Rebellious Heart (22 page)

Susanna shifted on the wagon seat and pulled her thick wool riding cloak tighter about her body to ward off the damp winter breeze sweeping off the bay. She cupped her fingers to her mouth and blew warmth in them so she could regain her grip on the reins.

She was more than ready to head home and resume her nursing of Tom, who after many days in bed was finally beginning to sit up.

Mother stood in the doorway of the small cottage, counting coins that would reimburse the widow for the finished cloth she’d woven. Mother had also tucked a fresh loaf of bread and a roasted chicken into the basket of fresh weaving material, always generous with the women.

The young widow bobbed her head at Mother.

Mother pressed the woman’s hands and replied to her gently.

Susanna might be able to fault her mother for many things, but she could find no criticism with how Mother treated the
poor women in their community. She had always modeled compassion for them.

Susanna released a deep breath that contained all the turmoil that had been building over the past months. If Mother could care about poor, helpless women, then surely Susanna had every right to do the same. Who could blame her for following in Mother’s footsteps? Even if the woman in question was a pregnant runaway?

The gray clouds hung low and heavy, ready to dump their burden if only someone would but give them permission. The region hadn’t had a significant snowfall yet, at least not enough to warrant using a sleigh.

Susanna shivered and blew into her fingers again.

A lone snowflake drifted to the seat next to her. It wouldn’t be long before winter would fall upon them.

She supposed that was why Mother had wanted to make the rounds to the widows that morning in spite of her fear of traveling without Tom’s presence. Even though there were many who still blamed Hermit Crab Joe for the murders of the two women, others speculated the murderer was at large.

If only she could share the truth—that Lieutenant Wolfe was the murderer they were seeking and that he was more dangerous than they imagined.

If only she could let go of her need to help Dotty further. She certainly had done enough to aid the girl already.

Why then did she continue to fret and think about Dotty? She simply needed to let go of her need to assist the girl as she’d previously resolved. And she needed to let go of her wistful longings for Ben too. If only it were easier to get them both out of her thoughts . . .

At the clop of hooves on the packed dirt road, Susanna
straightened. Through the shrubs and bare brush hedging the front garden of the cottage, she caught a flash of crimson.

Her body tensed, and she shivered again but this time not from the cold. She wanted to shout at Mother to get in the wagon so they could be on their way. But when the Redcoat guided his horse onto the lane leading to the cottage, she realized it was too late to flee.

Her fingers tightened around the stiff leather reins. She’d dreaded the moment she would have to face Lieutenant Wolfe again, for she knew it was only a matter of time before he would confront her and question her involvement in Dotty’s disappearance.

The soldier trotted directly toward her, his cloak flapping in the wind behind him. When he lifted the brim of his cocked hat and nodded at her, Susanna’s breath swooshed.

“Sergeant Frazel.” She greeted the young man with a return nod.

He reined his horse next to the wagon and glanced toward the cottage, where Mother was staring at him, her face pale and her hand fluttering above her chest.

“Your kitchen slave said I might find you visiting among the parish,” the sergeant said, giving Mother a friendly nod before leaning toward Susanna. The usual kindness in his eyes was dim, obscured by a cloud of anxiousness.

“I haven’t had the chance yet to thank you,” she said.

“No thanks needed.”

“If not for your warning . . .”

“That’s why I’ve sought you out again.” He lowered his voice. “I have reason to believe the lieutenant is getting close to discovering the new hiding place.”

Susanna swallowed the sudden fear that clogged her throat.
She should have known the lull of peace was too good to be true. “How did he learn of it?”

Sergeant Frazel looked around before leaning closer. “I overheard a man giving the lieutenant information this morning. The man said he has reason to believe a runaway is being sheltered in Braintree. And he arranged a meeting with the lieutenant for tomorrow to hand the girl over to him.”

“Who would divulge such information? And why?”

“I’ve never seen the man before.”

Susanna’s mind spun with the implications of the sergeant’s news. She’d hoped Dotty would be safe in Grandmother Eve’s house until Ben could find a way to bring about justice for her. But obviously they hadn’t kept her whereabouts as secret as they’d hoped.

With all the guests coming in and out of Mount Wollaston, someone had apparently discovered she was there.

The sergeant’s expression was grave.

“What do you suggest I do?”

“I think you should relocate her somewhere else as soon as possible.”

“But where?”

“I wish I knew.” Sergeant Frazel glanced at Mother and the widow who were staring at him with narrowed, angry eyes. “In fact, I wish I knew how to help you more.”

“You’ve already done so much—”

“It’s not enough to make up for the other girls.” His whisper was harsh and his pale face tight. A nightmare of anguish flashed through his eyes, and he shuddered as if haunted by visions he couldn’t forget.

“Why?” The question slipped from Susanna’s lips before she could stop it. “Why does the lieutenant do it?”

“I’ve heard rumors thieves broke into his home in London and murdered his young daughter and wife several years ago.”

“That’s terrible.” Susanna couldn’t begin to imagine the horror of losing a family to murder. “But why then is he murdering others? Why wouldn’t he be eradicating crime instead?”

“I suppose he thinks he is. He claims he’s getting rid of the rogues, misfits, criminals, and poor rabble who have nothing better to do than break the law.”

“But he’s taken his efforts beyond the scope of decency.”

“I realize that quite clearly now. In fact, I realize I’ve been mistaken in my beliefs about many things when it comes to you colonists.”

Susanna couldn’t find the words to respond to his confession.

“Now that I’ve been here for these past months,” the sergeant continued, “I can’t help but envy your freedom here on this side of the ocean.”

