Realm of the Goddess (10 page)

“Kali’s sword...that’s great,” I stuttered, a sudden wave of panic rising.

“Yes, of course,” Nina replied impatiently. “We have been trying to pinpoint its location for some time now, but it hasn’t been easy. Mahisha’s people are also after it, and it has been a challenge to stay one step ahead of them.”

“What happens if they do get hold of it?” I needed to know exactly what I was up against.

“Well, then Kali...you...won’t be able to destroy Mahisha. It’s the only weapon that can destroy him. And you’re the only one who can wield it.”

I was silent for some time. “But I have no training, no experience. I don’t even know if you all are right about this...about me.” It was true; they all were convinced that I was Kali, but I didn’t feel any different or powerful. I was just confused and overwhelmed.

Dev stood up and came over to my side of the table. He put his hand on my shoulder. “Callie, I know this is hard, but you must trust us. We know who you are, and we have faith in you. It is your divine destiny. Now you must make yourself see how powerful and strong you are.” He looked at me beseechingly. “You must do it for your parents.”

Even in such a short while, Dev had figured me out. He knew that my parents were my weakness right now. I would do anything to save them, even go to India to get a sword that I had no idea how to use. Then again, I couldn’t just stay here, waiting to learn. They may have been too nice to say anything, but I knew Dev and Tara would agree that I seemed a hopeless case when it came to combat training. I could see all of them, Shiv, Tara, Nina, Dev and even Vikram looking at me expectantly. Maybe my imagination was in overdrive, but I felt they were looking to me to save them. To save everybody. And that was a huge burden. I didn’t know if I was capable enough. But I did know one thing: I would not let my parents down. I couldn’t be sure if my dad had actually come to me in my dream or if I had just been hallucinating, but he had told me to find the sword and that was what I would do. So I squared my shoulders, sat up straight and looked Dev in the eye.

“Okay. I’ll go. But before that I need everything you know about what I’m walking into. I won’t go unprepared.”

They gave a collective sigh of relief. I could feel Shiv’s eyes on me, but I couldn’t look at him right now. Nothing would distract me. The rest of the day passed quickly as they filled me in on centuries’ worth of information. I was glad that I’d always been a bit of a nerd when it came to school, because right now it really helped that I could retain a lot of information in a short time. They told me about the various factions of Mahisha’s armies. It seemed that they were spread all around the world. I learned about the tactics they used. Mahisha and his demons fed on humanity’s weaknesses. Thus, the most vulnerable members of society were perfect prey for him and his minions. In Kolkata, specifically, that would include the orphans, poverty-stricken widows and pretty much anyone who was cast away. Their lives were so devoid of hope and so full of despair that the promise of a better tomorrow at any cost would be a temptation.

As I listened to the stories of Rakshakaris who had stood guard against Mahisha for centuries, I recoiled with horror at some of the vile acts that humans were capable of committing under the influence of pure evil. Genocide, torture and swindling were child’s play to this army of demons. The human recruits gave up their souls in exchange for wealth, security and freedom. A part of me sympathized with the choices these people made, having witnessed first-hand the awful conditions that some people lived in. I could understand how utter despair could turn a mother to the dark side if it meant a better life for her children.

While I had lived in India, some of the harsh realities of a third world country had become part of the daily scenery for me. But after living in Seattle for so many years, I sometimes remembered with horror the things I had seen. Like a mother with little babies who hadn’t eaten in days. Their eyes would have a vacant look, the look of someone with no hope. At the time I had been too young to recognize the irony of people living in abhorrent conditions while right next to them others lived in unfathomable wealth. But now that I was older and more informed, it shocked me to the core. As I listened to the others, I realized that thieving politicians and corrupt leaders had one thing in common with Mahisha. They might be human but they were just as evil as the demons we were about to fight. I looked up at the wall clock. We’d been at this for over three hours now. I felt drained from listening to so many depressing accounts and asked to take a break. I got up and went out to get some fresh air. I realized that Shiv had followed me when I heard the door close behind him. He came and sat next to me on the steps.

“That was a lot to take in wasn’t it?” he asked, gently taking my hand. His touch was nice, comforting without anything more. It was what I needed right then. For some reason the thought of Ben flashed into my mind. I’d been so preoccupied that I had hardly given him a thought in the last couple of days. But I knew I couldn’t just leave without saying goodbye. A part of me recognized the possibility that I might not make it back. I stood up abruptly, my hand slipping out of Shiv’s.

“I have to see Ben. I can’t just leave without saying anything to him.”

Shiv stood up too. He glanced back at the house and then back at me. “It will take some convincing,” he said. “But I think I can figure out a way to take you back. Just go along with me.”

