Reckless Destiny (22 page)

Slowly, she shook her head.

His eyes narrowed. “So beautiful that every man on this post can’t help but want you. Most of them wouldn’t do anything about it, but you’re right: I’m jealous as hell and I don’t trust Mac as far as I can throw him.”

“You have no reason to be jealous. I don’t want anyone but you, Kane. There’s never been anyone but you.”

His mouth came down on hers then, hard and demanding. His tongue invaded her mouth and caressed the sensitive interior until a soft moan escaped her.

He slid his hand over her chest. He stopped suddenly, pulling away as he lifted her wedding band from where it rested against her breasts. In his palm, the circle of gold gleamed as the moon’s light reflected from it.

“You’re still wearing this?” He stared at her, and it was as if he was trying to see clear into her heart.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know.”

“This ring is special because it came from you. It’s
precious, not because it’s gold but because it was your mother’s. I’ll never take it off.”

She leaned forward and placed a kiss on the ring in his hand.

He sucked in a breath as he let the golden circle slide from his fingers to fall against her bosom. Then he covered her breast with his palm. She leaned into the caress. The sensation slammed through her even though her cotton blouse kept the contact from being skin to skin. She arched forward, wanting to increase the pleasure his touch gave her, wishing there was no barrier to the warmth of his fingers, the strength of his hand.

He shuddered at her eager response. As if he could read her mind, he undid the buttons down her front and pushed the material aside, then slipped her chemise down, freeing her sensitized flesh. His fingers slowly and exquisitely explored the peak of her breast. His breathing quickened, growing more wild. But his arms trembled, straining to control his power. He could break her in two if he chose, and his restraint, the care he took to be gentle with her, touched her to her very soul.

Cady kissed him back with all the heat she’d learned from him, trying to return some of the wonder he’d given to her. Finally, he pulled away and looked at her, the tension in the angles and planes of his face etched in moonlight. His chest rose and fell heavily.

“You are a witch, Cady. You make me forget every promise I ever made, to myself or anyone else.”

She kissed his neck and spoke against the warm skin there. “What did you promise, Kane?”

“That I wouldn’t hurt you. That I’d protect you.”

“And you have.”

“No. You married me because you had to. How is that protecting you?”

“You’re wrong, Kane, about why I married you. I didn’t have to, not really.”

She gloried in the feel of him, the power of his possession, the passion he created inside her. The sensation filled her to near bursting. The words had rushed out before she could stop them.

“What do you mean, you didn’t have to?”

If she hadn’t been so light-headed from his touch, she would have heard the edge in his voice. But before it registered she blurted out, “No one could have forced me to marry you if I didn’t love you, Kane.”

As soon as she said the words, she wanted to call them back. But it was too late. He went still and she pulled back to look at him. The expression on his face told her it was the last thing he wanted to hear.

“You don’t mean that,” he said harshly.

Cady had never hated her impulsiveness more than she did at that moment. But she couldn’t lie either. “I do mean it. I’ve loved you since the day we met. I tried not to, but it was no use. I was engaged but I had to end it because I couldn’t marry anyone else.”

“Don’t say any more.” He put his hands on her waist and stood her up, then took a deep shuddering breath. As she straightened her clothes, he rose to his full height and stared down at her, a look of betrayal in his dark eyes. “I don’t want to hear any more.”

“Not even if it’s the truth?”

“Especially if it’s the truth.” He tilted his head back and raked a hand through his hair as he stared at the moon. When he looked at her again, it was as if a cold stranger had taken the place of the warm, tender, responsive man she had just kissed. “I’ll walk you back now. Everyone will be wondering where you are.”

“You don’t want to talk about this, do you?”

“No.”

She tamped down her anger and frustration and took a deep breath. “All right, Kane. We won’t talk about it. But that won’t change the way I feel.”

She turned away and started down the hill. Behind her, she heard the rocks and sand beneath his boots as he followed without a word. She had said more than enough tonight. She knew he would think about it. This wasn’t over. Not as far as she was concerned.

The following day, Cady was in the classroom when she saw Jack in the doorway. He motioned for her to join him.

