Red Clocks (6 page)

She loves this hat, which makes him look like
a gorgeous detective.

But her own clothes: Black wool leggings. Red tube skirt. White glitter-paste long sleeve. Purple loop scarf. A pathetic outfit; no wonder he stopped.

“Want me to drop you at Ash’s?”

“Yeah, thanks.” She waits for him to say something about the next time, make a plan, allude to their future together, even just
You coming to our game Friday?
They get to Ash’s and he hasn’t.
She says, “So …”

“See you, September girl,” he says, and kisses, more like bites, her mouth.

In Ash’s bathroom she drops the purple scarf in the trash and covers it with a handful of smushed toilet paper.

Bex won’t wear a raincoat. They will be in the
car
mostly and she doesn’t
care
if her hair gets wet between the car and the store and she
hates
how the plastic feels on her
neck
.

“Fine, get wet” is Didier’s answer, but the wife isn’t having it. It’s pouring. Bex will wear a raincoat. “Put. It. On,” she bellows.

“No!” screams the girl.

“Yes.”

“No!”

“Bex, nobody is getting in the car
until you put it on.”

“Daddy said I don’t have to.”

“Do you see how hard it’s raining out there?”

“Rain is good for my skin.”

“No, it’s not,” says the wife.

“Jesus, let’s
go,
” says Didier.

“Please back me up on this.”

“I would if I agreed with you, but we’ve been standing here for ten goddamn minutes. It’s ridiculous.”

“Enforcing rules is ridiculous?”

“I didn’t know we had a
rule
about—”

“Well, we do,” says the wife. “Bex? Do you want to keep holding everyone up, or are you ready to act like a six-year-old and wear your raincoat?”

“I’m not a six-year-old,” she says, arms crossed. “I’m a little babykins. I need my diaper changed.”

The wife slaps the raincoat across Bex’s shoulders, yanks the hood into place, and ties the strings under her chin. Lifts up the girl’s rigid body
and carries her out to the car.

Her husband’s hands sit on the wheel at ten and two, a habit that in their courting days shocked the wife: he had played in bands, done drugs, punched his father in the face at age fourteen. Yet he steered—steers—like a grandma.

She is glad not to be driving. No decisions to be made at the bend in the road.

Little animal black and twitching, burnt to death but
not quite dead.

A scrap of tire struggling its way across.

Little animal, plastic bag.

But maybe it wasn’t a plastic bag.

Maybe her first sight was correct.

Somebody lit it on fire, some bad kid, bad adult. Newville is not lacking in badness—

but it’s beautiful here and your family’s been coming here for generations and the sea air’s full of negative ions. They boost the mood, remember?

Bex is chattering again by the time they reach the store.

Where’s the doll section.

John’s so lazy.

Somebody’s mom came to class who’s a dental hygienist and said even the nub of an adult tooth growing in still needs to be brushed.

“Perfects at two o’clock,” hisses Didier, elbowing the wife’s elbow.

Not them. Not today.

“Shell!” squeals Bex. “Oh my God,
Shelly!
”

The girls embrace dramatically,
as though bumping into each other in the town where they both live were the most amazing surprise.

Bex: “Your dress is so pretty.”

Shell: “Thanks. My mom made it.”

“Hey, friends!” chirps Jessica Perfect. “Good to see you!”

“You too.” The wife leans in for an air-kiss. “Brought the whole crew, huh?”

Shell’s tanned, slender siblings stand in a row behind their tanned, slender parents.

“Yep,
it’s one of those days.”

Those days
at the Perfects’ are probably a little different from
those days
on the hill.

On top of making dresses, Jessica knits sweaters out of local Shetland wool for all four children.

Cans jam from the wild berries they pick.

Home-cooks their wheat-free, dairy-free meals.

Chicken nuggets and string cheese never cross her threshold.

Her husband is a nutritionist
who once lectured Didier on the importance of soaking nuts overnight.

“Blake.” Didier nods.

“How’s it hangin, buddy?”

“Long and strong,” says her husband, with only a flicker of a smile.

“Look at
this
guy! He’s getting so big! How old are you now?” Blake leans down toward John, who squirms in the shopping cart, shoving his face into Didier’s stomach.

“Three and a half,” says the wife.

“Wow.
Time just
passes,
doesn’t it?”

“I know,” says Jessica, “and it’s been forever since we had you over! We need to do that. It’s hard to find a good night with the kids so busy after school. We’ve got soccer, cross-country, violin—gosh, what am I missing?”

The oldest child says, “My gifted-and-talented class?”

“That’s right, my love.
This
one”—she nuzzles the boy’s head—“tested off the charts
last year, so he qualifies for an accelerated math and language-arts program. You guys aren’t vegetarian, are you? We’ve been getting the most heavenly beef from our friends down the road. Their cows are grass-fed, no antibiotics whatsoever, just pure happy beef.”

“You mean happy before they’re slaughtered,” says Didier, “or once they turn into food?”

She doesn’t bat an eye. “So when you guys
come over, I’ll make steaks, and the chard will be ready soon. Gosh, we’ve got
acres
of it this year. Fortunately the kids love chard.”

Still raining hard on the way home. Wipers furious.

“Shooting?” says Didier.

“Too quick,” says the wife. “What’s a very slow poison?”

“Hemlock, I think,” he says, taking a hand off the wheel to caress the back of her neck. “No, wait—starvation! Hoist them
on their own, like, whatevers.”

“Petards,” she says.

“What is a petard, anyway?”

“Can’t remember. But I vote for starvation.”

“‘I notice you’ve got some unsoaked nuts on the premises, and I’m a little concerned. Frankly I wouldn’t dream of feeding my children an unsoaked nut.’”

“What are you guys talking about?” says Bex.

