Rain

RAIN

Christie Cote

Copyright © 2014 Christie Cote

All rights reserved.

Edited by Mickey Reed

Cover design by Christie Cote

Author photo by Sara Cote Photography

PRINT ISBN: 1492834238

PRINT ISBN-13: 978-1492834236

DEDICATION

To my Family, Friends, and Husband.

CONTENTS

Acknowledgments

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Be Aware

Before the Rain

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Thank you, Michele and McKenzie, for asking for more when I sent you the beginning of
Rain
. Without your encouragement, this book might not have been finished. Your ongoing support has been amazing! I love that you have been by my side for every step of this journey. Thanks for listening to all of my ramblings and ideas as I developed them. McKenzie casting ‘the movie’ of
Rain
was the coolest thing ever! THANK YOU!

A HUGE thanks to my editor, Mickey Reed! You helped make my book stronger and answered every one of my questions. I’m learning how evil the English language is! Good thing I have a super editor on my side. You rock! I don’t know what I would have done without you!

Thank you to John Connolly (yes, the author) for telling me to never stop writing the first time I met you. For some reason, I thought it was a good idea to complain to you about my awful English class my freshman year of college. You said something completely awesome that I have held dear ever since that day. I did not stop writing, and now I’m publishing my first book. *Cheers to you*

Thank you to every blogger who has been willing to support me on this journey, from the cover reveal to the blog tour and everything in between. I can’t list all of you here because there are a lot of you, but I can’t thank you enough. It means the world to me!

Thank you to my family, friends, and especially my husband for the continued support. My poor husband was neglected on many occasions so I could work on this book and put on all of the finishing touches to get it published. THANK YOU! I LOVE YOU!

Most importantly, thank you, readers! I love you for reading my book, even if you end up hating it. The fact that you were willing to give it a chance means the world to me. You rock!

CHAPTER ONE

I watched the rain hurl itself against my window. Every so often I would see a flash of light in the darkness. The weather seemed to know how I felt and was displaying my sorrow outside. I felt compelled to go out and feel the rain against my skin. It felt like the sky was crying for me, even though I knew in reality that wasn’t true.

I moved from my perch at the window and made my way out of my room, through the house, and out the door. I didn’t bother to put on shoes or a jacket. I stepped outside onto the cool wet grass wearing just my jeans and a light pink fitted t-shirt. I pulled out my elastic hair band and let my blond hair fall around my shoulders. I wiggled my toes in the grass; it felt freeing. The rain fell on me, beginning to soak my hair and clothing; but I didn’t care. I invited the rain to drench me and wash away my pain.

Closing my eyes, I raised my head up toward the sky and extended my arms outward; the drops soaked into my skin. As I stood listening, the only sounds I could hear were the rain pounding on whatever surface it touched and the occasional boom of thunder. Breathing in deeply, I opened my eyes and spun around and around in the rain like I had when I was a little girl. I usually acted like the rain would melt me if I got caught in it. I hadn’t behaved this way since I was around seven. It felt exhilarating and almost made me forget. Almost.

“Taylor! What are you doing?” My mother's alarmed voice startled me. I turned toward her and saw her blotchy red face and sad eyes staring at me incredulously. She couldn’t hide that she had been crying. It was because of me.

“Mom, it’s not a big deal,” I stated, not wanting to fight with her.

“Taylor, you can’t just stand out in the rain. You have—“

“Mom! Don’t even say it,” I cut her off. “I’m well aware and can’t forget... no matter how hard I try,” I said angrily.

Her eyes began to fill with tears again, and I immediately regretted my angry words. This was hurting her just as much as it was hurting me.

“I’m sorry. I’ll come inside now.”

Her face relaxed a little, but the stress lines seemed to be permanently etched onto her forehead, and they wouldn’t be going away any time soon.

“Thanks, honey. I’m just worried.” She spoke sadly.

“I know, Mom... I know,” I said as I walked toward her and the house. As I reached the door, I turned around to look up at the sky one last time. It was an expansion of darkness, like the darkness that wanted to consume me. It was funny how one life-changing event could make you forget what happiness felt like. I brought my head back down as a light across the street in an upstairs window caught my attention. It was the only light on in the neighborhood, but I hadn’t noticed it before. The realization then hit me that I had been dancing around, acting crazy in the rain; people could have seen me. I felt my cheeks warm as embarrassment washed over me. I would have never acted like that before today.

I hurried through the door and shut it, leaning against it as I noisily exhaled. I looked down and saw water dripping on the wooden floor. Just then, my mom reappeared with a big white towel and put it in my hands.

“Here. Dry off and go change," she instructed me with a forced smile.  "I’ll make us some hot chocolate.” I nodded and wrapped the towel around myself before heading to my room.

After entering my room, I shut the door quietly before stripping my wet clothes off. A shiver rolled through me, so I quickly wrapped the towel back around my body and began drying off. After twisting the towel around my hair like a turban, I grabbed a large gray t-shirt and sweatpants to match. I put them on before slipping into my fluffy pink robe from the back of the door. I rubbed the soft sleeve on my cheek, loving the feel of the material. It felt like a stuffed bear was wrapping itself around me, comforting me.

