Rebecca's Rose (32 page)

“Am I paying you enough?”

“You are very generous,” Levi said. “Living is a lot cheaper with no car or cell phone to pay for. And I have a second job on Saturdays. We manage okay.”

“Another job?”

“I take the bus into town early on Saturdays to repair bikes and come back late on Saturday night. I get almost twelve hours in.”

Nathaniel wrinkled his forehead. “We’ll have to see what we can do about that. You’ll wear yourself down to a stub.” He smiled. “What about friends? Are you making any friends?”

“Counting you,” Levi said, pretending to make a tally in his head and on his fingers, “I have one friend.”

Nathaniel laughed. “It will come with time.”

“I’m an outsider. And most of the guys are siding with Marvin Yutzy.”

Nathaniel put a hand on Levi’s shoulder. “Tell me about you and Rebecca Miller.”

Levi’s tears sprang up like dandelions. Why did he have to break down the minute someone showed him a little kindness?

Nathaniel pulled him out of the chair and steered him to a door at the back of the workshop. “We need a little privacy.”

Levi numbly followed Nathaniel’s lead into a smaller workshop. He sat on the chair offered him while Nathaniel lit a propane lamp. The room was not dark, but the lamp brightened it considerably.

“I’m very discouraged,” Levi said.

“Anybody not preoccupied with a new wife can see that,” Nathaniel said.

“We started dating last summer. I don’t know what I was thinking at first. I guess I felt sorry for her.” Levi folded his arms around his chest to try to keep the pain at bay. “No, that’s not it. I wanted to know her better.”

“Rebecca most certainly has a mind of her own, but I admit, I’m surprised she agreed to go with you. We’re wary of outsiders.”

“She wanted to do some non-typical Amish things, and she needed an Englischer to help her do them. I was her only option.” Levi took a deep breath. That’s all he was to her—a means to an end. How had he been so blind?

Love is blind.

“And now you love her,” Nathaniel said, his voice thick with compassion.

“I love her.” Levi pressed his hands over his eyes and wiped away all the offending tears.

“Does she love you?”

“Five years ago I was in an accident—”

“Jah,” said Nathaniel quietly. “We all know about that.”

“Another reason I don’t have any friends.”

To Levi’s surprise, Nathaniel grabbed his shoulders. “No, no, Levi. Never believe that. The Wengerds have forgiven you. We have all forgiven you. You must know that.”

“Rebecca hasn’t. I love her, and she hates the very sight of me.”

“Have you talked to her about it?”

“She says she wishes I had died instead of Dottie Mae.” Levi’s voice shook, but he pinched his arm to keep the tears from multiplying.

Nathaniel rubbed his whiskers. “She was Dottie Mae’s best friend.”

“One of the reasons I joined the community is because I want to marry her.”

“That is real love, I think,” Nathaniel said. “You are giving up a lot for her.”

“I’d give so much more…if she’d only forgive me.”

“I think we cannot ask for forgiveness unless we have forgiven. Have you forgiven yourself?”

“The memory still brings me to my knees,” Levi said. “But, yes, I have forgiven myself. The Lord has taken away my guilt.”

“What about the other boys involved?”

Levi hadn’t ever thought about that before. “I don’t blame them. The fault is mine. I was so angry at my dad that I—” His heart skipped a beat then sank to his toes. He frowned and looked away. “I guess I haven’t forgiven everybody.”

“Your dat?”

Realization slapped Levi upside the head, and he couldn’t stem the tide any longer. He let the tears go unhindered down his face. “Wow. I’m so blind. I keep praying for Rebecca to find it in her heart to forgive me, but I find it impossible to do anything but hate my dad. Why should I ask more of her than I am capable of doing myself?” He threw up his hands as the weight of his predicament smothered him. “I give up,” he said. “I can’t forgive my dad.” He buried his face in his hands.

Nathaniel put a comforting hand on Levi’s shoulder.

“I can’t do it,” Levi said. “I hate him, Nathaniel. I hate him.”

Nathaniel let him wallow in his self-pity for a minute before he went to a small desk and pulled a Bible from one of the drawers. His soft voice, both clear and deep, felt like a blanket around Levi’s shoulders. “With God, all things are possible.”

“I know,” Levi said. “But I don’t know how to tap in to that grace.”

