Ready To Love Again (32 page)

By the end of the game, Katie still didn’t know what she would tell Chase. She drove to his house and tried to conceal her tears from Shawn, who chattered on about the last game and how he wanted to play fall ball.

Chase stood on the stairs leading to the house, waiting for her, when she pulled into the driveway. The camera in her mind took a picture of him in his baseball shirt and jeans, the breeze ruffling his dark hair. He held out his hand when she reached the stairs and gave hers a gentle squeeze.

Due to Gina’s fine attention to detail, everything was set up for the end-of-the-season party by the time the first guest arrived. Chase spent most of his time greeting the boys and discussing the season with the parents while Katie stayed busy in the kitchen.

Time passed more quickly than she’d anticipated, and when the party wound down, her stomach twisted in knots. She helped Gina clean up the mess while she watched Chase say goodbye to his team out of the corner of her eye.

After the kitchen was back in order, Chase walked in and smiled at Katie before turning to his sister. “Do you mind watching the kids while we take a walk?”

Gina waved them out, and Chase took her hand and led her to the beach. It was early evening, and the breeze off the ocean was warm and refreshing. He laced his fingers with hers, bringing them to his mouth and brushing his lips across her knuckles. When they had walked far enough away from the house, they sat in the sand and looked out over the ocean.

Neither of them spoke for a long time. Katie tried to enjoy every moment with him, but the impending pain crept into her every thought.

“So what did you want to talk about?” Chase asked.

The time for procrastination was over. Katie continued to watch the waves lap against the sand, knowing that if she looked at him she wouldn’t be able to stop the tears.

“I think we need a break.”

“What?” She could hear the shock in his voice, and she bit her lip, trying not to look at him. “Is this about Victor?”

“What?” Her eyes snapped to Chase, confused by the hostility she heard in his voice. “No. Why would you think—”

“Because he implied that there was something going on between you two.”

Katie laughed. She couldn’t help it. The idea of taking back her ex was absurd. “If I wanted Victor, I wouldn’t have left Albuquerque. I can’t imagine what he said to you on the phone, but he was only trying to irritate you.”

Chase dropped his chin to his chest and stared at the sand. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I know how you feel about him, and I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions.”

She watched his finger draw small circles in the sand while he slowly slipped further into his own thoughts. Katie didn’t know what else to say, so she looked back at the ocean and waited.

“Is this about Liz?”

“No, not her directly.” Katie sighed. “Your whole family hasn’t dealt with Terri’s death. You need to focus on healing your family, and I can’t see how you can do that and maintain a relationship with me.” They were quiet for several minutes, the pain in her chest increasing with each breath.

“I’m getting her help,” Chase said.

Katie’s head whipped around, and what she saw broke her heart. His legs were pulled up and spread apart, while his arms rested on his knees. His head hung down in what looked like defeat. She wanted to tell him that she loved him and that breaking things off with him was like cutting out her own heart.

“You mean like therapy?” she asked instead.

Chase nodded. “Yeah. I should have done it a long time ago.” His voice cracked, and she felt her heart rip a little more.

Although Liz was getting help, Katie still would be a distraction while Chase worked to heal his daughter and their relationship. “You and Tony need to talk to someone, too.”

Chase shrugged. “I’m going, too, but my main focus is helping Liz. I need some solutions to help me give her what she needs to heal.”

“And dealing with your own loss?”

“I’m fine. I’m a doctor. I see death every day.”

“Chase, it’s different—”

“I don’t want to talk about Terri, Liz, or therapy. I’m going for Liz, and hopefully I’ll understand how to give her what she needs to get past this.” Chase looked at her, and she saw the anguish in his eyes. “Don’t do this. We can work through everything together.” Before she could protest, he pulled her into his arms. “Don’t leave me, Katie.”

Her fortitude was tested by his simple plea. “You need to focus on your family,” she whispered against his chest.

“I’ll do that, but I need you with me, too.”

Tears were in his voice when his arms tightened around her. Katie shook her head and pulled away. Chase tried to hold her closer, but when he saw her determination, he let her go. She sat in the sand in front of him and continued to shake her head.

“My presence is making things worse for her, and you can’t deny that.” Her hope was to shake him up enough that he would look at the circumstances through rational eyes. “Liz needs to get over her fears without the threat of someone taking her father away. Your whole family needs to come to terms with your grief before you can even consider having a healthy relationship with someone.”

Chase’s head drooped further, and she knew he recognized the sense in her words. “What about later?” he asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe in a few months, when Liz is doing better—”

“This isn’t just about Liz, Chase.” His reluctance to recognize the bigger picture disturbed Katie. He might never understand that he needed just as much counseling as his daughter. “Besides, you can’t guarantee this will only take a few months. It’s not fair of you to ask me to stay and put Shawn through more heartache if things don’t change.”

Katie had already experienced a relationship in which she’d waited for things to work out, and it had never happened. She couldn’t leave herself or Shawn open to that situation again. Dreading what she needed to say next, she met his gaze.

“You have obligations, and like you, I have to look out for what’s best for my child,” she said.

Chase stared at her for several moments. He finally shook his head and let out a long sigh. Straightening his legs, he motioned for her to come to him. Katie wanted him to hold her one last time, so she complied with his request. When she crawled onto his lap, he pulled her against his chest and wrapped his arms around her. Her cheek pressed into his neck while he stroked her hair.

“I don’t know if I can stay away,” he said, taking her hand and placing it over his heart. “You say you need to move on, but something in here tells me you don’t want this any more than I do. I’ll give you your space, but when the time is right, I hope you’ll reconsider.”

