Reconsidering Riley (38 page)

"I have strength." She was here, wasn't she?
Braving the great outdoors all alone? "And don't say
'bastards.'"

Alexis shook her head, smiling. "You sound
just like Uncle Riley."

"
You
sound like you're feeling better
about your mom." It hadn't escaped Jayne's notice over the past few
days that the girl had certain...issues...with her mother. The fact
that she'd repeated her mother's advice—and fondly, too—was an
encouraging sign. "How'd that happen?"

With a shrug, Alexis finished chewing a bite
of her sandwich. "I just realized some stuff. Partly, it was
getting to know Lance that helped. And partly, it was your
workshops that did it. All that primping made me feel like I was
worth spending time on, you know?"

Jayne blinked. She
did
know.
Invariably, she felt better about things if she took the time to
fix her hair and put on some mascara. It was unexpectedly
heartening to realize she'd helped Alexis understand that, too.
Sometimes, the little things mattered more than they seemed to.
That was why Jayne never felt her interests were shallow, even when
other people did.

"Well, if you look good, you feel good,"
Jayne said, and cracked a smile for the first time in hours.

"Totally." Picking up the other half of her
sandwich, Alexis nodded toward the album in Jayne's hands. "So,
whatcha doing with that?"

"I accidentally picked up the wrong pack.
This is Riley's, and I—" Jayne stopped, suddenly realizing the
significance of Alexis's casual question. "You
knew
about
this? This album?"

"Sure. Uncle Riley's just a big mushball at
heart. I've been begging him to take out that
stupid
sixth-grade picture of me for, like,
forever
, though, and he
won't do it."

Jayne's mouth dropped open. Stymied by
Alexis's easy acceptance of her uncle's softer side, she frowned.
Now that Alexis had revealed that Riley's album wasn't a deep, dark
secret, there was something about it that bugged her. Something she
couldn't put her finger on.

"Do you know what this
means
?" Jayne
asked.

"That Uncle Riley thinks I look cute with
pigtails?"

"No! Although, of course you do."

Alexis grimaced. "What, then?"

"I don't know." Jayne looked at the album
again, bothered by a realization that was just on the tip of her
mind. Then, she had it. "It means Riley can make a commitment! He's
committed to keeping
all
these people in his life."

She waved the album, feeling hope soar
within her. "You, your grandparents, his friends.
Riley can
commit
! That's why he comes here to help Gwen and Bud. That's
why he lets you come on trips with him. That's why he hired Bruce
and Mack. That's why he's done
all
of it!"

Wrinkling her nose, Alexis put down her PBJ.
"So?"

"So? So, so, this is great!" Every fear
she'd ever had that Riley was a lost cause, incapable of commitment
and unable to be depended upon, became tangible to Jayne in that
moment. In the next, they all whooshed away. Now that she had proof
in hand of Riley's true nature, she could rest easy. "This
means—this means—oh, God. This means Riley
can
commit...but
not to
me
."

As quickly as it had come, her elation
vanished. Jayne drooped. The only thing worse than a
commitment-phobic man, she realized, was a man whose commitment
phobia was only activated by
you
.

"What do you mean?" Alexis asked. "You're in
that album, too. Remember? Look!"

"But
I'm
not in his life. Riley left
me this morning. Left me! He'd had it planned for weeks, and even
though I thought he'd changed his mind, he hadn't. He went to
Antigua without me. Twice he's left me now.
Twice
."

"He leaves us, too."

"Oh, Alexis. That's not the same. Not
really," Jayne said gently. "Besides, he comes back to you, right?
That matters."

Alexis nodded. She stared out into the green
landscape beyond them, thinking. Then she gave Jayne a sharp look.
"Why didn't you go with him?" she asked.

The simplicity of the question gave Jayne
pause. Why
hadn't
she ever tried to go with him? "Be—because
Riley never asked me to go, that's why."

"Did you ever ask him to take you?"

"Uhh—"

"Or ask him to stay?"

"I shouldn't have to!" Jayne exclaimed,
raising her arms. "He should want to, all on his own."

"And my mom should want to spend more than
ten minutes with me on the phone," Alexis pointed out. "But she
doesn't."

