Rainbow High (14 page)

“Carril o?” Coach bel owed, hanging up.

Steeling himself, Jason walked into the office. “Sorry, Coach. I didn’t mean to—”

“Take a seat,” Coach interrupted, glancing up from a bowlful of soup. “What the hel ’s so important?” He blew to cool his spoonful.

Jason eased into the familiar vinyl chair and took a breath. “I think I said something I shouldn’t have.” His voice quivering, he told Coach what had happened.

Coach listened til Jason finished. Then he wiped a paper napkin across his mouth and crumpled it onto the desk. “Damn it, Carril o!” Jason had expected a rebuke and felt relieved to get it.

Coach leaned back in his swivel chair and crossed his arms. His clear gray eyes peered through his glasses. “So, what do you want to do?” Jason glanced away, thinking. Could he real y say what he wanted?

“I guess I want to get it over with. But I don’t want to upset the team.”

“I’ve been giving this a lot of thought.” Coach rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. “What if you came out to the team in a special meeting before practice?”

“Today?” Jason’s voice came out in a squeak. He envisioned himself standing before his teammates, admitting Dwayne had been right.

“But—I mean—what about what I promised Mr. Muel er?”

Coach gave a shrug. “You tried it his way. It didn’t work. We’ve just got to make sure we win the championship.” He made it sound so simple. Jason sat speechless. He’d never expected things to move this quickly. Was he real y prepared to stand before his peers? “What would I say?”

Coach leveled his gaze at him. “The same things you’ve told me.”

“But . . .” Jason’s leg started jiggling. “How do you think the guys’11 react?”

“That I don’t know.” Coach brought his hands together and interlaced his fingers. “It’s definitely going to impact them and al the teams that fol ow. It could be a major upset.” He let his hands spread apart and laid them on the desk. “I think most boys—and their parents—wil look to see how
I
react.”

As Jason listened it dawned on him how much this man was putting himself on the line for him—more than his dad had ever done.

“Coach? Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah?”

Jason hesitated, suddenly unsure what to say. “Why are you doing this?”

Coach’s lip squiggled up, like at practice when someone asked a dumb question. “For the same reason I sent you on the court al those games.” He gazed at Jason steadily. “Because I believe in you.”

Jason stared back and felt his throat choke up. “Thanks,” he told Coach and wiped his nose, embarrassed.

As Jason returned toward the lunchroom he recognized the girl ahead of him, carrying a load of books.

He’d avoided Debra since the day when he’d let it slip about dating Kyle. Although she’d said she wanted to talk, how could he talk about dating a guy with his ex-girlfriend?

Even now he considered hanging back, except . . . If he was going to come out to the team that afternoon, shouldn’t he let Debra know? After al , she was his ex. No doubt she’d get flak about it.

Jason ran a hand through his curls, walking up behind her. “Wha’s up?” he said cheerily.

She stopped, obviously surprised. “Where did you come from?”

“I was talking to Coach.” Jason shoved his hands into his pockets. “I—um, I’ve been meaning to cal you.”

“Wel ...” Her blue eyes peered at him, ful of questioning. “Right now I need to get these back to Ms. Darsie.” She started to leave.

“Let me help you,” Jason said, taking half the load. As they walked he glanced at the clock. In a minute the bel would ring, flooding the hal with students.

“I need to tel you something,” he said in a hushed voice. “Coach decided I should come out to the team this afternoon.” Debra stopped. She turned to face him, staring silently. “O . . . kay . . .” she said slowly, as if letting the information sink in. “Thanks for giving me plenty of warning.”

Jason adjusted his grip on the books. “He just decided. Are you angry?”

Debra raised an eyebrow, shook her head, and started walking again. “Yes—no—Jason, I don’t know.” She stopped again, rol ing her eyes as though exasperated. “I just wish you’d cal me rather than dump things like this on me.”

“I’m sorry,” Jason protested. “It’s just hard talking about this stuff.”

“It’s hard for me too,” Debra said, her voice gentler.

The bel rang. Doors slammed open. Students poured into the hal . “Can we talk later?” Jason asked.

“Sure,” Debra said, stil sounding upset.

Jason helped her carry the books through the crowd, then he hurried to class.

Jason was glad he hadn’t eaten lunch. Al afternoon he felt about to be sick. He was total y unable to concentrate—chewing his nails, his leg jiggling as if it were spastic. In algebra his pencil lead broke from pressing down so hard.

