Rebuild (Love & Beyond #1) (5 page)

"Yes I do, Jared! You have no idea why it’s there and how I got it."

"Tell me then, I’m all ears if you need to talk." He offers.

"Why do you even care? You don’t know me, I’m not even worth your time or your kindness, and you should be giving it to someone else, someone who deserves it."

"Danni!" We sit quietly just staring at each other. I’m trying to build up the strength to speak about this, to tell him. God, I want to tell him so much. I blink, trying to hold the tears back as I try to recall my most painful memory. It hurts too much for me to even think about it, let alone to try and bring myself to talk about it. It’s so hard, I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, I turn to face him and the way he’s looking at me right now it hurts me even more.

“Ok.” I whisper. "I remember it like it was yesterday, I can picture every moment, every feeling. I use to be with this guy called Dillon, we were together for a few years and at first he was really sweet. He treated me like a princess, gave me everything. I was so happy to finally be with someone who I thought was perfect, he made sure he did everything for me. We even decided to move in together, what a big mistake that was. He soon started flipping out over little things, like if I said the wrong thing, or if I folded his shirts the wrong way, did the washing wrong. He would call me useless, thick and pathetic. I use to argue back at first, but then he started to grab me, pushing me up against the wall, the door. I would end up with little marks on my arms, where he squished really tightly. I would go to bed in tears, asking myself why? Why me? He would always apologize and promise he wouldn't do it again; he would buy me flowers, perfume, chocolates. I would believe him and I’d forgive and things would be great for a while. But then he would do it again, but go a bit further this time, like pin me to the floor and nearly break my arm and as usual, he would always apologize and I would always forgive, it was like a vicious cycle. After a while, I got tired of arguing. So I thought if I’d play nice and do everything he says, it would stop, but it didn't. He would hit me in places people couldn't see and then it went from hits to beatings. They started getting more and more frequent, it got that bad, I was too scared to get out. Then the day came when I thought I’d be strong enough to leave, as I couldn't take it anymore. I rang my sister Andi and told her everything; she asked me if he was out and how long for? So I told her he would be out all day, till about eight pm. Well, that’s what he told me, when he left in the morning. So she told me to pack my bags and get out of there as soon as possible and she will come and get me. So when I hung up, I ran upstairs and started packing my bags. Suddenly, the door slams open; it was him, he had come home early. He saw that I was packing and he started screaming at me.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going? You’re planning on leaving me? How dare you, is there someone else?” At this point, I’m in sheer fear trying to explain, I’m saying.

“No, no, I just... I just...” I was stuttering, as I couldn't speak. So he grabs hold of me by the hair, calling me a filthy whore, shouting.

“How dare you, I gave you everything.” He pushes me against the wall and full on punches me in the face. I was getting blow after blow. I can remember the pain, it was agonizing, I have never felt so much pain before in my life and the look in his eyes, it was like I was looking into hell itself, they were full of pure evil.

At this point, the blood is pouring down my face, from the impact of the blows. He broke my jaw, my nose. He then throws me to the floor and starts kicking the hell out of me, he broke near enough all of my ribs. I was trying to scream for help, but it didn’t work, no matter how hard I tried to. Plus, it’s pretty hard to scream with a broken jaw. He then picks me up and pulls a knife out and grabs me, so that he’s behind me and he says.

“If I can't have you, no one can.” He laughs and it’s like nothing I’ve ever heard before. “Who would want someone like you, your horrid, hopeless, weak and a pathetic excuse for a woman.” He slices the right side of my neck, right down to the collar bone, it wasn’t deep. Just enough to leave a scar, he said he wanted to watch me bleed out slowly. He then threw me back on the floor, by now I can't move, I’m in that much pain I couldn’t even think straight, my vision was going, then he sits on top of me and gets right up into my face, so I have no choice but to look at him and he says. “I’m going to be the last person you will ever see.” He plunges the knife in to my stomach and that’s when I blacked out. I don't know what happened after that. I woke up a month later in hospital. I was in intensive care the whole time; they had to keep me hooked up to some machine. They never thought I’d recover, but Andi, never gave up on me. She told me that after he plunged the knife into me, she and Alex had got there and barged through the door, just in time before he could do the second blow. Alex tackled him down and they called the police. Apparently, he got sentenced to life in prison. It made worldwide news, it was that bad." I put my head down in sorrow. Jared is speechless for some time, after what seems like an eternity, he finally speaks up.

