Rebuilding Forever (4 page)

He shot to his feet, his chair screeching across the linoleum. "I don't want to talk about it." He carried his plate to the counter. Cassie watched as he found the plastic wrap and covered the plate, then put it in the refrigerator.

"I'm going back to bed." He left the room without looking at her again.

Cassie finished her sandwich slowly, thinking. She didn't want this weekend to be stressful and difficult. It was likely that they wouldn't see each other again until the wedding. They'd timed things so that Blue Silver could finish recording and she'd have all her major work for Aquila completed before they went to St. Thomas to get married, then take a two-week honeymoon before settling in at home with no major distractions until the album was released. So she really wanted this visit to be positive and happy.

Which meant not mentioning Julian again. If it made Seth horny, fine. She was reaping the benefits, after all, and it was either a minor thing that would go away, or a major thing that wouldn't be resolved in one weekend.

So, good, she had a plan. Ignoring something always worked fine.

She rolled her eyes at herself and went back to bed.

"That's a wrap, boys."

Seth and Julian clapped at the producer's announcement over the intercom. They'd been recording some final vocals for the new album, and wrapping meant they had a whole week to get ready for the wedding.

"I think it's the best one yet," Julian said as they left a few minutes later.

Seth grinned. "You say that every time."

"It's almost always true." Jules turned backward and skipped down the steps, squinting up at Seth in the bright afternoon light. "You gonna call Cassie?"

"Hell, no." They started down the sidewalk toward the pub where they were meeting the other guys to celebrate. "She's got this big conference thing tomorrow and is trying to handle all the last minute details with the resort. I'm not talking to her until I have to."

Julian laughed. "You're insane, mate. You should have just done it at the courthouse in little Harrisburg and been done with it. You know
People
tried to get me to give them exclusive photographs?"

"And?" Seth glared at him.

"And they weren't offering enough money. You're no Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, after all."

"Wanker."

"Ohmigodit'sSethGrahamandJulianManchesterOhmigod!"

The men halted as a trio of teenage girls jumped in front of them, squealing and bouncing and generally freaking out. They took a minute to sign autographs and give hugs--Seth carefully, Julian enthusiastically, while some paparazzo snapped a couple of shots.

"Still trying to make Georgie jealous?" Seth asked him once they were able to move on.

"Not with those babies. They're hardly older than Amie." Julian said his daughter's name with sadness. His side trip to see her when they'd been in the States a few weeks ago hadn't gone that well. "Daddy Bill" did everything the right way, and Julian did everything wrong. Cassie figured it was typical pre-teen drama, but Julian couldn't see it that way.

"When is Micheline taking Amie down to St. Thomas?"

"Tomorrow." Julian opened the door to the pub and let Seth enter before following him. "They're doing the family vacation thing before I get there."

Seth didn't know what to say to ease his friend's obvious pain, so he just clapped a hand on his shoulder and squeezed a little. Julian gave a half nod, then turned on his "party man" persona when the guys shouted a greeting from the back.

"To being done with the bloody album," Robert toasted. They clanked bottles and drank, but Brad hurriedly changed the focus.

"To comebacks that last longer than a fuckin' month!"

"To reconciliations that do the same!" Julian crowed.

"To best mates," Seth offered, and the others quieted. "To pulling us through, no matter what hard times come."

"Cheers," said Brad. They drank, then he added, "To Troy, the wanker. No offense, Reggie," he said to the new guy. "You're a good drummer and all, but Troy's history."

"None taken." Reggie still had the shell-shocked look of a Pop Idol contestant in the first round, but they'd all gotten pretty comfortable together over the last several months.

"All right, listen, guys. I know you've all got a lot of steam to blow off when we get to the Caribbean, but--" He broke off as they whooped. "This is serious business. Don't call me Pete," he warned, pointing his bottle at Julian, who grinned and tugged his navy-blue bangs. "Cassie will have my
ass
if this wedding is disrupted by drunkenness, disappearances, floozies, or the media.
Especially
the media. So don't fuck it up."

"No worries, mate," Brad said. "Marci will be there. I'm not carousin' unless it's with her."