I closed my eyes, inhaled deeply, and then exhaled slowly before I emerged from my room. As I made my way to the living room, I examined the typical white walls and the pictures of a happy, normal family displayed proudly. Yesterday, they wouldn’t have bothered me, but now they just seemed like a lie. Things were not normal, and they never would be again.

I tore myself away from the photos but felt their gaze burn into me, taunting me for taking everything for granted and acting like nothing could penetrate my perfect world and shatter it. I shook my head, pushing the tormenting thoughts away, and made the last few steps to the couch. I sat down on the soft brown cushion and pulled my legs up in front of me. I wrapped my arms around my legs then interlocked my fingers.

I just stared straight ahead at the black screen of the television until my mom walked in front of me and handed me a mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows—, my favorite. I took the mug from her hands without saying a word. She sat down next to me without speaking, knowing there was nothing to say. She was here for comfort so I wouldn’t feel alone. She was good at knowing when words wouldn’t help and supported me with her presence. In the past, she could depend on knowing that I would talk to her when I was ready, but I wasn’t sure I would ever be ready to talk about this. Saying it out loud would make it real and mean I would never wake up from this nightmare. I really wanted to wake up from this nightmare.

***

“Taylor!” I heard Liz yell from down the school hall. I immediately cringed, not ready to face anyone yet. I was not in the mood for petty conversations and drama. I tried to hurry up and retrieve my textbooks from my locker, acting like I hadn't heard her. I turned the opposite direction, ready to make my escape, when I felt her hand wrap around my arm. I felt my body stiffen, followed by the impulse to spin around and punch her. I controlled my reaction and breathed in deeply, knowing it wasn’t her fault. This was normal. Any other day it wouldn’t have fazed me.

“Oh my god, Taylor, how did you not hear me?” she squealed excitedly. I turned around slowly as she released my arm, and I planted a huge smile on my face. I took in her slight frame and expressive blue eyes. Her shoulder-length auburn hair was layered and parted to the side; some hair fell across her left eye. Liz was my best friend; I didn’t really want to hurt her, but I also didn’t want to have to act like everything was normal.

“I must have been in my own world,” I lied

“Anyways,” she continued, not missing a beat, “we need to plan your birthday. It's less than a month away and we haven’t made a plan. It has to be
huge
. We should totally invite Jordan and tell him to bring his hot football player friend. Well, obviously we won’t say it that way when we invite him. Oh, and you should have a theme for the party. All of the legendary parties have awesome themes.” She finally stopped and took a breath, looking at me expectantly while essentially jumping up and down.

“Liz, I don’t want a party.”

“But you have to!” She practically yelled. “It’s your sweet sixteen. You can’t turn sixteen without a party.”

I felt myself begin to lose what little calmness I had left. I sucked in a breath, trying to rein in my feelings that were about to explode. “I’m not having a party, Liz.” My voice shook.

“Taylor, what is wrong with you? We have been talking about our sixteenth birthdays since we were thirteen, and you always wanted a party,” she exclaimed with a confused expression on her face.

“Well, sorry to disappoint you, Liz,” I bit out harshly, “but instead of getting my license and a car for my sixteenth birthday like most kids, I'll be getting chemotherapy.” I turned around and walked away. She stood where I left her, immobilized by my words. “Crap,” I cursed under my breath. “Screw this.”

I kept walking but turned toward the exit instead of my class. Just as I was about to reach the door, Austin walked in front of me.

“Hey, babe.” He smiled his perfect smile that put male models to shame. His short, dirty blond hair was spiked as usual. He stood confidently, nodding his head at the girls giggling and waving at him. I was used to this behavior by now; most girls had a hard time keeping their eyes off of his muscular body. I just rolled my eyes, wondering why they bothered trying.

“Hey, Austin,” I said, forcing a smile.

“Where are you going?” he asked as his deep blue eyes looked me up and down.

“Home. I don’t feel well.”

“But you just got here,” he stated while he wrapped his arms around me possessively.

My voice rose an octave. “And now I’m leaving.” A hurt expression instantly crossed his face. “Austin,” I continued, “I’m sorry, but I don’t feel well and I just want to go home.”

“Oh, okay,” he said, disappointed. “I just thought we could do something after school today; we haven’t spent much time together lately.”

“I’ll call you later, okay? Maybe if I’m feeling better, you can come over,” I said, knowing he would like that compromise.

Slowly, a smile crept across his face, and I moved forward to hug him. He embraced me warmly, wrapping his muscular arms around me. I felt myself melt a little, welcoming the comforting feeling even though he didn’t have a clue how much I needed this right now. I felt guilty because I wasn’t ready to tell him. I should have wanted to tell my boyfriend and best friend what was going on. If anyone would be there for me, they would. But I wasn’t ready to talk about it. I began to pull out of his embrace to leave before the bell rang.

“I’ll see you later,” I said as I gave him a soft kiss. His lips were warm and welcoming, and I could feel that he wanted more than the brief contact I’d allowed. I knew if I wasn’t careful, he would end up convincing me to stay; and I really needed to get out of this building. I smiled at him and headed out the door without another word.