Recipes for Life (16 page)

Through self-contemplation, I realized that what was standing between me and my dream was an old thought pattern. It started when I was in my late teens; I fell in love for the first time. During our relationship, he got someone else pregnant and married her. After that, I linked love and betrayal and it became a pattern I unconsciously lived. In seeing it, I could let it go and replace it with a new one that better served my dream.

Once I understood my pattern, I never repeated it again . . . only faithful men in my life since then . . . thank God.

W
HEN
I
BECAME
social again, many of my friends did their best to make sure I wasn’t alone, especially during the holidays. The first Christmas after my divorce, Roger and Luisa Moore invited me and the Hedisons to their wonderful home in Gstaad, Switzerland, to spend the holidays with their family. It was like stepping into a Christmas card, being in the Alps, with all the beautiful chalets covered in snow. That Christmas I felt very fortunate and grateful to be with a loving family and friends instead of being at home wondering why I couldn’t seem to get the marriage thing right.

Bridget, David, and me at Roger and Louisa Moore’s house in Gstaad, Switzerland.

One of the sweetest memories I have of that trip is when Roger made a traditional English Christmas pudding, which he mixed a coin into before baking. Whoever finds the coin gets blessings for the year. I found it. I always wondered if he might have rigged it my way, but however it happened, I did get many blessings that year.

This is the dessert my family likes me to make every Christmas. The die-hard chocolate lovers like it with the icing drizzled over it. The rest like it without, so I usually make two. It freezes well . . . if there are any leftovers. My thanks to Diana Welanetz Wentworth for teaching me this recipe.

1 6-ounce package semisweet chocolate chips (1 cup)

1½ teaspoons instant coffee

3 tablespoons water

5 eggs, separated

1¼ cups sugar, divided

1½ teaspoons vanilla

FOR THE FILLING:

1 8-ounce carton whipping cream

1½ teaspoons vanilla

2 tablespoons powdered sugar

FOR THE ICING:

½ cup powdered sugar

1½ tablespoons Hershey’s unsweetened cocoa

1 tablespoon hot water

¼ teaspoon instant coffee

¼ teaspoon vanilla

1 tablespoon melted butter

Pinch of salt

Preheat oven to 350°F. Grease an 9 x 13-inch jellyroll pan.

Line it with wax paper, and then grease the wax paper (I use Crisco).

Place chocolate chips, 1½ teaspoons instant coffee, and hot water in a double boiler over gently simmering water until melted, stirring occasionally to combine. Remove from heat and cool to room temperature.

While the chocolate is cooling, beat the egg yolks, ¾ cup of the sugar, and 1½ teaspoons vanilla in a large mixing bowl until thick and pale yellow.

Slowly fold the cooled chocolate mixture into the egg yolks.

In a separate bowl, use an electric mixer to beat the egg whites until they form soft peaks. Then gradually add the remaining ½ cup sugar, a small amount at a time, until the meringue forms stiff peaks.

Use a rubber spatula to fold one-third of the meringue into the chocolate mixture to lighten the base. Then slowly, with the rubber spatula, fold the rest of the meringue, a little at a time, into the chocolate mixture—like you would when making a chocolate soufflé.

Gently spread the mixture into the jellyroll pan and use the spatula to smooth it to the edges of the pan.

Place in the oven and bake 17 minutes. Don’t peek. Remove the cake from the oven to cool. (The cake will fall and crack like a failed soufflé. Don’t be horrified—it’s supposed to!)

While the cake cools, make the filling by whipping together the cream, vanilla, and powdered sugar until soft peaks form.

Gently slide a spatula between the jellyroll pan and the waxed paper to separate it from the pan. Spread a clean kitchen towel over the top of the cake and flip the whole pan upside down, holding the towel tight to catch the cake as you flip. Carefully peel the wax paper off the surface of the cake.

Spread the whipped cream filling over the surface of the cake and then roll it up like a jellyroll using the towel to help you lift and roll. Now you should have the classic Christmas
bûche
, or “log.” With two spatulas, one on either end of the log (pointing toward the center) very carefully lift onto a serving dish. The log will look cracked and broken.