"Oh, Alexis—"

"Nope, don't feel sorry for me," Alexis
said, palms out to forestall the hug Jayne moved to give her. "I've
worked it all out. I'm okay."

Skeptically, Jayne examined her. But she
did
seem okay. Imagine that.

"Anyway, back to you and Uncle Riley."
Alexis straightened her Hello Kitty T-shirt with glittery-painted
nails, and appeared to give the problem some thought. "Maybe it
isn't about you," she finally said, with all the wisdom of a person
who'd been down this road before—however impossible
that
was. "Maybe it's about
him
. Maybe if you'd asked Uncle
Riley, he'd have stayed with you. Forever, even."

Stayed
. Hardly daring to hope, Jayne
thought about it. What would Riley have said, if she'd asked him to
stay with her?

"No, he'd never be happy," she said. "He
doesn't like cities, doesn't like being around lots of people—"

"He spent the past week with lots of
people!"

"—doesn't like to shop—"

"He would, with you!"

At Alexis's insistence, something Riley had
said resurfaced in her mind.
It was months before I could pass a
shoe store and not automatically slow down...so you could have a
look
. Maybe he wouldn't mind
too
much, after all.

Leery of hoping, Jayne tried another tactic.
"Then there's
me
. I don't like to be alone, don't like the
wilderness—"

"You just spent a whole week in the
wilderness," Alexis cried. She flung her arms outward, indicating
the campsite surrounding them. "You've become Travel Adventure
Jayne!"

"I still don't like to fish—"

"So eat at restaurants! Sheesh. Jayne, you
and Uncle Riley are perfect for each other. You belong
together."

That was exactly the belief Jayne held
closest. But after all that had happened... "No, it's better this
way," she said stubbornly, wanting to convince herself even more
than Alexis. "If my breakup-ees had found out about me and Riley—if
my
publisher
had found out, if the press had found out—I'd
have been a laughingstock. A get-over-him guru who can't get over
him? How ridiculous is that?"

"No more ridiculous than ignoring true love
when it's right beneath your nose."

"Alexis..." Jayne breathed out, frustrated
by the girl's staunch insistence. "You don't understand. Riley and
I are just too different.
Way
too different. And—"

"Opposites attract," Alexis chimed.

"—and I'm too afraid."

Alexis's eyes widened. So did Jayne's.

What had she just said
?

It was true, though, she realized in that
moment. She
was
afraid. Afraid of failing, afraid of not
being good enough, afraid of being laughed at. Even though she was
decades away from her father's "careless dad of a daughter" routine
and her brothers' constant teasing, their opinions of her had
colored her world. Maybe they always would.

"How can
you
be afraid?" Alexis
asked, looking genuinely confused. "You must be the bravest person
I know."

Jayne scoffed.

"You are! Did you know that Bruce wanted to
make a bet with Lance and Mack about how long it would take before
you ordered a helicopter airlift back to civilization? That Gramps
made Riley promise to keep the pace slow, so you wouldn't get
discouraged? Jayne, we all knew this adventure travel trip was
so
not your thing. But you did it anyway. You made it.
That's
brave."

"A bet. Ha!" Jayne grumbled, offended.
"Remind me to put Tabasco sauce in Bruce's beer when we get
back."

"Don't worry. Uncle Riley wouldn't let them
do it. I shouldn't have said anything." But Alexis grinned,
probably at the notion of Jayne getting revenge via hot sauce.

"I wouldn't really do that," Jayne
confided.

"I know. But I might tell Bruce I told you
about it, just to watch him squirm while waiting for your
revenge."

"That's evil!" They both laughed, feeling
even closer than before. Jayne was so glad she'd met Alexis.
Beneath all the glitter and attitude, she was a sweet girl.

"So..." Jayne shored up her courage and
glanced sideways at her newest—and youngest—confidante. "Do you
really think I'm brave?"

"The bravest."

"Because I'm thinking about doing something
that will require a
lot
of bravery."

Alexis gasped. "Stay here all night?
Alone
?"

At that, Jayne smiled. "No. I was going to,
because I thought I had something to prove to myself. But now,
thanks to you, I know I don't. At least not that way."

