Raw Deal (Beauty for Ashes: Book One) (29 page)

“She said she’d come to church next week if I let her do it.”

I gave Aunt Milly the most bored look I could manage. She grinned at me, used to my coldness, grabbed my arm, and pulled me off the bed. “Go and get washed up; we’re going out for lunch.”

I shrugged her arm off. “I don’t want to go out for lunch.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to hang out with you and my mom.”

“We’re not hanging out. We’re having lunch.”

“Same difference.” I stretched and yawned loudly. Jace Washington was so hot. I smiled at Aunt Milly. “I have a new boyfriend. He’s gorgeous.”

“Please save sex for marriage, Lexi,” she said exiting my room.

I followed her down the stairs to the kitchen and put two slices of bread in the toaster. My mom was stacking the dishwasher. “I was at his place last night. I didn’t get home till two in the morning,” I told Aunt Milly, mainly for my mom’s benefit.

My mom looked up. “His place until two in the morning? Does ‘his’ have a name?”

I thought better of telling her that I was at Jace’s place. “Just joking, I was with Monica.”

My mom looked at Aunt Milly. “I told you she’s been getting wild since her dad died.” The doorbell rang, and Aunt Milly went to get it. My mom gave me a hard look. “You were with Jace, weren’t you?”

“Jace? Why would you think that?”

“I’m your mother, okay? I can read you. I’m smart enough to read your diary too.”

“What!”

“Yeah, I haven’t had time to read it since the memorial though, but I know how crazy you are about him. You better get over it.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. “You read my diary?”

My mom shut the dishwasher. “You know what? If he dumps you again, I’ll have no sympathy for you, because you’re being pathetic,” she snarled. “And if I see Jace at this house, I’m going to chase him out. Just don’t even bother to bring him here.”

Just then, Aunt Milly and Jace walked into the kitchen. Jace looked like he’d heard his name, but his expression gave nothing away. Aunt Milly just pursed her lips and looked out the window.

We were all quiet for a moment then Jace turned on his heel and walked out. I covered my face. “Mom, I hate you.”

My mom went after him, and Aunt Milly slung her hair over her shoulder in an over-contrived gesture. "You shouldn't speak to your mom like that, Lexi."

“Whatever.”

“She’s just trying to protect you.”

I didn’t bother telling her that my mom was never around. I’d barely seen her in the past month apart from last weekend when we went for my dad’s memorial; and I was supposed to believe that she was trying to protect me? Yeah, right. It was every woman for herself in this house.

My mom and Jace returned, and it dawned on me that I was still wearing nothing but my dad’s shirt. Jace came over and hugged me.

“What are we doing today?” I asked him.

“Anything you want to do.”

“My mom and her sis are going for lunch. Shall we just stay home?”

“Okay.”

“Don't I know you?” Aunt Milly piped up, giving Jace the size up.

“I don’t think so.”

“Aren’t you Tanya’s cousin? Haven’t I seen you at Bridge Community?”

“Yeah, probably.”

“Well, you should be preaching to Lexi then, not making her feel comfortable in her ungodliness.”

“He’s preached to me lots of times,” I countered. “C’mon Jace.” I pulled Jace out of the kitchen and started up the stairs. “What did my mom say?” I asked when we got to my room.

Jace’s arms went round me again. “That I better watch my back if I hurt you again.”

How embarrassing. I decided to change the subject. “How was church this morning?”

“I didn’t go.”

I pulled back slightly and tutted. “Wait until Tanya and all your Christian buddies get a hold of you,” I warned him playfully.

“I know,” he groaned. “I’ll jump that hurdle when the time comes.”

***

On Monday morning, I woke up feeling like all was right in my world. I went to school with a cheerfulness I hadn’t felt in ages. I remembered that I had to tell Carl it was over and that put a damper on my mood a little. What was I going to say? I obviously couldn’t tell him I was back with Jace.