She looked at her students, fifteen in all now, busily working the sums she had given them. She glanced at R. J.’s red head, bent to his task. Even he came on a regular basis. More important, he was learning. That small miracle gave her great pride.

“Children?” The scratching on their slates stopped and all eyes lifted to hers. “We have a visitor. Continue with your work until I’ve finished speaking with him.”

“Yes, Mrs. Carrington,” they all said together.

Cady pulled her shawl around her shoulders and walked to where Jack lounged in the doorway.

He grinned, and she couldn’t help smiling back. The beard he’d grown during his time in the Superstitions was still there, but neatly trimmed. She thought it still gave him an evil, forbidding look, but he didn’t frighten her. She knew him too well. One good tug on his ear and she could bring him to his knees.

“Hello, Jack.” She stepped onto the boardwalk and rested her back against the adobe wall.

“Cady,” he said, nodding.

“Why didn’t you come to the literary society meeting last night?”

“I was busy getting supplies together. I’m here now to say good-bye.”

She stood up straight, hand against her heart. “You’re leaving? I thought you planned to stay until the army caught Cuchillo.”

“That could take months, or it may never happen. I can’t wait that long.”

“Why, Jack?”

He took off his black hat and spun it as he looked at her. “Same reason as always.”

“You don’t have anything to prove.”

He smiled without humor, but his hand was gentle when he cupped her cheek. “Maybe not to you, little sister. You always thought I walked on water.”

“You’re a very special man, Jackson Tanner. When are you going to realize that?”

He shrugged. “When hell freezes over.”

“Or when you find that special woman who thinks you walk on water too.

He shook his head. “You
are
a dreamer, aren’t you?”

“No.” A tight feeling in her throat stopped her. At the same time, tears burned her eyes and she looked past him, down the street to where soldiers were standing at attention on the parade ground. When she had her emotions under control, she looked up again. “I suppose it would be a waste of time to try to talk you into staying?”

“It would.” He took a deep breath.

“What’s on your mind, Jack?”

“I’m sorry about the wedding,” he blurted out. “I know it wasn’t what you probably always dreamed of. I did what I thought was right. Are you still mad?”

“No.”

“You’re not?”

“I stopped being mad when Kane put his mother’s ring on my finger.”

“That was his mother’s?”

“It’s all he has of hers. He cares about me, Jack, I know he does. I just have to figure out how to convince him.”

“So you do love him?” Jack looked relieved.

She nodded. “The pigheaded soldier doesn’t know it yet, but he loves me too. At least I think he does. And I’ll get him to say it out loud or die trying.”

At her last words, his eyes narrowed sternly. “Speaking of that, don’t do anything stupid, like taking off alone again.”

“Believe me, I learned my lesson. I intend to prove that I can follow orders.”

“Good. Because I just heard from Kane and Mac Thorne that Cuchillo’s band struck again, close by.”

“What happened?”

“They ambushed a family on the road from town.”

“Was anyone hurt?” she asked anxiously.

“You don’t really want to know, Cady.”

“You can’t protect me, Jack. I’m going to hear anyway. This is my life now.”

“The parents, Mike and Laura Carberry, were killed. The children, a girl and a boy, are missing, presumed captured.”

She gasped. “Oh, Lord, no.”

“That’s why I’m telling you: Listen to that stubborn husband of yours. He knows what he’s talking about.”

“I will.”

“Promise me, Cady. If anything happened to you—”

“I promise. Nothing is going to happen to me.”

He smiled, a slight lifting of his mouth, but she knew that for Jack it meant a lot. “Do you know how proud I am of you, Cady Tanner—I mean, Carrington?”

She grinned at his slip. She kept forgetting her married name too. “Yes, I know, because I’m just as proud of you.”

He looked down at the hat in his hands, then back up at her, and the haunted expression was back in his eyes. “Maybe someday I’ll do something to justify the way you feel about me.”

“Maybe someday you’ll remember my name is Carrington.”

She started to say something more, but Jack touched a finger to her lips. “I have to go. Just say good-bye.”

“Good-bye.” Her voice caught on a sob.

“Don’t you cry, now.”

She nodded, even as two tears trickled over her lower eyelid and slid down her right cheek. He brushed them away with his thumb, then wrapped his arms around her in a fierce hug.