"I remember hearing about that on the news, which was just awful. I use to donate to that girl at the hospital, they needed special equipment to keep your heart beating and they wanted to pull the plug. They thought she would never recover and I didn't want that happing, I wanted that girl to get better. I’m so sorry that was you." He says sympathetically.

"Do you see why I’m not worth your time? I’m broken goods." I snap, 

"Danni!" He says.

"No! Don’t Danni me, you have no idea. You could do so much better than me, someone who won't damage your image and kind nature and I’m afraid that I’ve already screwed that up for you. What type of person does that? I’m bad for you. My head is already fucked enough and I don't need you messing with it, ok. So just leave me alone." I shout.

I stand up, I can’t sit anymore. I start pacing back and forth with tears running down my face. I’m scratching and squeezing my head. Suddenly, without even realizing what I’m doing, I run out of the house. I can't take this anymore; I’m running towards the sea screaming. “Why? Just why am I hated so much?” I pick up some stones that were lying by my feet and throw them into the sea; I just want this all to end. I want it all to go away, I hate all this pain and before I know it, I run into the sea. The tide is high, but I don't care, this pain is too much to bear, it needs to go. I want it all too just go away. All of a sudden the tide pulls me under; I can hear a voice in the background faintly.

"Shit, Danni! Come here.” Jared pulls me out of the water as and drags me back to shore. I struggle to push him away from me. I’m shouting at him.

"No, get of me, I’m nothing, leave me alone. Just stop trying to help me; I don’t want your help. Do you think I’m something good? Well trust me I’m not, look at me. I pull my vest top up and reveal to him my massive scar on my stomach were the knife got plunged into me. "Do you think I’m attractive now? This is how horrible I am, does it make you sick? It makes me sick and I have to live with this for the rest of my life.” I shout and scream at him in hysterics.

He is looking at me with concern, feeling sorry for me. He starts to walk towards me and I’m shouting "No, stay away from me.” He doesn’t listen; he comes towards me and wraps his arms around me. I try and break free, but he is just too strong. He says with such sadness in his voice.

"Don't worry, it's all going to be ok, just let it all out. Scream the place down till you don’t need to scream anymore. Let it out." So I do, I’m crying my heart out, shouting.

“Why god? Why did I deserve something so horrible? What was it I did so badly to deserve that?” All I can say is why? I’m sobbing into his chest and he holds me tightly, as if he will never let me go.

After some time of screaming in his embrace, I eventually start to calm myself down and he walks me back inside the house. Everyone is up and they’re all looking at me sympathetically, even Katie is. They go to say something, but Jared nods his head with warning not to.

He takes me up to my room and opens the door and walks me to the bed and goes to pick out some new pyjamas, as the ones I have on are soaked. He places them next to me on the bed and goes and grabs me a towel from the cupboard and wraps it around me. I’ve not said a single word since the beach. Breaking the silence, he speaks.

"I’m only next door if you need anything, just come and get me, ok?" I nod to say thank you, as he is about to walk out the door I call him back.

“Jared!” He looks back and I manage to say."Thank you." He nods and gives off a small smile and walks out. All I can think now is how much he must think I’m a broken loser, oh well, it’s what I expected; some things just aren’t meant to be. I dry off and get changed into my fresh pyjamas and jump into bed to try and get some sleep.

Healing comes when we choose to walk away from darkness and more towards a brighter light.

