Real Vampires Know Size Matters (30 page)

“Why? Why are you content to be less than you can be? Why do you let others walk on you as if it is their right to be better, greater, have more, be more? How many of you have stood by and watched someone else take what you wanted and done nothing? Raise your hands. Come on. Hold them high. No, I can’t see you. The room is too dark, but your neighbor can. Are you ashamed?” She shook her head. “You should be. How can you be so spineless?” There was a murmur of outrage in the room.

I was a charter member of Doormats Anonymous. That had become clear to me lately. I wondered if she could see my hand in the air. I stared right at her. But I was pretty sure she was on a roll, her speech canned, and we were just a faceless crowd.

“Oh, have I hurt your feelings? Too bad. Put your hands down. I don’t want to see cowards here. That’s over. I spit on that.” To our shock she did just that. Elegant, ladylike Melisandra leaned over and spit on the hardwood floor. We all reared back in our seats and gasped.

“Ah, I’ve shocked you. Good. I’m acting out. Aggressive women are called bitches. Men are hardasses. Ladies don’t spit on polished floors. Neither do gentlemen. Why not? Because society doesn’t like it?” She strode out from behind her podium. “What if I tell you I don’t give a damn what society thinks?” She pointed a silver-painted nail around the room. “Who is society? You? You? Or perhaps
you
are the one who decides what is acceptable.” She stabbed the air in my direction. “I don’t accept your rules. Your restrictions. If I think I’m capable of something, if I want it badly enough, then I will do it, get it, have it. I will find a way. And I sure as hell won’t allow you to take what I want away from me.”

I had chills. Jerry. She’d wanted him and now she was getting him. He thought he could play her. Could he? She seemed so determined, so in control. Not the wild-eyed voodoo woman I’d seen before at all.

She began to pace the front edge of the stage. “Find a way. Did I tell you to break laws? No. But you say you can’t get what you want. There are blocks, people, problems in your way. Are there really? Or is it just your fear holding you back?” Her eyes were bright as she stabbed the air. “You build your own roadblocks, my friends. With your fears, your imagined inadequacies. Oh, poor me. I cannot do it. I am weak. I’m afraid I will fail.” She stopped in the center of the stage. “Yes, you will fail. If that is the tape running in your head. Failure breeds failure. Fear breeds failure. Stop it!” Her voice rang out in the silent hall. “Get off the pity train right now!”

I was pretty sure it wasn’t only the vampires here who had stopped breathing.

“Today is a fresh start for you. There are no failures here. You have arrived at a new beginning. That pitiful person who let everyone else walk all over them is gone and you will never go back there again. It’s time to decide. What do you want? Have you even dared name it to claim it?” She gestured with her hands. “Bring up the lights. Now!” she commanded her unseen minions.

“Now look under your seats, all of you. You have paper and pens. Pick them up and write down one thing you want. Must have. Think hard. Don’t write down something trivial like a new house or car. Those are things, people. Things you will buy when your success comes to you. I don’t want to see a feeling like success either. That’s too vague. We must define it to see what it means to you, no one else.” She paused, her eyes scanning the crowd, looking for something.

“And you’d better not put a sappy thing like love.” Her laugh haunted me. I’d heard that creepy cackle before. “Please. That won’t get you what you want. That’s the reward you get once you’ve made it, reached the brass ring and turned it into gold. Love can slow you down, make you weak. Unless it’s your love for the work you do and is part of your passionate drive to the top. I see your faces. Some of you want to argue. Then why are you here? If you want to own the world, focus!” She slammed her fist into her palm.

I shifted in my seat. Of course I’d gone to love first.

“I’m talking about a deeply desired something that will make you feel whole again. Change you from the sad sack who never has the best, the promotion, the money to do what your friends or coworkers do. What will make you into the take-charge person who everyone looks up to, the guy or gal who makes a difference, turns the ordinary into the extraordinary.” She paused for breath and we all did the same.

“Are you thinking? Maybe it’s a business, an idea for an invention you’ve never had the nerve to pursue, a book you want to write, the job you’ve always dreamed about. What do you want? It should be something concrete that you can get if you set goals and realize there are logical steps to achieving them. Come on. You’re here because you needed me. Something was clawing at your gut, aching inside you and it has to come out. You have a hole that must be filled.” She paused, staring around the room one more time, as if searching out the weak so she could shore us up. The woman next to Sienna was practically vibrating with excitement.

