Raising Rain (39 page)

Toni added, “I can't wear that fluorescent safety-green color.”

“Okay, then,” Bebe said, gesturing with her open hand, “it's your turn.”

After more silence, Jude began, “Well, if—”

“I know,” Mare jumped in. “What if we started a line of ecofriendly baby blankets and distributed them to homeless shelters? We could put together a website for monetary donations, and maybe post photos of some of the mothers and their babies who receive blankets.”

Bebe glanced at Rain who had turned her head away from Mare.

Toni asked, “Start a line, as in, sew?”

“Sure. We could pull some money together for a couple of quilting
sewing machines. If you didn't want to sew, you could work on distribution.”

Toni yawned and covered her mouth with the back of her hand.

A stony silence met Mare's suggestion, and Bebe began to get worried that they'd run out of ideas, until Toni said, “What if we raised money to provide books for women in poor or rural communities? I've read that publishers and authors will sometimes donate books for publicity. Maybe we could eventually provide a traveling library.”

Jude warmed to the idea. “Hmm. Enlightened books to rattle submissive cages.”

“Fiction,” Toni clarified. “Not feminist literature.”

Jude thought for a moment and shook her head. “Fiction is frivolous. We should provide education, not entertainment.”

Rain said, “What about providing laptops for inner-city kids? My company has a foundation that we could plug into. They always need help with fund-raising and distribution.”

“That's a good idea, Rain,” Mare said. “A lot of schools today can't even afford books and pencils.”

“I like it,” Bebe said.

“I like Rain's idea of plugging into an existing group rather than reinventing the wheel. Like breast cancer awareness, for example,” Toni suggested.

“That's been over-done,” Jude said.

“How can it be over-done?” Mare asked, exasperated. “It's not overdone until there's a cure.”

“You know what I mean. Pink is everywhere. There are groups doing a satisfactory job already.” Jude shifted in her seat and said, impatiently, “Can we think about the bigger picture? We need something with a big impact on society. Something to really shake people up.”

It was clear to Bebe that Jude had obviously made up her mind before they started, and wasn't honestly considering any of their suggestions. Bebe felt anger gathering inside her like a squall. “I don't know of any ROTC buildings nearby that we could bomb, if that's what you have in mind.”

Mare and Toni turned wide eyes to her.

“Too bad, isn't it?” Jude said. “Perhaps you could suggest a better target.”

Jude and Bebe locked gazes for a moment.

Rain frowned, obviously puzzled. “What's going on?”

Jude answered, “Bebe's just reminiscing about the good old days.”

“I had no part in it,” Bebe said, folding her arms and settling farther into the cushions.

“You were an accessory after the fact, my dear. The perfect alibi.”

Silence filled the room, but the storm was heard raging outside like a dissonant soundtrack.

Rain looked from Bebe to Jude. “Are you saying you bombed the ROTC building and Bebe was your alibi?”

Sadness and a suffocating fear began to grip Bebe. “Not by my choice.”

Rain looked shocked. “What do you mean, not by your choice? Everybody has a choice.”

Bebe licked her lips. Her mouth felt like cotton. Just as she began to speak, Jude broke in.

“After the bombing, the police came to the house to question me. Bebe lied and said that I was there all day because she was afraid they would take you away and put you in foster care.”

Rain looked to Bebe for confirmation, but Bebe dropped her eyes.

“Oh don't look so surprised,” Jude said. “It just took a little nudge to push Bebe into the dark side. She became quite the little radical after that. I lost my babysitter when she started joining protests, and I had to take you along in a backpack. But it was gratifying to see her break out of that shell, and to have had something to do with her metamorphosis.”

“Don't take so much credit, Jude. Everybody was protesting after Kent State,” Bebe said. “And I only broke the law that one . . . time.”

“But you were the lucky one whose photo was sent along on the AP wire.”

“Was anybody hurt in the bombing?” Rain asked.

“No, the building was empty at the time,” Jude answered, with a tinge of regret.

