Rainer: An MC Savage Motorcycle Club Romance Novel (7 page)

Rainer

I stared deep into Candace’s eyes. Her innocent light brown gaze stared back at me like it were some kind of contest, but I could tell she wasn’t challenging me. She probably wanted to know what we were all thinking.

“You three go ahead, I’ll catch up later,” I said without breaking eye contact with Candace. She kept her gaze fixed on mine as well, though, which I thought was bold. She had a different look in her eyes from before. Not that I can read minds or any of that shit, but after someone’s been through all the shit I’ve been through, I can tell when something’s off.

“We’re not leaving without you, brother,” said Rocket.

“Yeah, we can’t leave you with this crazy bitch. She might try to kill—“ I lifted my hand at Sid to shut him up. “Just go, I’ll deal with this.”

I could see them from the corner of my eyes as they stood around for a moment looking at one another. Lanvin shrugged a few times. Candace and I continued staring into each other’s eyes. She hadn’t blinked once and her sad eyes were already beginning to water.

“Go!” I yelled.

They shook their heads, looked at Candace, then walked away and hopped on their motorcycles.

After Sid started his engine, I heard him mumbling some shit about how Candace needed to die.

Rocket told him to leave it alone.

Lanvin said something about how I gave her the gun so it’s not completely Candace’s fault, to which Sid smacked him on the head.

“We’ll meet you at the clubhouse, brother. I know you’ll make the right decision,” said Rocket. I nodded, my vision still fixed on Candace.

As their engines roared and they set off into the distance, the dust that was left in the air began to settle. Candace was squinting now, and her eyes were shining. I felt like neither of us had blinked since we locked our eyes on one another.

I wondered if she was scared, I knew I would be if I were in her position.

After a long bout of silence, I took a deep breath of desert air and ran my fingers through my hair. “I’m not going to sugarcoat this for you, sweetie, this was a huge fuck up, this shouldn’t have happened.” I began to pace back and fourth as I usually did whenever I needed to gather my thoughts.

“You fucked up bad, real fucking bad.”

I stopped and glanced at her for a moment, her sad eyes looked down as the tears began to fall. I didn’t want to do this but did I have any other choice?

“You don’t even realize what you just did, do you?”

She shook her head and fumbled with her fingers, and then she began to bite her lip. “Of course you don’t,” I said with a sigh. It’s really hard to be mad at someone when I know I’m also to blame.

“That girl back there,” I said as I combed my hair back. “The one you shot in the head. She wasn’t supposed to die yet. No. Not until she gave us answers.” I began to pace back and fourth once again.

“There’s really no turning back from this,” I said. “You single handedly started a war.”

I stopped and stared at the ground. Maybe I should have left that part out. How the fuck am I supposed to deal with this.

I began laughing nervously; it was a defense mechanism I had to protect myself. I took a deep breath and tried to compose myself.

“You. You you you. You, of all people. Who the fuck do you think you are?”

“I j-just—“ she murmured as the tears began to fall from her eyes.

“You just what? You just thought you would waltz into our shop, uninvited, screaming my name at the top of your goddamn lungs, thinking you can just join our club? As if this were some fucking game? Do you realize how stupid that sounds?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry don’t mean shit, it’s a little too late for apologies, princess.”

She started sobbing more. I felt a thorn in my chest because I hated this, it didn’t feel right.

I reached for my gun, cocked it, walked towards her and aimed it straight at her face.

She looked up slowly and ignored the gun. Her teary light brown eyes stared into mine. She wiped her face for a moment with the towel I gave her and I watched as she forced a smile. She didn’t say a word; she just stood there, relaxed, smiling at me with tears in her eyes.

“I have half the mind to blow your brains out right here,” I said. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t just kill you right now.”

I moved the gun closer to her but she didn’t budge. I noticed my hands were shaking. They never shake.

“Come on with it. You’ve got a mouth. You didn’t hold back before, don’t start now,” I said.

She started sobbing again, but her smile didn’t leave. It seemed like she had given up, and after all she’s been through, I couldn’t really blame her.