                       Dieter f. Uchtdorf

Chapter Six

I stretch out and let off a yawn, my whole body has stiffened up and I realize it’s our last day and night here. We’re not doing much today, the plan of action is that we’re all staying in, maybe hit the pool, but mostly packing. I’m going to miss this place, plus, I’m sad at the thought that I might not get to see Jared again. I feel a tinge of disappointment run through me. Suppose that’s a good thing to be honest, he’s too high profile and I think I should deal with my inner demons before doing anything else that could fuck with my head. It shouldn't be hard to tell him, as I’m sure he thinks the same already. Anyway, don't get me wrong, I am thankful for his help; he’s been great this week. Keeping me company and not freaking out over my outbursts, I’m really grateful for that.

I head out the door and speak of the devil, he’s outside waiting. A bit of joy sparks in me when I see him.

"Morning! How long have you been waiting out here for?"

"Morning beautiful! Well, not too long, only about ten – twenty minutes." Aww he called me beautiful, that brings a smile to my face, as a hint of exultant boils over me.

"Really? How come?

"Well, I thought after last night, you might feel a bit embarrassed walking into a room with them all. So I wanted to wait and go down with you, to see if it eases off any pressure."

"That’s really sweet and I appreciate it, thank you."

"Ready then?" He holds his arm out for me to link mine into his. I do so and we start walking."So, are you ok now?"

“Yeah, I actually am, I guess that’s what I really needed, you know, to let it all out. Hope I didn't freak you out too much; I’m not normally that crazy. I have my mood swings; I never know when they’re going to be up or down." I laugh,

"No, don't be silly, I‘m a very understanding guy you know. I was thinking, with it being your last night here, would you like to accompany me tonight to this charity ball event that I have to go too? I would like it if you’d come with me? Plus, I think it could help as well, you could do with a night out." I clench my teeth together, at the thought of being surrounded by so many people. 

"I don't know, after what was in the paper, I’d just make matters worse for you and it's not fair, plus with all the looks they’d give me, I don't think I could handle that just yet.”

"Look, what happened to you was awful, but you shouldn’t be ashamed or hide away from what happened and anyway, screw what other people think. Let them stare, all they’re going to see is a very strong woman who came back fighting from something that not many would. No fear! Is my motto; if it gets too much for you, I will bring you straight back, do we have a deal?" I smile, finding it hard to say no to him.

"Ok, let’s hope I find something to wear, because I don't think shorts and shirts would be acceptable.” I laugh, as we head to the kitchen and my senses are overloaded with the smell of cooked bacon and fresh coffee. To me there’s no better smell in the world.

Everyone is in the kitchen and they’re all setting the table ready for breakfast, luckily no one stares, they’re all going about as normal. Alex brings the food over and places it out on the table, there is sausage, beans, bacon, hash browns, tomatoes, black pudding, toast and a big pot of coffee.

"Nice, even better than a cafe, I must say." Alex smiles and we all sit and help ourselves. We start talking about what the best parts of our holiday has been.

After sometime Andi starts to look restless, like she can’t hold something back anymore. She looks at me and grins excitedly, as she spills her news and it’s better than anything I could ever imagine.

“I’m pregnant.”

“Aww, we’re so happy for you, congratulations.” We all get up from the table and one by one we exchange hugs. When it’s my turn I say to Andi.

"I’m so proud of you; you and Alex are going to make brilliant parents."

"Thanks, baby sis."

Once we’ve all settled back down and get back to our food, I have a look around at everyone, there’s smiles, laughter, they’re all happy, it’s wonderful to witness. This right now, I couldn’t ask for anything better. After we finished eating, Jay says.

“Right! Well, I better go and start packing; we should all have drinks tonight to say our last goodbyes to Rome.”

"Well, we’re off to a charity ball tonight, but we’ll try and make it back in time just for one, as we don't know how long we’ll be." Jared announces.

"Oh, screw you guys then." Jay jokes, Darla walks towards me and quips.

“Ooh.. Is tonight the night that you’re going to actually get some aye?" She winks.

