Red (Black #2) (16 page)

He doesn’t knock when he comes to my door, I haven’t moved from the spot by the window looking out at him. I hear his boots as he walks up behind me. His hand reaches out and touches my shoulder.

“We should go.”

“Okay.” He grabs my bag that’s by the door and throws it into the back, I climb in wondering what we’re doing—where we’re going.

He drives for a long while, I sneak glances at him every chance I get. He doesn’t move his eyes from the road or speak as he drives. We finally come to a stop and I’m half asleep. It’s a dam, an enormous dam. I can see camper trailers out further away, with boats and jet skis. I look to him, then back to the dam.

“Why are we here?”

His hands lift from the steering wheel, he removes his glasses to look at me. “I came here a lot. I never understood why back then. I think it had significance to you.”

“What do you mean?”

“The water, it reminded me of you. I could see you a bit clearer when I couldn’t see you at all out here. I know it’s not the other place, I never intend to take you back there, but this place… it reminds me of you and it helps me remember you.”

“I fell in love with you within the water. I lost you in the water. Lakes, dams like this, they scare me now. I searched for you, for hours in one of those, so did Jake.”

“He told me.”

“Why would you think I would want to come back to one?”

“Because I do, Rose, I want to come to one.”

“It hurts me.”

“Every day living hurts me. It hurts me that you know that I can’t do this. It hurts that I know I can’t.”

My mouth drops open.
What’s he saying?

“You don’t love me?”

He opens his door, walks around and opens mine. He pulls me so my legs hang out and he stands directly between them, his hands on my hips. “I do. Sometimes, it’s not enough, though.”

“What are you saying, Liam.”

He pulls me so I’m close to him, and he touches my lips with his fingers. “I’m saying, let’s have tonight.”

“Only tonight?” I shake my head, I can’t do that.

He stills my head by placing both hands on either side. “I can only guarantee tonight.” I don’t know what to say to that, or how to feel. He steps away, giving me some space. I hear him ruffling in the back but I sit in the same spot trying to gather my thoughts, trying to understand what he’s saying. Why he is saying these things? Then it clicks, I know why.

I jump from the truck and run to the back, he’s lifting an Esky off and making a bed, he stops when he sees me and the look on my face.

“You don’t want to stop. You can’t stop.”

“I can’t.”

“You can, you just haven’t tried.”

“It’s who I am, it’s what I do. I am not a man who could work a nine to five job, Rose, then come home and play the family man. It’s not me. Don’t try to make me that.”

“What happens after tonight, Black?” His eyes go wide at the use of that name coming from my lips. He knows I’m angry. “You want to fuck me like I’m some hooker? Have your fill of me? Get your closure?” His strides are determined, so are mine as I back away from him. He stops when he sees me doing so. His face is mixed with anger and sadness, so unusual to see on him.

“Yes, I want my fill of you. I am selfish, and I want it. But I want you happy even more. I can’t change yet, it’s not who I am. I will not hold you hostage to me while I wait to see if it’s something I can do. You don’t deserve that after what you’ve been through. So tonight I’m being selfish. I am going to take you, I am going to have my fill. Though don’t think for a second I will get closure or that I would
ever
think of you like a hooker. I fucking love you, Rose Miller, I just can’t love all of you if I am miserable.”

“You would think to be with the person you love would make you anything but miserable.”

HHHe shakes his head at me. “I’ve been trying, the last few days I have been trying. I am
not
going to drag this out. What good would that do for anyone?”

He’s right, if it’s not what he wants, I can’t force him. Even though it’s not fair, I just got him back, now I have to lose him again. Life isn’t fair.

She sits in the same spot, her face has a beautiful shine from the reflection of the dam. She needed time, she wanted to think. I let her. Sitting in the same spot watching her over the last few hours. Unmoving, observing as her body shakes with tears, then calms down. She doesn’t want me to interfere in her space, so I won’t. It’s hard, it’s so bloody hard.

I watch as she stands, looks out to the water then her eyes track back to me. I take her in, she’s beautiful. If I knew every word to describe beautiful, I would use it on her. She’s insecure about her body. A body that does things to me and my body has never had that same reaction with any other woman. Her smile does things to this thing in my chest people call a heart. I don’t understand any of it. I hardly understand her.

“Tonight?”

“Tonight,” I agree.

She nods her head and walks the distance to me. Jake told me I had to choose, that I couldn’t keep on doing this. I knew I couldn’t, I just didn’t want to admit it. Because the darkness, the light, it all wants her. Except, how do you want someone so badly when you know it’s wrong. That you will only disappoint them and cause them pain when you never wanted to.

“I have to ask…” Her fingers start interlocking and playing with each other.

“You can ask me anything, Rose.”

“Do you plan to see him?”

“Little Liam?” She nods her head. “I want to see you all, I just need to get things sorted. I don’t want to lose you, but I’m willing to if that’s what it takes.”

“I need you to kiss me now to shut me up.”

