Rainbow Boys (26 page)

In record speed he gulped his drink.

“Nervous?” Jeremy asked.

“No,” Nelson said, wiping his palm on his pant leg. “Well, maybe a little.” Jeremy smiled and slipped his soft hand into Nelson’s. It embarrassed Nelson how clammy his own hand must feel, but he couldn’t help it. He awkwardly smiled back.

Suddenly they were kissing. It no longer mattered that Jeremy was HIV positive—only that he was warm and sweet. Jeremy caressed his cheek, and Nelson moved his hand to Jeremy’s lap.

Jeremy pulled away. “Whoa, slow down. There’s no need to rush, is there?” Nelson drew away, taken aback. Rush? Compared with Blake and Brick, he was already late. Besides, all the indecision about sex with an HIV-positive guy was making him crazy. Might as well get it over with.

Jeremy looked into his eyes. “We don’t have to do it tonight, do we? I mean, I don’t want it to be just sex. I hope we’re going to have more than just one date.”

Nelson bit into his lip, trying to make sense of the events. Why didn’t Jeremy want to have sex? Couldn’t they have sex and still have more than one date?

Jeremy sighed. He once again took Nelson’s hand between his own. “Look, I’m sorry. It’s just … I don’t want to rush. That’s how I got in this HIV mess in the first place.”

Nelson wondered, could it be that Jeremy had his own anxiety about having sex with someone who might be HIV negative?

He wished that just once he could get laid without some complication. But that obviously wasn’t going to happen—not that night, possibly not ever. Maybe sex was never simple, and he needed to stop expecting it to be. He pondered that a minute.

“What are you thinking?” Jeremy asked.

Nelson shook his head and smiled. “Can we at least go back to kissing?”

Jeremy smiled. “Yeah.” Then he leaned over and kissed Nelson, long and tenderly. When he announced they’d better go, Nelson glanced at the clock and was stunned to discover an hour had gone by. He never knew kissing could be so much fun.

A s Jeremy drove him back home, Nelson clutched his fingers anxiously. He’d enjoyed the evening a lot, a whole lot.

Jeremy parked the car in front of Nelson’s. Nelson waited, fearing that Jeremy would now announce he’d had a rotten time and never wanted to see him again.

But after a few seconds that seemed like centuries, Jeremy said, “I had a real nice time.”

“Yeah, but …”

“No buts. I’d like to do it again.” He leaned across the seat and kissed him.

Nelson wished they could keep kissing all night. But the dashboard clock read 12:00, and the last thing he wanted was for his mom to blame Jeremy. “I’d like to do it again too,” he said, kissing Jeremy one last time.

Then, with Herculean effort, he forced himself from the car.

On Monday, in MacTraugh’s art class, Nelson told Kyle everything about the date. “The weird part is that even though we didn’t have sex, I really like him. Now I understand why girls hold out when they’re going with guys. It makes you want the other person even more.” He glanced toward the door and nudged Kyle.

Mueller had appeared, motioning for MacTraugh. He whispered to her, gesturing toward Nelson and Kyle. MacTraugh waved them forward. “Nelson? Kyle? Come here, please.”

A s they crossed the room, other students hooted and laughed. Nelson ignored them and walked out to the hall with Kyle. Mueller greeted them with a defeated nod. “Well, the school board approved your group.” MacTraugh beamed. “Unanimously!”

Nelson felt his heart soar. Mueller tried his best to dampen the mood. “But with conditions. I want to meet with the three of you this afternoon in my office. Set some ground rules. Understood?”

Nelson’s excitement couldn’t be quelled. “You’re fabulous, sir!”

Mueller stepped backward, like he was terrified Nelson might kiss him, and strutted away.

MacTraugh, Kyle, and Nelson slapped high fives. They’d done it. Their school would have a GSA .

The following day, they began putting up flyers for the group. Kyle asked Nelson, “Do you think anyone will show up?” Nelson knew what he really wondered: Would Jason?