He desperately wanted al this over with. But what if he wasn’t able to go through with it? Or what if he
did
go through with it? What then?

There was one more person he wanted to talk to even though there was barely time. As soon as the last bel rang, he bolted to Kyle’s locker.

“Did Nelson tel you what happened at lunch?” Jason whispered, out of breath.

“Yeah.” Kyle smiled. “He said you’re his hero. He wants to build you a monument.”

“This isn’t funny.” Jason wiped the sweat from his brow, and told Kyle about his decision with Coach. “I’m real y nervous. What should I say?”

“Wel ...” Kyle said calmly, his expression serious. “Tel the team how much they mean to you. Say you want to be up-front with them.”

“Yeah, that’s good,” Jason said. But would he remember it?

Kyle gazed into his eyes. “You’l do great. I’l be thinking of you.”

Jason glanced away. “Um, I better go.” He headed toward the gym, wishing Kyle could come with him.

In the locker room teammates were clowning and talking trash, as usual. In the thick of it, Dwayne gloated about some girl supposedly begging to go down on him. His boasting somehow led Wang to make a stupid gay joke.

Jason changed into his practice uniform, trying to stay focused.

“You okay?” Corey asked as the other guys laughed at Wang’s punch line.

“Yeah,” Jason said. He’d decided not to tel Corey what he was up to, lest Corey try to talk him out of it.

“Hurry it up!” Coach barked, marching between the boys. He glanced at Jason. “Al set?” Jason nodded and fol owed him out to the gym. Several boys were already warming up—dribbling and shooting. The pounding of bal s reverberated on the lacquered wood floor.

Andre made a pass, but Jason’s mind was so out of it, he missed the bal .

Coach blew his whistle. “Gather up, everyone. Team meeting!” He waved them over with his clipboard.

The bal s stopped thumping as one boy fol owed another to the bleachers. Jason perched on the front bench, fol owed by two of the squad’s juniors. Tim clasped Jason a handshake and sprawled on one side. Tom deposited himself on the other.

“Listen up!” Coach growled. “We’re now counting days to finals. That means I want
no
missed practices, understand? I don’t care if your granny gets pneumonia, or if your dog eats your sneakers, or if Miss Teen America cal s you for a date. . . . No excuses. Got it?” The team laughed and answered, “Yes, Coach.”

He made a couple more announcements, but Jason didn’t hear. Al he could think about was summoning the nerve to stand up in front of everyone.

“Next item,” Coach bel owed. “Carril o’s got an announcement. It’s something he and I have talked about. I want you al to pay attention. He’s got my respect and I expect you to give him yours. We’l discuss it afterward. Go ahead, Carril o.” Knees trembling, Jason stood. He turned to face the Whitman High School varsity basketbal squad. Al eyes were on him. He blanked for a moment, his thoughts spinning.

“Um . . .” He started to speak, but no words came. His mouth felt dry as wood.

Coach nodded to him, his face fil ed with expectation.

“Um . . .” Jason cleared his throat. “There’s something I want to tel you.” His voice quavered. “Because ...” He scanned the faces of his teammates. After this moment, they would never see him the same way again.

“Because during these past four years you guys have been like family to me.” Odel nodded in agreement. Skip smiled. Then Dwayne roared a yawn that sent everyone turning toward him.

Jason faltered, unsettled by the interruption.

Dwayne gave a diabolical smile, and a flame of anger flared through Jason, emboldening him.

“I want to be up-front with you. And put to rest any rumors. I want to let you know ...” He took a breath, trying to make his heart slow down. “I’m not only your teammate. I’m also gay. And . . . I’m proud to be both.” Wang’s jaw dropped. Odel bolted upright. Dwayne’s eyes bulged.

To Jason, it felt as though al the oxygen had been sucked out of the room.
Breathe,
he told himself.

Several boys turned to Coach, but he gestured them to keep their attention on Jason.

Tim and Tom leaned forward. Seeing their earnest glances, Jason continued.

“This doesn’t change anything between us. I’m stil the same person I’ve always been. I’m stil your friend. And I hope you’re stil mine.” Corey glanced back at him, nodding.

Jason paused. What else did he want to tel them? He recal ed Kyle’s experience with his swim teammates.

“Some of you may be worried about me coming on to you. If you are, wel , don’t flatter yourselves, because I’m not interested.” He didn’t mean it to be funny, but several guys burst out laughing—probably from nerves, but at least it broke the tension.

