Rebecca is Always Right (16 page)

We talked a bit about our families too. I told him about Rachel being dumped and how I was trying to cheer her up, and he said when his sister found out her boyfriend had left her for someone else she threw black paint all over a painting she’d been doing of him.

‘And then she left it on his doorstep and never talked to him again,’ said Sam. ‘It was a bit over the top, to be honest. She’s mortified about it now.’

‘Rachel hasn’t done anything like that,’ I said. ‘At least, I don’t think so. Did your sister get over it eventually, then?’

‘I suppose so,’ said Sam. ‘I mean, she seems okay now. In her head-wrecking way.’

We ended up staying there talking for over an hour. I was scared to look at my phone to check the time, in case Sam realised how late it was and decided he had to escape, but he didn’t seem to be in a hurry. Eventually, though, my phone rang, and, unsurprisingly, it was my mother wondering where I was. I should have just texted her earlier to say I was hanging around town for a while.

‘If you’re not going to be home for dinner, I need to know!’ said Mum crossly. ‘Now, get home as soon as you can. And it was your turn to help do some hoovering today, too.’

If I had been with Alice or Cass or Jane, or someone else I’d been friends with for ages, I would have just argued back to her, but I didn’t want to do that the first time Sam and I went somewhere on our own together, so I just said, ‘Okay, I’ll be home soon.’ I turned to Sam. ‘Yikes. I’d better be off.’

‘Me too, I suppose,’ said Sam. ‘I hope they’ve done most of the sandpapering.’

So we paid and strolled off to our bus stops. We reached mine first, and as soon as we got there a bus turned up so we
just said bye quickly and I jumped on it. And that was that.

Of course, now I keep going back over the conversation and worrying if I said something stupid or if I made it really obvious that I liked him. I don’t think I did, though you never know. But even though I am worrying a bit, I mostly just feel very happy about it. I mean, I know asking someone to go for a coffee and talking to them for hours doesn’t mean they definitely fancy you. I have done the same with Jane and, much as I like her, I don’t want to go out with her. But asking someone for coffee does mean they definitely like you and want to talk to you properly. Which has to be a good thing.

The thing is, though, if he doesn’t fancy me (which is perfectly possible, I know), I really, really don’t want him to know that I fancy him. It would spoil everything, and I like him so much as a friend (as well as a boy I fancy) that losing his friendship would just make the nothing-romantic-ever-happening thing even worse. So I am trying to make it clear that I like him as a friend without making it obvious that I sometimes sit there imagining what it would be like if he just leaned across the table and kissed me. It is surprisingly tricky. But the thought of him knowing that I liked him and feeling guilty for leading me on – the way he felt about Gemma – is much worse.

Oh, I don’t know. Maybe I should just stop thinking about all the bad things that might happen. Maybe I should just let myself be happy for now. Even if nothing ever happens, he is a cool person and I like talking to him. And that might be enough, mightn’t it?

I told Cass about fancying Sam. She called in to my house this morning because she’d left her maths book here on Friday (she realised she’d taken it out of her bag when looking for her phone and then forgot to put it back in again), and she needed it to do her homework. Last night I realised it was kind of stupid to worry about my friends being sorry for me, so as soon as we were up in my room, away from my nosy parents, I told her all. It was actually really good to talk about it at last. Though of course, Cass claims she already had her suspicions.

‘I can always tell with you,’ she said. ‘I was right about John too, remember?’

‘Yeah, you went on about it all the time,’ I said. ‘It was really annoying.’

‘You’re just annoyed because I know you better than you
know yourself,’ said Cass, annoyingly.

Still, she really was very sympathetic towards my lovelorn state. In fact, she was shocked to hear I had thought she might pity me or wouldn’t understand what I was going through.

‘After all,’ she said, ‘it’s not as if I don’t know what it’s like to fancy a friend and have no idea whether they like you back, is it? And in my case, I didn’t even know if Liz liked girls!’

I felt a bit ashamed that I hadn’t thought of that.

‘Good point,’ I said. ‘Sorry. Though of course, I don’t know if Sam likes girls either.’

‘Oh, I’m pretty sure he does,’ said Cass. ‘He went out with someone in the Gaeltacht last year and he was really into her.’

I stared at her.

‘How on earth do you know that?’ I said.

‘I have my ways,’ said Cass.

‘What ways?’ I said. A terrible thought struck me. ‘You haven’t been, like, asking him questions on my behalf, have you?’

Cass looked insulted.

‘As if I’d do anything so crude,’ she said. ‘No, remember the other week when Lucy was going to her cousins’ in Rathmines and I was going to Liz’s house? We all got the bus together.’

‘Oh yeah,’ I said.

‘Well, Liz said something about her time in Irish college this year, and then she and Lucy started comparing Gaeltacht stories. And somehow they got on to the topic of all the romantic scandal that goes on in Irish college.’

‘Scandal?’ I said. I didn’t like the sound of that.

