RAGE (17 page)

Unsure of how I did it, I managed to avoid puking. Maybe it was the fear of the fire that burned in my belly burning me as it came up. Maybe it was the knowledge that I was needed now more than I’d ever been needed before. Whatever the reason, I kept myself from puking as my mind raced with what I could do to stop this madness.

Again, Carly spoke. This time, I was certain that she was telling them to stop.

I watched as Dominic shoved her to Taylor, who then shoved her to Spencer, who shoved her toward Garrett. Garrett didn’t seem to like this game. He barely touched her, but managed to send her stumbling back to Dominic, who grabbed her arms roughly and pulled her toward him before sending her again toward Taylor, this time so fast she almost fell.

I stepped forward.

“Hey,” I yelled.

They turned to face me, their laughter trailing off and their smiles fading.

Taylor stepped toward me. “What are you doing in here, Boozer Loser?”

“What are you doing?” I asked him.

He chuckled. “We’re having a little party. And you’re not invited.”

Spencer stepped up beside Taylor and said, “No, but your girlfriend is,” the ‘is’ sounding like ‘ish’.

The two of them stood there smiling like the idiots they were while the anger inside me grew stronger.

I looked at Carly, who was on the verge of tears now. She came running toward me, but Dominic grabbed her arm and squeezed, causing her obvious pain.

“You stay here, princess.”

“Let me go,” she said, her voice breaking.

Ignoring her, Dominic said to me, “Don’t you have somewhere else to be, Loser?”

The tick of the clock grew louder in my mind, and I was mad that these idiots were costing me precious time.

Ignoring Dominic for the moment, I glanced between Taylor and Spencer, past Dominic and Carly, to Garrett, who stood staring at the floor, arms crossed over his chest.

Looking back to Dominic, I asked, “What’s going on in here?”

“Nothing you need to concern yourself about, shithead,” Spencer said before Dominic could answer.

“Yeah. It’s none of your business. Why don’t you take your loser ass on down the hall to the assembly? Or better yet, why don’t you find a toilet, stick your head in it, and flush. Save us the trouble.” The two laughed and bumped fists. Clearly, they thought they were funny. I didn’t.

I stepped toward the two clowns and started to walk between them, but Taylor put his hands on my chest and pushed me. It wasn’t hard enough to make me fall, but it was hard enough to make me step backward.

“Where you think you’re going?” he asked.

“I’m going to stop this.” I stepped forward again.

“No, you’re not, assface. You’re going to turn around and leave. Now.”

“Yeah, leave,” added Spencer.

“I’m not going anywhere. Get out of my way,” I ordered, managing to sound braver than I felt.

Taylor puffed up his chest, raised his chin, and said, “Make us, pussy lips.”

I tried to swallow down some of the fire that was rising up, struggling to free itself from the pits of my stomach. I felt my whole body begin to tremble, and I started to worry a little. I didn’t have time to work myself up into a full worry, though. Everything was happening so fast. The whole day had happened fast. Too fast.

Trying to say something to make him as angry as he’d made me, I said, “The only pussy lips I know are your mother’s.”

His eyes grew wide, and his cheeks turned a dark shade of red. Without looking away from his eyes, I noticed his fists clench at his sides.

“You son of a bitch,” he took a step toward me. I had no doubt that he was going to punch me. And he would have if Spencer hadn’t stepped in between us.

“Take it back,” Spencer said.

“No.”

“Take it back and apologize and we won’t kick your ass.”

“How about I don’t apologize, and you just kiss my ass?”

“Who do you think you are?” Taylor asked from behind Spencer. I could tell they were shocked that I dared speak back to them. What they didn’t know was I was fed up. Things were different now. I’d had enough.

I stepped around the two of them, who actually let me pass this time. They were too shocked to try to stop me. Or maybe they just realized that I was walking further into the restroom, closer to the stalls, and I would be cornered.

Garrett looked up from the floor as I approached him. He tensed, but did nothing else. I stared him in the eyes, letting him know that even though he wasn’t usually an active participant, he was still a part of this. Standing idly by and doing nothing to stop them made him just as big a part of it all as the other three.