“A TV show we saw,” says Didier, “called
The World’s Smallest Petard
. You would like it, Bexy. There’s an episode where every time a person farts, you can actually see the fart—there’s these little brown clouds trailing behind the characters.”

Bex giggles.

The wife moves his hand from her neck down to her thigh and closes her eyes, smiling. He squeezes her jeaned flesh.

She remembers what she loves.

Not the fart jokes, but the sweetness. The solidarity against
the Perfects of this world.

She will ask him tomorrow.

In the car-window fog she draws an
A
.

It was bad, yes, the last time he refused. She promised herself she wouldn’t ask again.

But the kids adore him.

And he really is sweet sometimes.

I got the name of a person in Salem,
she will say,
who’s supposed to be fantastic, not that expensive, does late appointments. We can get Mattie to sit—

And she has seen herself driving off the cliff road with the kids in the car.

Doesn’t know for a fact that Gunni saved pieces of fermented lamb in his shoe when Eivør wasn’t allowed to have any, but she writes it in her book, because her own brother used to hide cookies in his napkin when their mother told the biographer she didn’t need more dessert unless she wanted to get chubby. Archie would leave the cookies in his drawer for her to retrieve. Each time
she opened the drawer and saw the grease-darkened napkin tucked among socks, a flame of happiness lit in her throat.

She wrote the first sentences of
Mínervudottír: A Life
ten years ago, when she was working at a café in Minneapolis and trying to help Archie get clean. When she wasn’t driving him to meetings or outpatient appointments, she was dropping leafy greens into smoothies he didn’t drink.
She was checking his pupils for pinnedness, his drawers for needles, her own wallet for missing cash. Sometimes he would ask to read the manuscript. He liked the part where the polar explorer watches men drive whales to their deaths in a shallow cove.

As a hater of tradition, Archie would have applauded her solo pregnancy efforts. Would have tried to get his friends to supply sperm for free.
(One dose of semen from Athena Cryobank costs eight hundred dollars.)

She has not told her father about the efforts.

She closes her computer and sets Mínervudottír’s journal on a pile of books about nineteenth-century Arctic expeditions. Rolls her head toward one shoulder, then the other. Is a stiff neck another sign of polycystic ovary syndrome? She has researched PCOS online, a little, as
much as she can stand. The pregnancy statistics aren’t good.

But Gin Percival might not know what she’s talking about. She didn’t even graduate from high school, according to Penny, who was already teaching at Central Coast when Gin dropped out. The visit to her did not go badly, or particularly well. She liked Gin Percival fine. She came away with a bag of gruesome tea.

Speaking of: the biographer
gets out the saucepan. While the tea heats, she braces for the flavor of a human mouth unbrushed for many moons and debates whether to change for dinner. It’s only Didier and Susan and the kids; but these sweatpants, truth be told, have not been washed in a while.

Her white mug is streaked tan inside. Are her teeth this stained? Probably almost. Years of frequent coffee. Long hiatuses from dentistry.
Could poor mouth hygiene be a cause of PCOS? Inflammation leaking from the gums into the bloodstream, a slow poison, her hormones dizzy and ineffectual?

If she
does
have PCOS, maybe Gin Percival can give her another concoction—to lower her testosterone levels, repair her blood. Her cells will jump to work, plumping and fluffing and densing, her FSH numbers will drop into the single digits, Nurse
Crabby will call with her bloodwork results and say, “Wow! Just, wow!” and even Fleischy will give a golden nod of amazement. They’ll shoot in the sperm of the rock climber or the personal trainer or the biology student or Kalbfleisch himself, and the biographer, at last, will conceive.

It’s got to be mostly hokum, of course. Tree bark and frog’s spit and spells. Mash up a few berries and seeds
and call it a solution.

But what if it works? Thousands of years in the making, fine-tuned by women in the dark creases of history, helping each other.

And at this point, what else can she do?

You could stop trying so hard.

You could love your life as it is.

The Korsmos’ place, horror-movie handsome on its hill, would make the biographer jealous if she were a house wanter, which she is not,
as houses make her think of being stuck neck-deep in a mortgage; but she admires its lead-glazed panes and the ocellated trim work vining its porch. It was built by Susan’s great-grandfather as a summer place. In winter they duct-tape the windows and stuff sweaters under the doors.

Didier smokes on the porch steps, yellow hair poking like hay from under his beanie. He is sunk-eyed and snaggletoothed
yet manages somehow—the biographer can’t figure out how—to be fetching.
Beau-laid
. He raises one beautiful-ugly palm in greeting.

“ROOOOOO!” yells Bex, running at the biographer across the lawn.

“Pipe the fuck down,” says her father. He squashes the cigarette on his bootheel, tosses it into a large brown bush, and ambles over to lift the girl into the air. “Bexy, remember that ‘fuck’ goes in
the special box. You hungry, Robitussin? Also, we invited Pete.”

“I’m elated. What’s the special box?”

“The box of words we never say to Mommy,” says Bex.

“Or even near Mommy.” Didier sets the girl down, and she scurries back toward the house. “I see you didn’t bring anything, which is awesome.”

“What?”

“My wife adheres to the twentieth-century belief that civilized people arrive with small
gifts or contributions to an invited meal. And once again this proves her wrong because you’re civilized but, as usual, you brought zilch.”

The biographer foresees the wince, the disapproval filed away. Susan keeps track to the grave.

Pliny the Younger stomps behind while Bex gives the biographer yet another tour of her room. She is very proud of her room. The purple walls are thick with fairies,
leopards, alphabets, and Pinocchio noses. When her brother dares to move a rabbit from the bed, Bex slaps his hand; he yowls; the biographer says, “I don’t think you’re supposed to do that.”