“I’m going to help you find ultimate fulfillment and happiness. Aim you toward your greater good and get you moving in the right direction. You’re going to take control of your life and make it become what you want it to be. Better, greater. With the world at your feet.” She paused and I could see her gathering energy from the crowd that was absolutely mesmerized by her. Hey, even me. I couldn’t look away.

“So think, people. Dig deep and find the truth. What do you want? This is the first step. I give you ten minutes. This is
your
idea. Don’t talk to your neighbor, friend, lover or whoever came with you. This is
your
deepest desire, not theirs. Go!” She waved her hands then we all dove under our seats for our pads and pens.

My hand shook as I stared down at the paper with her logo on it. The pen had the same. My deepest desire? I had to think about it. Love? No, not allowed. Money? I always needed it. But that was too abstract. I could get it if I went to Olympus. I needed a way to earn it myself without nasty strings attached. I’d never been afraid to work for what I wanted. Security. My heart thumped. Oh, boy, did that resonate. I could have had it with Jerry centuries ago, but at a price. Okay. Independence and security. Bingo.

Work that I enjoyed could get me that. Was it a singing career? Somehow I didn’t think so. I hadn’t really missed singing that much through the centuries. Probably because my subconscious associated it with murder. The idea of being in the spotlight, the focus of the crowd, wasn’t thrilling me either. I’d spent centuries in the shadows, blending. I couldn’t bear the thought of changing that much. True entertainers like Ray and Sienna got off to the attention and they’d had it prefangs. Me? I just couldn’t see it.

But I did love my little shop. I’d always wanted to make it more successful, to have more capital to spend and to grow the business. Kind of like the scrapbooking lady. I’d seen her excitement at taking a hobby and making it into a moneymaking success. Yes! I wanted a thriving business, the best vintage clothing shop in Austin, hey, maybe in Texas. Successful enough that I wouldn’t have to worry about paying the bills at the end of every month like I did now.

I was getting excited, sure I was on to something. My mother had shown me high-quality vintage things. I’d never been able to afford to travel and acquire that kind of merchandise. I would love to be able to do that. The hunt was the thrill I was looking for. I was tired of being looked down on by my friends who wore only the very best of everything. I liked vintage. Why not specialize in buying and selling the best of it?

I got busy writing. I glanced right. Rafe was writing, so was Sienna. Then I looked up. Mel was standing a few feet away. She smiled, a cold smile that sent shivers up my spine. I nodded, then casually rested my hand on Rafe’s thigh, making it clear who I’d come with to her program. He glanced at me and smiled, then covered my hand with his. Mel moved closer. Anyone watching would think she was pausing to help me.

She bent down to whisper in my ear. “You aren’t fooling me. Why are you here?”

I felt a chill brush past my face. One of her ghouls? I showed her my paper, full of notes. “I saw your Web site, I’m here for help.” I tightened my grip on Rafe’s leg. “We both are.”

She smiled tightly. “A wise decision. Focus on a new beginning. Because your old life is behind you.” She flicked her fingers so near my face that I flinched before I could stop myself. Rafe was halfway out of his seat when I pulled myself together enough to hold him back.

“No, Rafe, I’m fine.” I kept my eyes on her as she moved on down the aisle. She stopped to speak to a woman who seemed frozen over her pad of paper. Mel was calm and acting totally professional. But then this was her business. I doubted she’d jeopardize it over a personal matter. But I hadn’t imagined the threat or warning in her voice.

Still, three hours later I knew Mel was on to something. Despite my resistance, I’d learned from her and I felt drained but exhilarated. I wanted a thriving vintage clothing business and it was time to take it seriously. It seemed like everything and everyone else had come first lately. I was easily distracted. Because I’d never really nailed down my goals. Now I had a list. My pad was full of the insights Mel’s program had helped me figure out.

I’d had offers before to get my inventory on computer and I hadn’t followed through with them. I’d turned down his help when Jerry had wanted to help me with a business plan. Stupid. The man was a genius with stuff like that. I had a great manager in Lacy but I was underutilizing her talents. My list was loaded with things like that. By the time we headed to the car, I was bursting to share. I could tell Sienna and Rafe had also gotten a lot out of the session.