Carly continued to tug on her arm, trying to pull it free of Dominic’s grasp.

“Let her go,” I said sternly.

“Boozer Loser, just go on. You know what’s gonna happen to you if you don’t.”

“Let her go, Dominic,” I ordered.

Behind me, Taylor said to Spencer, “He must like licking toilet bowls.” The two morons laughed, though nothing was funny.

I stared at Dominic while he stood there, smiling at me with that evil smile of his. Before, I hadn’t thought it was possible to hate him any more than I did. Now, I knew it was possible because I was doing it.

Three things happened all at once.

Dominic asked, “You want a turn, Boozer?” Then, he laughed.

My eyes fell upon Carly. She stood there, her thin arm clutched tightly in the grip of Dominic’s long, thin fingers, trying not to cry. Her eyes met mine, and I could see the pain and fear written across her face. To see that look on her pretty face caused me a pain greater than any I’d known so far. My heart ached and my stomach knotted into a wad of crushed steel.

That’s when the third thing happened.

I teetered on the edge of falling backward, not onto the restroom floor but into the bottomless pit of anger and fury that longed to be released. The fire that burned in my belly threatened to consume me, and there wasn’t much I could do about it. I didn’t even want to do anything about it. I wanted it to take over.

I stood there staring into Carly’s eyes, wishing like hell we were other people in other places, but knowing that we were not.

Big tears finally escaped from her eyes, rolled down her cheeks, and fell from her chin in what felt like slow motion. I watched them until they reached the floor. They fell with a splat, making little puddles.

I looked at Carly, at the one person that had saved me in my darkest moments, the person whom I’d failed to save in her darkest moment. I almost let myself go, finding the blackness that I’d spent so long avoiding. There was no reason not to.

My precious Carly. The only thing I ever loved. The only thing I’d had to hold onto. They’d hurt her.

My hands, now two tightly clenched balls hanging off the ends of my arms, began to shake noticeably. My arm pits grew damp. The back of my neck tickled, both from the cold sweat and the hairs standing on end. I felt the beads of perspiration pop out on my upper lip, another result of the fire that was coursing through my veins. My jaw clenched tightly shut. My nostrils flared. My chest heaved with each heavy breath I took.

I felt all of these physical changes taking place, but it almost felt as if it were only a memory. As my body changed, I felt myself slipping away into the darkness that had taken over last night. The same darkness that I’d been lost in when I’d shot my parents. It was the same darkness that I didn’t understand, the darkness that terrified me. What if I lost myself in it and couldn’t find my way back? What if I hurt Carly? I didn’t think I was capable of causing her harm, but yesterday, I didn’t think I was capable of hurting anyone. Yet, I’d gone to sleep last night having killed two people. The darkness, as welcoming as it seemed to be, was frightening.

I pushed against it, trying to hold my place, trying to stay with myself. I realized that I’d never be able to control my anger and calm myself down while I was faced with Carly’s pain. Though I hated to do it, I looked away from her.

I focused on Spencer’s shoes to try to keep the fire at bay. They were dirty shoes, black canvas with white trim. They were the same shoes that had kicked me while I was face-down on the sidewalk, bleeding onto the concrete.

Feeling the anger growing at the sight of those shoes, I turned my attention to Taylor. He stood beside Spencer with his arms crossed over his chest. I could feel his eyes burning holes in me, but I refused to look at him. I couldn’t. Not yet. If I did, I would lose myself in the darkness. Instead, I looked at the holes in his jeans. Both knees were exposed, and part of one of his thighs. In fact, the harder I stared at that hole, the more certain I was that I could see the bottom edge of the white fabric that was his pocket.

I was winning the fight against the darkness. I was keeping my mind focused on stupid little things until I’d gotten my anger under control. And it was working. Until Dominic spoke.

“What the hell are you doing, Boozer? Did you just come to watch because if you did, step aside. We’re not done with her yet.” The three of them laughed, but I didn’t hear Garrett as much as giggle.

