Rebirth (14 page)

A sound suddenly emanated from Bethany’s bed, like a thick rumble from deep in her throat. It was unusual for anyone to be awake this early, so I turned and wrote it off as Beth clearing her throat. Then I heard a tumble of blankets to the floor. I shifted to get a better view and gasped. Beth was sitting upright in bed, eyes closed, mouthing something. She didn’t appear to be awake at all, but a series of words were forming a sentence now, in a low repetitive drone. I strained to understand what she was saying. I leaned closer.

“Go north, go north, go north.”

Standing, Leif still attached at my breast, I backed away and collided with the open shelves. Pots and pans fell loudly to the steel floor. This snapped Bethany out of her trance rather violently. She seemed stunned to have woken up in a seated position. The others had awoken too, their eyes turning to Beth, who was confused to say the least.

“What happened?” Carol sat up too.

“It was Beth. She was chanting in her sleep and it frightened me. I’m sorry to have woken you all.” Leif was crying from the violent abruption to his feeding and I bounced him back and forth on my hip.

“What was she chanting?” Carol looked at me solemnly.

“I can’t be sure. I think… I think she was telling me to go north.”

Carol stared into my eyes, looking me up and down. “Sara, it is time.”

“Time?” I questioned.

“Time to continue your journey towards Leif’s great purpose.”

I stared back at her, dumbfounded. I had no desire to leave the comfort of this bunker my son and I called a home. Were they telling me to leave?

“It’s time to go,” Beth said plaintively, staring at me.

“I-I don’t want to go,” I said indignantly. “I’m not leaving.” Tears welled up in my eyes.

“It’s not up to us, Sara. Leif’s guide has spoken through Beth. It is time to go.” Carol stood and walked to one of the closets and pulled out a large black bag that resembled a suitcase with wheels. “You can use this to carry your things, as well as water and food.”

“I’m not leaving,” I repeated. “No. I can’t go out there with an infant.” I couldn’t believe this was happening.

“You knew this was coming, Sara.” Bethany approached me, her hands extended.

“I don’t want to leave.” I started to cry. I couldn’t help it; I was completely overwhelmed.

“This isn’t a choice, Sara. We have been given a clear sign to keep you moving north. Trust us. If you delay, the order of things may be irrevocably changed. You cannot take this sign lightly.”

“If we could keep you here we would, Sara. Believe that.” Jenny’s kind eyes fell on mine.

“It is not Leif’s destiny to stay any longer,” Sally reminded me.

With that, they began moving silently through the bunker, collecting items for my journey. I sat on the bed and wept. This was what life had become. A series of disappointments. All I could do was carry on, but had no idea how. Or where I would end up.

Chapter Thirty

The weather was agreeable. The sun was starting to burn away the clouds in the east, which told me the day would be hot.

“Go north,” Beth said with conviction. “Your destiny lies there.”

“Thank you for everything.” My voice cracked. “We would have been lost without you.”

“Your stay here has run its course. We only helped you help yourself.” She lowered her staff and opened her arms. I hugged her hard, as I was prone to do with the people I loved, and I could truly say I had grown to love this woman.

“I’ll never forget you,” I said, pulling away from her.

“I don’t ask that you remember me, Sara, only that you remember your destiny. Go now, march Leif towards his destiny.”

The wind picked up, blowing my hair into my face. As I brushed it out of my eyes Bethany had disappeared, back down the ladder, back down her rabbit hole. I would never forget her, and I would be sure Leif never forgot either.

As I marched away from my former home, I began to walk with renewed purpose. It was almost autumn, one of my favorite times of year. In life I would have been bombarded with colors framing the farmer’s fields, dancing across the dirt roads, carried through the air on a fall breeze. The air would smell of the encroaching cold, making a day like today- warm and sunny- a real treat for the senses. The fields would be bare save the wheat, bundled in tidy rolls, awaiting transport.

