Rashi's Daughters, Book II: Miriam (45 page)

As Meir approached her, Joheved had no choice but to back away. She was still
niddah
.

Meir couldn’t hide his pain and rejection. “So what brings you to Troyes?” he asked, his voice heavy with suspicion.

Joheved swallowed hard to ease the tightness in her throat. “I need to use the
mikvah
tonight and it’s too cold to go in the river.” Not that the
mikvah
was much warmer, but in Troyes she could take a hot bath afterward.

Meir’s face lit up immediately. “You got here just in time. It’s almost sunset, and it’s starting to snow.”

“I’d better head for the stews,” Joheved said, giving him a shy smile.

“I’ll go with you,” Meir said. “I could use a bath too.”

They walked to the bathhouse in silence, partly because the softly falling snow was beautiful to watch and partly because Joheved still wasn’t sure how to explain her change of heart.

She remained tongue-tied even after their baths. They had nearly reached the synagogue when Meir started clearing his throat. “Joheved . . . uh.” He hesitated and motioned her into a doorway where the snowfall wasn’t so heavy.

He coughed a couple times while she looked up at him expectantly. “Before you immerse, I want you to know that you’re not going to seduce me into changing my mind about Isaac and Zipporah.”

“I know,” she said softly. “I have no intention of trying to change your mind, or anything else about you.”

“You accept my decision?” His eyes widened in surprise. “You accept my authority?”

While she’d been bathing, Joheved carefully composed how she’d reply to Meir when he asked her this question. “
Oui
, I do.” Then she quickly added, “But more important, I accept the Holy One’s authority, as I’m sure you do as well.”

She tried to keep her voice steady. “If Isaac and Zipporah are truly
bashert
, then there’s nothing I can or should do to prevent their marriage. And if they aren’t
bashert
, then there’s nothing I need to do to prevent it either.”

“An answer worthy of a
talmid chacham.
”

Was he praising her or being sarcastic? Well, if she were going to be a dutiful wife, she’d better sound like one. “Meir, I am truly sorry about what I said to you in the barn. Can you forgive me?” The snow was gently swirling around them and she took at step toward him. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

She closed the distance between them so that they were nearly touching. “I’d much rather have you sleep in my bed than in Shemayah’s.”

He leaned down to whisper in her ear, and she could feel his warm breath on her neck. “Soon,
chérie
, very soon.”

 

A roar of laughter from the inn’s dining room yanked Judah back to consciousness. How many times had he nearly fallen asleep tonight, only to be thwarted by the raucous prewedding party downstairs? Not that he begrudged his students their fun. Tomorrow they’d ride into Worms, where he’d admonished them that their yeshiva’s reputation depended on their behavior.

Judah pulled the covers tighter over his ears.

When Miriam first declared it shameful if Elisha didn’t have any friends standing up for him at his wedding, Judah had fought to control his enthusiasm. The thought of spending several weeks, day and night, in Elisha’s company, just when he had resigned himself to their separation, set his pulse racing. It still warmed his heart to recall the look on Elisha’s face when he heard the suggestion that Judah accompany him. Filled with pleasurable memories, Judah drifted back to sleep.

The next time it wasn’t the festivities below that woke him. Somebody was moving stealthily in his room.

Judah sat up and fumbled for his knife. “Who’s there?”

“I’m sorry, Judah.” Elisha’s words were slightly slurred. “I was trying not to wake you.”

Judah relaxed back into his pillow. “It’s all right.”

Elisha sat down on the bed next to him, and immediately there were two thumps as a pair of boots hit the floor. More movement and then Elisha tumbled into bed beside him.

“Could you move over a little?” Elisha shivered. “My side of the bed is freezing.”

Judah happily obliged. “Next time you can go to bed first and warm it up for me.”

The room was silent for so long that Judah thought his companion had fallen asleep. He was savoring their closeness when Elisha spoke again.

“Judah.” Elisha sounded worried. “The next time we share a bed will be on our way back. I’ll be married then.”

