Rainbow's End (19 page)

As for his relationship with God…if it had been as strong as he once thought, would it have faltered in the face of tragedy? Of course he would have reeled from the blow. Stumbled, even. Anyone would have. But if he had truly believed everything he'd preached from the pulpit every Sunday, would he have let his anger at God destroy their relationship? Would he have turned his back and walked away? This answer, too, was clear: no.

Finally…what of Susan? What had led her to take such
terrible actions? He'd known she was unhappy in her marriage. But mere unhappiness couldn't explain her compulsive need for attention, nor her attempts to implicate good, decent men in indiscretions sure to ruin their lives. Evil did exist in the world, of course. And perhaps that was what had motivated Susan. But a more plausible explanation seemed to be that she had simply been a very troubled and disturbed young woman who sought validation in the wrong places and took inappropriate action when her advances were rebuffed.

Keith wasn't a psychologist. The puzzle of Susan's mind was beyond his ability to assemble. But he was a Christian. And he knew what the Lord wanted him to do, difficult though it was. Calling forth every ounce of his compassion, Keith once more bowed his head.

Lord, I acknowledge now that I can't blame Susan for everything that went wrong in my life. Ellen's problems weren't her fault. Nor did she bear responsibility for my shaky faith. Her actions were wrong, and they triggered tragedy, but it was tragedy waiting to happen. Help me to always remember that. And I ask that You soften Susan's heart, wherever she is, so that she can feel the healing touch of Your spirit. Help her to find a healthy way to deal with the problems she has. Open her mind to Your words, and let Your love flow through her soul. Please forgive her, Lord…as I have done.

A burden seemed to lift from Keith's soul as he finished the simple prayer, and as the healing grace and love of God flowed through him he drew a cleansing breath.

Now it was time for his final task of the day. Saying goodbye.

Sitting back in the pew, Keith stared at the stained glass windows that flanked the cross, his thoughts drifting back to the day he'd met his wife in this very place. That was seven
years ago now. When he was thirty-one. She'd just moved to town to take a teaching job, and was visiting area churches to select a congregation to join.

He'd noticed her right away, sitting alone in a back corner one Sunday, her chin-length hair swinging loose around her face. He'd sought her out after services, on the pretense of welcoming her. But in fact, he'd been intrigued—and interested. It wasn't often that a single, attractive woman dropped in for services.

Once she'd joined the church, Keith had spent several weeks mentally sorting through and reconciling potential conflicts that could arise between pastoral obligations and a personal relationship. Only when he'd worked through that to his satisfaction had he asked her out. But she'd turned him down. She was too busy with her new teaching job, she'd told him, and still trying to settle in. Besides, she wasn't sure she wanted the attention and scrutiny that went along with dating a minister. She didn't like being in the spotlight, she'd said.

He hadn't pushed. But neither had he given up. He'd continued to make his interest clear, seeking her out after services, offering a helping hand when she had car trouble, clipping education-related articles he thought she might find interesting. In the end, she'd taken the initiative by inviting him to accompany her to the faculty Christmas party. A year later they had married.

Even before they wed, however, Keith had realized that she had some issues. Estranged from her mother, she had no siblings, and her father had died years ago. He sensed that she'd had an unhappy childhood, but he could never get her to talk about it. In time, when his gentle questions began to meet with increasing hostility, he'd stopped probing about her past.

He'd also been aware of her desire to start a family, which he shared. However, he'd soon realized that her need for children bordered almost on compulsive. After they were married, long before she ever conceived, she'd begun to devour books on pregnancy and child-rearing. He'd learned to accept that, assuming that her desire to create a family sprang from the lack of one in her own life, from a need to compensate for something she'd never had. And he'd supported her decision to quit teaching so that she could concentrate on getting pregnant. They'd agreed that she'd be a stay-at-home mom, anyway, once they had children. It hadn't mattered to him if she wanted to get a head start on that lifestyle.

The real problems started when she lost the first baby, two years into their marriage. The depth of her subsequent depression had shocked—and frightened—him. He'd had no idea how to cope with her withdrawal or her constant tears, and he'd been relieved when a second pregnancy a few months later seemed to solve the problem. But after that, too, ended in a miscarriage, the situation had deteriorated. Not only had Ellen refused to leave the house, on some days she wouldn't get out of bed.

The toll on their marriage had been immense. Over time, as the woman he'd wed began to disappear bit by bit, Keith had become more of a caretaker than a husband. And he'd begun to realize that the unassuming, gentle manner that had first attracted him to Ellen had masked a very troubled, melancholy spirit. Desperate, he'd been on the verge of having her hospitalized when the scandal broke. And then she'd taken matters into her own hands.