An uncomfortable silence filled the room again, and Jude demanded, “Mare, shouldn't you be taking notes?”

Mare looked indignant. “If anyone should be taking notes, it's Toni.” Toni shot her a look of warning.

Jude sighed. Bebe noticed that she was appearing to tire. “All right. Let's stay on track, shall we? We still need to come up with an idea, and since you have come up empty, it's my turn.”

Bebe glanced discreetly at Rain, but she sat chewing her bottom lip, deep in thought.

Jude sat up higher.

“We could spread the word regarding stem cell research with donated embryos.”

Mare shook her head. “The Church is very much against embryonic stem cell research.”

“I have a problem with it, too,” said Bebe.

“I'm out,” Rain said, looking stormy.

“Very well,” Jude said, folding her hands in front of her.

“Oh!” Mare said. “We could organize a watch group to protect kids against tobacco ads.” She waved her hand dismissively at Jude. “I know, it's been done. But the truth is that the tobacco companies spend their advertising money on new smokers—the younger the better—because they know they have a customer for life.”

Bebe and Rain murmured their agreement, but Toni raised her hand.

“As much as I'd love to keep youngsters smokefree, particularly in light of how long it took me to quit, I can't participate. It presents a conflict of interest with a little side job I've had over the years.”

Bebe said, “Don't be so mysterious, Toni. What are you talking about?”

The confusion on Mare's face dissolved into understanding. “Oh, I think I see.”

Jude grew impatient. “Someone enlighten me.”

Toni looked at each one in turn.

“For heaven's sake, Toni, just show them,” Mare said.

Toni went over to the bookcase behind the couch and pulled out a book on the shelf about halfway up to the ceiling. Then she tossed it onto the coffee table between them.

“It's mine. I started writing romances to supplement my income from the university about ten years ago. Of course, I had to write under a pen name. Rachelle DuPree,” she said, with a dreamy smile. “I'm pretty good at it, too, if I do say so myself.”

Bebe picked it up and flipped it to the backside. Toni's likeness was altered by a pair of glasses and a very different hairstyle. “You knew about this, Mare?”

“Well, it so happens that I sometimes pick up a romance for light reading—”

Jude groaned.

“And I got a used copy of it at a bookstore.” She glanced over at Toni. “The author was the spitting image of Toni, and when I showed it to her she denied it, but I could tell she was lying.”

Bebe handed the book to Rain, who said, “I still don't see the connection with smoking.”

“Look at the publisher. They're owned by a company who also has lots and lots of women's magazines that sell tons of cigarette ads. They practically sleep with the tobacco companies.”

Rain handed the book to Jude, who handled it like it was toxic.

“I could get you a bio suit, if you'd feel better about it,” Toni told Jude.

Jude examined it, raised her eyebrows, and tossed it back onto the table, dusting her hands. “How can you waste time writing this drivel?” Jude asked.

“That drivel paid for my Lexus. Be nice, or you'll end up as one of my characters.”

Jude narrowed her eyes. “How do I know you haven't already done that?”

“You don't. Anyway, I really have to be careful with controversial
issues or my publisher will drop me. And by the way, is there something we could do that doesn't require marching in Manolos?”

Jude sighed, appearing to mentally regroup. “Since Toni isn't up to the rigors of a physical demonstration, mass communication might be the way to go. I have another idea. January 22 is the anniversary of Roe v. Wade, and the antichoice crowd plans to march in Washington that day. For around $15,000 we can purchase pro-choice advertising to run on the city buses for about four weeks or so.”

They shifted in their seats without making eye contact with her.

“Even if we did agree, which I don't, we could never throw that kind of thing together in a month,” Mare said.

“I'm not suggesting that. They do it every year. We would set the ball rolling for the next year, and make it a yearly event, as long as necessary.”

“When you're not around to enjoy the fallout?” Toni said.

Jude glared at her.

“Oops, did I say that out loud?”

“I'm out,” Mare said.

“Ditto for me,” Toni added.

“I'm out, too,” Bebe said. “I won't even do pet abortions.”

