Raising Rain (11 page)

May 14, 1972

 

“Can you watch her for me?” Jude asked. Without waiting for an answer, she hefted the eighteen-month-old Rain into Bebe's arms. “I'm going to a rally downtown and then I have to close the Women's Center tonight.”

Rain patted Bebe's cheeks and blew raspberries, expecting them in return. Bebe puckered and imitated Rain, and was rewarded with a shower of bubbles and baby spit.

“The rally's today? It's Mother's Day,” Bebe stated.

“Yeah, so?” Jude pulled her hair back two-handed and twisted it into a knot before pinning it onto the back of her head.

“An abortion rally on Mother's Day?” Bebe was incredulous.

Jude slipped the long strap of her bag over her head. “You know a better day?” she answered as she breezed out the door.

Rain didn't even notice that her mother had gone. Bebe had a project due, but she was the only one there to take care of her. Mare had gone home to visit her mother for the weekend and Toni was on a date. As usual. Bebe decided to take Rain to the park and play mommy for
a while, happy to have her all to herself for the day.

Bebe could have gone home to visit her own mother, but ever since her family had seen the newspaper photo, she'd kept her visits few and brief. The clipping was pretty self-explanatory, if not misleading, and her first phone conversation with her mom after they saw it let her know they weren't interested in her reasoning. She missed them, but she wasn't up to the firestorm she could trigger just by showing up.

Even before her photo appeared in the papers, Bebe had no longer fit in at home. All through high school she'd been the good daughter, but as she became more aware of some of the issues swirling around her, she found herself resenting her father's traditional attitude toward women. Eventually, she equated his outlook with what she assumed was also God's, and by her senior year, felt as bleak and as pruned to the quick as their vineyard in January.

Her mother became critical of her appearance and her father barely spoke to her, probably because, for the first time in her life, she argued with him. She no longer wore makeup, and let her hair follow its natural frizz. She didn't bother to shave. Her younger brothers, Paul and Rudy, were outwardly disapproving like her parents, but privately they wanted to listen to her music and asked her what marijuana was like, assuming she would know. She'd never realized what a buffer and confidant she'd had in Bobby as her older brother until he was no longer speaking to her.

Bebe packed a little bag so that she and Rain could enjoy a snack in the park, and tossed in extra diapers and Rain's blanket in case she got tired and fussy. It would be a nice little diversion from studying.

School would be out in two and a half weeks, but Bebe was staying on campus to work and take summer classes instead. Mare would go home for a long visit, but probably end up coming back early because of her art teacher. Toni would go home for the summer and Jude would have to deprogram her all over again when she came back looking too girlie and glamorous. Toni enjoyed sharpening her feminine wiles on the boys back home.

Bebe and Jude would have to arrange their summer classes and
work schedules around taking care of Rain without the help of Mare and Toni. Bebe considered offering to come home for a week later in the summer to help her mother with the canning. If Mare came back in time to relieve her, she would go, if her mother wanted her.

Rain fussed a bit when Bebe strapped her into her green umbrella stroller, which enveloped her like a canvas pea pod. “Sorry, babe,” Bebe said. “When I get old, you can strap me in and push me around.”

Bebe took the route to the park that passed by a thrift store where she'd had luck before. She was surprised to find it open even though it was Sunday and a holiday, and she steered Rain inside. The place smelled musty and she felt the breeze of a fan whirring in the back, blowing around the dust.

Rain was growing out of her clothes at an alarming rate, and it fell to Bebe to find clothes cheaply or to somehow improvise. Jude didn't even notice that her little shirts had grown tight beneath the arms and that her elastic waistbands were leaving zigzag marks on her tummy. Bebe could take apart some of her own T-shirts and cut them down to fit Rain as a last resort, and Rain's cords could be cut off at the knees for shorts if she snipped the elastic.

“Let me know if I can help you,” a voice called from the back.

“Okay,” she answered, without looking up. She pushed Rain over to the baby clothes and found three little shirts that weren't too stained or frayed. She could only afford two, so she chose the lavender one over the yellow one, in addition to the T-shirt with small purple flowers. Then she pushed Rain up to the cash register and dug out her money.

A nice, athletic-looking guy with a crooked smile rang up her purchase. “That'll be one dollar.”

She looked at the money in her hand. Athletic-looking, maybe, but not a math genius. “Don't you mean a dollar fifty?”

“There's a special sale going on today,” he said, pointing to a sign on the counter. It said, “Sale on Red Dot Items.”

She smiled uncertainly. “Those aren't Red Dot Items.”

He leaned over the counter and made a silly face at Rain. “Red dots or babies. It's Mother's Day.”

Rain blew raspberries and stuck out her bottom teeth at him, bouncing her feet in the air. Bebe placed her dollar on the counter and pocketed the other fifty cents. “Thanks.”

“No problem-o.” He stuck out his hand. “I'm Neil.”

She shook his hand, noticing deep scratches on his wrist and forearm. She looked up at him, suddenly wary.

He waved it off, seeming embarrassed. “They're cat scratches. I earned them volunteering down at the SPCA on Fargo.” He gestured grandly at the surroundings. “When I'm not selling upscale merchandise to discerning clientele.”

“Or going to class,” Bebe added.

He cocked his head, puzzled. “Right.”

“You're wearing an SASU shirt.” She pointed to his T-shirt with the San Angelo State University logo. “Unless you shop here, too.”