We went back into the house. Shiv announced that I needed to go back to my house to grab a few more items since I would be traveling to India, such as my passport and other essentials. His parents didn’t suspect anything, so a few minutes later we were on our way back. I had texted Ben, and thankfully he had replied right away. We would meet at our usual spot in the park. Shiv would stand guard. I felt apprehensive about meeting Ben. The last time we had spoken he’d left angry. It was already dark by the time we got there, and Shiv insisted on scoping out the park before I got out of the car. When he signaled that it was safe I joined him and walked over to the swings. Ben was already there on one of the old regular swings that had not been replaced by the weird saucer swings that I detested. I could see from his face that he wasn’t too thrilled to see Shiv, but I had been expecting that. I nodded at Shiv to give us some space. He walked over to a copse and then seemed to just blend into the darkness.

I sat down on the swing beside Ben like I’d always done. It was big enough to fit both of us. At first neither of us said anything. Then we both spoke at once.

“Ben. I...”

“Callie, how...”

Ben recovered first. “You go,” he said, looking down at his hands. He’d always had big hands, his fingers long and thin, but now I noticed they seemed different. They looked damaged, as if he’d been punching things. There were scars and bruises on them, clearly visible, even in the little light cast by the streetlamp. I reached out to touch his right hand, but he flinched. Something painful flared up for a moment. He was still angry with me. I felt the base of my throat growing warm, but I ignored it.

“Ben, I’m so sorry...I know you have a lot of questions.”

He didn’t say anything. He just sat there looking down. He wasn’t going to make this easy for me. I didn’t blame him; he deserved better.

“I’m going away for a while,” I began. He looked up then and I gasped. There were shadows under his eyes, but that wasn’t what shocked me. He always got those when he spent too many late nights studying for finals. There were bruises on his face, some reddish, some purple, in various stages of healing.

“What happened to you?” I stood up, my pendant growing warmer. Suddenly I felt sick. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Shiv emerging from the shadows by the trees. In the same instant, two men materialized on either side of Ben. I barely had time to register that we were in danger when a dagger flew through the semi-darkness and buried itself right in the chest of one of the men. He disintegrated right before my eyes. At the same time the other one put his arm around Ben’s neck, and in the next moment they were gone. Just like that they vanished right before my eyes. Both of them. I stood there, frozen in place, the horror of what had just happened dawning on me. I understood the bruises now and the scars. They must have been waiting for me to make contact with Ben. I had walked right into a trap. And I had just lost my best friend. My legs gave way and I crumpled to the ground. It had all happened so fast, and then Shiv was there cradling my head on his lap as I sobbed into it.

“They took him, Shiv...” I choked on my tears and sat up so I could breathe again. “He had bruises...they must have tortured him to get to me.” I couldn’t take it. Another person I loved was taken, and it was all because of me. Shiv held me while I cried, stroking my hair until the sobs subsided. It was a while before I could stand, then we walked back to the car and drove to the Academy.

Chapter Eight

When we got
back, Shiv told his parents and Vikram what had happened. He left out the part about the plan to meet Ben, instead making it sound as if we had just run into him. It didn’t even matter to me. I was cold inside and felt nothing except icy rage and the burning desire to demolish everything that Mahisha stood for. He would not take one more thing from me.

My fury was boiling over and I could feel the heat in my veins. I had to go somewhere where I could release it before I took it out on someone in the room. I looked at Shiv in a silent appeal. It only took a few seconds. The others were still talking, trying to figure out the next move. Shiv got up, told them we needed to leave and took me to the training hall. Tara was there, already getting things ready for the next day’s lessons. She looked surprised to see the two of us, but Shiv quickly told her what had happened. She nodded, handing me a pair of gloves, and nudged me toward the punching bag that hung from the ceiling in one corner of the gym.

I was hesitant at first, but then the fury took over, guiding every ounce of anger I was feeling into my hands and into every punch that landed on the bag. Each time my fists made contact with the tough material, they exploded with pain, but I couldn’t stop...I didn’t want to stop. It was as if the hurt kept me from feeling the intense guilt that was threatening to take over. Guilt over Ben becoming a pawn in this cat-and-mouse game. Then there was the paralyzing fear that Ben...
my
Ben was at the mercy of those demons. I couldn’t allow my mind to go there. Instead I concentrated on each punch and continued until I felt every bone in my fingers would shatter. I stopped, wiping the sweat from my face and letting my arms fall. Tara and Shiv were watching me with the same strange expression.

“Callie...” Shiv said, clearly not sure what to do next.

“I’m okay.” I flopped down on a mat and Shiv and Tara joined me.

“Callie...I’m so sorry about your friend —” Tara began, but I put up a hand.

“I’m sorry, Tara...I can’t...I can’t deal with this right now.” I could feel my eyes welling up and the last thing I needed right now was to have a breakdown.

“What are you going to do?” Shiv asked softly. I looked at him and shrugged, my shoulders rising and falling in defeat.

