Real Vampires Have Curves (41 page)

“But we haven't had the surprise yet.” Damian eased me out the door, ignoring Blade's ominous grumble and Valdez's growl. “Come outside. Look up.”

I stepped out on the terrace. I had to admit the warm Fangtastic and now the cool night air helped clear my head. The band finished a song, then there was a drum roll.

“Ladies and gentlemen. Look to the skies. I give you nature at its finest.” Damian made a terrific ringmaster of his own paranormal circus.

The strange and the exotic came out of the tents. Lacy appeared with her werewolf in tow. She looked me over, gave me a hug, then handed me my purse, which she'd found on the lawn.

Showtime. We all gasped as hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands of bats flew overhead in perfect formation. They soared and swooped, almost noiseless except for an occasional keening sound. More than one vamp suddenly morphed into bat form and joined them. CiCi snapped her magic wand in two when Tin Man threw off his cap and headed skyward.

“What do you think, Glory?” Damian had his arm around me, an inch away from copping a feel. Hello? Hadn't I been scorched there less than an hour ago?

He nodded toward the sky and the bats formed letters.
G.L.O.R.Y.
Aw, gee. Was that sweet or what? His fingers fondled my right boob. Oh, what a great guy. He'd been careful to grope my uninjured boob. I stopped him with a look.

“I think you throw a heck of a party and I think I'm flat partied out.” I saw Mara clinging to Blade as they looked skyward. Tony Crapetta stood a few feet away, gaping at the bat spectacular. “Tony, you got a car here?”

“Sure, Miss Gloriana. Did you see that? They spelled your name.”

“Mr. Sabatini's a swell host, isn't he? Now can I get you to take me and my dog home? Fifty percent off anything in the store. I just got in a new leisure suit.”

Tony looked uncertainly at Damian.

“Very well. Another night, Gloriana. You must come back alone and we will . . . play.” Damian brushed my hair back from my face and dropped a kiss on my lips. Then he nodded at Tony. “Take her home and see her safely inside her apartment if you value your life.”

“Yes, sir, Mr. Sabatini.” Tony held out his arm. “This way, Miss Gloriana. My car's out back.”

I leaned on him a little, more drained than I wanted to admit. Valdez stayed mercifully silent, though I could tell he was on high alert as he scanned the parking area. Behind me, I heard Damian announce the winner of the costume contest. The Queen of the Damned, I mean Nile, of course. I looked back to see Mara beaming and brandishing her asp. Blade was watching me leave, but didn't make a move to come after me. And didn't that suck?

“You ever ride in a genuine vintage VW bus, Miss Gloriana? ” Tony wrenched open the door of a pea green van and put his hand on my elbow. “Step up now. Careful.”

Valdez jumped in beside me and I threw my arm around him. He did smell like a fruit salad. A tear escaped and ran down my cheek. Fortunately, Tony was too busy cranking the engine, which didn't seem inclined to start, to notice. Perfect, just perfect.

Twenty-three

Twenty-four hours later and I was comfortably settled in my living room surrounded by girlfriends. A day's healing, vamp sleep had me back to my old self. Sort of. Physically I was okay. Mentally? I was up one minute because I'd, yes, made a stake catch fire. And down the next because neither Blade nor Damian had rushed over tonight to check on me.

So I was taking a night off. Di had hooked me up with a student who was reliable and I'd left Lacy training her to run the shop. The fact that Lacy had been glowing after a night of hot sex with her wolf man hadn't helped my attitude any.

I'd decided a
Seinfeld
marathon might cure what ailed us. We needed to laugh and Flo got us going when she insisted Kramer had to be a shifter.

“Look at that hair, Glory. I'll bet he howls at the full moon. If I could just smell him . . .”

Flo had appropriated a case of Fangtastic from Damian as a get-well present and we were at the point where someone should propose a toast.

Diana and CiCi were trying, but still didn't share the festive mood. They held their goblets high anyway. It was up to me to come up with something brilliant.

“Here's to female vamp power. Can't beat it.” I know, pretty lame, but true enough to satisfy the moment.

“I'll drink to that.” Flo smiled and clinked her glass against mine. “This is nice. I like having girlfriends.”