"She's game for anything, Braddy, and you know it. I don't trust either of you." He eyed Robert. "How's Arliss?"

The guitarist shrugged. He'd been very tight-lipped about that relationship, but Seth knew all of Cassie's friends, the Silverettes as they'd called themselves, would be there. Arliss had thrown a tantrum the last time they were all together. Seth hadn't witnessed it, but he'd heard about it. She'd seemed taken with Robert, so maybe he could keep her in check.

"What are you so worried about?" Julian asked. "You're like a bloody mother of the bride, all nervous about this."

He loved these guys, but there was no way he was airing his relationship problems with them. "Just trying to keep Cassie off my neck," he said. "You know how women are about weddings." He cringed, thinking about her reaction if she heard him say that. Cassie was very much
not
like other women. He doubted she'd care if something interfered with the actual ceremony. But she'd been very annoyed of late with the whole media thing--they'd gotten hungrier the closer the wedding date came. Not that it had been revealed officially to anyone, but word always got out. He was afraid she would decide getting married was not a good idea before she knew they could handle the pressure of his renewed lifestyle.

His trip to Harrisburg had been perfect after that first night. Cassie had laid off about his dreams, and he hadn't had any more. But since then... Their phone calls had gotten shorter and shorter, and the arguments longer.

Robert was eyeing him knowingly. "I can--"

"Don't you dare offer me a health drink," Seth warned. The others chuckled. Robert smiled, but his eyes still assessed Seth with far too much awareness.

Seth drained his fake beer and thumped the bottle on the table. "All right, mates, I'll see you in St. Thomas."

"That's all?" Brad looked dismayed. "You've been here ten minutes."

"I have better things to do than hang around with you lot." He aimed a punch at Brad's shoulder. "Don't stay here too long."

"Yeah, yeah," they grumbled at him. Julian signaled the waitress, and Seth walked outside.

To be accosted by the fucking paparazzo again. He lifted a hand to shove the camera away, but caught himself and forced a grin. Better to look easygoing and boring than boorish and offer ammunition. He waved down a cab and a moment later left the shutterbug behind.

"Why don't you just use the kiosk?" Seth nudged Julian toward the self-service check-in for their airline, but Julian shook him off.

"How can I flirt with the attendant if it's a screen? Hello, luv. How are you today?" he said to the eleven-ish girl in line in front of him. She blushed and half hid behind the older man she was with, probably her father, to look at them. The man scowled at Julian, who held out a hand. "Nice to meet you. Julian Manchester, Blue Silver."

The man's face cleared and he nodded.

"Right. Going to St. Thomas, then? So am I. My best mate is getting married." He motioned to Seth, who shook his head and ducked around the kiosk to scan his e-ticket. Julian chattered on with the people in line, enjoying himself as always, but Seth went on ahead through security and found a seat around the corner from their gate, mostly out of sight. He wasn't courting any kind of publicity on this trip, he didn't care how vital it was to be visible pre-release. Pete could deal with Cassie if he had a complaint.

Julian showed up right before the call to board first class came.

"Good timing, that," he said jovially.

Seth scowled and strode to the attendant. Her smile faded when she saw his face, and her "enjoy your flight" came out much softer than it had for the people ahead of him. Once on board he shoved his bag under the seat and stared out the tiny window. A moment later Julian dropped beside him.

"What's got your knickers in a twist, mate?"

Seth didn't answer. He felt like he had back in the day, when he was at the end of a high and before he could start the next one. Except instead of being aggravated by every little thing around him, he was only aggravated by Julian.

Julian shrugged and turned to the woman across the aisle. "You look like you're already in the islands." He spent a good five minutes talking fashion with her, until the flight attendant stopped at their row.

"Good morning," the man said, bending toward them and keeping his voice low.

"Mornin'!" Julian grinned. Seth gave a grudging nod.

"We wanted to let you know that our first class passengers are very important to us. I'm sorry we weren't alerted you would be on board, normally we have special boarding procedures for passengers of your status. Our intention is to keep coach passengers out of this section--"

Seth felt a little burst of panic. The last thing he wanted was media attention because they'd caused a riot on board. He'd rather sign a couple of autographs than have their fans throw hissies and draw more attention to them.