Jude considered each of them disapprovingly. “My, my, how times have changed.”

“Not as much as you might think,” Toni said, raising an eyebrow.

“And what's that supposed to mean?” Jude asked.

Toni glanced at Mare, who frowned at her and then met Bebe's look of hesitation. Toni raised both hands as if she were backing away from the situation.

“Out with it,” Jude commanded.

“I never had an abortion, Jude,” Bebe said. “I miscarried before my appointment with that ‘doctor' you set me up with.”

Rain looked at her with an odd mixture of anger and disbelief on her face.

“Miscarried?” Jude said. “Now, wasn't that convenient.”

“It's not as though I planned it. I guess I partied too much because
I was having trouble forcing myself to go through with it. That whole weekend was lost to me.”

Jude smirked. “It was obvious at the time that you were conflicted about it. I mistakenly believed that you'd broken free from that antiquated belief system you brought to school with you.”

“Well, I was young. That's why I didn't tell you. In some twisted way, I knew it elevated me in your eyes.”

“Twisted? That wasn't your attitude when you came crying to me about being pregnant and not wanting your family to know and wanting to stay in school.”

“I didn't fully understand the consequences at the time.”

“Well, it didn't take much to convince you,” Jude shot back.

“I was only eighteen, Jude. And I was compliant in those days.”

Jude spread her arms dramatically. “Exactly! That's exactly my point. I was trying to help you shake off your compliant upbringing.”

“By forcing me to comply with
your
ideas? How does that make me noncompliant?”

“I never forced you into anything you didn't agree to. I simply helped you see new possibilities and to escape that narrow mind-set you came with.” She shifted and put her feet up on the ottoman. “Take that brother of yours, for instance.”

Bebe felt suddenly defensive of him. “What about Bobby?”

“He brought you to the house, posturing like some knight in shining armor, checking the situation over. He tried to get you to leave with him—I heard you talking. He said mommy and daddy wouldn't like it if you stayed, and you begged him not to tell.”

Bebe fumed. “The campus was very different from the time we first checked it out.”

“My point is that you didn't stand up to him. You didn't tell him that you were doing things your way. I thought I was going to have to drag you inside by your hair.” Jude's face twisted into a sneer. “You talked him down off the ledge, instead of pushing him off with both hands.”

Bebe shook her head. “What are you talking about?”

“You begged him not to tell. You manipulated him like some pathetic
housewife begging her husband for a little more grocery money. You couldn't even stand up for yourself. Has he always been your savior?”

“Mom,” Rain interrupted, “that's enough.”

A memory flashed in Bebe's mind. She was in the vineyard and Bobby was running toward her and frantically shouting her name. She wondered what he might have saved her from, if she'd allowed him to take her back home with him, and she felt an unwarranted anger that maybe he hadn't tried hard enough.

“You sugarcoated everything you said to him,” Jude continued, “like you needed permission to blossom into the woman you were becoming.” She looked at Mare and Toni. “Each of you needed me.”

Mare's and Toni's jaws dropped.

Finally, Toni found her voice. “I was doing fine on my own, thank you very much.”

“Oh, really,” Jude said, turning her attention to Toni. “You were so caught up in putting on a glamorous face, catering to a man's idea of beautiful, that you were never honest. You didn't think I knew that you put your makeup on in the bathroom at school like a thirteen-yearold.”

Toni looked irritated. “I started wearing makeup at twelve.” She added under her breath, “If I'd wanted to live with my father, I would have stayed home.”

Jude ignored her comment. “Just as you found your natural, true self, you would leave on break and return as some wannabe fashion model. I had to straighten you out all over again.”

Toni folded her arms. “Including ruining my relationships.”

Jude wore a self-satisfied look.

“Do you know what she did?” Toni said, glancing at Bebe and Mare. “She knew I was still seeing my boyfriend back in Philadelphia. So one time he calls when I'm gone, and she tells him that I'm going on a date with Jerome after his Black Panther meeting.”