“Crying ain’t gonna get you nowhere,” I said as I spit on the floor beside me.

I stared into her eyes with my gun still pointed crookedly at her forehead.

“There’s nothing I can really say except that I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking, I guess I just wanted to impress you and the other guys.”

“Impress? You wanted to impress us?”

“I don’t know, I thought that’s what you wanted me to do. I thought that maybe if I shot her, you’d take me more seriously. I just wanted to belong to something bigger, for once.”

“So you go and shoot a girl you don’t even know in the head? Committing murder like it’s nothing? All because you wanted to impress us?”

She started sobbing even harder, yet the smile still remained. I felt a few tears in my eyes began to form too.

“You said she deserved to die, so I believed you,” she said.

“That’s all? Just cause I said that, you went for it? What if I was lying?”

She wiped the tears from her face again and sighed. “I’m sorry, it’s my fault. I pulled the trigger. If you have to kill me, it’s okay. I won’t hold it against you.”

I could feel my heart beating from my chest and my hand started shaking harder than before. I could hear the gun rattling and no matter how hard I tried, my finger wouldn’t pull the trigger.

Candace wasn’t fighting at all. Who was this girl? Why was she so ready and willing to die? Why was she so okay with taking all the blame? Does she truly believe this is her fault?

This wasn’t her fault and we all knew it. The guys knew it, too. Hell, even Sid, who’d never admit this fact, knew it.

I knew it.

But does she know this wasn’t her fault? I can’t fucking believe this shit. It’s wrong. She’s wrong; it’s not her fault. It’s my fault. Mine, mine alone.

She never broke eye contact with me, no matter how many tears filled her eyes. She bit her lip a few times but continued smiling with a few heavy sobs here and there. I’d never seen anyone react this way when there’s a gun pointed at their face.

My arm grew heavy from holding the gun, my finger clinging to uncertainty. She wiped her tears away again with the towel and tried her best to stand up straight. She took a deep breath and sighed, then smiled her pretty smile. Her beautiful fucking face was distracting as hell and I felt weak. I couldn’t explain it, but I felt like my mind stopped working.

All I could think was that this girl was either crazy as fuck or brave as hell. Has she made peace with death? Why wasn’t she fighting for her life anymore? All these questions ran through my mind but no solid answer followed.

The more I looked into her eyes, the more I felt like I was seeing her. And for some reason I felt like she was seeing me. The real me. I ran my fingers through my hair; my other hand still shook as it held the gun to her face.

I started to squeeze the trigger, slowly, our eyes still locked.

I pressed tighter and tighter until I heard a loud bang. It echoed through the mountains and the smoke followed soon after, moving through the barrel of the gun and into the air.

Except this time there wasn’t any blood on my hands. There wasn’t a dead body on the floor. Nothing.

Just my hand in the air, gun pointed at the sky. And Candace, with her fragile existence, standing silently before me.
 

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t fucking do it.

“Fuck,” I said as I dropped the gun to my side. I paced back and fourth for a few seconds, trying to make sense of all this. Then I stopped in front of her, her eyes wide and a soft smile forming at the corners of her mouth. A tear fell slowly down her cheek as she took a deep breath.

 
Our silent gaze into each others eyes felt like some sort of subconscious connection was happening that neither of us would ever understand. After a moment, I pulled her in. She wrapped her arms around me and began to cry against my chest as I watched the sun disappear into the ocean.

She let out all her emotions as I held her tight and whispered in her ear, “It’s not your fault.” My eyelids were heavy as I tried my best to keep the tears from falling out. “It’s not your fault.”

Candace

“Is this it?” Rainer yelled over the blaring sound of the engine.

“Yeah,” I yelled back.

It was a nice, quiet ride back. The sky fell darker as we rode through the highway, just the two of us on his motorcycle. I hugged him tighter than I did before as he drove. I heard him cough a few times, probably gasping for air from my vice grip, but I like to believe he didn’t mind.

We parked at the side of the building, away from most of the other cars. I was nervous but glad that I was back in a familiar area.

Rainer and I made our way towards the entrance of the building. I stopped and faced Rainer, “You’re not going to do anything to her, right?”

