Radiant (26 page)

"Do you know that he doesn't remember you? Or me?" he asked.

She recalled Mom telling her about that not long after Scotty was released. "Yeah."

"That's because a judge came to him," he explained. "His memory of you and me was taken."

Mary stared at him.

"Humans aren't supposed to know we exist," he said. "That is one way the judges keep order."

"But you said that radiants can't mess with people's brains," she said. "Like my grandmother. Remember when I asked you if you can help her?"

"This is not the same thing," he said. "These radiants aren't like me. Or Mayim. We are supposed to protect you and help you. But we are not supposed to be with you. That's why we have laws. I haven't been in school and I haven't come to see you because I'm trying to keep them from finding out about you."

"What would happen if they did?" she asked.

"They would do the same as they did to Scotty," he answered.

Mary turned a shade
paler. "They'd take my memories of you?"

He nodded.

"All of them?"

He nodded again. "It will be as if we never met."

Mary felt like someone had dropped a piano on her. "They can't do that!"

"Yes, they can," he said. "That is their job."

Mary felt a tear roll down her face. They were coming more easily since the rodeo. "Please don't let them."

He wiped away
her tear and held her face in his hand. "I'll do what I can. But I may not be able to come to you as frequently."

Mary nodded. "
But right now you're okay?"

"Yes."

"Good." She leaned forward and kissed him. Fortunately, she had a good coat of lip balm on, so he didn't burn her as much. Mary wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him onto the lounge chair with her.

"I think we better
stop," he finally said.

"Why?"

"All of this is turning red," he said, pointing to her mouth, jawline, and a good portion of her throat. "And the more I kiss you, the harder it is for me to keep alert."

She sighed. "Okay. But can you
still stay for a little while? I haven't seen you in days."

He smiled. "Yes. I can stay."

She curled up in his arms. Surrounded by his warmth, it was only a matter of minutes before Mary fell asleep again.

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- 2
6 -

Ultimatum

Mary woke. The sun hadn't quite come up yet, and she found that she was still on the roof in Phos' arms. His eyes were closed, and his chest rose and fell lightly with his shallow breathing. Mary smiled and stared at him, reaching up gently to trace the line of his face and lips with her fingertips. He didn't stir, and she wondered if he had finally learned how to dream.

"A-hem.
"

Mary looked up.
Mom was standing by the door with her arms crossed.

"Mom!" Mary scrambled to her feet, waking Phos as well.
They both stood facing her. It was too late for him to translate and Mom not see him do it. How could Mary have been so stupid to let this happen?

Mary gulped.
"It's not what you think."

"
Really?" Mom said. "Then what is it?"

Mary didn't have a good answer.

"Ms. Phan?" Phos said gently. "I realize that this—"

"Shut it, Carter," Mom snapped. "In fact, get out of here."

"Yes, ma'am." Phos gave one sorrowful look at Mary before leaving by the stairs.

Mom looked back at Mary. "I'm still waiting for an answer."

And Mary still didn't have one. "He came over and—"

"Really, Commander Obvious?" Mom said.

"But we didn't do anything!" Mary tried.

Mom narrowed her eyes.
"I gave you both a couple of simple rules. And you couldn't even keep them."

Mary looked down. "I thought as lon
g as he wasn't in the apartment—"

"This isn't a
public place
," Mom said.

Mary was quiet.

Mom sat down at the patio set, her arms still crossed. "Well, let's have it. How far have you two gone? All the way? Are you using protection?"

Mary rolled her eyes. "
I told you, we didn't do any—"

"I'm not talking about
just now," Mom said firmly.

"Will you let me finish?" Mary cried.

Mom raised an eyebrow. "Fine. Finish."

Mary tried to gather her thoughts again. "He's been here a couple times. Never in the apartment. Just up here.
I mean, yeah, it's not public but it's not super private either. Anyway, last night he came over. I hadn't seen him in a while, so I asked if he could stay for a bit and we fell asleep. That's it. That's all."

"Is that really all?" Mom asked.

Mary looked her dead in the eyes. "Yes."

Mom said nothing. Finally, she nodded. "All right. If you say that's all, then that's all."

Mary sighed in relief.

"But after school today," Mom said, "you're going to the doctor to get a prescription for the pill."

"
What
?" Mary cried. "I told you
nothing happened!
"

"Maybe this time," Mom said. "But what about next time? Or the time after that? A
t least this way, you won't get pregnant."

"
That's not going to happen." Mary wished she could tell Mom the truth. Phos could barely kiss her without burning her. So, naturally they wouldn't do anything
else
.

"You're right,
because you're either going on the pill or you're going to stop seeing him," Mom said. "Make your choice."

***

Mary secretly hoped a meteor the size of Canada would fall onto her morning bus to school. But it didn't.

Phos
met her at the stop. "Good morning," he said quietly.

She didn't answer. Silently, they crossed the street to the school. The first bell wouldn't ring for a few minutes, so
they stole away to a quiet stairwell.

"
What did your mother say?" he asked.

Mary took a deep breath.
"I can't see you anymore." She then explained what Mom had said. He listened without interrupting her.