“
Oui
.” The room remained quiet, but Judah was certain that Elisha was still awake.

“Judah,” Elisha whispered. “I’m afraid.”

“Don’t worry about demons. I’m sure your father won’t let you sleep alone tomorrow night, not the night before—”

“I’m not afraid of sleeping alone,” Elisha interrupted him. “I’m afraid of . . . of sleeping with a woman. Well, not of sleeping with her. I mean . . . I’m afraid I won’t be able to ... you know.”

Judah sighed.
So that’s the problem
. “But you know what to do. We’ve studied all the Arayot.”

“That doesn’t mean I can do it.” Elisha’s voice was trembling. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but the thought of lying with a woman doesn’t excite me, it terrifies me.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Elisha. I think it’s perfectly normal to feel nervous about using the bed for the first time.” As much as Judah wanted to give Elisha a reassuring hug, he forced his arm to remain still.

“You do?”

“Of course. Now listen, you don’t have to do it the first night if that’s the way you feel. After all, your wife will probably be just as frightened as you, maybe more.”

“But she’ll think there’s something wrong with me.”

“Not if you explain that you’re waiting for her to feel comfortable with you.” Judah took a deep breath. “You’re the only one I’ve told this, but Miriam and I didn’t use the bed the first night.”

“You didn’t?” Elisha sounded more impressed than shocked.

“
Non
. Miriam was a widow, still mourning her first husband, and I didn’t want her thinking of him instead of me. She was grateful for the delay.” Judah chuckled. “She was almost as grateful as I was. So you’re not as unusual as you think.“

“I thought everyone used the bed on their wedding night,” Elisha said slowly. He was obviously trying to adjust to this new information.

Judah yawned and remained quiet. With any luck he’d soon be so fast asleep that even the other students coming up to bed wouldn’t wake him.

“Judah . . .” Elisha still sounded worried. “We won’t have much time together once we get to Worms, so I want to tell you how much I . . .” There was a very long pause before the words came out in a rush, “How much I admire you. You’re a good teacher and a good friend.”

It took every bit of self-control Judah had to keep from taking Elisha in his arms and hugging him. “
Merci
, Elisha. I think you’re a good student and a good friend.”

“
Bonne nuit
, Judah.” Elisha made no effort to move back to his side of the bed and indeed snuggled closer to Judah.

Judah could almost taste the wine on Elisha’s breath, and the desire he’d been fighting exploded in him. Heart pounding, he lay still, his
yetzer tov
terrified that Elisha would reach to embrace him and his
yetzer hara
eager for it. He didn’t dare face Elisha. If their naked bodies brushed against each other frontally, Elisha would recognize his aroused state. And especially since Elisha acknowledged having a carnal relationship with a man.
Then Satan only knows what would happen
.

“
Bonne nuit
, Elisha. Try to get a good night’s sleep tonight,” he whispered. Sleeping on his stomach in this condition was impossible, so, trying not to touch Elisha, Judah rolled over so his back was toward him.

And waited. All of Judah’s senses were attuned to the warm body lying next to him. What would he do if he felt Elisha’s hand on his flesh? Would his
yetzer tov
be strong enough to resist? Or would his
yetzer hara
take over?

T
hree nights later, with another three wedding banquets still to attend in as many days, Judah despaired of ever catching up on his sleep while in Worms. He took a slow drink of ale and searched the crowded salon for Elisha. Two students were gambling at a corner table, one was flirting with the bride’s cousin, and the rest were dancing.
But where is the groom?

In the last seventy-two whirlwind hours, Judah had exchanged less than a dozen words with his friend. A few stolen moments while dancing earlier were enough for Judah to learn that Elisha and his bride were still virgins, but then someone had cut in, leaving Judah to return to his cup of ale.

Judah sighed. Was Elisha ignoring him, or was the boy’s family trying to keep them apart? Maybe he should leave for Mayence tomorrow. Uncle Isaac expected him for the seder, but it wouldn’t hurt to get there early. Then he would have time to visit with Shmuli’s family and deliver Miriam’s greetings to Catharina and Samson.