"No, I can't do that; I’ll be just like the rest of his girls."

"Oh, come on. It’s your last night in Rome, you deserve to have fun, enjoy it while you can and personally, I think it means more than just a fling, if you ask me. So don’t be such a prude, you spoil sport. Look, what better way to help you recover, by trying to let your guard down? Not everyone is a monster babe."

"Shut up woman." I joke, “Well, I’m going to head to the Jacuzzi and relax for a bit, as I haven’t tried that out yet, then afterwards I’ll do some packing.”

                                                  *****     

I think I may have put too many bubbles in the Jacuzzi, as they’re nearly as high as my face. I’m sat relaxing and thinking about the past week in Rome, the good and the bad, it’s all been worth it though. I’m trying to decide what my favourite moment here has been and I have to say, it has to be every minute that I’ve spent with Jared. I know it’s strange, because I’ve only known him for the week, but he has been really sweet to me. I should do something for him, to show him how thankful I am, but I’m running out of time to do anything about it as we leave tomorrow.

"Danni, are you nearly finished? You still need to pack and don't forget that you’ve got to get ready for tonight." I look up and it's Katie, she is the last person I would expect to talk to me.

"Why, what time is it?"

"Three thirty."

"Oh, crap! I must of lost track of time, thanks for reminding me."

"Danni, I just want to say I’m sorry for the other day at the beach, I had no clue honestly."

"Katie! It’s ok, don't worry about it and don't be nice to me either, it doesn’t suit you, it’s weird." I joke, to ease up some of the pressure from her, as I know saying sorry comes hard for her.

I jump up; grab my towel an start running up the stairs, thinking, shit! What am I going to wear? I don't think I brought anything sparkly or posh. Oh god, I can't go looking like I’ve been dragged through a bush backwards. I Rush into my room and head straight towards the cupboards and start throwing the stuff that’s in there into my suitcase, whilst trying to find something decent to wear. There is absolutely nothing, I can't find anything. Growling to myself, as I’m getting frustrated, I head to the wardrobe and open it up. I’m stunned as hung up in there, is this amazing, gorgeous, baby pink gown, I suit pink quite well. I take it out, the material is silk. The style is a halter neck, long, backless and the front is quite low cut down and looks like it would just cover my breasts, but I would probably need breast tape to hold them in. It’s quite reviling this dress. Wow, I wonder whose it was. Maybe one of Mr. Hall’s women, yes, I say that with a hint of jealousy, it is my size though…

"It’s yours." I look and of course it’s him.

"Excuse me?" I reply stunned.

"Well, I thought you wouldn't have time to go and get something, so I called my assistant, she’s good at all that stuff, what’s in, what’s not. So I went with her to describe what you looked like and we agreed on this. I think it’ll look great on you."

"You didn't have to do that, you know."

"I wanted to and don't worry, we even made sure you had matching shoes." He laughs, "Now get ready."

"But wait, I need breast tape." I bashful say, I feel my face burn up with the embarrassment of asking that question. "I don't think it’ll look good if one of them happens to fall out in front of everyone." He looks at me, raises his eyebrow and smirks.

"Well.... “He stops in thought, he so better not be thinking about my breasts, but by the look on his face he is. I interrupt his thoughts with a.

“Oi, focus.”

"Oh yeah, bedside table." He says, walking out the door, men. I shake my head and laugh to myself as I carefully slip into the dress. It feels really soft on my skin and fits perfect; it shows off my figure just right, not too tight, but a flowing tightness that latches on perfectly to every curve on my body. I’m trying to fix my breasts into the breast parts, it’s really revealing. I feel a bit uncomfortable, how am I going to pull this off? I get the breast tape and snap three pieces off for each breast, so they have no chance of falling out.