Looking at Taylor’s knees, I said, “How dare you.”

No one said anything for a minute, and I could feel them exchanging looks of confusion.

“How dare me?” Dominic asked, handing Carly off to Garrett. “How dare you. You came in here and stuck your nose into shit that didn’t concern you.”

Breaking my focus on the holes, I looked up at Dominic. “It does concern me. Anything that happens to her concerns me.” I hoped they didn’t notice the cracking in my voice.

“My god, Boozer,” Dominic said throwing his arms up and his head back. “You get a girl, though I’ll never understand how, and suddenly you think you’re a tough guy. Some kind of hero. You come rushing in here to save her. As if you stand a chance.”

Taylor and Spencer chuckled and nodded in agreement. Spencer shifted his weight from one leg to the other.

Dominic continued, “What you need to do is take your retarded ass down to the assembly, and forget that you were ever in here.”

“No,” I said without breaking eye contact with him.

I heard Carly sniffle. It was like a punch in the stomach.

“No?” Dominic asked.

“No,” I repeated.

He looked stunned. Then, he stepped toward me. He’d only been about five feet away from me. He was less than half that now.

“You sayin’ no to me, Boozer Loser?”

“Yeah. I am.”

His cheeks flushed red with anger, and probably embarrassment. He sure hated it when someone made him look stupid or weak in front of his buddies.

“This is the last time I’m gonna say it, dick spit. Get out of here and walk away,” he said slowly, emphasizing each word to scare me. But it didn’t. I was too far past that now.

“No,” I said, emphasizing my word as much as he had his.

As I watched Dominic’s jaw clench in anger, Taylor asked, “What are you trying to prove, Boozer?”

“Yeah,” Spencer chimed in. “What good does it do you to be in here?”

Dominic laughed, but it was a nervous laugh. “Maybe he wants to watch. Get some lessons on what to do with a girl once he has one.”

“Is that it, Boozer?” Taylor asked. “You need to know what to do with a girl?”

“Well, he sure wouldn’t know,” Dominic said. “The only girl that’s ever seen his pecker is his mother.”

The three of them laughed, but Garrett remained silent.

“Does your mom spank it for you too, Boozer?” Taylor asked.

“I bet she does,” added Spencer.

“Stop it,” I said quietly, trying to push away the darkness.

“I bet you don’t tell your mom to stop it,” Taylor said.

“No, I bet you beg her for more,” said Spencer. He then looked to Taylor and Dominic to see if they liked what he’d said.

The three of them stood there having a good laugh on me. I stood there trying to remain calm, though inside, I was anything but.

“How’d you get a girl like her anyway, Boozer Loser?” asked Dominic. “I’m serious. How? I wanna know. Did she like the way you kissed her?”

“Stop it,” I said.

“Did she like the way you squeezed her tits, Boozer?” he stepped closer to me.

I held my ground.

“Did she even let you squeeze her tits, Boozer?”

“Stop it.”

“No. I wanna know. Come on. Did you get to stick your hand down her pants?”

I stared into his eyes without answering him. My body was trembling, and I felt that I was losing the battle with myself.

Dominic leaned forward. He was only a foot away from me now. “I did.”

My heart was beating frantically in my chest. My mouth was dry as a desert road, and my breathing was unsteady.

He must’ve seen that he was getting to me because he smiled and kept on. “I did more than just stick my hand down her pants, Boozer. A lot more.”

“Stop it,” I said. This time, it was loud and bounced off the concrete walls of the restroom.

I glanced at Carly. She looked at me, shaking her head no.

My outburst had startled Dominic. He jerked back from me and stood upright, eyes wide with surprise.

Taylor’s arms uncrossed and hung at his sides now.

Spencer continued shifting his weight back and forth from foot to foot.

Garrett remained silent, holding Carly an arm’s length away, and with much less force than Dominic had.

Carly sniffled again.

And me, well, I wobbled on the brink of the darkness, leaning dangerously toward the black.