To make the icing sift the powdered sugar and cocoa through a fine mesh strainer, using the back of a spoon, into a small bowl. In another small bowl combine the hot water, instant coffee, vanilla, and
hot
melted butter, stirring well. Add the warm ingredients to the powdered sugar/cocoa combination, whisking until blended.
Immediately
drizzle the icing along the very top of the log. (Do not make this too far in advance, because the icing will get stiff because of the butter.)

Refrigerate until you are ready to serve. You can make and assemble it up to 5 hours in advance. Any leftovers freeze perfectly.

T
HE FIRST TIME
in my life that I actually wanted a career was after my second divorce. I had invested in some real estate with Stan while we were married. I didn’t want alimony from him, but I did want to buy a small house in Beverly Hills that he owned and I loved. So I put my investment money toward it. There was still a sizable mortgage, and if I couldn’t make the payments, I’d lose the house. That’s exactly the way I wanted things, because I needed that fire under me so I would fight like hell to get my career back on track. I was counting on the adversity to make me strong, not take me down. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but I was determined to make it on my own.

One of the first opportunities that came up was huge: an interview with Steve McQueen for a film he was starring in and producing, a true story titled
Tom Horn.
I was very excited, until Steve opened the door and, looking extremely uncomfortable, immediately told me that he was sorry I came, because I was wrong for the part. Not the response I was hoping for. But then he did soften the blow by saying it was because he thought I was too attractive, and he was looking for a more believable frontier woman. But then he said: “Oh well, you’re here, come on in.” The old adage, just get your foot in the door, is true. I got the part!

This film was very important to Steve, and he really took it over, down to the last detail. He selected every piece of fabric—dowdy and drab—for my wardrobe. He even met me at the dentist when they made my gold tooth (to give me the frontier woman look).

On location, a few days before filming, the unthinkable happened: I got laryngitis because I was so terrified—I needed this job and they had already replaced a few of the actors. Steve was very kind. “Linda,” he
told me, “I want you to know I totally understand,” was all he said. He didn’t want me to talk to anyone or speak for any reason for a week so I could get back my voice.

Westerns have always been my favorite: I love being outdoors, the animals, the down-to-earth nature of the wranglers, stuntmen, and cowboys. But
Tom Horn
holds a very special place in my heart, because acting with Steve was one of the greatest experiences in my career. He was so brilliant when he was performing that I’d get lost in his performance and nearly forget my next line.

Even better than I imagined.

It was a wonderful time for me, filled with firsts, including the day Steve called me aside while on location in Tucson, Arizona, plopped a plate of mashed potatoes in front of me, and said I was getting too thin. Believe me, I never thought I’d hear that one in Hollywood.

Then again, when I think about it, this might just be a Western thing, because years later, when I did
The Gambler
with Kenny Rogers, he’d have pizza delivered to my room. No wonder I love doing Westerns!

In memory of dear Steve, here’s one of my favorite high-calorie and delicious potato recipes. This one is always a huge hit. I like to assemble the cheese and potatoes several hours in advance and cover with plastic wrap, keeping at room temperature before baking. If you do this, be sure to leave the cream mixture covered in the fridge and pour over the potatoes just before baking.

1½ to 1¾ pounds red potatoes, peeled

Unsalted butter, for greasing

3½ cups grated sharp cheddar cheese (about 12 ounces)

2 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese (I prefer Parmigiano-Reggiano)

⅓ cups heavy cream

1 small garlic clove, minced (about ½ teaspoon)

¼ teaspoon kosher salt

⅛ teaspoon white pepper

Put the whole, peeled potatoes in a large pot and add just enough water to cover. Boil until tender, about 20 minutes. Drain and cool. When cool, slice potatoes ¼-inch thick.

Preheat oven to 350°F.

Butter the bottom of a 2-quart (11½ x 8 x 2-inch) baking dish and layer in half the potato slices. Sprinkle with half the cheddar and half the Parmesan. Layer on the remaining potatoes and sprinkle with remaining cheese.