I head to the mirror and start putting my make up on, I decide on dark eyes to break the pink up a little bit, it seems to go well. A tad bit of blusher, to get rid of the pasted look of my cheeks and a tinted lip gloss, not too much colour, just a hint of pink. I start on my hair, I think I’d like to be brave and have it up in a bun, but my scar is fully on show, so I reconsider. I’m not ready for that. I dig my curling tongs out and decide to have my hair half up, half down with loose curls. So than that way, I can still hide the scar as my hair is long enough. It takes a little while but finally, I look at myself in the mirror and decide that I’m done;

I slip the strappy silver shoes on and take one last look at myself in the mirror again, trying to reassure myself that I can do this. I’m so nervous; I know the entire place is going to be crawling with press. This is not me; I don’t do posh meals and fancy gowns. I take a deep breath in and breathe out slowly, as my dad used to tell me to do. I do that a couple of times before I get up and head towards the door. I open it up, just as Jared’s about to knock.

"Wow, you look...." 

"Thanks!” I say before he could finish. "You, clean up quite well yourself Mr. Hall." He’s wearing a black suit, which I think is Armani, he’s gelled his hair back. Wow! I do love a guy in a suit. I wonder if there’s anything he can't wear, that doesn’t make him look good?

"I have a little surprise for you; here! I want to give you this now.” He pulls out a square sued box and opens it. Oh, my… I’m speechless, it’s a diamond necklace, with matching earrings and bracelet; the diamonds have a little tint of pink in them, it’s beautiful.

"Oh my god, Jared. I don't know what to say. I can't wear that; I’d probably break it, why did you buy me it? You shouldn't be wasting your money on me like that, it's too much, I couldn’t possibly take it." I shake my head at him and brush the sued box back in to his chest.

"Can you just for once let someone treat you like you deserve to be treated? You’ve given me an amazing and eventful week and how I feel around you... its different I can’t explain it. So this is how I deal, ok! So please, just take it and put it on. You’re worth so much more than you realize and I’m trying to make this a perfect night for you, so if you say no, I will be highly offended, so just take it."

"Guilt trip much? Ok, it is really beautiful. I’m sorry, thank you, is that any better?" I feel strange. I catch myself smiling at him and in this moment, I feel at ease with him.

As we head downstairs, we both can hear the wolf whistles going off already. They can see the redness of my face, that’s why they’re whistling. We say our goodbyes and as we’re walking out the door Andi shouts,

"Don't forget, no sex unless it’s safe sex." They all burst out laughing, my mouth drops, oh my god, how embarrassing. I’m going to kill her; my face is like a beet-root now. I turn away and we leave.

                                    *****

“So.. Where is this charity event taking place?” I ask, while in the limousine, going to where ever this place is. Before he can answer, we stop and the driver lets us out. We’re near a deck; I eyeball the huge ferry in front of us.

"In there.” He says pointing. I’m astonished, this is unreal. We climb aboard and Jared hands our tickets over to the doormen and we walk inside.

"Evening Mr. Hall, this way and I’ll show you and your guest to your seats." 

"Thank you, Darren." As we’re getting seated, I glance around; there is the mayor and his wife. Oh wow, I will keep away from them, as I don't want to be making a fool of myself. By the looks of things, there are a lot of business people here, a few actors and singers too. I whisper to Jared.

"Geez, I bet you need lots of security on this place, with so many high profiled people here."

"Yeah, we do, especially with the amount of money that is handled in this place. Just think, its five hundred just for a ticket and some of these people pay as they’re coming in, so we need the extra security.”

Once everyone is on board, it sets off till we get to the middle of the sea, well close enough to the next island anyway. When we’re all seated and settled, the mayor stands up and makes a speech.

"Hello ladies and gentleman, it's lovely to see you all here on this special night, I hope you all enjoy yourselves. I’m impressed with such an amazing turn out; we’ve doubled the amount of people here, so many more than last year. Now I would like to invite you all to stand and give a round of applause, for the man who is responsible for this evening, Mr. Jared Hall.” I look up at him and we all stand up to applause him. He’s past the microphone and the mayor shakes his hand, a clear sign of mutual respect.