“A lot less complicated than boyfriends.” I stared down at my glass. “Jerry lost his chance at Westwood because of me and Damian—”

“Damian is no one's boyfriend. Not for more than a nanosecond. ” Diana gulped her drink and reached for a bottle to refill her glass.

“She's right, Glory. You'd do well to concentrate on Jeremiah. ” Flo picked up the remote. “Ready for another episode?”

“Not yet.” Jeremiah. Somehow I felt like things had changed between us. And not for the better. But I wasn't in the mood to dissect my love life.

“What's going on with Richard, Flo?” I'd expected him to be here, panting after Flo as usual.

Florence glanced at Diana. “He and I are taking a break. This holy crusader deal he's got going is more complicated than I thought. He's very . . . ruthless.”

“Ruthless?” I cocked an eyebrow at her. “This from a woman who was ready to rip a little old lady's throat out because she stepped in front of her at a shoe sale?”

“
I'm
a little old lady and no one gets between me and my Ferragamos.” Flo's smile was an evil promise of retribution in the event that ever happened again.

“So what's really wrong with Richard? He's kind of grown on me.” I know, this was a real turn around. But I liked the way he'd handled Kenneth. I really hadn't wanted to be at the takedown. And it would have been horrific for Diana.

“You were there!” Flo put down her glass. " 'I'll take care of it.' he says. He treats me like a helpless female.”

CiCi shook her head. "They all do. The male dinosaur vampires anyway. We need younger men. Men who understand that women are more than their equal.”

“Amen.” Diana took a deep swallow of her drink then sighed. “But what Richard does is a noble undertaking. When vampires are betrayed, where else are we going to get justice?”

Time for a subject change. "CiCi, what happened to Tin Man last night?”

CiCi grimaced. “Apparently the bats have more appeal to him than I do. I hope he flies to Devil's Hole and straight down to hell.” She clinked her glass against Flo's. “I say we give up men. Derek is teaching me to use the Internet. I've discovered a Web site devoted to a woman's pleasure and with the most amazing . . . toys. Big
O
dotcom.”

“Glory, get out your laptop.” Flo looked at Diana who'd snorted. “Come on, admit it, Di. You can please yourself better than ninety percent of male lovers can please you.”

“Not arguing.” Diana drained her glass again. “This stuff is good. While you've got the laptop out, Glory, let's order some more.”

“In a minute.” I put down my glass and walked to the kitchen. Valdez lay stretched across the threshold and I stepped over him to open the snack cabinet. I headed back out to the living room with a bag of Cheetos in my hand and a bowl.

“Now you're talking, Blondie. Let's celebrate. Westwood's gone to ground and I'm surrounded by beautiful powerful women.”
The dog sidled up to Flo and was rewarded with an ear rub.

“Some day, doggy, you and I are going to have a long talk. About who and what you really are, no?” She leaned down to rub her chin against his head.

“No, I mean, yes. I mean, who's going to eat those Cheetos anyway? ”
Valdez licked his chops.

“I am.” I poured a sample into the bowl and picked up one fluffy piece. I smelled it and, idiot that I am, my fangs ran out, the vampire version of an erection.

“You're going to actually eat? What a concept. You can't imagine how hard it is to run a coffee bar where we bake muffins all day.” Diana jumped up. “Any chocolate in the kitchen?”

“I think Lacy left a candy bar here last week when she decided to go on a diet. We're supposed to be holding it in case she weakens. Check the top of the fridge.”

“Eating. What I wouldn't give for just a taste of something sweet.” CiCi had a wistful look. “I vaguely remember the
mousse chocolat
my father's chef made for us. So rich and delicious. It was centuries ago.”

“Found it.” Diana came in waving a Hershey bar.

“Break it in half.” CiCi looked at Flo. “Are you going to try to eat too?”

Flo shook her head. “No, thanks. Been there, done that.” She picked up a Cheeto and dropped it into Valdez's mouth. “But you girls go ahead. If you need healing, I'm your woman.”

“Healing?” Diana sniffed her half of the candy bar. “Is this stuff going to hurt us?”

“No pain, no gain.” CiCi licked the chocolate and sighed. “I'm going for it. Flo, you're on standby.”