When Jason awoke the morning after making love with Kyle, he tried to put in order all that had transpired the past few days. For years he’d lived in dread of what would happen if he ever again touched another guy. Surely his dad would kill him. Or the police would whisk him to juvenile jail. Yet the moment had arrived, and he wasn’t dead or in prison, but alive and free.

A s sunshine streamed through the bedroom windows, his mind raced with thoughts. With his dad gone, he no longer feared losing his scholarship. He could always stay home and go to college. That was a relief. But what about Kyle and him? What if people at school found out? He definitely wasn’t going to that stupid GSA group.

He climbed into the shower, questions swirling in his head. Were he and Kyle now “boyfriends”? What did that mean? Did Kyle even want to be boyfriends? Why was he even thinking about all this? A ll they’d done was have sex—that’s all, just sex.

He turned the faucet off and vigorously rubbed his body with the towel, his thoughts pursuing him. What about Kyle telling him he loved him, and him saying it back? Wasn’t that more than just sex? Well, yeah, but he didn’t honestly mean it, or did he? He nearly tripped as he stepped out of the tub.

He wiped a circle of condensation from the mirror and attempted to shave but kept nicking himself. He recalled how everything had been so much simpler with Debra, at least at the beginning. When they first had sex, it was understood they were boyfriend and girlfriend

—the rules were pretty much set. But with Kyle it was so different, so new.

Maybe he was in love with Kyle. Would that be such a bad thing? The idea made him want to go for a long, exhausting run. But that was crazy. He’d just taken a shower.

The following afternoon, he was snacking on a sandwich when the doorbell rang. Jason licked the mustard from his fingers and stepped into the living room, peering out the window. On the front step, patting one hand with the other, stood Debra.

Jason’s pulse quickened. What was she doing here? It had been months since they last spoke—since she told him she hated him. He ran a hand through his hair and opened the door. Her clear blue eyes gleamed up at him. “Hi,” she said.

Jason hesitated. She didn’t seem angry.

“Can I come in?” she asked.

“Yeah. Sure. Sorry.” He pulled the door open. “Come in.”

She stepped inside and turned to face him, looking somewhat anxious. “I was sorry to hear your dad moved out. I wanted to see if you’re okay.”

Jason nodded, still a little wary. “I’m all right.”

She smiled, as if relieved. “Mind if I sit down?”

“Sure. Course.” He gestured to the armchair. He sat on the sofa. “I just didn’t expect … I mean, I’m glad you came over. So, how’s everything with you?”

“I’m better. Jason, this has hurt a lot. What happened between us.”

She sounded angry, after all. He looked down at the carpet, feeling bad.

She must’ve noticed. “Look, I’m not here to yell at you. What I want to say is, the reason this has all hurt so much is because I really love you.”

Jason stared at his sneakers, not sure what she meant by that. Did she want to try to get back together? Is that what she was saying?

“What I mean is I’d like to be friends, Jason. It hurts too much to stay angry at you.” He brought his gaze up to her. Was she serious? Did she really want to be friends after all they’d been through? “A re you sure? You know I didn’t mean to lie to you. I just hadn’t figured things out.”

Debra smoothed her hand across her slacks. “I think I understand that. A t least I’m starting to.” Jason thought about it. “I don’t think this is going to be easy. A lot has happened since we broke up.” He wasn’t ready to tell her about Kyle, but he knew he’d have to eventually, and he wanted to be sure she was prepared for it.

She nodded. “I know.”

She’s amazing, Jason thought. How could he not forgive her? She’d been his first love. He’d always treasure that. “I’d like to be friends too.” His voice quavered.

She reached her hand out to him, and his eyes grew moist. Then he was hugging her and saying, “I’ve missed you too. I’m really sorry.”

That evening, while doing homework, Jason searched his odds-and-ends drawer for an eraser. Instead he found the button Nelson had given him—NOBODY KNOW S I’M GAY.

He turned it over in his fingers, remembering how he’d wanted to cream Nelson that day.

Sitting down on his bed, Jason thought about how much had changed since then … about Kyle—and how he’d always been there to listen; how he’d held him while he cried the night his father left; what it felt like to wake in his arms after making love…. Maybe he and Kyle could be boyfriends after all. The thought startled him.