“She has nothing to do with this,” he said.

“Rainer, you have to promise. The last thing I want is to put her in any sort of danger.”

“Fine, fine, I promise,” he said.

I lifted my pinky and squinted, staring straight into his eyes. He moved his tongue around inside his mouth and rolled his eyes at the same time as if he couldn’t believe what I was asking.

“I promised!” he said. “What more do you want?”

I moved my hand closer to his face and wiggled my pinky.

Rainer surveyed the scene, “Fine, if I do this, will you believe me?”

I nodded. “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” he said under his breath as he lifted his pinky.

We wrapped our pinkies together and shook. “There. Believe me now?” he said, quickly pulling his hand away.

I smiled back at him with a nod, and then wrapped my arms around his. It was as if his arm was another body because of how big it was. He pulled back at first but he eventually let me guide him towards the entrance, shaking his head whenever I’d glance up at him.

The expression on his face looked like he was disappointed, but I didn’t want to push it by asking if it was aimed at him or me. I figured he was just embarrassed or just awkward.

I don’t know why he didn’t shoot me, I really thought that was it. But I’m glad he didn’t. I was starting to feel like I did before the whole garage incident. All these near death situations have opened my eyes and made me appreciate life more. Something about trauma had a strong positive affect on me, as long as I wasn’t doing the one doing traumatic things.

As we made our way through the entrance doors, we passed the front desk where the attendants looked kind of shocked. Rainer nodded at them as we walked by and one of the guys flinched at first, and then nodded back.

The metallic doors of the elevator reflected Rainer’s big, muscular body. I stood next to him, waiting for the door to open. He seemed taller than before, but maybe its cause this place wasn’t so dark. He’s kind of cute when he doesn’t have a gun to my face.

The elevator doors opened and three old ladies walked out looking shocked at Rainer, who, to my surprise, smiled back at them.

As we headed in, I watch the three old ladies whisper into each other’s ears while looking back towards our direction.

I pressed the number 5 button and we stood still as the elevator music played in the background. “You sure you’ll be safe here?” he said as the door closed.

“Yeah, I’m probably the only person she knows other than her dog,” I said as the elevator took us up.

We get out at the fifth floor and stopped in front of Mandy’s door. It had floral decorations around the number 55 that I’m sure she illegally added herself.

I pressed the doorbell over and over just to annoy her. “Who is it,” she asked.

“Candace.” I noticed her check the peephole anyway.

Mandy opened the door with her hair styled in a way I’d never seen it. She looked like she just escaped the jaws of three great white sharks in the ocean. “Do you really have to ring the doorbell like a million times?” she said. “Please tell me you weren’t out there looking for those hooligans again—“

“Evening, ma’am,” said Rainer.

Her eyes shot open when she realized I wasn’t alone. “I, um, I mean. Good evening,” said Mandy.

She looked at me for a second, then back at him then back to me. The confused expression on her face made this all worth it. She mouthed “oh my god?” as if Rainer wouldn’t be able to decipher it.

“This is Rainer,” I said. “Rainer, this is best friend, Mandy.”

He extended his hand, “Pleasure to meet you, Mandy.”

She shook his hand smiling, but I could tell she was confused.

“No, pleasure to meet you,” she said, shocked at how nice he seemed to be.

“Well are you going to let us in or are we going to stand here all day?” I said.

Mandy looked at Rainer, who gives her a shrug.

“Oh sorry, where are my manners. Yes, come in. Sorry for the mess, I didn’t think I’d be having any company tonight.”

I watch her closely as she examined Rainer butt, taking a glance at his behind as he made his way inside. She squeezed my arm and mouthed “oh my god” again.

We headed towards her white couch, which also had a floral design, along with the matching floral pillows. She had a lot of flowers around her place and always kept an ambient sound of rain and thunder playing throughout the day.

I noticed a photo of us from years ago that I never liked so I knocked it down before Rainer could notice. I didn’t want him to see me with braces in an oversized graphic tee, while wearing sandals with different colored socks on.

“Would any of you like a drink?” said Mandy.

“Yes, please!” I said. “I really really really really really need one right now.”