“Do you believe that Jesus suffered and died to pay for our sins?”

“Jah.”

“Including your dat’s sins?”

“I suppose so.”

“Then you either choose to accept Jesus’ payment for those sins or you decide that what Jesus did was not good enough, that his sacrifice doesn’t work for your dat. Which is it?”

“I believe,” Levi stuttered. “But my dad should suffer for what he did to me.”

“Just as you should suffer for what you did to Dottie Mae?”

“I have suffered.”

“Not like Jesus did. You said He took away your guilt.” Nathaniel opened his Bible. “‘Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good,’” he read then looked at Levi. “When we don’t forgive, the evil that was done to us multiplies. What would have happened if you had forgiven your father instead of letting your anger lead you that night?”

“I wish. Oh, I wish,” Levi said, still unable to control his emotions.

“The cycle of evil is broken when we choose to absorb a hurt instead of hurting in return, Levi. Refusing to forgive is great wickedness because we are rejecting Jesus’ sacrifice.”

“I never thought of it that way.”

Nathaniel pulled his chair closer. “Picture Jesus in your mind, immediately after being scourged by Roman soldiers. The cross lies ahead—greater suffering than either of us can imagine. The blood runs down His face from the wounds made by the crown of thorns. His back is bloody, His flesh torn by the cruel whip meant to torment the very life out of a man. But look into His eyes. When I look, I see nothing but love…love for the very men who torture Him. Love and forgiveness. Do you see Him?”

“Jah, I can picture His face.”

“Listen. Can you hear Him? ‘Levi,’ He says, ‘I will take the punishment for your father. I love him so dearly. How many stripes will you have Me take for him until you are satisfied? I do it willingly. I love you. I love him. How much more suffering will you ask Me to take for him?’”

They were both weeping now, Levi’s body taut with the sobs that racked his very soul. “None,” he cried out.

Nathaniel got to his feet and pulled Levi with him into a rib-crushing embrace. “No more,” he said. “It is enough.”

Levi stuffed his hands into his pockets and started across the empty pasture. He needed to do one more thing before heading to Chicago tomorrow. The cold still pierced his bones, but he smelled a bit of spring in the air.
Thank You, God, for the rebirth of spring.
Spring reminded the world to have hope.

The man Levi sought stood at the far end of the pasture mending the barbed wire at the top of his fence. His cane rested against his leg as he struggled to bend the wire with a pair of pliers.

“Can I help?” Levi called.

The man’s face lit with recognition but was followed by a look of puzzlement. “Just one more twist should do it,” he said.

Levi came closer, and the man held out his hand. “Levi Cooper,” the man said. “I am honored that you would visit me.”

Levi lowered his eyes. The man’s enthusiastic welcome shamed him. “The honor is mine,” he said. “You’re very kind.”

“How is your mother?”

“She is doing really well. She’s back into full fellowship. Doesn’t stop smiling.”

“And you?” asked the man. “When will you be baptized?”

“Next week, Lord willing. That’s why I’m here.”

The man closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “There is no need.”

“I don’t want to be baptized until I am sure that I have done everything in my power to make amends—”

“You have done plenty. You paid for the buggy, as I recall, with money you didn’t have.”

Levi laid a hand on Vernon Wengerd’s arm. “Will you allow me to ask your forgiveness? One more time?”

Vernon nodded, sorrow suddenly appearing in his eyes.

“I am sorry for getting drunk that night. I am sorry that I gave my friends alcohol and that we let Derek drive. I am sorry we were laughing when we hit your buggy.” Levi wiped a tear from his face. “I am sorry about your leg. Mostly I am sorry that Dottie Mae is dead.”

Vernon put his hands on Levi’s shoulders. “My Dottie Mae is safe in the arms of Jesus, happier than she ever would have been on earth. God must have needed another angel. I forgive you with all my heart. I did that very night.”

“Thank you,” Levi whispered, not trusting his voice to be steady.

“You asked my wife for forgiveness again, didn’t you?”

“I wanted to be thorough.”

Vernon laughed. “There is a difference between being thorough and making a pest of yourself.” He clapped Levi on the shoulder. “We will speak no more of this between us, agreed?”

“Jah,” said Levi.

“Then come in and have some pie. Jane’s pies make you glad you have a mouth.”

“She already invited me.”