After he let her go, Cady swallowed the lump in her throat as her brother took the lead on his pack mule and mounted his horse. She watched until he passed the last building of the fort, crossed the perimeter, and headed into the desert. She hoped Jack would find what he was looking for and discover whatever his restless spirit needed in order to know peace. She might say the same for herself.

She had spoken brave words when she’d vowed to make Kane admit he loved her. Time would tell whether or not she could do it.

Several days after saying
her farewells to Jack, Cady walked into the stable. She craved the relaxation of a ride. She figured it would be all right since, as always when she rode, she would keep the perimeter well within sight. Still, she had brought the pistol Kane had given her and felt its reassuring weight pulling at the pocket of her split riding skirt.

She breathed in the scents of hay and horses and sighed with satisfaction. It had been a trying day. The children were all on edge with the rumors of Indian trouble, and it hadn’t been easy to maintain order in her classroom. More disturbing, she hadn’t seen much of Kane.

He was still doing double duty and invariably came into their quarters late. The first time she had tried to talk to him, he’d pleaded exhaustion. After that, he just slipped into bed and turned away from her. When she awoke in the morning, he was always gone.

She hoped the Indians would be back on the reservation soon, not only for the safety of soldiers and settlers
but for her sake as well. How could she get her husband to admit he loved her if she never saw him? If she ever came face to face with Cuchillo, she would give him a piece of her mind!

The whinny of a horse and a responding nicker pulled her back to the business at hand—her afternoon ride.

“Hello?” she called out, for the soldier on duty in the stable. As she turned from side to side looking for him, she felt Jack’s old black hat trailing down her back, held on by the leather strings at her neck.

“Isn’t anyone here?” She glanced around, surprised that no one appeared to be on duty. “I guess I’ll just have to saddle Prince myself.”

It wasn’t easy, but she managed to lift the heavy saddle onto the horse’s back. Fortunately the animal was docile and cooperative. When she was finished, she mounted up and rode down the street, past Kane’s office, to the perimeter of the fort.

“Hello, sergeant,” she said, waving to a burly guard with a bushy mustache.

“Ma’am.” With two fingers, he respectfully touched the bill of his forage cap. “Nice day, ain’t it?”

“Yes. Is everything quiet?”

“Yes, ma’am. But me and the boys’ll watch real close while you ride,” he said, indicating another guard about ten feet away.

“Thank you, sergeant. I won’t be too long.”

Cady kneed her horse into a walk and rode a short way into the desert, then glanced around her in every direction to make sure she saw nothing out of the ordinary. Satisfied, she nudged the horse into a brisk canter. His instant response told her that he was as eager for exercise as she was.

Kane stared at the duty roster on his desk and rubbed the back of his neck. No matter how hard he tried or moved his men around, there was just no way to overcome the shortage of manpower. With Major Wexler at the Indian reservation keeping things quiet there, Kane was in charge of the fort. The soldiers were pushing themselves to the limit in patrolling the area, to see if there was any trace of the captured children. Every time he thought about Cuchillo attacking right under his nose, his gut tightened with anger.

As if he didn’t have enough to worry about, Cady was never very far from his thoughts. Going to bed with her beside him and not being able to touch her was about to tear him apart. Sometimes he wondered why he didn’t just give in. After all, she’d said she loved him. She was his wife. Why didn’t he take her again and try to get her out of his system? It made sense but he just couldn’t do it, because every time he touched her he lost another piece of himself. He was sure if he bedded her again, she would take his soul.

Kane looked out the window and watched Cady ride by on Prince. Surely with all the trouble they had she wasn’t taking her afternoon ride.

He walked over to the door, just in time to see her pass the perimeter, talk briefly with Sergeant Harrison, and canter Prince into the desert.

“Dammit to hell!”

He grabbed his hat and went to the stable, readied Soldier Boy, and swung up into the saddle. As he passed the guard, he pointed to Cady and shouted, “She’s not to ride until further notice. If she gets past you, I’ll bust you down to private.”

“Yes, sir!”

With the slightest pressure from his knees, his mount shot forward after Cady. As he drew closer, he
realized she wasn’t trying to outrun him, in fact she was constantly watching her surroundings. He caught her easily. Or, more precisely, she looked over her shoulder and pulled up when she recognized him.