He wished Kyle were there now. He wished there were a second Kyle—a clone of whom he could ask advice about Kyle. Crazy.

A t school the next morning, Jason passed the bulletin board and saw a notice announcing the Gay-Straight A lliance. A cross the bottom of the flyer someone had scrawled, FREE HEAD. People were so immature, he thought.

A mid the clamor of students in the hall, he spotted Nelson coming toward him. Jason still felt nervous about being seen talking to him in public, but he could no longer ignore him. “Wha’s up?” he said.

Nelson ripped down the GSA flyer. “I’m sorry your dad left. I feel kind of responsible.”

“Don’t,” Jason said. “It was bound to happen sooner or later.”

Nelson stapled a clean flyer on the bulletin board.

“You think anyone will show up?” Jason asked. “If they do, they’ll get shit from everyone.” Nelson shrugged. “So?”

“Well”—Jason hooked his thumb through a belt loop—“I’m certainly not going.” Nelson gave him a quizzical look. “I’ve got to put the rest of the flyers up. See you later.”

“Yeah, take it easy.” Jason watched him disappear down the hall, then turned to see some stupid little freshman writing GET NAKED on the new flyer Nelson had stapled up.

“Hey.” Jason pushed him away. “What are you doing?”

The freshman stumbled and glowered back. “What do you care?” He stepped away, muttering under his breath, “Faggot.” Jason grabbed the boy by the shoulder and spun him around. “What did you say?” The freshman stared up at him, his lip quivering. “Nothing, I didn’t say anything.” The students nearby turned to stare. Jason calmed down and released the twerp. The first bell rang, clearing the hallway, leaving Jason standing alone.

In homeroom, the teacher glanced at each desk and marked attendance. Over the loudspeaker, Mueller’s voice droned out the usual list of announcements. Classmates finished homework and spoke in low, sleepy tones.

Thoughts collided in Jason’s head about the flyer for the meeting, and Kyle, and the freshman calling him a faggot.

A bruptly the room became quiet. Mueller was saying something about the Gay-Straight A lliance. The homeroom teacher stared up at the loudspeaker, scratching her head. “The meeting,” Mueller said, “will be held during lunch in the counselors’ conference room.” One of the class clowns flailed his wrist in the air and lisped: “That soundth just fabulouth!” Everybody laughed.

Jason slinked down in his seat, thinking, You’d have to be a fool to go to that meeting.

The boy stood and pranced between the desks with his hands on his hips. “I know where I’m going to thpend my lunch!” It was too much for Jason. “Hey!” He sprang up. “Shut your face!”

A bruptly the laughing ceased, and everyone turned silent. The boy stopped prancing and returned to his seat. A ll eyes stared at Jason.

He felt embarrassed but not sorry. He was sick of gay jokes.

A t lunch he started toward the team table, then changed his mind. He would hang out in the hall for a minute, just to see who showed up for the meeting.

Outside the main offices, a group of boys watched. Even though Jack and José were no longer at school, some of their buddies had come forward in their place, obviously trying to figure out who was going to the meeting.

Corey walked up behind Jason. “Yo, what are you doing out here?”

Jason wasn’t sure whether to lie or be honest. “I … I …”

Corey glanced down the hall. “You thinking of going to that meeting?” he whispered. “What if Tech finds out? What do you think their coach would say?”

Corey’s advice confused Jason, but only for a moment. “It’s a gay and straight meeting,” he said defensively. “Besides, it’s nobody’s business but mine.”

“Whoa!” Corey motioned him to calm down. “I didn’t say it wasn’t.”

Two basketball teammates came by, calling them into the cafeteria. Corey clapped Jason on the arm. “Hey, do what you need to do, man.” He walked into the lunchroom.

Jason bit off a fingernail, uncertain. Through the cafeteria doors, he saw Nelson carrying his tray. Someone yelled, “Fucking queer,” and a wad of crumpled paper hit Nelson on the shoulder. He bent over and threw it back at the boy who had pitched it. The boy sprang up, protesting, “Hey, I didn’t do it.”