Rebellion (5 page)

“Should I give the order?” Skylar asks, reaching to switch on her ear-comm.

“No, wait,” Darren says, blinking fast like he’s fighting to stay alert. “No one followed us—we got away. We got the tracker off. That’s not what I needed to tell you.”

“What did you need to tell us?” Beechy asks, his voice rising in frustration.

Darren struggles as he explains: “What we found out … what Charlie’s doing can’t be a good thing.”

His voice trails off. He closes his eyes briefly, his face contorting.

“What did you find out?” Skylar asks, her eyes wide and alert. “What is he doing?”

Darren’s eyes flutter open. “He’s evacuating the Surface. The kids, the adults—everyone. He’s moving them all belowground. Day after tomorrow.”

Beechy stares at him. I wonder if his heart is racing as fast as mine.

Before, Charlie said he didn’t need anyone in the outer sectors. He said the Core had become self-sufficient, so the kids in the camps didn’t need to stay alive anymore. He could send them all to quarantine now, if he wanted.

Instead, he’s saving them all. He’s getting everyone off the Surface.
Why?

“Do you mean he’s transferring them to the Core?” Skylar asks.

“No, he’s dispersing them throughout Crust, Mantle, and Lower. But not the Core.”

“Are you sure?” Beechy asks.

“Positive.”

Voices and engine sounds fade into the background, dull and pounding in my temple. My mind races, seeking an explanation for Charlie’s move. Every move he has ever made was a selfish one, and this is no exception. He must need the Surface citizens for something.
But for what?

“What does this mean?” Logan asks.

“I don’t know,” I say.

Darren starts coughing again. Hacking coughs that rack his whole body.

“We need to get him into surgery,” one of the medics says.

“Right,” Beechy says. He sounds distant, lost in his thoughts.

“What are your orders?” Skylar asks. “Are we still evacuating?”

“Not yet.” Beechy clears his throat and grips one side of the stretcher to carry Darren over to the medical transport. “We’ll return to the compound and talk things over.”

“Yes, sir,” Skylar says, and repeats his order to everyone over comm.

Logan lets go of my hand. “I’ll see you back there.”

All around me, people return to their ships. Only a few small flames crackle on the hull of the wrecked hovercraft, slowly dying. But they already did their damage. They already destroyed Cady’s body, and wounded Darren and the young official.

The memory of what I did slams into me again like a knife through my chest.

I killed Cady.

“Clementine,” Skylar says behind me.

I jump at the sound of her voice.

“Let’s go,” she says.

I’m scared to look at her face, but I do anyway. Her jaw is tense again; the disappointment is clear in her eyes.

I don’t like it. But I know I deserve much worse.

5

When we return to the main facility, I want to talk to Beechy. I need to explain what happened earlier—how I lost control, how I didn’t mean to fire the weapons—and I need to know what he thinks about Charlie’s plan of action.

But I can’t get his attention for even two seconds. He makes sure Darren and the wounded official, Mal, get to the sick bay, and then he goes straight into debrief meetings with members of the Alliance who have more say in strategy planning than I do, including Skylar and Sandy.

I can’t sit still, waiting to hear what they decide we should do.

*   *   *

At dinner, I can barely touch my food.

“You sure you’re okay?” Logan asks, brushing my hand under the table.

“Yeah,” I say. “I’m just tired.”

“Go sleep,” he says. “I’ll come get you if anything happens.”

I’m too restless to sleep, but getting out of the crowded mess hall would do me good. So I push my tray toward Logan and head out the door.

Instead of going to my bunk room, I slip inside the smallest training room and slam my fists against punching bags for a long time. Hours, maybe.

Sweat beads on my forehead, and my curls stick to the back of my neck. My knuckles redden and ache. The pain is a lot at first, but after a while my hands feel numb.

My head doesn’t clear, though. My regrets slip away for a little bit, but soon they return with full force.

I shouldn’t avoid Logan. I should tell him the truth about what happened earlier. But I’m terrified to explain everything because he’ll probably think I’m losing it. He doesn’t know I keep having nightmares about Oliver and Karum and Charlie. Telling him I hallucinated and thought Charlie was strangling me in the jet might be too much for him to handle.