“Okay Carly Rae J—“

“Don’t even,” I snapped back.

“I mean… Candace,” she stuck her tongue out at me. “And you, Rainer?”

“That’d be great,” he said. “I’ll have whiskey. Neat, please.”

I pushed Rainer down on the couch and followed Mandy to the kitchen, “Let me help you out.”

“I can’t just let you two fine ladies do all the work,” he said as he began to stand up. “Let me help.”

“No no,” said Mandy, pushing him back onto the couch. “You stay right here! Make yourself comfortable.”

I shrugged at Rainer and he smiled back.

Suddenly I heard a few loud barks followed by something scratching against my leg. “Oh puppy! Hi puppy! Did you miss me? I know you did. You missed me so much didn’t you?” I picked up the cute dog from the floor as it moved frantically in my arms trying to lick my face.

“This is Mochi,” said Mandy. “She doesn’t really like new people so be careful cause she will bite.”

“That cute little thing doesn’t look like it’d hurt a fly,” said Rainer as he reached his hand out. Mochi snapped at his hand and started barking and growling at him.

“Told ya!”

I placed Mochi on the floor and she ran towards Rainer. She jumped on the couch and started to sniff him. Mandy and me watched Rainer shrivel up into the couch. I giggled when he sent a helpless look in my direction, then I made my way towards the kitchen with Mandy. “We’ll be right back with those drinks!”

“Jesus Christ, Candace. You look like shit!”

“Um, rude! You shouldn’t be talking, what’s with the hair?”

“What do you mean?” she said, fluffing the monstrosity above her head.

“Nothing, never mind. It’s been a rough day.”

“Rough in a good way or a bad way? Please please please have some good news for me.”

I sighed, “Nope, I wish… I almost died again.”

“Again? You’re kidding me, right?”

I gave her a smile. Mandy didn’t need to know what happened. I don’t think she’d be able to handle it. “What do you think of Rainer? He’s attractive, isn’t he?” I said.

“Attractive is the understatement of the century! He’s freakin’ gorgeous,” she said. “But that’s besides the point! Have you gone mad? Isn’t that the guy that kidnapped you, like, last week?”

“No, it was the other two. Rainer wasn’t with them—“

“Oh my god, maybe we should just call the cops right now.”

“No! I mean, there’s no need to do that. He like, kind of saved me.”

“What do you mean he kind of saved you?”

“I mean he brought me here so that I’d be safe and he didn’t really have to do that or anything.”

“I can’t believe you found him. How did you even know it was him? His voice is pretty hot but were you able to know instantly? Was he happy to see you? You know what never mind, don’t answer any of that. What is that shit on your shirt?”

I tried to cover the stains with the towel Rainer gave me.

“Is that blood? O-M-G that’s blood, isn’t it? Please tell me that isn’t blood,” said Mandy.

“I-it’s … not blood?”

“Candace!” she sighed, then opened her refrigerator. “You know what, don’t even tell me, I’d rather not know.”

“Alright, my mouth is sealed,” I said. “Just chill.”

Mandy poked her head out of the fridge and glared at me for a second, then she began moving a bunch of items around in her overstuffed fridge. I swear I’d seen some of the stuff inside of there last year.

“No, but really, is that your blood? Are you bleeding?”

“No, I shot some girl in the head and her blood kind of just landed on me,” I said in the most sarcastic way possible.

Mandy peaked over the refrigerator door and shook her head. “You’re so dumb. Don’t joke around like that, you know I get squeamish!”

“But you’re a nurse…”

“Yeah, so? It doesn’t mean I love blood or anything, gosh. I’m not some freakin’ vampire.”

“Don’t you stab people with pins and needles? Like, isn’t blood something you see all the time?” I said. The I started feeling a little sick again at the thought of blood. “Actually, forget it. I’ll have whatever he’s having.”

“Well shit… I don’t have any whiskey. He said whiskey, right? Why does it sound like such a proper drink? What is ‘neat’ anyway, is that a brand?”

“I don’t know… you know I like the fruity stuff. It probably is a brand.”