"It's no trouble," he told the man, but he only grew more earnest.

"We want to ensure this flight is a positive experience. Please let us know if anyone bothers you, or if you are in need of anything at all."

"Anything?" Julian winked. "That's a mighty broad offer."

The man blinked. "Pardon?"

"What's your name?"

"Edward, sir."

"Well, Edward, are there restrictions on what 'anything' can be?" Julian waggled his eyebrows. Edward blushed, which would have been funny if Seth was in a mood to be amused. He'd swear the man was straight.

"Of course there are, sir." Edward glanced over his shoulder, then said, even more softly, "Mile-high clubbing is most definitely frowned upon." He winked back at Julian and straightened. Jules roared with laughter.

Seth kept his reaction to an eye roll and pulled the magazine out of the pocket on the seat back. Next to him, Julian thanked Edward for his hospitality and closed his eyes, folding his hands across his stomach. Good. Maybe he'd fall asleep and leave Seth alone for most of the flight.

But it wasn't to be. As soon as they were in the air, Julian leaned close to him.

"So what's going on?"

Seth gave him a pointed look. He wasn't talking about anything in this public a place.

"There's no one for two rows in front or back of us. The sweetheart across the aisle can't hear over the engines." His steely eyes bore into Seth. "Now tell me why you're acting like you've been buggered by a fire poker."

"I'm not." He shoved the mag back in the pocket, fully aware he sounded like a child.

"You using again?"

Seth jerked, then bit down on his desire to shout a denial. It was a reasonable question. "No." He flopped back against the seat.

"You want to be using?"

That was an even better question, and one Seth made himself consider carefully. "No," he finally said again, and the tension in him eased slightly. "Surprisingly, I'm not even thinking about it. Haven't even wanted a fag in ages."

"So?"

He rubbed his hand over his face and leaned his head back. "I don't know."

"Is it Cassie?"

"Partly."

"What's going on? Do you want me to talk to her?"

It wasn't an idle offer. Probably by virtue of their mutual caregiving roles with the old Seth, they had a bond most best mates and wives wouldn't have developed. Jules cared about Cassie, and vice versa, and they knew each other well. And respected each other.

"Thanks, but it's not necessary. She's not doing anything. It's just...everything."

Jules shook his head. "I thought everything was going pretty well. The album, the publicity, the fans--and you're getting married in a few days."

Cold and heat warred in Seth's middle. Thanks to rehab, he'd grown unafraid of analyzing his feelings. Mostly. He knew the cold was fear, the warmth hope. It didn't take a shrink to figure out that he was afraid the wedding wouldn't happen.

"Cassie's not into the life like she was last time," he said. "All the crap is getting to her."

"Yeah, you said. So?" Jules shifted and tried to stretch his legs out further. "Every relationship has its bugs. You deal with it best you can."

"Sometimes by leaving it."

Julian snorted. "You think Cassie's going to leave you over a few paparazzi and a news story?"

It sounded ridiculous when he said it. "I guess not."

"Then what are you afraid of?"

"I'm afraid--" He swallowed. Just saying those two words made the emotion stronger. "I'm afraid the crap will pile up high enough to overwhelm her tolerance. And she'll bail."

"Aw, Seth?" Julian shook his head against the head rest. "You're a mess, mate. She's told you how many times that it won't happen."

"Saying and doing are two different things."

"You're mental."

"She swore once to stay with me through anything. And then she left." That night flashed through his brain. Cassie's face, streaked with tears and makeup, but hard with determination. His despair, the only thing that cut through the haze of the rest of his memories. He'd never been as messed up, before or since, as he'd gotten that night.

"Fuck, Seth, you're going to put yourself in the loony-bin, you keep thinking like that. It was fifteen years ago. Forget it. Concentrate on now."

He was trying.

After a frightfully expensive call to Cassie on the plane's in-seat phone, Seth settled enough to sleep. She'd been calm, telling him everything was under control and all they'd have to do once they arrived was lounge on the beach and drink non-alcoholic Volcanoes. He dozed to the hum of the jet engines, at first hyperaware of movement and sounds around him, then dropping deeper.