He chuckled and opened the cash register, depositing her dollar in the drawer. “Well, we do have a vast assortment of SASU T's. But I bought this one at the bookstore.” He gestured to a stain on his front. “Looks like I'll have to buy a new wardrobe. This one will never last for four more years of veterinary school.”

Bebe looked him over with renewed interest. “I'm applying for the veterinary program, too.”

“No kidding?” He leaned against the counter and considered her. “That's great. There aren't many women in the field.” He pointed down at Rain. “Won't it be hard juggling . . . everything?”

She looked down at Rain, who had pulled off her shoe and tossed it, watching it bounce across the worn carpet. “Oh, she's not mine. I'm just watching her. For her mom. My roommate.” For some reason, she felt she was betraying Rain.

“Well, that should make it easier.”

He gave her his crooked smile and she found herself wondering if he was seeing anyone. Rain let out a howl and arched against her seat strap in frustration.

“Well, we're off to the park. Thanks for the discount.” She grabbed Rain's shoe and screwed it back onto her foot.

“See you around campus,” he said, looking pleased.

Bebe left thinking that even if he didn't, she knew where to find him.

Rain updated Bebe on her mother's condition when they met for coffee on Friday morning. Bebe seemed to be a little down, and Rain remembered that Dylan and Scott had both left.

“So, are you and Neil getting away to someplace special, now that the boys are gone?” Rain asked.

Bebe removed the lid from her coffee to let it cool and shrugged. “We're trying. But it's the end of the summer and we have staff vacations already scheduled. We'll see.”

After an awkward silence, Bebe asked, “Have you heard from Hayden?”

“He sent me an e-mail saying that he wanted to come by on Sunday to get the rest of his stuff.”

“Are you going to be okay with that?”

“What choice do I have? I just hope he doesn't bring somebody with him.”

Bebe frowned. “He doesn't seem that insensitive. But maybe you should have a friend with you, just in case.”

Rain sighed. “Well, that's another problem.” She glanced over at the table to their right where a young couple sat close together. Rain lowered her voice. “How often do you see Toni and Mare?”

“Not very often, why?”

“Well, do you have any friends that you get together with—without Neil?”

Bebe thought for a moment. “Not on a regular basis.” Then she added, smiling, “Just you.”

“Ever since Hayden left, I've tried to connect with my old friends, but they're all preoccupied. Lisa from my office is married and their families monopolize her time, and Sarah is
very
pregnant and only cares
about baby stuff, which would be great if I were pregnant, too. Kim works seventy hours a week at her travel agency when she's not leading a tour with her boyfriend, Mark. It seems like we all cut our ties when we found guys. We all isolated ourselves—except that they haven't realized it yet because I'm the only one who is unattached at the moment.”

“I see what you mean.”

“It's so June Cleaver.”

“Have you mentioned it to any of them?”

“They don't want to hear it.” Rain's attention caught on an attractive young barista behind the counter, but he was too young. She needed someone with a steady job and a future, not a college boy. “Sometimes I feel like they see me as a threat.”

“A threat?”

“That it could happen to them.” Rain had never put the feeling into words before, and now that it was out, she felt betrayed. “Do you ever worry about that?”

Bebe smiled into her cup and swirled her coffee. “Well, no. Neil and I have been together for over thirty years.” She chuckled. “That really makes us sound ancient. I suppose it could happen to anyone at any stage of life.”

Rain didn't want to cause Bebe concern, but she needed to ask. “Isn't this the time when a lot of married couples split up, after the kids go away for college? Aren't you worried about that?”

Bebe paused for a moment. “When the boys first left it felt a little odd, but we're finding it's kind of fun being alone again. We work with each other every day and we go to church together, so we haven't really grown apart much. I pray for our marriage, you know, and not just when we have challenges to face. It's important to find common interests and to do things together—even small things. But even that's no guarantee of security.”

Rain ran her hand through her hair. “Relationships are so complicated. I mean, look at William and Mom. She treats him like dirt and he doesn't say a thing. I feel so sorry for him.”

Bebe dipped her head. “You never know what goes on between two
people. He must have a reason, or he wouldn't stay.”

“Maybe change is just hard.”

“And maybe he loves her. When you love someone enough, you can let them be who they are and not demand that they change for you.”

Rain remembered the last conversation she and Hayden had before he left. She had given him an ultimatum. Maybe she loved the idea of having a baby more than she loved him.

Bebe carried in the mail and dumped it on the kitchen table along with the grocery bag containing fixings for a quick dinner. Peeking out from the stack of bills was the corner of a white envelope with an eagle, globe, and anchor and Scott's crooked handwriting. She didn't even bother to find a letter opener, but peeled open the top of the envelope and pulled out a sheet of lined notepaper dated August 3rd addressed to “Mom and Dad.” She groped behind her for a kitchen stool, not taking her eyes from the letter, but hungrily devouring this evidence of her son's well-being—this look into his present life of which she had no part. The letter was brief, and he sounded exhilarated and tired at the same time. The days were going fast and the training was challenging. He wished he had pushed himself harder to prepare, but he was doing better than some. He missed them and he included his mailing address. He couldn't wait to get a letter from home. He had gone to religious services with the other recruits, and he knew he couldn't do this on his own. “Funny how God works,” he'd written. Her son was maturing before her eyes and she felt her heart swell within her just knowing that God was answering prayer in his life.