I oblige, why wouldn’t I? Her lips are like a deadly sin, ones that beckon me to her. I always want them on me, anytime I can get them. I can’t help myself, I pull her body to me, grabbing her face between my hands, and her eyes go wide while I watch her with interest. She lets one leg down, one-half of her body becomes shorter than the other. Her lips part for me, she knows what I want, and I lean in, her breath hot against mine. Our lips touch, and in that touch, five years disappear like they never existed, except they did. Her tongue meets mine. She tastes like mint, I taste like mint. I hear the clank of her heels as she drops them, her hands come to my waist, my hands stay on her face. I flinch when she touches me there, remembering why I didn’t like to be touched, but I can’t deny her the simple pleasure when I have let others do so.

She squeezes her eyes shut, she’s trying to block her emotions, attempting to shut them down. She doesn’t want to feel the pain, but she needs to. It’s life.

“Did you live?” I ask against her lips. She keeps them slightly open, her hands on me, her breathing hard.

“I survived…” is all she answers then her lips are back on mine.

The dam we’re at is different from the lake. It has no high hills, no black hole down the bottom. It’s just green water, where you can step straight into. People are camping, fishing, but we’re in a quiet spot with no one around us so it’s just us. I don’t feel guilty about what I’m about to do next.

Her legs wrap on instinct, and I carry her to the edge of the trailer. I was laying down a blanket earlier so when her ass hits the edge it’s soft. She keeps me in the same position against her, and right now I wonder if what I’m doing is right. I wonder if I can be who she wants me to be.

Could I?
Possibly, one day maybe.

Just not now.

I have those demons that need to be shut off, I have retribution to deliver. He will not be allowed to walk away like nothing happened. It's not the way I am, it would burn into my soul that someone could do something so sinister and be allowed to live. He isn’t allowed to.

“Can we, out here?” she says looking around.

“We can and we will.” Her hand slips into mine, our fingers interlocking with each other. She sits back and looks at me, her other hand comes up and traces my face, through my beard until she runs her fingers over my lips.

“I’m going to embed myself on you,” she says, her free hand starts running down further, to the bottom of my shirt, her hand is cold when she sneaks it up, letting my hand go free and lifting the shirt. I do the rest and throw it from my head. She sits back, looking at me, but not my eyes.

“Embed?” I ask. She nods her head yes.

“Embedded,” she confirms.

I don’t let her speak any longer, it’s not necessary. No more words can be spoken, only pain could come from words that need to be said. Pain I don’t want to inflict on her, pain that I know will happen once we go our separate ways.

Her hands skim my back, up and down, my lips on her collarbone, her lips on mine. Lips everywhere, hands everywhere. We can’t stop, not once we start. It’s impossible to. I want all of her, and she wants all of me.

She pulls her shirt free, lifting it from her head and comes straight back to me. Gives my body what it wants, her lips on me any way possible. She starts to get impatient, her body grinds on mine, her front causing friction in all the right places. She undoes my belt, pulling it free. She goes to drop it, but I take and place it behind her. Her eyes go wide, and she softly smiles. She pushes back from me, stands up on the back of the truck, she’s only in a pair of shorts, naked from the waist up. I take her in, and my face becomes tight, I don’t want the distance between us, I want it back, I go to move forward but she stops me with a shake of her index finger.

“Be a good boy.” She puts her hands in the waistband of her shorts, flicks them so they snap back to her skin. Her shorts aren’t super short, but they are tight and showcase her curves, her very sexy as hell curves.

“Rose,” I say, being impatient. Her breasts rise with each breath she takes, she isn’t hiding them from me. She knows they don’t bother me, I would never be bothered by them. They are, after all, my fault. If I didn’t take her that night, pursued her, she wouldn’t have the scars. So I treasure them, and her.

She drops them, revealing a soft pink G-string. I can’t take it anymore, I am up on that truck in a matter of seconds, grabbing her and slamming her back against the back window, her head drops backward, her long hair cascading over the roof of the truck, her legs secured around my waist. My pants come off in a matter of seconds, her G-string ripped off in the next second. Then she’s mine in that same amount of time, her arms are out to either side of her, her mouth opens in pleasure. I look down at her, she looks like an angel. But in ecstasy of the devil.

Her ass hits the glass window with each thrust, my finger rubs her clit, the other hand on her tit. Her hands scrunch up together, she’s in undeniable pleasure. I don’t want her there yet, I haven’t had my fill. I need her and want her all night long, no matter the cost, no matter the energy.

She screams my name twice, her eyes squeezing shut, coming down. My head lands between her breasts, the moon shines bright, I don’t even notice it’s gone completely dark, all I see is her.

I pull away, letting her come down, she doesn’t move, her legs stay the way they are, open. I’m getting hard again after fucking her hard. It can’t be possible.

I pick her up, my hands going under her ass. She lifts just barely to wrap her arms around my neck, as she collapses on me. Not a care in the world, I place her down on the bed I made in the back. She lies there looking up at the sky, not looking at me. Her naked body, beautiful and all mine.

A tear falls down her cheek, she doesn’t want me to notice but it’s hard not to.