I pulled into the parking lot and saw Monica and Tanya getting out of Tanya’s car. I parked a few bays from them and went over. They were talking about Jace.

“I didn’t see him yesterday, and I didn’t see him on Friday either,” Monica was saying. “I hope he’s okay.”

“You got anything to say about that?” Tanya asked me.

I feigned innocence. “Huh?”

“You and Jace got back together,” she accused.

“He came to me, okay?” I informed her.

Tanya’s lips compressed into a thin line. “I went to see him yesterday after church,” she told Monica. “And he didn’t get home from Lexi’s till eleven.”

“So is he not a Christian anymore?” Monica asked.

“I don’t know. I told him what I thought of him though.”

I walked off to school. These girls had issues. When I got to my locker, Jace was waiting for me. The look in his eyes told me something was wrong, and I just knew. My heart sank.

“Lexi,” he began.

“It’s okay. Save it.”

Jace looked defeated. “Please just let me apologize at least. I’m so sorry for playing you like this, but I’ve realized I can’t do this. I was just going through a rough patch and I let my feelings for you confuse me.”

I opened my locker. “You don’t have to explain anything, Jace.”

“Well, I’m sorry.” He touched my arm. “I really am. I do miss you, but I won’t bother you anymore.”

Wow, that makes me feel just great!
My locker was empty apart from the lone economics textbook. I was sure I owed a fine now for not returning it to the library. “Does this have anything to do with Tanya’s visit yesterday?” I removed my jacket and shoved it into the locker and shut it.

“Yeah, she talked some sense into me, and I really regret what I did.”

I walked off leaving Jace staring after me. I could feel the fury bubbling up inside me. I hated Jace. I really hated him! I walked into a bathroom and locked myself in a stall. I wasn’t going to be upset. I wasn’t going to let it hurt me. I wasn’t going to cry.

By the time the bell rang for the start of classes, I had succeeded in pushing Jace out of my mind. I’d cried over him enough. He just wasn’t worth it.

It was hard though, because for the rest of the day, whenever I ran into him, he was with Andrea. After school, I went to the mall for a while, hoping that some retail therapy would do me good. It didn’t.

When I got home, I took out my journal from its new hiding place under a shoebox in my fifth closet. I wondered if my mom had read up to the part about Christmas Eve. She was out of line.

The more I thought about life, the more hopeless I felt. I felt like there was nothing worth living for, like everything was just a waste of time. I needed to outline what made me happy. I needed to give myself a reason to live, because I was sick of being down and depressed. If I felt there was no purpose to my life, I could create a purpose for myself.

My hand flew across the blank pages of my journal as I poured my heart out. I was fed up. I wanted to just give up. Okay, Jace dumping me wasn’t that big a deal. It was just one of the factors that contributed to my despair.

I needed goals, I told my journal. I needed a reason. I turned the page and stared at the new blank page. My mom’s escape was her work. Maybe I needed to do that. Put all my energy into my career and forget everything else. I wanted to be a journalist, but I wasn’t really that passionate about it. My real passion was to really make it as a model.

I started writing again. Who said I couldn’t go all the way and become a supermodel? Why did I have to do it as a semi serious hobby? I could do it professionally. I could do it full time. I could be established.

“I’m going put everything into being a model,” I said aloud. “I’m gonna make myself make it.” If it meant men’s mags and lingerie ads that my mom would hate, so what? I was going to do whatever it took to get to the top and nothing was going to stand in the way of my success.

The doorbell rang, and I walked over to my window. Tanya’s car was outside. I picked up my cell phone and called her. “What do you want?”

“Open up. I brought you food.”

“Huh?”

“A twelve-inch Margherita.”

Sheesh, she knew me better than I thought. How could I say no to that? I went to open the door. “How did you know I need food?” I asked her, receiving the pizza box. It smelled so good. Tanya’s hair looked great. She’d had it straightened, and she’d had bangs done.

