Red Light Special (18 page)

TO THIS

Snow fell from the late winter sky as Bless sat in the middle of Collyn’s stark white sectional amidst the pale light of the setting sun.

He slid his hands in the side pockets of his black hoodie and tossed his head back. He wondered how he’d gotten to this place, this space, where his heart sat at the base of his throat, with its strings dancing in his mouth. He never thought he’d feel an iron fist grooving on his tongue. Nonetheless, it was there and he was here, waiting to tell the woman he’d fallen for that loving her had never been a part of the plan.

He hoped that when he told her the truth, she would accept it like a chick on the soap operas or an evening drama, where all that mattered was love despite how it manifested itself. But he knew he didn’t have that type of woman. He knew Collyn would flip, cuss, punch, and then when all was said and done she would stop midswing and tell him to leave. Besides, this was life and shit wasn’t scripted—nobody in her right mind would ride off into the sunset with a lying-ass knight and his gleaming FBI shield. So…it was what it was.

After a few moments of deafening silence, Bless heard Collyn’s keys jingling in the lock. Tears threatened to fill his eyes as knots twisted in his back. The thought of their love transforming to despair made him sick to his stomach, so he pressed his elbows into his knees, held his neck down, threw his hood over his head, and listened to the knob twist as Collyn walked in.

“Bless!” She jumped. “I didn’t know you were here.” She flicked the lights on. “What happened?”

He stood up and walked over to her. “Come here,” he said, hugging her. Her sweet scent filled his nose.

“Just tell me what the fuck it is. All that other shit can wait.”

He hesitated as he squeezed her tight. “It’s not that great.”

“Would you get to the point?” she said, aggravated.

Bless kissed her lips, “I just love you so fuckin’ much.” He buried his nose in the side of her neck. “So, so fuckin’ much. You know, the day we met…” He pulled her back to him.

She knew he was stalling, “I don’t wanna talk about the day we met.”

“Just listen. Let me talk.”

“Then talk.”

“I just want you to understand that the way I feel and how much I love you wasn’t a part of the initial plan.”

“What plan?”

“I fell for you, but I didn’t expect to. Which is what makes my love for you even stronger.”

“Ooo-kay, do I look fuckin’ impressed?” she asked, defensive. “What? You wanna step?” Her voice quaked. “Step—it makes me no never mind.” Her throat ached, spitting out such a lie. “All I wanna know right now is about my business.”

“I hate myself for having to do this.” Bless placed his 9 mm pistol on the kitchen island and pulled his FBI badge from around his neck.

“What is that?” She blinked in disbelief.

“It’s me—it’s mine—it’s who’ve I’ve been.”

“And what is that?” Tears filled her eyes.

“An FBI agent.”

“FBI?” She could barely say the letters without her throat closing up.

“I need you to understand that I really am in love with you and this didn’t start out as an investigation on you.”

“What?”

“I’ve been undercover for the past few months. We started out investigating Mayor Kenyatta Smith, but since he was dealing illegally with you, you just happened to get caught in the mix. I’m really fucked up behind this.”

“Say that again?”

“I love you so much, Collyn.”

“What?”

“Please tell me you believe me.”

Silence.

“I’ve been going crazy. This shit is eating me up inside! Baby—” He walked over to her. “I need you in my life.”

Collyn was dizzy. Her head hurt and her body ached. She could have sworn that Bless had said he was an FBI agent, sent to set her up…or somebody up. She could’ve sworn he’d said she’d been living an undercover operation for months. Did he say that he’d been lying? That their love was based on made-up shit? Maybe…maybe this was a practical joke, or an episode of
Hell Date
that had played out too long. Yeah, that was it. But then when she looked at him and saw the tears running from his eyes, the FBI badge, and the gun, she knew that this was real.

She rubbed her temples. This wasn’t happening. Because he genuinely loved her, right? This was a dream, it had to be, because her breath was leaving and her feet were slipping from beneath her. She held her head up and looked at him. He had the same face and the same body of the very niggah who confessed his love yet spat on it at the same time. It was as if he’d opened her soul up and pissed in it. Her entire body burned and her mind raced.

So…he hadn’t really been diggin’ her when he said he was? And…he wasn’t really in love? Or was he? Hell, was his name even Blessing Shields? How did she know that? How did she really know who this was standing in front of her?

Collyn squinted, bit down on her bottom lip, drew her hand back, and slapped the shit out of him. Bless stumbled, and before he could catch his balance, Collyn started swinging, punching, and screaming for dear life. She had nothing, and everything she’d thought she had wasn’t even real.

“Collyn! Stop!” He grabbed her in a futile attempt to get her to calm down. It didn’t work; she kept screaming, all the while swinging with everything she had. Then suddenly and without warning, she stopped. She simply stopped and looked at him. Her mouth watered and she bit her lip. She took a deep breath, dragged up all the saliva that she could from the heart of Jerusalem, snorted, and hog-skeeted it directly into his face. “Get the fuck out!”