‘Oh, Sam wasn’t doing anything scandalous,’ said Cass. ‘I just mean they were talking about how in Irish college there are always loads of people getting together and lots of who-likes-who and “ooh, is she going out with him?” gossip.’

‘Ah, okay,’ I said.

‘Anyway,’ said Cass. ‘Lucy said that Sam got together with this girl from Cork called Louisa and he was totally smitten. And so was she. Louisa was smitten with him, I mean. Apparently she was yet another person who assumed Sam and Lucy were an item and Lucy had to basically tell her that Sam liked her, and then they got together at a céilí and it was all very romantic. So yeah, they tried to keep it going when they got home but, after a few months, they realised the long-distance thing was too tough, so it all kind of fizzled out.’

‘Whoah,’ I said. ‘Like me and Paperboy. Sort of.’

‘See, you’re made for each other!’ said Cass. ‘You both know what it’s like to move on because someone is millions of miles away. Or just in Cork. Anyway, Lucy said he did get
over her after a few months, but he was pretty sad for a while. So he is definitely not averse to going out with girls. You have a chance.’

This was very good to hear. Of course, it wouldn’t have been good if Lucy had told Cass that Sam was still pining for this Louisa girl, but he clearly isn’t. So that’s something. And Cass said that she thought it was a very good sign that Sam had asked me to go for coffee with him, so maybe I’m not being ridiculously optimistic about that. She couldn’t stay for too long because she told her parents she’d be back nice and early to do lots of studying because they too have been going on about exams. Her parents aren’t too bad, though. They’re getting her a cool new keyboard stand for her birthday.

Oh God, her birthday! I was so taken up by having hot chocolate with Sam I totally forgot about having to get her a birthday present! I’ll have to go into town now. I just hope Mum and Dad will give me some money. I feel so guilty – how could I have put meeting Sam above getting a present for one of my two best friends in the entire world?

Although, actually, I didn’t sort out getting extra money yesterday before I went into the Knitting Factory, so technically I forgot about it before I’d even seen Sam. Still, I do feel bad. I will get her something really nice to make up for it (as
long as it costs under a tenner – I can’t imagine I’ll get more than that from my parents. They’re not made of money, as they never tire of telling me).

Oh my God. Something bad has happened. Not to me. But … well, I’ll just write it down. I managed to borrow present money off Dad, who gave in to my demands surprisingly quickly. I don’t think he was paying too much attention to me because he was lost in the world of Henry Higgins – he was singing ‘I’ve Grown Accustomed To Her Face’ when I found him in the kitchen. Anyway, before he could come to his senses and realise he’d just handed me €15 (which was more than I was expecting), I ran off and got the bus into town. I went to the Gutter Bookshop and got Cass a book she’s wanted to read for a while, and then I went to get her some gorgeous-smelling shower gel. I think this was a good balance of presents.

Once I’d got Cass’s booty, I set off for the bus stop, but as I was approaching a café on Wicklow Street a familiar figure sitting inside it at a table near the window caught my eye. It was Tom! Of course I hadn’t seen him since before he dumped
Rachel and broke her heart into a million pieces. Over the last few weeks he’s become such a villain in our house it was quite a shock to see him just sitting there looking perfectly normal. I didn’t want him to see me because it would be weird and awkward, so I crossed to the other side of the road.

And that was when I noticed he was sitting at the table with a girl. At first, all I could see was her fair hair, but when I walked on a little bit and looked back cautiously I could see her face. And I almost gasped aloud. Because it wasn’t just any girl – though any girl would have been bad enough.

It was Jenny.

As soon as I saw it was her I just froze. What was Jenny doing huddled in a café with the boy who broke her best friend’s heart? I stepped back into a shop doorway so I could look at the two of them for a moment longer without being totally obvious. They were talking very intensely and at one stage Jenny reached across and gave Tom something and touched his arm. They did not look like two friends having a casual chat. They looked like conspirators. Or people who were having a secret affair behind their best friend and ex-girlfriend’s back.

Anyway, I realised I was starting to look suspicious standing there in a shop doorway so I went on to the bus stop,
but I was in a sort of daze until I got home. And now I don’t know what to do. I had got used to feeling angry with Tom, but Jenny? She has been Rachel’s best mate since they were in primary school and I can’t imagine Rachel without her. She’s like a member of our family. Maybe this is why I feel almost personally betrayed. I think I might be more upset about this than about Tom dumping Rachel. How could Jenny do this? And how can I look her in the face now I know what she’s done? How can I look Rachel in the face, for that matter? I don’t know if I should tell her or not. Should I? I feel so guilty knowing about it when she has no idea. Imagine if she knew that, say, John had been cheating on me and never told me. I’d hate it. I need to tell her.

Oh, I can’t, it would just kill her. And besides, why should I do Jenny’s dirty work for her? She’s the one who has stabbed her best friend in the back. Ugh, I feel sick. Luckily, when I came home from town Rachel was doing her homework and then after dinner I did some of my homework and then we all watched TV for a while. So I wasn’t actually on my own with
Rachel all evening. But I will have to decide whether to say something eventually.