Through the three and a half years of his brief marriage, Keith had tried his best to be a good husband. But in the end,
he'd failed his wife. He should have recognized far sooner that she needed professional help. When he'd finally suggested that she see a counselor, her thought processes had no longer been rational and she'd refused. In retrospect, he realized he should have forced the issue. Except at that point he'd been too distracted by his own problems.

But it was too late now for recriminations. For second-guessing. Ellen was gone. And in all honesty, the woman he'd fallen in love with had vanished long before death gave her the peace she never seemed able to find on earth. All he could do now was express his sorrow, say farewell and try to remember her as she'd been those first few months—quiet, gentle and kind.

“I'm sorry I couldn't give you what you needed, Ellen,” Keith whispered. “For all the ways I failed you, I ask your forgiveness. I pray that in God's loving presence, you've found the serenity that eluded you while you were with us here. Goodbye, dear one. May the Lord keep you in His eternal care.”

For a long time, Keith sat in the silent church, letting the peaceful stillness refresh his unburdened soul. But finally he checked his watch. He'd promised to return his father's car early in the evening, and it was a long drive back to Missouri. It was time to go.

Rising, Keith took one more look at the sanctuary. Already, it seemed part of his past. A past that had shaped who he was, but which no longer had the power to deny him a future.

Moving to the back of the church, Keith stepped outside without a backward look, pulling the door shut behind him with a decisive click. Now he could face tomorrow with a clean heart and a soul attuned to the Lord's voice.

And if God granted his prayers, he would do so with two very special people by his side.

A
s the hulking ferry nosed its way into the dock on Orcas Island, the steady rain and gray, low-hanging clouds reminded Keith of the July day when he'd first set foot on this lush speck of fir- and juniper-covered land. Then, like now, the beauty of the island had been hidden, cloaked by mist and fog—just as his heart had been. And the dismal weather had matched his spirits.

Not anymore. Despite the dreary sky, despite the distinct chill in the November air, his heart was warm and sunny.

The ferry nudged the dock, and Keith hoisted his overnight bag to his shoulder. As he headed down from the observation deck to disembark, a surge of adrenaline shot through him, dispelling the weariness from his long day of travel by car, plane, bus and now ferry. In a matter of minutes, he'd be back with Jill and Kyle.

He'd be home.

When the ropes were lowered, Keith was the first one off the boat. As he stepped onto the ramp, he saw the two figures waiting at the end, wrapped in warm coats and huddled under
an oversized umbrella. Even through the gloom, Keith could feel the warmth of Jill's welcoming smile, could see the excitement on Kyle's face. Oblivious to the cold, penetrating rain, he broke into a jog, each step bringing him closer to his little piece of heaven.

“Here he comes!” Kyle's eager voice carried through the still air, and before Jill could stop him he dashed from under the umbrella and made a beeline for Keith.

Dropping to one knee, Keith braced as Kyle launched himself into his arms. Still, the force of the little boy's welcome, and his fierce grip, was almost enough to topple Keith—physically and emotionally. “Hey, buddy. I missed you a whole lot.” It was difficult to get the words past the tightness in his throat.

“We missed you, too. It was…lonesome while you…were gone.”

“Well, I'm back now. And I plan to stay around a long, long time.” The last comment was directed at Jill, who was waiting patiently in the background, her face alight with pleasure at the tender scene. A flush suffused her cheeks when she realized Keith was speaking to her, and a soft smile curved her lips.

Swinging Kyle up into his arms, Keith reached for his bag and closed the distance between them, never breaking eye contact.

“You're both going to be drenched.” Flustered by his intent look, Jill lifted the umbrella higher and moved to one side. “I think we can all fit under here.”

Keith didn't need any urging to get closer to the woman who had stolen his heart. He ducked under, and as the rain continued to fall around them, it felt almost as if the three of them existed in a separate world.

“Hi.” Keith smiled at Jill, their faces inches apart, their frosty breath mingling in the crisp air.

“Welcome back.” Her gaze held his, filled with welcome, with joy—and with a longing that wreaked havoc on his equilibrium and made him yearn to greet her in a way that left no doubt in her mind that the feeling was mutual.

However, with Kyle in one arm and his bag in the other—not to mention the presence of other ferry passengers nearby—that greeting would have to wait until later. But at least he could tell her in words how he felt. “It's good to be home,” he murmured, his voice husky with emotion.