“I'm going for it too.” I leaned back and was about to drop the Cheeto into my mouth, when someone buzzed from downstairs.

I jumped up and hit the button for the intercom. “Who is it?”

Could Jerry have decided to stop by? I glanced back at the girls. CiCi and Diana each took a bite of chocolate and moaned with ecstacy.

“Delivery for Ms. Gloriana St. Clair. I can just leave it here by the door, ma'am.”

“Fine. Do that.” I threw open the apartment door, Valdez at my heels as we ran downstairs. I saw a delivery van pull away from the curb when I looked through the window beside the front door. A package. I opened the door and nudged it with my toe. Could Westwood have sent a bomb? A last act of revenge? But the large padded envelope wasn't ticking when I nudged it again. I leaned down and saw who'd sent it.
Hmm.

“Okay, Glory. What's that?” Flo stood at the top of the stairs. “Bring it up. The chocolate's gone and Diana and CiCi have survived.”

“Good.” I hugged the package to my chest. A present from Jerry.

I dropped down on the couch and ripped open the large envelope. A Kevlar vest. I unfolded it. Oh, wow. Not just any old vest. Painted on the front was a familiar yellow shield.

“Wonder Woman.” Diana laughed. “Who sent you that?” She made a grab for the note that had slid out with the vest, but I got it first. I read it out loud.

“Gloriana, you are brave and amazing. But wear this the next time you take on the bad guys. Blade.”

Flo, Diana and CiCi sighed.

“Now
that's
romantic.” Diana swiped at her brimming eyes.

“You think?” I stared down at the vest, then at the note. Yeah, for Blade the gesture was downright sappy. I grinned and picked up the Cheetos bag again.

“I don't know why I'm afraid to eat a Cheeto. I'm Wonder Woman. Right, girls?”

“Careful, Glory,” Flo warned as I dropped the first bite into my mouth.

The crunch, the taste. I was in Cheeto heaven. I chewed, then braced myself and swallowed. Would it go down? Yes! I popped another one into my mouth. Then another. My stomach clenched, but I kept chewing. I've always liked to live on the edge, you know? And now I had the vest to prove it.

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Gerry Bartlett's next novel

Real Vampires Live Large

Available now from Berkley Books!

“Please remain calm. The fire is out. The fire is out. Firemen are on their way and are clearing the smoke out of the building.”

I was wet, cold and lying on concrete. My baby dolls were tangled around my hips and Valdez was barking into my ear.

“Fire?” I took a breath. Smoke. Oh, shit.

“Yeah, fire. I dragged you up here.”
Valdez bumped me with his cold nose.
“But you're okay now, Blondie. Right?”

“Fire!” I swallowed and sat up. A helicopter sporting the logo of a local TV station hovered overhead. Nice. My chubby thighs would be on the evening news.

“You dragged me up here? Flo! Diana!” I jumped up and looked around. I may sleep like the dead, but once the sun goes down, I'm operating on all cylinders. I saw the other resident vamps—Flo, Diana and a guy I knew lived on the third floor—laid out on the roof. They were all wet and all in various stages of stirring. The sun had obviously just slipped below the horizon.

“Yep. I'd say our old buddy Brent Westwood decided to take a parting shot.”
Valdez growled and leaned against my leg.
“Somebody threw a firebomb into your shop and the fire spread from there. Whoever did it had a hell of a nerve pulling that in broad daylight. Of course it's Monday and the shop was closed. Mugs and Muffins was probably open though. I wonder—”

“Shut up, Valdez. I . . . My God!” My legs folded and I sat hard on the concrete again. Just about anything, from a wooden skewer to a chopstick, could take a vamp out while she's sleeping. And a fire . . . No amount of healing sleep could bring a vamp back from being a crispy critter. I rubbed my dog's ears. He'd
saved
me.

“How do you know this was Westwood?” We'd been fighting off the big game hunter who thought vamps were the biggest game of all ever since I'd arrived in Austin. After a recent showdown, we all figured he'd move on to easier prey. Parting shot.

Whump. Whump. Whump. Whump.
“Medical assistance is on its way. Please wave if you're all right.”