The clock stopped. The air went stale. And the atmosphere silenced itself. Bless wiped his face and neck with the back of his hand. He stared at Collyn. The veins on the side of his neck thumped like an erratic heartbeat. He started walking across the room backward until he reached the front door, where he turned around and walked out.

Collyn stood shocked. Her entire life flashed before her. “Oh my God.” She lost her breath. “Oh my God…” She leaned against her wall of windows and slid to the floor, while Bless sat on the opposite side of the door, his head tucked between his knees.

The cold breeze slipped through the cracked window in Bless’ office as he sat at his desk, perfecting his game face. Looking at him, no one would think that he was dying inside. Three days had passed since his world had blown up. His routine had become mundane, trite, and he’d started to feel as if he did the same things all day every day: get up, go to work, and go home. It was hard to believe and even harder to swallow that they’d been to paradise and back, and now he had to ride through hell and deal with shit without Collyn. It was something he didn’t know if he’d ever get used to.

Bless assisted the Missing Persons Squad with their case, giving them all the information that he had on Kenyatta. It was also the last day that Collyn would be able to accept the U.S. Attorney’s offer for a plea deal, and Bless was on edge, worried whether or not Collyn would make the smart decision and turn herself in.

As Bless’ thoughts carried him away and the heartbreak softened his chest, there was a knock on his door, causing him to look up.

“I just thought you would want to know that Collyn Bazemore and her attorney just came in. She’s agreed to accept the deal,” Agent Smiley said.

Bless rose from his chair.

“Conference room two,” she said as she walked away.

Bless stepped into the room quietly, just as the other agents were explaining the plea deal to Collyn. He sat down in a chair and looked at Collyn, who quickly turned her head away from him.

Agent West slid the tape recorder toward Collyn. “Ms. Bazemore, I just need to inform you that this session is being taped. You understand that?”

“Yes.”

“I just wanted to ask, what made you decide to come in today?”

Making a moment’s worth of eye contact with Bless, she said, “I decided to come in because I’m pregnant.”

It was midnight and Collyn had been crying for hours when the phone at her bedside rang. It was security. “Evening, Ms. Bazemore. Mr. Blessing Shields is downstairs to see you.”

Collyn sat up on the edge of her bed, wiped her eyes, and sighed.

“Are you still there, Ms. Bazemore?”

“Yes…send him up.”

When Collyn opened the door, they stood and stared at each other, each hoping and wishing they could simply forget the truth even existed and go back to the way it had been. But the hurt had already created a cold and hard distance, and Collyn spat, “What are you doing here?”

Bless’ eyes roamed her body. Her red silk kimono hugged her curves. He pushed her hair behind her shoulders and their eyes made contact. She stepped back and he walked through the door. Collyn held the knob as she turned around, scared that if she walked too far away from the exit, she wouldn’t be strong enough to ask him to leave. Pushing her heart back down in her chest, she said again, “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“You know why I’m here. I know we got fucked up in this shit, but you had to know that I loved you. You had to know that.”

Tears danced in the back of her eyes as she felt her strong face fading and revealing her feelings. “You loving me doesn’t mean shit. I’ve lost my business fucking with you. You knew I was going to be raided. That’s why you insisted that we go to the Bahamas!”

“I swear to God I knew nothing about that!”

“You expect me to believe that?”

“I love you.”

“Fuck you and that fucked-up-ass love! If you were there for Kenyatta, then you should’ve got with his ass, not me. And now I’m standing here, not knowing what the fuck tomorrow is going to bring, because for the first time in my life, I don’t have a clue about what the fuck is really going on. Love me? You were investigating me! You ain’t shit. As a matter a fact you’re worse than any crooked-ass pig out there. You don’t love me! The federal government paid you to fuck me…and you did. Satisfied?”

“It wasn’t like that, Collyn. I know I hurt you.”

“Exactly and I’m not gon’ get over that shit! So if you’re here about some baby”—she opened the front door—“then you need to leave, because after I left the FBI office this afternoon, that shit was a wrap.”

“You didn’t…”

Tears poured down her face. She hated that she was lying, but the truth was she didn’t know what she wanted to do. She loved him and she wanted to have the baby, yet she couldn’t imagine having a baby by someone she didn’t even know. “Get out and don’t come back!”

Bless walked over to her and grabbed her hand. She snatched it back. “Please leave.”

Shaking his head, he hunched his shoulders and kissed her on the forehead. “I’m sorry, baby,” he whispered. “I’m so, so sorry.” He glanced at her one last time before leaving. After he was gone Collyn walked over to the kitchen island, put her head down, and screamed.