As I remembered autumns past, I inhaled deeply, hoping to reconnect with my youth. I had read somewhere that smell was a powerful memory trigger. If I could be transported, if only for a moment, to a time when life was simpler….

I coughed, waking the baby wrapped tightly to my chest. The air was missing the distinct scent of leaves, of soil, of life. It was dry, and burned my throat. Even now, months after the rains had returned with the sun, and the planet seemed to be returning to some semblance of its former self, it was still a foreign place with little more color than shades of grey. The sun was shining. The sky was a brilliant blue, but when would I see a bud on a tree? When would a blade of grass defy the odds and push through the dead soil? When would life really begin again?

I knelt at the side of the road and released Leif from his wrap. He cried and I missed the old women immediately. Back in our hideaway, they would have swarmed around us and rushed little Leif off to soothe him to sleep. But such loving intrusions were gone now. We were headed for a different place: our destiny.

When finally Leif settled down and slept, it was late morning, and I felt I had a lot of ground to cover. I didn’t know what lay ahead. But I knew there was nothing here, not anymore. And to get to somewhere, anywhere, I felt I had a long way to go. I could only hope Leif and I would find a safe place to put our heads before the sun set. Jenny had mentioned a fairground with outbuildings not far from the bunker, within a day’s travel, admitting she had spent too many months on the carnival circuit. I only hoped I was heading in the right direction.

*****

Hours later, as the sun dipped below the horizon of naked trees, spreading shadows like a thousand emaciated fingers reaching hundreds of feet across the barren fields, I was exhausted. My feet were already blistered in my worn sneakers, and my back ached from carrying Leif. It was fortunate then that I came across Jenny’s fairground. But what remained left no impression of the carnivals of my youth. Instead, I was walking into a nightmare.

A déjà-vu overcame me and I shook it off violently. I hated those things, but took comfort in a comment Seth had made to Joel once. Something about déjà-vu acting as an indicator - a marker for your life, telling you that you’re on the right path.

I hugged the gutters and then rushed across the four lane highway to the retaining wall in front of the main entrance. The wall stood about eight feet high and swung around the west side of the park in a long creeping curve that ascended another foot or two at its peak. If I climbed up the wall and scurried along the top, I could hop the fence at some point rather than take my chances by walking right through the front gates. I smiled in satisfaction when I found a portion of the fence that had been pushed in and now rested on the roof of one of the attractions. Was this a former secret entrance for teenagers to sneak into the park undetected, or was this more recent? Carefully, I pushed through, holding my breath as the whole park came into view.

The Fairgrounds looked as though they had hosted a brutal battle. Clothing littered the open expanse, blowing in the breeze. They were anchored by something. The immediate danger struck me as I heard the sound of wind chimes in the distance. Turning toward the sound, I could see the funhouse directly across from me. I got down on my knees, shielding Leif, but realizing that this vantage point also placed me in full view of any hostile forces that could still be lurking here. Leif was getting fidgety and I couldn’t afford to let him cry out when the safety of this place was so uncertain. I crept back to the fence line, unwrapped Leif, and put him at my breast. The connection I felt with my son as he fed was indescribable, and it calmed me. Still no sign of life. Perhaps I was alone after all. Perhaps whoever had made this their home had already been killed, and their killers vanished. With that thought, I returned to the opening in the fence that had been my entry point, surveying the grounds for a safe-house among the many buildings. I could creep along the right side of one building and crawl across the grounds. I decided to wait a while longer and attempt the trip under full darkness.

As the darkness engulfed Leif and I, I listened. The wind chimes continued to play as the wind picked up, colder than before. I wrapped my arms around Leif, kissing his head. What happened next made my heart skip a beat.

Chapter Thirty One

Boom! It was the sound of a spotlight turning on, or several. The light fell on the grounds in front of me, highlighting the carnage that had taken place here. Bodies were strewn across the wide expanse of the fairgrounds, frozen in contorted positions between the portable game tents and food stations, all of which were in tatters. I knelt next to the fence and craned my neck around the faux dormer of the haunted house Leif and I were hiding behind. Was this simply a timed event powered by some solar panel, or did it mean something more sinister for us?