“Freedom?” Did they really have more freedom? Was that what Ben was so concerned about?

Sergeant Frazel’s voice dropped to a whisper again. “I was pressed into the army, and even though I’ve resigned myself to my fate, there are times when I see the open land and the space here, and I wish I could have a piece of it for myself.”

“Susanna Smith,” Mother called, starting toward her with choppy steps. “Please cease conversing with that soldier.”

“You’d better go,” Susanna said.

Sergeant Frazel had already pulled his hat low. He kicked his mount and spurred it forward.

“I don’t want you speaking with the king’s soldiers,” Mother said when she reached the wagon. She stared after Sergeant Frazel’s retreating back, bitterness adding wrinkles
to her features. After all the destruction to the parsonage, Mother’s loyalties to the Crown had been severely tested. And now Susanna wasn’t sure the king would ever be able to regain Mother’s affection.

“What did he want?” Mother asked as she climbed into the wagon. “Was he leveling more accusations at us?”

Susanna hesitated. Ought she to finally confess to Mother her activities regarding Dotty?

“He’s friendly enough,” she said, trying to find the words to inform Mother without jeopardizing Sergeant Frazel. She certainly didn’t want Lieutenant Wolfe to find out his trusted advisor was giving her information about his plans.

“I don’t want you fraternizing with any of the soldiers again.” Mother situated her petticoats on the bench. “The best course of action is to refrain from any involvement whatsoever with the soldiers and to keep to ourselves.”

“But what if we come across someone who needs our help—someone we wouldn’t normally assist?”

“Providence has given us enough people to help right here in our own neighborhood.” Mother straightened her shoulders and stared ahead, as though they had nothing more to discuss on the matter.

Several more snowflakes drifted in front of Susanna. They flittered onto the horse’s flank, melting at the contact with the beast’s warm flesh.

She couldn’t disagree with Mother. There were certainly enough poor women in Weymouth who needed their compassion. But how could they turn away from injustice and problems that were happening elsewhere? Surely God didn’t want them to stay insulated in their safe little parish and ignore others who might need their help as well.

They could go on doing what they always had, keep to
themselves and attempt to avoid danger. That would indeed be the safest course of action.

But should she refrain from doing the right thing merely because she was afraid of what might happen as a result?

During the short ride home, Susanna scrambled to find an excuse to travel to Mount Wollaston and to Dotty. She prayed if God truly wanted her to continue helping Dotty, that He would show her how and provide a new hiding place.

When they rumbled into the parsonage yard, Susanna’s heart did an involuntary flip at the sight of a horse tied to the oak in front of the house.

If only it was Ben’s. Maybe he would be able to help her devise a plan for helping Dotty.

A closer examination of the gelding blanketed her with a strange sense of disappointment. The horse was bigger and the saddle much finer than Ben’s.

She climbed down from the wagon and handed the reins to the local boy they’d hired to replace Tom until he recuperated.

Why had she believed Ben would come calling again? The truth was, he’d never want to see her again. Not after the reception he’d received during his last visit.

A familiar ache squeezed her heart, the same ache that had radiated within her since the day Ben had walked out the door of the parsonage and out of her life.

Over the past week she’d composed a dozen letters to him in her head. All of them had started with the words
I beg you to forgive me.

She couldn’t deny she’d come to care about Ben, that she didn’t want to lose the connection she had with him. But there was also something slightly terrifying about the thought of
giving up everything and defying all she knew to be right in order to be with him.

If only she could put him out of her mind altogether . . .

With heavy footsteps, she followed Mother inside.

As she removed her cloak and hat, she could hear Elbridge in the parlor with Father, and a sense of despair pressed down upon her even more.

Susanna tried to slip past Mother to the stairway, but Mother caught her arm and maneuvered her into the parlor at her side.

“Mr. Quincy, what a delightful surprise,” Mother said with a smile. “We’re so glad to see you. Aren’t we, Susanna?”

“Why, of course.” Susanna said what was expected of her. But her shoulders slumped at the thought of having to sit in the parlor with Elbridge and make small talk. She had much more important matters needing her attention—life-and-death matters.

Elbridge rose from the chair across from Father’s. He gave a slight bow. “Good day, ladies. You both look lovely.”

Mother’s smile inched higher. “I do hope you can stay for a day or two?”

“Thank you, Mrs. Smith. How can I refuse your kind invitation? While I have business to attend on the morrow, I could be easily persuaded to stay the night and leave early in the morning.”

Elbridge’s gaze came to rest upon Susanna with a possessiveness that was more intense than in the past. Now that Mary was successfully married, she had no doubt Mother had begun her earnest task of finding Susanna a suitable match.

And it appeared Elbridge was her first choice. She had likely invited Elbridge today for the specific purpose of discussing courtship.

Frustration wound around Susanna, and she had the overwhelming urge to stomp her foot at her mother and tell her no. No, she wasn’t ready to court Elbridge—or anyone—not so soon after turning away Ben, not when her heart was still aching.

She wanted to tell Mother to wipe the knowing smile from her face, that she wasn’t going to accept the proper way of doing things this time.

All her life she’d allowed Mother to guide and control her, to keep her within the bounds of propriety. Susanna had tried to accept the boundaries and to follow Mother’s example of how a lady should live and behave.

But she seemed to forever be swelling against the constraints, pushing the limits of what was acceptable, constantly longing for more. Part of Susanna wanted to swell until she broke free. But the other part clung to the security of the familiar.

Elbridge crossed the room toward her, took her hand, and lifted it to his lips. The warmth from his mouth and the wetness of his kiss against her cold skin elicited none of the anticipation and spark the merest of Ben’s touches brought.