imagine Ace will be too pleased when he finds out about us."

"Probably not," still stewing about Alexandria, I tried to keep the despair from my voice, "but he’ll understand and be happy at least that I am happy."

"Lexie?"

"Hmm?"

"You don’t
sound
happy, what’s wrong?"

Stupid inability to hide emotions, I swear there must be a freaking class you can take to improve that skill. Ugh, I just didn’t want to spend what few minutes I had with him talking about witch woman. "Nothing."

"You know that doesn’t work with me."

"I just miss you, Seth. Everything feels easier when I can be in your arms."

"I wish I could hold you right now and make you feel more comfortable about telling me what’s bothering you. Just imagine my arms around you, and tell me what’s wrong."

"I don’t want to talk about it. We’ve already spent too much precious time on the subject—I don’t want to spend anymore."

"Oh," he seemed to comprehend. Crap! I said too much. Sometimes it sucked to be known so well by someone. "Desmond thinks this is going to be really bad for my image. Since I can’t give him a reason for why I’m in a hurry to get out of this relationship, I have to suffer through this his way. Her sister just had a baby; she is visiting with her in Wyoming. When she gets back, I’ll break it off with her in person. Desmond believes that is the best way to handle it."

"Okay," was all that came to mind. He gave me the information I required, but I suddenly felt distant from him, as though we were discussing a business transaction or tomorrow’s weather. What was I expecting, though? Nothing could lighten up the reality that he was still engaged and had to follow a reasonable process for ending it. Still, the fear in me made me wonder if he might change his mind when he saw her again.

"I’m okay, Seth, really. I’m sorry. I don’t want to be all mopey and depressed when I haven’t gotten to talk to you all day. I have no reason to be depressed when I’ve finally gotten what I’ve wanted; I’m stupid for not being ecstatic all day long."

"You are not stupid. It’s a bad situation, you have every right to be upset, but we’ll get it right, I’m not giving you up ever again."

"Promise?"

"You just have no idea what you mean to me, do you?" he chuckled with disbelief.

It was getting late, and I knew he would have a busy day the next day. I wanted him to have a different memory of our conversation than that of all this seriousness. "You just like me because of my black bikini."

He groaned, "You’re evil. I’m going to be out there trying to drive a racecar tomorrow and instead of walls, I’ll see you in your black bikini."

"I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m sweet and innocent. But, if you like the black bikini, you might like my silver one even more."

"I’m gonna regret this, I just know it. What’s so special about the silver one?"

"It’s a string bikini that you can untie, and I wouldn’t call the top a triangle top, they’re more of very thin rectangles."

His groan was louder, "If you’re trying to help me control myself when I see you tomorrow night, you’re doing a really bad job of it. Desmond and my dad be damned, you’ll be lucky if I can keep from tearing off your clothes the second I see you."

"Well, I guess you don’t want to know what I’m sleeping in tonight, then." At the sound of his groan, I tried to make my voice sound as innocent as possible, "It’s nothing really, just a baby pink nightie that hangs off my shoulders and is completely sheer."

"Oh, God, don’t tell me that! What kind of panties
are
you wearing?"

"Hmm… I uh… well, you’ve always been in my mind as that sweet, innocent, seventeen-year-old girl, but I’ve always fantasized about you being the dominant one."

"Really? I wouldn’t have guessed that, I’ll have to remember that." Loving that his biggest turn-on was specific to me and not something generic any woman could give him, I thought I would up the stakes on this little deal we had going.

"Have you ever qualified first?"

"Not at this track, but there is a first time for everything. What do I get if I’m sitting on the pole?"

"Not only will I sit on your pole, but I’ll give you your fantasy. I’ll tie you up, I’ll make you do everything I want you to do to me, I’ll spank you when you misbehave, I’ll…"

"Okay, okay, okay, I can’t take anymore. I want you so badly right now that I could run around that damn track and take the pole without a freaking car!"

Physically jumping, a noise escaped my lips that sounded like a scared hiccough.
Oh my God
, I thought. I had no idea he knew about that.

He was really laughing, nearly hysterical now, and I was still struggling with my shock.