“I don’t know what I can do.” I felt utterly hopeless. I had no idea where to even begin. “They used him to get to me. He doesn’t even have a clue about what’s going on. I lied to him...I never imagined they could get to him.” The tears threatened to spill over, and this time I let them as I remembered the bruises I had seen on his face in the light of the streetlamp at the park. He wouldn’t have known what was happening and what I was involved in. I couldn’t even begin to imagine the betrayal he must have felt when he realized I had kept so many secrets from him. I shook my head, angry for letting myself fall apart like this. I stood up and looked at Tara and Shiv.

“Look...I appreciate that you are trying to help, but I need to focus right now. Ben’s my best friend. If anything happens to him...anything else...I will never forgive myself.”

Shiv stood up and helped Tara to her feet.

“Callie...whatever it takes,” Tara said and Shiv nodded.

“We’re here for you. We’ll help you train and we won’t stop until you’re ready to face them,” Shiv said. Then he put an arm around my shoulders. “We’ll find him, Callie. I promise.”

We walked back to the main house in silence. I knew I had a difficult road ahead of me, but somehow with Shiva and Tara by my side I was less terrified.

When we joined Vikram, Dev and Nina, they didn’t ask why Shiv and I had left so abruptly. I had to assume that this was not the first time they had lived through something like this. In their line of work, loss was probably a professional hazard and handling it must be all too familiar to them. I was glad I didn’t have to explain myself, and besides, I had other things on my mind.

“I want to know how to channel Kali,” I announced. They all looked at me. “You said that her powers will manifest in me. I think that the time has come.”

“Callie,” Vikram said, shifting in his armchair by the fireplace. “Kali’s powers are not something to can turn on with the flip of a switch.”

“Well, then tell me what I have to do,” I demanded, bristling at his condescending tone. A dark expression crossed his face for a fleeting moment and then it was gone. Nina, who had been sitting quietly in her chair, hastily intervened.

“Callie, I can help you with this. I have spent many years studying the effects that the powers of the Goddess have on her avatars. There are ways to master them, and the sooner you learn them, the stronger you’ll be.”

There was something about Nina that usually put me on edge, but I had to admit that now she was putting my mind at ease.

“That would be great, Nina, thank you,” I said graciously.

“Good, we’ll start immediately. Vikram, if we are done here...”

“Yes, of course, Nina, you and Callie go ahead. We can finish up here on our own,” Vikram said, waving us off in his usual imperious manner. I decided I most definitely did not like Vikram very much. Maybe I was being childish, but there was something about him I couldn’t define that made me uneasy.

Nina and I left the main house, and to my surprise we didn’t go to any of the school buildings. Instead she took me to the residence building where I was staying with the other students. We went up to my room. Although it was meant for double occupancy, I did not have a roommate. Nina indicated that I should sit on my bed. I did, not having the faintest idea what to expect.

“Okay, Callie...I want you to relax. Just kick off your shoes and get comfortable. We are going to practice some meditation.”

I stared at her in disbelief.
This is how I am going to channel the Goddess. By meditating?

“Trust me, I know what I’m doing. I have studied the art of Goddess Manifestation for many years. Just close your eyes and take deep breaths.”

Was she for real? What the hell was Goddess Manifestation?

I closed my eyes obediently and started breathing deeply. Soon I was hyperventilating and I was pretty sure that was not what Nina had meant by deep breaths. I’d never been good at yoga or any kind of meditation. When I’d started having the nightmares, my mom had tried to get me to do yoga with her, hoping that would stop them. I would either fall asleep or just worry about all the other things I could be doing instead of just lying there with my eyes closed. This wasn’t any better.

“Nina, I don’t think this is working,” I said, opening my eyes. She didn’t reply. She had made herself comfortable on the bed across from mine and was clearly in a deep meditative state. She sat with her legs crossed in a traditional yoga pose, another feat I had never been able to master without toppling over. I toyed with the idea of using my finger to see if she would too, but I restrained myself. Eventually she opened her eyes and looked at me disapprovingly. Her thin lips curved downwards and her even thinner eyebrows arched in a subtle sign of disdain.

“Callie, if you’re not going to take this seriously, then no one can help you.”

“It’s not that...I just can’t do this right now. Don’t you know some spell or something?” I regretted the words as soon as they came out of my mouth. Nina was not amused.

“Spell?” she said, her voice shrill and loud in the small room. “Do you think I am a witch?” Thankfully, it was a rhetorical question, but I still had to bite my tongue. I didn’t want her any more worked up than she already was.

“No, of course not,” I managed after gulping down my original response. “I just meant that maybe there was something I could chant or...” I trailed off weakly.