She winked. “I’ve had a guy I like dump me before too. I know how it is.” She blew her bangs out of her eyes. “Anyway, I’m off to pick Monica up from the library. You take it easy, okay?”

“Okay.” I shut the door and went to my room. Tanya had brought me pizza, how bizarre. I didn’t like the girl one bit, but truth be told she was probably the only Christian person I knew that I had any kind of respect for. I’d never heard her gossiping like Michelle still did, or saying mean things like Monica still did. She certainly wasn’t a yo-yo like Jace was, and she wasn’t loud and obnoxious like Aunt Milly.

Five minutes later, my doorbell rang again. It was Carl this time. I wasn’t in the mood to see him, but my car was in the drive, so he knew I was in. I hid my journal in its new hiding place and went to let him in.

I guessed he was still my boyfriend since Jace and I were over. Again.

Chapter 38

Easter was coming up, which meant the finals weren't far off now. I got to school the first Monday in April, and there were posters everywhere advertising a video event that the Christian Union was holding.
“Come and learn what Easter is really all about!”
it invited. I didn’t think so.

Jace was standing by my locker when I got there. We hadn't spoken for weeks. I knew my smile was tight, but I couldn’t help it. “Hi.”

“Hey, what’s up?” His smile was careful, and he looked a bit nervous. I wondered what had happened to the suave, confident, enigmatic Jace that had had me all crazy for him. This was not Jace. It would be nice to have the real Jace back.

“Not much. I’ve just been trying to psyche myself up to study.” I unloaded my books into my locker and shut it.

“I know what you mean,” Jace said. “I hear you’re still dating Carl?”

That was old news. “Yeah.”

Jace looked devastated. I wondered whether he expected me to remain single for the rest of my life because I wasn’t with him.

“Did you want to talk about anything in particular, or are you done?” I asked, trying to keep the annoyance out of my voice.

“I’m done, but you can do better than Carl.” He walked off.

He called me in the evening after school. “Hi, Jace,” I answered. Once again, I was reclined on the sofa with a box of greasy junk by my side. Tonight, it was king prawn fried rice, not pizza. I thought I’d mix it up a little before pizza started coming out of my ears.

“Hi, sorry to call you. Hope you don’t mind?”

“Of course I don’t.”

“I’ll be quick anyway. I just thought I better tell you what Carl was saying after basketball today.”

I put my fork down and smiled to myself in disbelief. Jace was obviously on operation ‘sabotage Lexi and Carl.’ “What was he saying?”

“I’m not trying to break you guys up or anything—”

“Just tell me,” I cut him off.

“He was saying how the fact that your dad is dead is working to his advantage. He said he doesn’t have to try and impress your dad, because you don’t have one.”

I was quiet for a moment. Would Carl really say that? That he saw my dad’s death as an advantage? Jace wouldn’t lie about something like that, would he?

“I just thought you should know.”

“Thanks,” I said finally. I hung up, called Carl, and dumped him. He wanted a reason. I told him I just didn’t think it was working out.

My dad’s memory was sacred to me. How could Carl even joke about it? He was crazy. I bet Jace would be happy when he heard I’d dumped Carl.
I’m not trying to break you guys up or anything.
I snorted. Please!       

***

Finals came, and I did my best and hoped it was enough. I wasn’t looking to get high grades. I just wanted enough to get me into college. My priority was rising to the top of the modeling industry. College was a backstop in case, heaven forbid, I didn’t make it.

I went to the prom with Sandy and Kevin. Of course, I made sure I looked every inch the red carpet material that I was. The occasion called for Prada; deep red and seriously sexy.

Carl didn’t have a date, which was surprising, although that didn’t mean he was ever without a dance partner. Monica was Jace’s date. My initial reaction was hurt, anger, and a twang of jealousy, but it was soon replaced with deliberate indifference. Who cared? I didn’t ever have to see them again if I didn’t want to. Tonight, I was saying goodbye to the school along with all the memories and the madness.