Of all the things he could have said, none could have given Jill more pleasure—or done more to ease her mind. During his absence, doubts had begun to assail her—most often in the wee hours of the morning, when sleep had been elusive. Could her lonely heart have misinterpreted his signals, read more into his eyes, than he intended? she'd wondered. Just because she'd fallen in love with him didn't mean her feelings were reciprocated with the same intensity. Or that he wanted to take their relationship to the next level. Yes, when he'd left a few days ago he'd said they would talk when he returned. And he'd kissed her goodbye. But with each day that had passed, she'd grown more uncertain about the significance of that gesture and comment. Perhaps he'd just wanted to talk about his plans for the future, and the job he had waiting. Perhaps the kiss had been a simple, perfunctory goodbye, the kind one friend gave to another.

But the look in his eyes now went way beyond friendly. And his words resonated with meaning.

The relief that eased Jill's face, the slight relaxing of tension in her shoulders, didn't escape Keith's notice. She'd
been doubting his intentions, he realized. He'd hoped his parting kiss had reassured her; now he realized it hadn't been enough. Well, before this day ended he planned to make his intentions crystal clear. And he prayed that when he did, the Lord would give her the courage to place her trust in him and believe in his love. For always.

“Are we going home now?” Kyle asked. “We're having turkey…for dinner. And dressing. And mashed…potatoes. And Jill baked a…chocolate cake.”

“Sounds like Thanksgiving.” Keith shot Jill a quizzical look.

“We have a lot to be thankful for. I thought it would be nice to anticipate the holiday a little.”

“I agree.” His eyes softened as he gazed at her. Once more he was tempted to kiss her. Once more he held off for a more appropriate time, when he could do the kiss justice. “Would you like me to drive?” he offered.

“No.” She led the way back to the car as they huddled under the umbrella. “You've had a long day. Why don't you just sit back and relax?”

“We have a…surprise for you,” Kyle told him as they reached the car.

“Oh? Are you going to tell me about it?” Keith leaned down to help the boy buckle his seat belt.

“No. It wouldn't be…a surprise then.” Kyle gave him a gap-toothed grin.

“Say…what happened to the tooth?” For the first time Keith noticed that one of his front teeth was missing.

“It fell out. It was just a…baby tooth. Jill says a…new tooth will grow there now. That means I'm…growing up.”

“Not too soon, I hope. There are lots of little-boy things I want to do with you first.”

Once on the road, Jill covered the distance to the far end of the island in what seemed like record time. Kyle kept up a steady stream of banter, his excitement causing him to stumble more than usual over his words. Still, the sound of his voice was music to their ears. When they reached the entrance to Jill's place, he leaned forward in his seat, almost bursting with anticipation.

“Do you…see it, Keith?” he asked.

“See what, buddy?”

“The surprise!”

Confused, Keith scanned the woods in the deepening dusk. Nothing looked different.

“Up ahead,” Jill cued in a muted voice, angling the car to let the headlights shine on the surprise.

Once more Keith was transported back to that stormy July night when he'd arrived on her doorstep, lost and despondent. He'd almost missed the turnoff, he recalled, until the sudden appearance of a black-tailed deer sent his car skidding—and pointed his headlights directly toward the weathered, peeling sign for Rainbow's End.

Now, as then, the sign was illuminated. But like his life, it had been transformed. The words were bold against a sky-blue background, written in a flowing, graceful script, and a vibrant rainbow arched over them.

“I helped with…the rainbow,” Kyle announced from the backseat.

“And you did a fine job,” Keith praised him. “It's beautiful.” He cast a curious glance at Jill. “What prompted this?”

“When I first came here, I thought the name was ironic,” she said softly, turning to him. In the dim light he couldn't read her expression, but the joy in her voice was unmistakable. “I don't think that anymore.”

“Can we eat now?”

There was nothing like a child to dispel a sentimental moment, Keith reflected with a wry grin. He reached over and gave Jill's hand a squeeze, then turned toward the backseat. “I'm with you, buddy. They don't give you a whole lot of food on airplanes these days. I'm starving.”

As Keith expected, the meal was wonderful. And Jill had gone all out to create the perfect, festive ambiance. Her best dishes were set on a pristine linen cloth, and she'd fashioned a fall centerpiece from the bounty of the meadow and forest. Keith couldn't remember when he'd had a more wonderful evening.

And the best was yet to come.

It wasn't until they'd finally settled a keyed-up Kyle in bed for the night, however, that they had a moment alone.

“You must be exhausted,” Jill said as they descended the stairs toward the living room.