He wheeled his horse to a stop beside her. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

His angry words and tone destroyed the gladness that had sparkled in her eyes at the sight of him.

“We’re up to our necks in an Indian uprising,” he continued, when she didn’t respond.

“I’m aware of that. I brought my gun with me, and I’ve kept the fort in sight. I’ve been keeping my eyes open, watching for anything amiss. I followed all your orders. So, captain, if that’s all, I’d like to continue my exercise. It’s been several days since I’ve had any, and I do miss it.”

“Your exercise is finished now.”

“Why?”

“Because the Apaches attacked right under our nose and two children are missing. I don’t want you outside the fort.”

“If anything happens, I’ll ride immediately for shelter.” He shook his head. “Like I said, your ride is over.”

“Is that an order?”

“Damn right.”

“Would it make any difference if I told you I’m not about to let the Apaches or anyone else intimidate me and keep me from doing something I enjoy?”

“No.”

“I don’t understand, Kane. I thought that if I followed all the rules, it would be enough.”

For anyone else it would be enough. But he couldn’t take any chances with her safety. He couldn’t do his job the way it should be done if he was worried about her.

“Out here the rules change from day to day, minute to minute. You have to think about everything you do
and—when you’re sure you’ve got it figured out—think again. It might save your life.”

Just then a shot rang out. It came from the fort.

“What is it?” Cady asked, alarm stripping the color from her cheeks.

Kane whipped around and saw the guard pointing in the distance. There was a cloud of dust on the horizon. “Riders.”

“Who are they?”

“From here I can’t tell if it’s a returning patrol or renegade Indians.”

Common sense told him Apaches wouldn’t be foolish enough to show their faces within rifle distance of an army post in broad daylight, but he couldn’t take any chances. They weren’t going to sit there like clay ducks in a shooting gallery.

“Get back to the fort,” he said.

Kane turned and saw that Cady was already wheeling her horse around. When she did, he smacked it sharply on the rump, and the animal leaped forward. Behind them, several shots rang out and he knew that was not a returning patrol. He glanced over his shoulder. The cloud of dust had dissipated, the wind carrying it away in a long trail that just barely touched the mesquite bushes and paloverde trees. He could make out ten or twelve Indians sitting on horseback.

He urged his horse after Cady. When he pulled up beside her she glanced at him questioningly.

“Apaches!” he shouted.

That one word bent her over the saddle, urging her horse into a faster gait. When they were inside the fort, she continued on to the stable while Kane slowed his mount.

He stopped beside the perimeter guard, who was down on one knee, rifle raised and ready. “Sound the call to arms and then mount a patrol, sergeant.”

“Yes, sir!” The man raced to the parade ground, where soldiers were already assembling, weapons in hand.

Kane followed Cady to the stable and swung down from his saddle. Already dismounted, she stood holding her reins, eyes wide. Outside, the bugle sounded the call to arms.

When Cady spoke, her voice belied the unmistakable traces of fear on her face. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to make sure you’re all right.”

“I’m fine. But you should be with your men.”

She was right and Kane knew it. He had gone after her, once again thinking with his heart instead of his head.

“What happens now?” she asked.

“I plan to chase Cuchillo until I catch him.”

Cady watched him and saw the exact moment when the gleam of excitement stole into his eyes. It was the same instant her blood turned cold at the thought of what might happen to him when he caught up with the Apaches.

He walked over to her and lifted her chin with his knuckle. “We don’t know what the Apaches are up to. Until we do, I want you to stay inside.” He sent her a slow smile that she knew was meant to be reassuring. “Consider that an order.”

She tried to return his smile, but bit the corner of her lip when hers wavered. “Yes, sir.”

“Will you be all right? Stay with Betsy Wexler.”

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. Go do your job.”

He gave her an all-out grin; then he was gone. He’d left before she could tell him to be careful—before she could say she loved him.

Cady paced the length of her quarters for what she thought was the hundredth time. The sun had gone down long ago, and still there was no word from Kane.
By itself, that didn’t worry her, but occasional spurts of gunfire made her heart go cold. She didn’t know if it was nervous guards firing at shadows or an all-out attack.