Leif was becoming fussy again, upset by the loud noise. I pulled him free of his wrap once more and bounced him on my knee. To my horror he made a face, that face he makes just before he begins to cry. I jabbed my finger in his mouth to silence him, allowing him to suck at it until I managed to pull a breast out of my layered tops, shushing him all the while. He latched to my breast immediately.

“Hungry little monkey, aren’t you?” I whispered to him, feeling fortunate that I had this method of calming him if and when the need arose. I often felt pangs of anxiety as I studied his tiny face while he fed. How could I provide for him? Would he survive? The thoughts haunted me mostly at night. Why did I leave the bunker? Destiny, I reminded myself. Leif’s destiny is what drove me. I took four deep breaths, exhaling slowly. When Leif was asleep again, I checked his diaper before working him back into his wrap. I had a handful of cloth diapers with me, enough to make it a couple of days before washing became necessary. He was wet, but not wet enough to worry about.

Rolling my neck, I realized just how sore I was all over. As I completed the roll and opened my eyes, what was staring back at me, inches from my face, would have forced a blood curdling scream had I not the presence of mind to stifle it.

A German Shepherd sniffed me up and down, licked its chops and then sat, cocking its head to the side, its expressive eyes on me.

“Hey buddy,” I whispered, attempting to smile. I loved dogs and hadn’t seen one in a very long time. I was absolutely terrified, but I knew not to show it or the dog might attack. His face was gaunt and his body very skinny. His hair was filthy and knotted. I felt immediately drawn to him. He made a whining sound that broke my heart and pawed at me. I took his paw in my hand and shook it.

“Hi there, puppy.” I felt as though I were the one doing the tricks for him. “What’s your name?” I whispered, and he again whined.

“You’re hungry too, huh?” I reached for my bag and unzipped it. Blindly feeling around I pulled out a package of crackers. “Would you like some of these?” He licked his chops. “Okay,” I continued. “Can you lie down?” He did. I gave him four of the saltines. I also pulled a bottle of water and after taking a sip myself poured a portion into a Styrofoam bowl I found on the ground near us. The dog lapped up the water eagerly and I gave him four more crackers.

“You’re a good boy, aren’t you?” I crooned, patting his head softly. He was in need of companionship as much as food and water, I thought. He licked my hand. I patted him again and rubbed under his chin and neck. He rolled onto his side and then to his back, his paws up in the air.

“Oh, you want a tummy rub too?” I scratched at his belly. He made a squealing sound and leaped up. I pulled away quickly when I realized what I had scratched. It was a gash, an open wound. “Oh no!” I was instantly sad. “Let me see, puppy.” I crawled towards him but he backed off licking his nose as he went. “Honey, I want to help, let me see.” The dog let out a weak growl, then thought better of it and licked his lips, his head moving from side to side. I didn’t want to push my luck, so I backed off. I couldn’t be stupid about it: I had Leif on my chest and this was essentially a wild animal now. “If you’re sure,” I conceded.

He lay down a few feet from me, licked his gruesome wound, and slept. I was concerned that if someone was living in this place they might stumble upon us up here. I ached to get across the grounds to the safety of shelter. But the light: the light left me at an impasse. I curled up on the cold, hard ground with the sack under my head and Leif tight to my body. If it was good enough for our host, the German Shepherd, it would have to be good enough for us.

*****

I awoke with a start. The sun was up. I wasn’t surprised that I had let my guard down. Thankfully, I had slept flat on my back, Leif safely strapped to my chest. I sat up and pulled him from the wrap.

“Morning sunshine,” I said as he rubbed his eyes and coughed tiny, cute little baby coughs. I muted them against my shirt. “Are you ready to eat something?” I kissed his face about a hundred times and then felt his bum and confirmed a messy morning task ahead.