Judah had just drained his cup and stood up when an unfamiliar masculine voice called out, “Judah.” Most likely the man was addressing someone else, but Judah turned around.

“Judah ben Natan, it is you.” The owner of the voice was coming closer. “What good fortune brings you to Worms after all these years?”

Judah barely had time to recognize this apparition from the past, when he was the recipient of an enthusiastic embrace.

“Reuben,
Baruch ata Adonai
. . . Who resurrects the dead.” Judah took a step back, and the two men surveyed each other. “You’re looking well, Reuben.”

“You’re looking even better than when we first met.” Reuben’s eyes glinted with desire as his gaze traveled over Judah’s body. When Judah didn’t respond in kind, his expression quickly reverted to that of a longlost friend. “So tell me, what have you been doing all these years?” Reuben pulled Judah back down to the table and signaled for more drinks.

An hour and several cups of ale later, Judah concluded his story. “The Holy One has truly blessed me.”

Reuben grinned. “I can’t wait to tell Natan.”

“Is he here?” Judah looked around in alarm.

“Of course not. He spends Passover in Prague.” The music changed to a lively tune and Reuben jumped up. “Come dance with me. This is your student’s wedding. You should be celebrating.”

Judah couldn’t see a polite way to refuse. The steps were simple, but he was relieved when the song ended.

Reuben sat down next to him, put his arm around his shoulder, and whispered, “So you never learned to play the game?”

“No. I’ve never lain with anyone except my wife.”

Reuben sighed. “I envy you. My
yetzer hara
has mastered me. I don’t even try to fight it anymore.”

“Torah study keeps me too busy to indulge my
yetzer hara
,” Judah replied. There was no one sitting nearby, but he lowered his voice and added, “Though some here might say that the way I study Talmud is worse than playing the game.”

“How can that be?”

“Don’t tell anyone, but Rabbenu Salomon, my father-in-law, is writing a commentary on the Talmud.” Judah sat up a little straighter. “And I’m helping him.”

Reuben’s eyes opened wide. “You mean explaining the Gemara so a man won’t need a teacher?”

“Of course he’ll need a teacher.” Judah’s anger flared. “Papa’s commentary is for after he’s studied the Talmud, so he’ll remember his learning.”

“I don’t understand.”

“If you promise not to tell anyone, I can show you. I have notes on Tractate Kiddushin in my room, to help Elisha prepare his wedding
drash
.”

“This I have to see. Let’s go.”

“Now? In the middle of the banquet?”

“The feasting will continue for hours.” Reuben tugged on Judah’s sleeve. “Nobody will miss us.”

That was probably true. Judah made his way outside, Reuben following discreetly. His hosts, Elisha’s cousins, were unlikely to return home anytime soon, so Judah spread out Salomon’s
kuntres
on their dining table. They began with the Mishnah.

“I never could get it straight whether ‘all the mitzvot of the son on the father’ meant what a son does for his father or the other way around,” Reuben said, scratching his head.

“The Gemara has the same problem,” Judah replied. “See:

Judah continued, “Papa says that both sons and daughters must revere their parents, and thus ‘mitzvot of the father on the son’ are those a child performs for a parent, regardless of gender.”

“This is amazing.” Reuben ran his finger over the words, trying to memorize what he’d read.

“Here is another Baraita to support this interpretation.” Judah pointed out the text. “These mitzvot are clearly performed by the father for the son”:

“I assume that when it says women are exempt, this means that the mother is not obligated to do these mitzvot for her son, especially since it mentions circumcision,” Reuben said slowly. “Yet it could also mean that a parent does not perform any of them for daughters.”

“Actually both meanings are correct, as we will see. A mother is not obligated to perform these mitzvot for her son, and neither parent performs them for a daughter,” Judah said. “You should have heard Elisha explain this section before the wedding. His father looked so swollen with pride, I thought he was going to burst.” Judah had been nearly as proud himself.