Katie hugged him tighter at his acceptance of her decision. They stayed that way until the sun dipped low on the horizon. She didn’t want to give up the silent comfort he offered, but she knew she couldn’t delay the inevitable.

They discussed what they would tell the children while they made their way back to his house. Chase insisted that Shawn continue to come home with Gina until the end of the school year so Katie didn’t need to find an after-school program for the remaining weeks of school. She relented, but only after he promised he wouldn’t tolerate any of Liz’s bad behavior toward Shawn.

When they reached the house, he stopped her before they entered the gate. With a gentle hand, Chase brushed the hair away from her shoulder and slid his fingers behind her neck. He pulled Katie toward him, pausing inches away from her lips as if asking permission. Katie brought her hands up to his shoulders and pulled him the rest of the way. His lips were gentle against hers, and tears she had held back began to flow down her face when he pulled away. He wiped them from her cheeks with sorrow and regret in his eyes.

“You’re an amazing woman, Katie Rodriguez.”

She buried her face in his shirt and clung to him before she turned and walked through the gate to get Shawn.

When she pulled out of the driveway, she could see Chase standing on his porch in her rearview mirror. Her mind took another snapshot while her heart screamed to turn around, but she couldn’t. She wouldn’t have been able to live with herself if she drove a wedge between Chase and his daughter.

It’s better this way.

That didn’t stop her heart from breaking when she drove away.

Chapter 17

Chase took in a long breath of ocean air and went back into the house after watching Katie and Shawn drive away. Liz and Tony were engrossed in a movie in the living room, and Gina was straightening up the last of the mess from the party. He felt a small twinge of guilt for leaving her with cleanup and went to see if he could help.

“What do you need me to do?” Chase asked when she put the last bowl into the dishwasher.

“The tables need to be folded up and put back in the garage, but that can wait.” She moved closer to him, and her stare made him feel uncomfortable. “What happened?”

He should have known Gina would pick up on his distress. Chase contemplated avoiding her question, but at that moment, he needed someone to talk with. Letting out a long breath, he leaned against the counter.

“Katie left.”

Gina looked at him sideways and quirked her brow in confusion. “She’ll be back later, right?”

“No, she’s not coming back.” The knife twisted deeper into his chest. “We broke up.”

She gasped. “Why?”
 

“She thinks I need to focus on healing my family’s grief before we can have a healthy relationship.”

“But you are. Didn’t you tell her you and Liz have an appointment with a counselor?”

“Yeah.”

“Then why the hell did you let her walk out the door?” Gina threw her hands in the air.

“I had to,” Chase said. “Just let it go, Gina.”

“Chase,” she said, her hands going to her hips like they did when one of his children disobeyed her. “This is ridiculous. You can’t let Liz rule your life. She’ll come around. She wants you to be happy, but she’s conflicted by her loyalty to her mother. Eventually those walls will come down, so you can’t let the best thing that’s happened in the last three years walk away.”

“She’s gone.”

“No, she’s not! You will get your ass in your car, drive over there, and tell her you can’t live without her. I don’t want the despondent brother I’ve had for the last three years!” Chase froze with shock. Her face had turned bright red in her anger, and he became aware of the pain he had inflicted on her over the last few years. “I can’t do it again,” she finally whispered.

Chase’s guilt magnified. He had taken so much from his sister. Gina had always been there for him when he needed her, but he took without any thought to what his tragedy had done to her. He’d always worried she would one day regret her decision to move in and help him with Liz and Tony, and here it was.

“I’m sorry. I know I’ve dumped all my problems at your feet and—”

The fury flashed in her eyes as she stalked up to him and poked her finger into his chest, cutting off his apology.

“Don’t you dare apologize to me! I wouldn’t change any of my decisions. I love you and your kids. I just won’t sit by and watch you turn into the hollow shell of a man you were before. You’ve already lost one love in your lifetime—don’t let Katie be the second.”

Chase felt like she had slapped him in the face with her words.
Love?
He couldn’t think about it. What good would it do anyway? Katie was gone. He dismissed Gina’s assumption and tried to focus on reassuring her that he wouldn’t turn back into the recluse he had been.

“I realize I haven’t been here for my kids because of my past mistakes. I’m not going to go to that dark hole I was in before. Liz needs me now, and I’m not checking out on her again.” Chase couldn’t let Katie leave for nothing. He would do whatever it took to get through this.

“What about Katie? What about you? How can you give anything to Liz when you’re hurting over Katie?”

“I don’t know, but I don’t have a choice. If I had put Liz into counseling when you and Mom pushed for it, maybe we wouldn’t be in this situation.” He clenched his jaw and closed his eyes. “Why in the hell couldn’t I have seen it earlier? I thought we could get through it together, that Liz didn’t need any outside help, and look how I’ve screwed everything up.”

“It’s okay to ask for help sometimes.” Gina wrapped her arms around his waist. “What are you going to do about Katie?”

“Nothing.”
 

She pinched his sides, and Chase yelped before he pushed her away.

“Nothing is 
not
 an option. If I have to step in, I will.”

“Leave it alone.”

“I won’t leave it alone, big brother. You and Katie are meant to be together. Fate brought her into your life. You may be able to walk away from fate, but one day it’ll come back around to bite you in the butt.”

Chase didn’t know what to say to her, so he chose to ignore her comment and excused himself to put away the tables. Afterward, he hid in his office, busying himself with work until the kids went to bed. Gina tried to corner him when he came out of Tony’s room, but after he told her to mind her own business, she left him alone.