I miss my next punch and lose my balance. My knees bang against the floor mat. I try to get back up, but pain shoots through my hands and I double over instead.

I should not be this weak. I was strong enough to fight the serum Charlie used to control me, and strong enough to survive torture in Karum for weeks.

Why can’t I fight this? Why can’t I stop being afraid of Charlie?

There’s a crackle in the ceiling. The speakers turning on. I wipe my nose with the back of my hand and listen.

“Evening, everyone.” Beechy sounds tired, like everything has finally caught up with him. “I know it’s been a difficult day. But I have one more favor to ask of all of you: If you would please gather in the flight port in ten minutes, there are some things we need to discuss. And there is someone we need to honor.”

He pauses. “Thank you. See you soon.”

There’s a click, and the speakers shut off.

Still breathing deeply, I struggle to my feet and remove my punching gloves. I’d rather keep hiding in here, but I should go to this meeting. Beechy might announce something about what he and the other leaders decided for our next move. And I might be able to talk to him afterwards.

Anyway, I owe it to Cady. She was brave enough to go out on a scouting mission when she knew she might be discovered. I can be brave enough to get through tonight.

*   *   *

When I walk into the flight port, almost everyone is here. They all wear the same gray slacks, tank top, and jacket as me. Standing side by side in the clear space to the right of the ships, they could almost pass for an army.

At the front of the group, Cady’s body lies on a metal gurney, draped with a white sheet.

She isn’t the first person I’ve killed. There was that Unstable my first day in the Core, and probably a Karum nurse or two. But Cady is different. She saved me. She fought beside me.

She would still be here if I wasn’t losing it. If I were stronger.

It was an accident,
I remind myself.
I didn’t mean to kill her.

But I’m not sure that’s any better. It means I’m not in control of myself, and I should be.

I slip into the back of the crowd, where Logan is standing.

“Did you have a good sleep?” he asks.

“Yes, I did.”

His eyes search my face for something. The truth, maybe.

I’m going to tell him. My lips will part and the words will flow, and he won’t hate me because of them.

But as I start to open my mouth, Beechy steps out of the group’s formation and walks toward Cady’s body. Logan turns away to watch him. Another time, I will tell him. There is plenty of time.

Beechy turns to face us. “Thank you all for coming.” His voice is soft, but the walls make it echo. “We lost a member of our company today. Cady was a brave fighter, a leader in the Alliance, especially in our most recent attack against Charlie. She volunteered to break into Karum. She volunteered to head a scouting mission, though she knew it would be dangerous. Cady never cared much about the risk. All she wanted was for her sacrifice to be worthwhile.”

Logan slides his fingers into the open spaces between mine. I focus on the warmth of his hand, begging it to keep me steady.

Sandy joins Beechy and hands him a folded sheet. Beechy turns to Cady’s body.

When he steps back, I see he placed the new sheet over the white one. But it’s not a sheet—it’s a Core flag. Black and blue stripes; a silver circle in the center inscribed with the words:
INVENTION. PEACE. PROSPERITY
.

The second word is such a lie.

“Tonight we remember Cady, warrior and friend,” Beechy says.

A second voice arises from the room’s near silence. Sandy sings a sweet, mournful melody while resting one hand on her stomach, where her baby is growing inside.

My throat chokes up from the beauty of her song. By the time she reaches the final verse, I can’t hold back my tears anymore:

Now the stars, they call you home

Now the days have passed

Sleep, my darling, don’t lose hope

For you are safe at last

Sandy’s voice fades away, but the song echoes in my chest like an ache I’ll never destroy. Logan wraps his arms around me, pulling me close. But it’s not enough.

Beneath my sadness, I can feel something else building inside me: rage like gunfire, like cannons blasting over and over. Rage at myself, for not being able to deal with the things that have happened to me. But also rage at Charlie, for making me this way.

Again and again, he steals my friends from me. But I won’t let him steal anyone else, or make me do anything against my will. I have to be stronger.

I have to defeat him.

“In the Core,” Beechy says, “it’s the tradition to burn bodies instead of burying them. Here, we must do the same, because we have no good place to bury our friends. But Cady won’t burn alone.”