“Al right.” Coach stood up and patted Jason’s shoulder. “Any questions or problems with this? Get it out now.” The team sat speechless.

A couple of guys shrugged, Skip coughed, and almost everyone else stared at their sneakers. Jason glanced around nervously, hoping this would end soon.

Coach scanned the reticent group. “One other thing. From now on, I don’t want to hear any more homophobic slurs. That means no ‘fag,’

‘homo,’ ‘pansy,’ ‘fairy,’ none of that crap.”

He tapped his clipboard against his leg. “I know I’ve used them. But wil I from now on? No. If I can change, you can change. First time, you get a warning. Second time, suspension. Is that clear?”

A low laugh came from Dwayne. Coach whirled toward him. “Something to say, Smith?” Dwayne shifted. “You’re not serious, Coach. I mean, you wouldn’t suspend us right before championship?” Coach walked directly over to him. “Go ahead,” he told Dwayne, staring him square in the eye. “Try me.” Dwayne stared back, then lowered his gaze.

“That goes for al of you,” Coach bel owed. “I don’t care if you’re gay, or blue, or what you are, you’re a team. I expect you to act like one. Any differences between you, put them aside. Anyone who can’t, is off the team. Understood?” When no one answered, he cupped a hand around his ear and yel ed, “I said,
understood?”

“Yes, Coach!” the team answered in unison.

“Al right.” Coach clapped his hands. “Let’s play.”

With that, the boys bounded off the bleachers, shoes pounding the aluminum. Jason hung back, absorbing what had happened.

No one had heckled him. Or stormed out. Or croaked from shock.

“Carril o?” Coach barked. “What are you waiting for? You’re stil part of this team, aren’t you? Get out there!” Even though Jason felt more wiped out than ever in his life, he complied. For the next two hours, he tried to concentrate on the game. Coach was right, he kept tel ing himself, what did it matter if he was gay?

But it did matter, gauging by his teammates’ plays. Everyone except Corey seemed thrown off balance.

Jason kept watching the clock, eager for practice to end.

“Al right,” Coach final y announced. “Go shower!”

Jason’s stomach gave a lurch. Slowly he walked to the locker room.

Should he skip his shower, like Kyle? Except, Kyle
swam.
He didn’t finish his practices stinking from sweat.

“Hey, Jason!” Wang extended his hand. “I feel bad about the joke I made before practice. I didn’t know, man.”

“That’s okay.” Jason shook hands. Encouraged, he cautiously peeled off his shirt and shoes. He stepped out of his shorts. Taking a breath, he strode toward the shower room, eyes averted from his teammates.

Amid the spray of water, Corey was talking about some TV show with Skip, while Andre discussed cars with Odel . As Jason entered, everyone became quiet.

Jason began soaping himself down as rapidly as possible.

“So, Jason!” Andre’s voice boomed across the tile.

Jason braced himself, expecting his first chal enge. “Yeah?”

“So if none of us handsome studs is your type—” Andre laughed, “—who is?”

“Yeah, Jason,” Odel chimed in. “What kind of insult is that?”

Jason shook the water from his ears. Was he hearing things? Were they actual y
joking
with him?

“You know, my cousin’s gay,” Andre crooned on. “I’l introduce you, but don’t get your hopes up. He’s nowhere near as good-looking as me.” Jason knew their kidding was a cover-up for the awkwardness. And yet he was grateful. He laughed along, aiming his face into the shower spray, hoping no one would notice the tears of relief streaming down his face.

After school Nelson’s friend Amy dropped him off at the mal ’s music store. He wanted to buy Jeremy a CD—to help smooth things over when Nelson related his mom’s going mental over the HIV.

He was flipping through country music discs when his cel phone rang, displaying Kyle’s number. “Whoa, dude,” Nelson answered. “Some of these cowboys are severely cute.”

“He did it,” Kyle responded. “Jason came out to the team. He just cal ed to tel me.”

“Omigod!” Nelson shouted, snapping his fingers. “I’ve got to congratulate him. What’s his number?” When Jason answered the phone, Nelson yel ed, “Woo-hoo! Congrats, girl! How’s it feel?”

“Um . . .” Jason gave a nervous laugh. “Okay, I guess.”

They talked for several minutes. Actual y Nelson did most of the talking, until Jason’s cal waiting clicked and he said he had to go.