“Look, Callie, this is not going to be easy.” She sat down next to me, and when she spoke again her voice was considerably softer. “There is no short cut...you’re going to have to do this the hard way. You are a very lucky girl.” I smiled at that, shaking my head. “Lucky” was not the word I would use to describe myself these days.

“No, Callie, I’m serious. The Goddess has chosen you, so that must mean that you have the strength. Now you just have to tap into that.”

In a way her words made sense. Why, of all the billions of women in the world, would I have been chosen by Kali? There had to be a reason. Even if I didn’t know what it was, I did know that it was something. Maybe I would just have to wait to figure out what exactly it was, but for now I had to learn how to channel her powers. Time was running out for my parents and for Ben. I took a deep breath and nodded.

“Okay, I’ll try again.”

Nina gave me a smile and stood up. “Alright, now this time try to focus your thoughts. Find something you can draw strength from and concentrate on that.”

I closed my eyes. It took a few moments, but then I thought about my parents. In my mind I looked at the picture frame that I always kept on my nightstand. It was the three of us at the beach a few summers ago. Ben was with us and had taken the photo, which showed us leaning against a log. It was one of my most favorite family pictures, and it was what I focused on now. I remembered how happy I had been that day with my family, enjoying the togetherness. In my mind I tried to recreate the warmth and love when I was with my parents and how safe I felt. At first, nothing happened. But then I could feel some of the warmth from my thoughts seep into the rest of my consciousness like molasses, slowly coating my insides and leaving me feeling all gooey and soft. Then it changed, becoming something else, something that I could draw strength from. It lit me up from inside, this power, like I’d been connected to a battery and recharged. I opened my eyes, and from the look in Nina’s eyes I could tell that she’d noticed a change as well. I wondered if my hair was standing up or something. I reached out and touched it. Nope, my hair was fine.

“How do you feel?” Nina asked, her eyes wide with wonder.

“I’m not sure...I feel strong, I guess...but it’s strange...I can’t really describe it.”

Nina looked a little disappointed. I wondered if she’d thought that I would have some spurt of supernatural power or something.

“Okay, so what’s next?” I wasn’t going to waste time trying to make Nina feel better; I had plenty problems of my own to deal with.

“Next, you continue preparing yourself. You have little time and much to learn.” She put a hand on my shoulder. “I have faith in you, Callie. Perhaps more than you have in yourself right now.”

It took a few moments to swallow the lump in my throat. I didn’t want to show any weakness.

“I can do it, Nina. I won’t let everyone down.” I spoke with much more conviction than I felt, but that was all I could do now. I had to believe I had it in me. And I had to train hard.

<>~~<>~~<>

The next day I decided to get an early start. I ate breakfast and joined Shiv and Tara in the training hall. They introduced me to a different weapon, a set of daggers called
phurba
. They were to be used at the same time. Tara demonstrated, and as I watched her once again, sparring with Shiv, I was in awe of the graceful yet deadly way in which she used them. I could only hope I would be half as good as she was by the time I actually came face to face with Mahisha. When Tara was done and gave the
phurba
to me, I held one in each hand, studying their appearance. They were as heavy as I expected, given that they were made of bronze. They were identical, their hilts bearing images of the goddesses, Durga, Shakti and Kali. Each was inlaid with what I assumed were precious stones.

The blades were serrated and looked terrifying. I didn’t know if I could actually use them to hurt someone. But I did know that when the time came and there was a question of saving my parents, I wouldn’t hesitate. Tara showed me the correct way to hold them and I gripped one in each hand, my fingers in the grooves of the handles. Shiv picked up another set and we went at it. At first I was hesitant, seeing as I wasn’t wearing any protective gear. Apparently at the Academy they did not believe in training with gear that the Rakshakari wouldn’t be wearing during a real fight. It kind of made sense to me. I didn’t see the point of learning to fight safely, only to end up getting badly hurt when it came to the real action.

I turned my focus back to the action. Shiv was taking it easy on me and Tara was shouting out instruction from the side. It took some time to get into a rhythm, but eventually I did and I could tell from the change in Tara’s voice that she noticed it too. I didn’t know when it started exactly, but at some point in our sparring something changed. It began deep inside, somewhere in my gut, a small worm of a feeling. It unraveled slowly and spread through the rest of my body until my fingertips tingled with it. The warmth kept building until it spilled over and then it was as if the daggers were just an extension of me. I felt as though I was performing some sort of a dance, the steps of which I had learned in some other existence. It came naturally, and without having to think about it I had Shiv on the floor with both daggers pointing down at him. It was as if a part of my brain still knew who I was and what I was doing, while another part of me heard echoes from a distant past. It was quite amazing, I had to admit, to feel in control for the first time in weeks. Plus, I loved the way Shiv was grinning up at me, his expression a mixture of smugness at knowing he’d been right and pride because I had finally figured out how to focus.