He beckons, and Skylar emerges from the crowd to join him and Sandy beside the metal table. Skylar’s back is to us, so I don’t see her light the Core flag. But when she steps away, a flame leaps up from the silver circle, the color of exploding stars. It races across the fabric, eating away the black and blue stripes and the lies.

Cady’s body burns like a brilliant beacon, and the Core burns with her. Commander Charlie burns.

“We’ve stayed here in hiding long enough,” Beechy says, facing everyone. “Today we learned the Developers are transferring all civilians of the Surface settlement to the lower sectors the day after tomorrow, including those in the work camp.”

I glance around to see people’s reactions. Murmurs slide through the crowd. Logan already knew about this, but there’s caution in his eyes. I pull away from him and find his hand again.

“This is the perfect opportunity for us to infiltrate my father’s ranks and relocate closer to the Core,” Sandy says. The metal stud in her nose gleams in the light. “Our goal is to sneak a few of our people into each sector, disguised as officials, teachers, or other positions that will put us in prime position to damage the infrastructure of the political system. We’ll draw his attention away from whatever he’s planning, and then we’ll break into the Core and capture him and the other leaders.”

Finally.

“We will overthrow the Developers, and we will liberate those in the work camps,” Beechy says. “We will fight for freedom and for everyone we’ve lost. We will fight for Cady.”

“We will fight for her!” Skylar yells, throwing her fist in the air.

“Charlie thinks we’re hiding,” Beechy says. “He thinks we’re afraid to face him head-on. Now is the time for us to prove him wrong.”

There are cheers and clapping hands, people shouting for joy.

But my excitement mingles with nerves. I don’t know how Beechy intends to disguise me enough that I won’t be recognized. I don’t know how he plans to disguise himself, either. Charlie must have people looking for us, even if he doesn’t know for sure we survived.

“We will fight for Cady!” Skylar yells again.

Others join in the cry: “We will fight for her! We will fight for her!”

The cry builds and builds until it seems like it’s everywhere, in the walls and the floor, exploding through the mountain tunnels.

We will fight for her.

Almost everyone is smiling, but Beechy isn’t. And I’m not.

Neither is Logan. The pressure he puts on my hand tells me he’s thinking the same thing as me.

We will fight for Cady, for peace, for hope. Some of us will die for them too.

*   *   *

Logan and I don’t speak as he walks me to my bunk room for the night.

Earlier, I was ready to tell him the truth about my part in Cady’s death. But talking about it will make it real; I won’t be able to deny that I need help to keep it from happening again. And what if nothing will help? What if I keep spiraling out of control, and everyone abandons me because they’re afraid of what I’ll do?

I don’t know; I don’t know.

When we reach my door, he lets go of my hand. He leans in and touches his mouth to mine. I clench the bottom of his shirt in my fist, reveling in the distraction from my worries.

He pulls away too soon. “You know you can tell me anything, right?” he says.

“I know,” I say. But I don’t quite meet his eyes.

He is silent, waiting for me to say something more.

When I don’t, he sighs and rubs his forehead. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

He turns away to go to his room, three doors down from mine. Three walls sit between us when we sleep. But it feels like a hundred, especially now that I’ve shoved lies between us too.

A word claws its way up my throat and escapes before I can stop it: “Wait.”

Logan pauses with his hand on the door handle.

I don’t want things to be strained with him. I want them to be secure and right and comforting, the way they were before all of this, before I left him and nearly lost him forever.

But they will not get better unless I start being brave.

I don’t think I can handle bringing up Cady right now, because I might start crying again and not be able to speak at all. But I can start somewhere.

“I keep being afraid.” I fiddle with my hands, looking anywhere but at Logan. “I keep waking up in the middle of the night screaming because I think I’m back in Karum, or on the spaceship with Oliver. I’m afraid Charlie’s going to steal more people away from me—especially you. And sometimes I’m walking around this place, doing normal things during the day, and all of a sudden I’m inside my nightmares again. And I freeze up and I feel like I’m spiraling out of control.” My palms sweat, and I blink hard to keep my eyes from watering. “I don’t know what’s happening to me. I think I’m going crazy, and I don’t know how to stop it.”