Giving her a canny look, Alexis brushed off
her PBJ fingers. "Does this have anything to do with Uncle
Riley?"

"If it's not too late, it does," Jayne said,
jumping to her feet. It would mean risking her future...but all of
a sudden, she knew she had to try. "Come on, help me pack up."

The airport grew more crowded as the day
wore on. A hum rose from the conversations of dozens of travelers,
and the fragrances of hot coffee and...enchiladas?...wafted toward
Riley as he read. He finished his final passage and looked up.

K.C. stood there, waving a Taco Tillie's
doggie bag. "Good book?" he asked.

"
Excellent book
," Riley said, closing
it with a thoughtful feeling. He hadn't read the whole thing—only
the parts most relevant to Jayne's personal struggles—but he'd read
enough to be enlightened. "I know all about women now. From here on
out, I'll never be clueless about what women want again."

K.C. frowned. "Somebody dropped that book on
your head, son. Nobody'll
ever
know what women want."

But Riley did. He knew what Jayne wanted,
and that was what mattered. After his initial interest in her book,
he'd come to an important realization, one that had kept him
reading. If he ever wanted to make things work between him and
Jayne, he needed to know what had gone wrong in the past. Now, he
did. He was ready.

"I know what
my
woman wants," he told
K.C. "As soon as I get back from Antigua, I'm going to give it to
her."

Sitting down across from him again, K.C.
shook his head. "Why not do it now? If you want to be with
her—"

"Now's a bad time." Riley felt his foot
begin to tap. He stilled it with a hand to his knee. "Things
ended...badly."

"All the more reason to straighten things
out," K.C. said. "Women aren't like us. They stew on things, piling
more and more stuff into the pot until the whole mess boils over.
Then we're left to clean it up, wondering what the hell happened.
Nope, I say if you need this woman—"

"I don't need her."
Tap, tap
went his
foot.

"—you go on and get her. Hell, this flight's
been delayed so many times, it might never come in."

Riley crossed his arms. "I don't need
anybody."
Tap, tap
.

K.C. gave him a speculative look. His gaze
dropped to Riley's stupid tapping foot. "You know, I had a son who
used to do that. Tell me...what kind of stretcher you tellin' now?
'Cause you're not fooling anybody but yourself."

Stunned, Riley gawked at him. He remembered
Bud saying much the same thing to him, back at the lodge.
Remembered other instances when he'd suffered this uncontrollable
foot-tapping tic. Remembered how he'd felt, just a minute ago,
claiming not to need Jayne.

"Holy shit!" Riley surged to his feet.
"K.C., you're right!"

The older man only sat there, placidly, and
nodded.

"I
do
need Jayne! She's funny and
sweet and wild. She wishes on stars and really means it. She
doesn't let me push her around, and she—" He thought of her bravely
tackling the wilderness, determinedly helping her anti-heartbreak
ladies, wholeheartedly welcoming Alexis into the group. He thought
of her pulling him into the campfire circle with the promise of a
toasted marshmallow, and encouraging him to spend time with all the
travelers. "She makes me a better person, K.C. I know that sounds
stupid, but it's true."

"It only sounds stupid if you ignore
it."

"Right." Giddily, Riley contemplated his
future. Him and Jayne, together. Little Jaynes, little Rileys,
maybe even a dog.

He'd never had a dog. He'd never been in one
place long enough to take care of one. He pictured a cocker
spaniel, a German shepherd, a mutt that would catch a Frisbee.
Jayne might want something girly, like a poodle. They would work it
out.

"Attention all passengers," an airline
employee said over the loudspeaker. "Flight 352 to Dallas is now
boarding at gate 2."

"That's me." K.C. hefted his luggage.

It was
them
. Their shared flight. At
the realization, Riley felt bombarded. Feelings pushed at him,
tugging him in all directions. Automatically, he shouldered his
backpack.

"We must've missed the arrival
announcement," he said, walking toward the boarding gate.

K.C. touched his shoulder. "You're still
going? What about your girl?"

"I'll think about that on the plane." Riley
frowned, focusing on the task at hand like he usually did. "I can
always come back for her."