"Did you think I left my bedroom door unlocked and the bathroom door wide open by accident?" I couldn’t say anything. I just sat there trying to make my mouth work again. "I knew you were there, but you were so damned cute trying to be all sneaky, I couldn’t resist letting you keep on doing it."

"So sorry, fifteen and a
half
, I guess that’s about the time that I started noticing you as more than Desmond’s little sis with a crush on me. You were suddenly
not
a little kid in my book anymore."

"I can’t believe you knew and you let me. You were nineteen, you sick puppy."

"And I was attracted to you even though you were only fifteen
and a half
years old. As long as you didn’t know that I knew, I figured it didn’t do any harm except turn us both on a little."

"
Because
I wanted you. You were still young and you were off limits to me in Desmond’s book and in my dad’s book. You have no idea how many lectures I got from my dad about not looking at you a certain way, about staying away from you. I swear it became a part of our daily routine when you and Des moved in. ‘Morning Seth,’ ‘Morning Dad,’ ‘Keep your eyes and hands off her today,’ ‘I will Dad,’ pass the orange juice, Seth."

"I don’t know what to say." I was completely stunned, "I… I had no idea."

"Well, if you had had an idea about it, then they would have as well and I would be dead right now. You don’t know how often you’ve entered into my fantasies since that first time I noticed your head in the doorway to my bathroom."

"I’m so embarrassed. I just don’t even… I can’t believe you knew. What else have you known about?"

"Oh? Are there other times you’ve tried to see me naked?"

"No," I tried to sound innocent. There were times I had tried to get his attention, not having any clue that I had already gotten it.

"Fess up, baby, what did you do?"

"It’s embarrassing," I admitted.

"How can it be embarrassing, when you now know it all worked? It might have started out as a little turn-on, but you got me hooked on you. By the time you hit seventeen, I didn’t know whose crush was bigger, yours or mine. Did you ever wonder why I hovered so much when you and Josh were hanging out together? I knew you were only making out with him to make me jealous. You gave yourself away. The second you thought I was out of earshot, I could hear you start talking again instead of kissing."

"Well, it was you I wanted to be making out with."

"Poor Josh, I always felt bad for him, grateful that he had given you something else to focus on besides being in the horrible comatose state you got stuck in, but it was obvious you really only thought he was a friend."

"You’re the one that pulled me out of the walking dead routine, not Josh."

"I tried to come to you sooner, I knew if I could just be alone with you, I could get you out of your depression, but Desmond and my dad thought I would make it worse. They were afraid you would become more attached to me or that I would become more attached to you. You scared the death out of me, you know that?"

"What do you mean?"

"You were so thin and your eyes were dead, even when you looked at
me
. I tried to tell them they were letting it go too far, but you kept your grades up and they were stupid enough to think you would get through it on your own. That’s why I kept leaving. I was too angry with them. When my dad and Desmond finally sat me down to tell me they were going to let me do whatever was necessary to get you eating and talking again, I was so shocked I just sat there for a long time."

"I heard that conversation. It sounded as if they were forcing you to come talk to me. It made me more distant."

He was quiet, and I didn’t know why. "Seth?"

"I should have thought of that. You were like a ghost around the house. I knew you were listening in on several conversations that had to have made things worse, but I couldn’t figure out how to make it better. I got Desmond to do damage control with most of it, but he was pretty wrapped up in his own grief. That first day that I came to your room, you hardly looked at me, I didn’t know how to pull you out of your grief. It wasn’t until I noticed you checking out my muscles that I had the least bit of hope."

"I think that can be arranged. It’s late, baby, I have to get some sleep or I’ll never take the pole tomorrow and you’d better believe that’s a deal I’m holding you to."

"Mmm, I look forward to it. Sweet dreams, Seth."

"Always of you, Lexie, always of you."

I flipped open my cell phone at least three times to check the call log, just to prove to myself that the conversation actually happened and wasn’t just a dream. I still couldn’t sleep. Instead, my mind kept replaying an absurd amount of memories, reconsidering them from this new viewpoint. I tried to remember his reactions and expressions to see them from this new light. I was asleep in no time, dreaming of making mad, passionate love to Seth on top of his racecar as it sat out on the track.