“See? If you praise Jane’s pies, she will be your best friend forever.”

“I would like that,” Levi said.

“So would I,” Vernon said. “You are a gute boy, Levi. You’ve turned out right well.”

The office machines hummed in a sea of cubicles. Curious faces turned toward Levi as he followed the assistant down the rows to the corner office. His dad was one of the bigwigs. He got an office with walls and a door.

The assistant made his way to a secretary guarding the entrance to Dad’s office. Dad’s secretary had a full head of auburn hair that sat on top of her head in a tight bun. Freckles dotted her nose, and she couldn’t have been a day over twenty-five. Did Dad’s wife, Sherry, ever worry about Dad having an affair with his secretary? It would serve her right.

Levi wanted to smack himself.
Leave those thoughts in the past. “Charity thinketh no evil.”

Dad’s secretary never stopped typing as she glanced over her glasses. She didn’t even pause when she laid eyes on Levi, in typical Amish attire, standing before her desk.

“Sorry to bother you, Ami,” said the assistant. “He doesn’t have an appointment, but he wants to see Mr. Cooper.”

“He’s on the phone,” Ami said, still typing.

“What do you want me to do?” said the assistant.

“Make an appointment for next week.”

“I can’t come back next week,” Levi said.

“Sorry, his whole week is booked,” Ami insisted.

Amish or not, Levi still possessed a particle of irresistible charm. He took off his hat and leaned close enough to Ami to compel her to look up. He recognized the moment she decided he was good-looking. Her frantic keystrokes wound down before she stopped typing altogether.

“I’m Levi,” he said, flashing her an enchanting smile.

“I don’t date Amish guys,” she said. A look of horror flitted across her face as if she couldn’t believe she said that out loud.

Levi stifled a laugh. “Too bad.”

She blushed.

Levi leaned on her desk. “I know he’s busy. He works harder than anybody I know.”

“Tell me about it.”

“But I’m his son.”

She knitted her brows together and looked Levi up and down as if she were just now seeing him. “He never said anything about a son.”

Levi ignored the pinprick of pain poking at his heart. “I got up this morning at three a.m. and rode the bus for an eternity. I have to get back on the bus at six tonight. Can’t you cut me a break?”

Ami’s mouth twitched in surrender, and she pointed to the phone sitting on her desk. “You see that light? He’s on the phone with Mr. Heinzelmann. They’ve been at it for forty-five minutes. When that light goes off, you can go in. And tell him I tried to stop you.”

“Okay,” Levi said, bestowing one of his nicest smiles on her. “Thanks. You’re the best.”

He stood at Ami’s desk with his arms folded, staring at the red light on her phone, until she insisted he take a seat. “I can’t work with you looking over my shoulder.”

Another twenty minutes passed before she snapped her head up. “You’re in,” she said. “Go, go, before he gets another call.”

Levi hadn’t expected the wild pounding of his heart. It was his dad, for crying out loud.

The office, rich with dark wood and brass trim, commanded a panoramic view of Lake Michigan outside the floor-to-ceiling window. Rebecca wouldn’t be able to set foot in this office without a major panic attack. Levi’s father sat at his desk, his back to the door, as he stared out his thirtieth-floor window.

“Hi, Dad.”

His dad whirled around in his leather swivel chair and came to a dead stop when he laid eyes on Levi. A look of utter shock spread over his features, and he began to chuckle quietly. The chuckling soon turned to all-out unabated laughter. He propped his elbow on his desk and buried his face in his hand to stifle his amusement.

The hurt flared up inside Levi like gasoline on a fire. What had he expected? That his dad would leap from his desk and smother him with affection?

As the laughing continued, anger reared its ugly head.
What right does he have to mock me?

“Charity is not easily provoked. Charity beareth all things, endureth all things.”

The Lord was testing Levi’s resolve. Had he really forgiven his father? Could he purge the anger from his heart and make room for love?

Levi pictured the face of Christ in his mind and let the anger pass through him as if he were a sieve. He wasn’t perfect yet—the wound still festered—but he got control of his emotions and looked on his father with empathy. He thought of treasured memories. The times he and Dad worked on the old Toyota together and played catch in the backyard. The images of Dad coaching him from the dugout and teaching him how to throw a perfect spiral. The memories of how much Dad loved Mom and how much he gave up for her.