“Rainer,” Mandy screamed across the room. “I’m sorry, dear, but I’m out of whiskey. Is a margarita okay?”

No response. “I don’t think he heard you.”

“Okay, well, whatever, he’s getting a margarita whether he likes it or not. And he will like it,” she said. “So are you two dating now or something? You really are in love aren’t you! I freakin’ knew it!”

“Oh my god, don’t say that! We’re not dating,” I said as I felt myself start to blush.

“I swear you probably just have Stockholm syndrome or something. Or maybe you’re just a psychopath.”

“No, I’m fine.”

“Well is he taken? Cause if he’s not then I’m going to go after him myself,” she said as she grabbed three margarita glasses from a nearby cabinet. She picked up a lime nearby and sliced it in half, then proceeded to rub the juices against the rim of one of the glasses. She picked up a container of salt and poured it into a bowl.

“No!” I said. “I mean… aren’t you scared of him?”

“Oh okay,” Mandy said as she wiggled her eyebrows. She dipped the rim of one glass into the salt and examined it. “I knew something was up with you two!”

“No it’s not that,” I said. “It’s just... I guess I haven’t really had time to think of him in that way.”

Mandy did the same thing with the other two glasses. “So does that mean you’re interested?” she said.

“I don’t know? Maybe? I’m not sure. I mean, I’m not against it or anything,” I said as I bit my lip. “I think he hates me to be honest, I kind of started a war.”

Mandy started laughing like some crazy witch brewing potions, “You? Starting a war? Ha! What kind of war is this, the war of social ineptitude? Cause if that’s the war you started, there’s no way anyone else could win.”

“Shut up!”

“Strawberry or mango?”

“I’m feeling mango right now, red isn’t really a color I want to drink at the moment,” I said.

“Alright, me too. Strawberry for Rainer to mix things up. Or do you think he’d prefer piña colada?”

“I don’t know. Strawberry’s fine. How’d you even know how to make this stuff? You never make it when I’m around!”

“You’re, like, never here unless you miss Mochi.” There was some truth to that.

“So what are you two up to tonight?” she said. “You going to lose your virginity or something?”

“What do you mean lose my virginity, I’ve done it before!”

“The only thing that’s ever laid hands on that vertical smile of yours are your own fingers.”

“Hey, who’s the one that brought a guy over here? Oh yeah, that’s right — me.”

“Here, taste it,” she said. “Is it too strong or is it okay?”

I took a sip and it was probably the best drink I’ve ever had in my life. “Eh, it seems alright to me,” I said.

“Okay I’ll hand him his drink,” she said. “Bring ours and make sure you don’t spill it or I will actually kill you!”

“No! Let me give it to him!” I said. Mandy made a run for it back to the living room with his drink.

“Oh my god, Candace! Candace hurry,”

Shit… what now?

“Yeah?” I said as I quickly made my way to the living room with both drinks in my hand.

“Isn’t that the cutest thing?” said Mandy.

“Mochi who’s your new friend, who’s that nice looking guy rubbing your belly-welly? You love him don’t you? You love him so much.”

Rainer was on the couch with Mochi on his lap. Her tail was wagging and she licked his other hand as he rubbed her belly with the other.

“How’d you get her to do that?” I asked.

“Do what, honey-butt?” said Rainer.

I felt my face turn red again. “How’d you get her to not bite you?”

“Mochi?” he said, his voice still deep as usual. “Mochi would never bite me. Mochi loves me. Don’t you girl?” he said as he rubbed her belly.

“Not sure if you heard us earlier but I’m out of whiskey,” said Mandy. “But, it’s okay, I made us all margaritas!” she said as she sang all the vowels in the word accompanied by a little dance. “Maar-gaa-rii-taaaas!”

“Stop it, Mandy,” I said. “You’re embarrassing me!”

“Now this ain’t my usual cup of tea, but I do believe no woman or man should ever refuse a free drink,” he said. I handed Mandy her drink and Rainer lifted his in the air, “To a life worth living! And to Mochi!”

“And honey-butts!” said Mandy.

“Now that, I can get behind!” I said. “Cheers!”