"
But it doesn't mean we can't see each other at all," he said. "What is this 'pill' option?"

She shook her head.
"Phos, I'm not taking the pill. I don't want to." She took another deep breath. "And I've really screwed up things with my mom. I don't want her to trust me less than she does now."

She hadn
't noticed tears were falling from her eyes before he wiped them away for her. "So," he said, "this is the part of love that hurts."

"
I'm so sorry, Phos," she said.

He shook his head.
"No, I'm sorry. Perhaps…perhaps it's better this way."

She didn't say anything. Because she couldn't agree.

"Take care, Mary." He turned and walked down the hall without her.

The rest of the day, Mary and Phos avoided one another.
And the day after. And the one after that.

It.
Was.
Torture
.

Physics
was horrible, since he started sitting in the back again. Phos skipped more and more school. He was probably doing it to keep the radiant judges away from Mary, but they, oddly enough, didn't seem like such a big deal to her. It made it a little easier for Mary when she didn't see him. But that didn't make her miss him any less.

H
er grades started tanking. For the first time in her whole school life, Mary got an F. It was only on a quiz, but it didn't help with the other low grades popping up on her report cards. Her art started taking on a darker tone, too. She did a painting of the Trung sisters, the warrior queens of feudal Vietnam, with lots of blue shades. She understood why Picasso favored those colors during his Blue Period.

"
It's your turn, Mary," Ba said.

"
Huh?" she asked.

"
Wake up there!" George snapped. "Cain't you see we still gotta a game goin'?"

Mary looked at the cards in her hand.
Gin. She was playing with Julia, Ba, and George while they were waiting for Mom to show up with the
bánh cuốn
.

"
Oh. Sorry." Mary took a card from the top of the deck and put an ace in the discard pile.

Julia snatched it up.
"Hah! Gin!"

"
Dadgummit!" George cursed. "I was jiss about to win. You sure you ain't cheatin', woman?"

"
You callin' me a cheater, George?" Julia asked, her eyes narrow.

"
Yeah," he said.

As they started to argue, Emma, who was sitting at the same table, put her
Bible down. "What's the matter, Baby Girl? You've been awful quiet lately."

Mary shook her head.
"It's…nothing."

"
By the way, how's Carter?" Emma asked. "He hasn't been around lately."

It wasn't Phos, but h
earing his name by association was like hammering a steel spike straight through Mary's chest. She fought to compose her voice. "He's fine. I think. We broke up."

Emma gasped.
"Oh! I'm so sorry, Mary. I thought he was such a sweet young man. Oh, bless your heart."

"
It's all right, Emma," Mary lied.

"
Well, I say good riddance," George chimed in, breaking his argument with Julia. "The boy was too polite! And skinny. A man's gotta have some meat on him. Did I e'er tell y'all that my sweet Betty, God rest her soul—"

"
Amen," Emma added.

"
—was engaged to another man when I met her?"

"
Yes," they said in unison.

"
Boy had a spine made of
cheese
!" he continued anyway. "Like the gov'ment kind we poor folk used to eat. Scared hisself silly by his own shadow. Good thing Betty saw what a
real
man was when I came along."

"
A real
stupid
man," Julia said. "You said you sabotaged that boy at a dinner with her parents."

"
No, I din't!" he snapped. "Besides, how was I s'pposed to know he was allergic to onions?"

They started arguing again, so Ba stood.
"I want some tea. Will you come and get some with me, Mary?"

Mary didn't feel l
ike drinking tea, but she followed her grandmother into the kitchen anyway. As they waited for the cook on duty to get the water and other things for them, Ba asked, "Have you talked to Carter at all?"

Mary shook her head.

"Not even at school?"

Mary shook her head again.

Ba took her face in her hands. "Con, talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."

Mary tried to say nothing was wrong. Instead,
a few tears dripped down her face.

Ba wrapped her arms around her and let her cry on her shoulder.
"There, there. That's it. Just let it go."

Mary balled.
She hadn't had a good cry about any of it, not even at home and in her room. "It hurts being away from him," she sobbed.

Ba
chuckled. "It's because you're in love."

Mary grabbed some napkins and wiped the snot pouring from her nose.
"I don't like it. I don't like how things can be great one day and crap the next."

"
But that's life, Con," Ba said. "It isn't stable. It's full of changes. But you learn and grow. You don't sit still. Otherwise, everything will pass you by."

They sat down at a table.
"When I married your grandfather, I knew that one day we would be separated again. If not by the war, then by something else. One day, we were going to grow old and one of us would pass on and leave the other for a little while. But I still married him. We were together for twenty-six years before he was gone. I wouldn't trade those twenty-six years with him for an immortal life without him. That's something you have to understand, Mary. We don't live for sixty, eighty, or even a hundred years. We live for the few precious moments that happen in those sixty, eighty, or a hundred years. If not, then we're just taking up space and wasting time until we die."

Mary didn't say anything, pondering her words as she wiped her eyes. A few minutes later, Mom
came with the
bánh cuốn
, and everyone gathered in the dining room to eat.