If he hadn’t ordered her to stay inside, she would have flown out of there. But where? How she wished Kane would get back.

A burst of anger shot through her as she recalled the look in his eyes when he told her he was going after Cuchillo. He was enjoying this. He loved the excitement, the danger. It made him feel really alive.

No woman could compete with that and win.

She was beginning to see what Annie had faced, what any woman faced who fell in love with a soldier. There was a lot more to being a military wife than following orders. He thought she was afraid, and he was partly right. Her fear was for him. Any woman who shared this life had to be willing to accept the fact that her husband was in constant danger. Then she had to find the strength to let him go while she stayed behind, waiting and worrying. She had to let him know she could take care of herself, with or without him. Anything less than that was another burden and distraction that a soldier didn’t need.

Cady stifled the sob that jumped into her throat. She loved Kane, and the thought of losing him was terrifying. All she could do was make his home a place he longed to come back to, try to give him something that made him feel as alive as the army. God willing, he would return to her tonight. He didn’t want to hear that she loved him. But with every ounce of energy she had, she would show him how she felt.

She would show him everything but her fear for him.

Kane walked through the maze of the fort buildings, making his way on sheer memory in the pitch blackness that had forced his patrol back to the fort. The Apaches had disappeared into the desert, and it was suicide to continue the pursuit. In the morning he would lead a troop out to see if there was a trail to pick up. For now, he’d grab a few hours of sleep.

The thought of saying good-bye to Cady tore at him, but she had sent him away with her blessing.

As he walked in the darkness, he couldn’t help thinking of Annie and her petulant behavior during their brief marriage. He realized now that short of giving her his undivided attention, she would never have been content. Even then, it wouldn’t have been enough to make her happy.

Cady was so different. Her exuberance and sheer joy in being alive seemed to radiate to those around her, and her laughter touched everyone she met.

An image of her green eyes and long golden-brown hair flashed into his mind. A sense of yearning swept over him, so strong it nearly doubled him over. Even as he instinctively increased his pace, he remembered that he had sent her to wait out the situation with Betsy Wexler. That was just as well. The sense of urgency for her was strong within him, and he knew he would never be able to keep his hands off her.

Kane crossed the board covering the acequia in front of his dark quarters. He let himself inside and realized he needed to light a candle. Cady had moved the furniture in making a home for them. He’d kill himself on something if he didn’t have some light.

He made certain the curtains were pulled, then struck a match to the candle on the table by the door. He took off his uniform jacket and hung it on a wall peg. Then he pulled his white cotton shirt over his head and yanked off his boots. He picked up the candle and
crossed the room to the dresser and poured some water from the pitcher into the basin beside it. After washing up, he picked up the candle and turned. The light spilled over a figure half on and half off the bed.

He moved closer. It was Cady, sound asleep. She was sitting in a chair but had fallen face forward on the mattress of the nearer iron cot, with her cheek resting against the blanket and the handle grip of a pistol loosely clutched in her fingers.

He couldn’t help smiling, and the swelling of tenderness that filled his chest was almost painful. When had he started loving her? Had it been when she was ready to fight him with her hatpin? The time she had caught her dress on fire? Or when she’d gone to warn Jack of the danger he was in, regardless of any harm that might come to herself? He didn’t know when his feelings had crystallized into love, he only knew they had.

He wondered why she hadn’t gone to wait out the Indian trouble with Betsy Wexler. For a woman who suddenly was bent on following his smallest order to the letter, this seemed a little odd.

But he was glad she was here waiting for him, the way other army wives did. He didn’t usually let himself think of Cady as his wife, at least not if he could help it. Tonight he couldn’t help it. He was dead tired and she was a sight for sore eyes, so beautiful and sweet. The room smelled like a field of flowers. After the stench of horses and sweat and gunpowder that had filled his head for hours, she was like a small bit of heaven.

Soundlessly, he set the flickering light on the table in the center of the room and moved to where Cady lay. With thumb and forefinger, he carefully lifted the gun from her limp fingers. He didn’t want to startle her and have the thing go off. Setting the weapon on the table beside the candle, he turned back to her.