“I hate to admit it, but the woman has something to sell. She may be weird off the stage, but her seminars are powerful.” Rafe started the car. “I’m seriously jazzed about some things I can do with N-V. What about you, Sienna?”

“I got a lot out of it.” She clutched her pad. “Tell you later. I want to think it through. Glory? What was your big revelation? Is it a singing career?”

“No. Sorry to disappoint you, but I’m really focusing on my shop.” I smiled at Rafe. “Vintage Vamp’s. I think Halloween will be a one-shot wonder with the singing.”

“You’re kidding. With your talent?” Sienna kicked the back of the seat. “I had high hopes for you.”

“It’s not my thing, Sienna. Truly? The singing is a gift I didn’t earn. Making a success of the shop is a real challenge. I started it from practically nothing and it’s lasted longer than some shops on Sixth Street. It feels good to be able to say that. I want to make it bigger and better.” I leaned back and stared out at the night. “Are we headed to N-V? I have rehearsals. Ray wants to use the band with my set and he was going to tell them about it tonight.”

“Well, I guess if it’s your one shot, it might as well be a good one.” Sienna sighed. “Damn, I wanted to produce your first record.”

“Being in the public eye is tricky for a vampire. I’d rather not deal with it, Sienna.” I glanced at Rafe. “So. Big plans for the club?”

“I want to get in name bands more often. Maybe try to attract an older crowd. College kids don’t spend much money. I want to expand the cocktail menu, do some specialty food items. I really haven’t explored that side of the business.” He talked on about his plans as he drove down Sixth Street. “Okay, we’re here. Didn’t you tell Miguel you’d meet him here? You ever figure out what you two have going?”

“No. I’m definitely off tequila forever. I can’t figure out how, but I’m going to make it clear to him that I have no business with him. Unless it’s to my benefit.” I got out of the car when he stopped. Sienna was right behind me.

“Wait. What do you mean?” Rafe leaned over the console. “Glory, don’t start something with Miguel.”

“Rafe, I know what I’m doing. I’ll see you inside. There’s Danny, waiting for you, Sienna.”

“Good. I called him when we left the auditorium. He made me promise. He’s a great guy.” She waved when Rafe took off to park his car around back in the alley behind the club. “Rafe’s still acting as your bodyguard?”

“Sort of. If things work out as we hope, I won’t need one much longer. But hold on a minute. I realize I haven’t done my job as your mentor. When the craziness of Halloween dies down we need to talk. I haven’t taught you all the stuff you should know as a newbie.” I walked into the club beside her.

“No kidding.” Sienna frowned at me. “If it weren’t for Danny, I’d have been in trouble several times. I’m holding you to that, Glory. Mesmerizing, maybe some other vamp stuff I should have learned by now is important, and I’m clueless.”

“I’m sorry. We’ll get to it, I promise.” Then I saw Miguel at the bar. “Oh, there’s trouble. One thing is for sure. I’m not doing tequila shots again. Not recommended for vamps, Sienna. Trust me on that.”

Ray came up behind me. “You drank tequila, Glory? I thought we couldn’t touch alcohol.”

I wanted to vanish. Unfortunately there were mortals all around who would wonder about that. “We can. I just found that out. But in limited quantities. I had a blackout after a few tequila shots last night. It’s dangerous, Ray. And, as an alcoholic, I know you’re not going to try it.”

His smile didn’t reassure me. “As an alcoholic, all I can say is, I hope not. I’m heading upstairs to give the boys your songs. You coming?”

“In a little while. I’ve got to meet with someone first.” I rubbed his shoulder. “That hope is good enough for me. I’m proud of you.”

“Knock it off, Glo. I’m doing the best I can. I don’t need your pity.” He shook off my touch and headed up the stairs.

“Touchy.” Sienna frowned. “Too bad. He’s got few enough friends as it is. I still won’t forgive him for what he did to me. I’ll tell him to practice with me first, then you can take your time with Mr. Tall, Dark and Dangerous over there.” She licked her lips. “He has a certain appeal. I always did like a bad boy.”

“He is that. He’s using Aggie now for his dining companion so I guess your arrangement with her is off. I’d stay as far away from that scene as I could get if I were you.” I smiled. “Fair warning.”