He heard the tremor in her voice—of excitement, anticipation, uncertainty…he couldn't be sure. But he intended to erase any doubts in her mind without further delay. Grabbing her hand when they reached the first floor, he turned her toward him. “Oh, I have a little life in me yet. And the evening's young. Besides, I've been waiting way too long to do this.”

Before she could say a word, Keith pulled her close and lowered his lips to hers in a gentle kiss meant to set the stage for what he had to say, a kiss that would be a preamble for those that would follow later, after he'd clarified his intentions. After he'd assured Jill that his love was sure and strong and true—and that it always would be. After he'd put to rest any doubts she might still harbor about her appeal as a woman.

But somehow he forgot all of those plans. Because Jill surprised him. She needed no coaxing to return his kiss. Quite the
opposite. From the first instant his lips touched hers, she responded, holding nothing back. When he deepened the kiss, she didn't protest. Instead, her lips asked for more. And he complied, giving full expression to the love that was in his heart.

Keith wasn't the only one surprised by her response. Jill, too, was taken aback by her boldness. But she was unable to contain the love she felt for this special man, who had given her back her life—and made it better. She wanted him to know, in a way that spoke more eloquently than words, how much she needed him. How much she trusted him. How much she loved him.

In the end, it was Keith who broke contact, though he kept her in the circle of his arms when he drew back. They were both trembling, and as she searched his face, Jill worried that she'd come on too strong. It wasn't like her to be so assertive. Nor was it a side of her Keith had ever seen. In fact, it was one
she'd
rarely seen. A flash of uncertainty flickered in her eyes, and she lowered her head. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so…”

“Hey.” Keith lifted her chin with a gentle finger, forcing her to look at him. “Don't ever be sorry about loving me,” he told her in a fierce, soft voice. “Or demonstrating that love. Okay?”

Her throat constricted with emotion. “Okay,” she whispered.

“And just for the record, you can kiss me anytime.” Taking her hand, he tugged her toward the couch, pulling her down beside him. “However, I need to say a few things before you take me up on that. But at least that preview gave me a little more confidence about making my speech.”

Angling his body toward her, he cocooned her hands in his. “You know my story, Jill. I told you why I came here back in July. But I haven't told you why I want to stay. I guess I'm hoping you've already figured that out. But a
woman deserves to hear it put into words. So I'll do my best to say what's in my heart.”

He stroked his thumbs over the backs of her hands, and his compelling gaze captured and held hers. “When I arrived on your doorstep, I was as low as anyone could be. I felt as if everything I'd cared about and believed in had been taken from me. I was angry and bitter and resentful. And fast losing any hope that I would find my way out of the darkness that had closed around me.

“Then I met you. A woman who'd endured more than her own share of tragedy. A woman who'd lost as much, if not more, than I had. And yet you'd found a way to go on. Instead of turning your back on your faith, you found a way to strengthen it. Instead of responding to tragedy with bitterness, you countered with compassion and kindness. Even though you'd withdrawn from the world, when the world came to you, hurting and in need, you found the courage to step back into the mainstream and do what you could to help. Your strength and generosity and humanity inspired me, Jill. You softened a heart that had grown hard, and diffused anger with gentleness.”

He stroked her disfigured face, his touch as soft as a butterfly's wing. “I know you've always thought that these scars are an impediment to romance. That no one could ever see past them, to the loveliness that lies underneath. But I can, Jill. When I look at you, I see a woman filled with compassion and spirit and character. I see beauty. I see the woman I love.”

Withdrawing his hand, Keith reached into the pocket of his slacks and withdrew a small black velvet box. When he flipped it open, a large, square-cut diamond flanked by two smaller stones winked back at them from an old-fashioned platinum setting.

“This was my mother's engagement ring. It belonged to her mother before her. I always hoped to give it to the woman I married. Since Ellen preferred modern things, I never asked my father if I could have this ring. Until last week.”

The intensity of his eyes took Jill's breath away. “I don't have much to offer you in the way of material things, Jill. I'll be starting over. But I can offer you all my love…for always. And a promise that whatever I have in the future will belong to you. I can also promise you that I'll do my best to be the kind of father Kyle deserves. The kind of dad my father was to me. I never expected to be blessed with a second chance at love. Nor a ready-made family. But I'll be grateful every day of my life that God brought me to your door on that stormy night.”

Easing off the couch, Keith dropped to one knee and took her hand. “Jill, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

Tears blurred Jill's vision as she looked at the wonderful man kneeling before her. The man who had given her just as much as he claimed she'd given him. A new life, for one. A life she wanted to share with him.