Red Silk Scarf (40 page)

At the time, we
believed Ben was the target, therefore we couldn't take the chance that someone
might find out he survived.
 
Faking his
death was the only answer.
 
I know it was
a terrible thing to do Casey.
 
You'll
never know how I agonized over the decision.
 
How overwrought all of us were from deceiving you.
 
Thankfully, it turned out to be the right
decision.
 
You weren't about to give up,
until you got answers, until Ben's name was cleared.
 
You see, my darling, sometimes the worst
things in life bring out the best in all of us.
 

You've learned
the hardest lesson there is in life, no one can stand alone.
 
God didn't plan it that way.
 
I’ve always said, United we stand, divided we
fall.
 
The short time your mother and I were
together taught me that lesson.
 
She saw
in me what I've always seen in you.
 
It
is only through our children that she continues to live.
 
Dear God, I wasn't given the chance to fight
for her life.”
 
Jonathan's eyes flicking
to a wall allowed big fat tears release.

Was that how his
mother felt, Sullivan wondered?
 
Her
husband disappointed her, deceived her, nevertheless, she still loved him.
 
There was no way she could protect her
husband, but there was still her children.
 
A sob escaped, though heard it went unacknowledged, everyone was too
busy shoring up their own heavy heart.

“You've
underestimated yourself Casey.
 
You're
the one who brought the killer down.
 
It
was your plan, your determination, and your investigative abilities.
 
None of us had any idea how complex this case
was.
 
All we did was go along for the
ride.
 
You're one hell of an
investigator.
 
You had every reason to
give up.
 
Whether you realize it or not,
your unwillingness to do so meant possibly sacrificing your life for
others.
 
Maybe now, you understand how I
felt, how all of us felt.
 
For everyone
here, especially myself, I want to say we were proud to be on your team.”

Cassidy's hands
found the rail of a chair long ago, her knuckles white from a wringing
grip.
 
Though tears were streaming
steadily, she withheld the emotions begging for release, the sobs, the
trembling.
 
Maybe God had taken her
mother unjustly, and cruelly, robbed her in many ways, but the simple man
standing before her with love spilling from every pore was indeed her treasure
chest of life.
 
Jonathan had always been
there for her, and would always be.
 
The
reason why she tried so hard all her life to, win his respect, to be like
him.
 
Bringing the killer down was the
one moment in time when she was all she could be.
 
Not only was she proud of her family, but at
last proud of herself.
 

Again, her eyes
found each man in the room, indeed an admirable collection of bravery, brawn
and brains, each in their own way, special.
  
How did she ever get so lucky?
 

Returning her
glance, without a word they knew she’d forgiven them, all except for
Sullivan.
 
Cassidy couldn't look at him,
didn't.
 
Shame was evident in his sagging
shoulders, making movement, speech, even thinking difficult.
 
She needed time to sort out all the emotions
scattered like debris, all the words she wanted to say.
 
Sullivan, the man who saved her life in more
ways than one, she'd treated unfairly.
 
He was a force she, didn't know how to control, didn't know if she
wanted to.
 
She didn't have the strength,
at least, not today, and maybe not even tomorrow.
 

           
Without saying another word,
Jonathan was the first to leave.
 
Speaking was unnecessary Cassidy knew what he expected.
 

Retrieving a
medal from his briefcase, placing it on the table, like a snake, Templeton
slithered out the door.
 
One by one, the
gathering filed past Cassidy exchanging smiles, hugs, words of thanks, and
quick pecks on the cheek.
 

Truth had a way
of lightening the heart, everyone’s except those of Sullivan and Cassidy. For
the longest time they held their position wondering who would be the first to
speak or move?
 
The emptiness in the room
made it seem smaller, stuffier.
 
It was
so quiet they could hear each other breathing; almost hear each other’s
thoughts.
 
Both knew that this was a
moment in time when whatever they said or did would be trivial.

You would have
thought they would have run into each other’s arms, kissed, said all those
crazy romantic words.
 
Apparently, that
only happens in the movies.
 
Both were
too preoccupied thinking if only they could start over.
 
A foolish thought, for no one can ever go
back.
 
They didn’t know each other at
all, really.
 
Both had fallen in love
with a make-believe person; anyway, too much had transpired.
 
The colliding of their worlds changed them.
 
Running, hiding, denying feelings would be
easier, choices that would forever leave behind a raw ache.

Through thick and
thin they were destined for each other, a unity written in the cards long
before they knew.
 
The problem was they
couldn’t find the magic to make it last.
 
Physical attraction drew them together, an animalistic need that would
surely wear off.
  
If not for “sexual
attraction,” they probably wouldn’t have been interested.
 
They weren’t in love, who was these
days?
 
Then why were they hurting so
badly?
 
Possibly, if they met halfway
they could start over, and this time it won’t be a charade, but neither had the
strength.

Someone had to
move, say something, and end the overwhelming emotions.
 
Cassidy was having all she could do to keep
from collapsing.
 
Although at the moment,
she needed Sullivan more than air, healing required time.

Apparently,
Sullivan felt the same.
 
Lethargically
moving towards the door, all the melting word’s lovers ever say were teetering
on the tip of his tongue.
 
Words
rehearsed so often they were permanently embedded deep within his heart.
 
All he had to do was speak.
 
Pausing within inches of Cassidy his eyes
found her trembling hand squeezing the chair rail. His moved slightly in an
attempt to end the torture then reconsidered.
 
A second later, his hand moved again almost making the connection before
falling short.
 
They heard each other
breathing, shallow and quick, saw the quaking, and yet neither moved.
 
It was a tear, someone’s, splashing onto
Cassidy’s hand that summoned Sullivan’s sympathetic touch, warm and gentle that
fused flesh and bone long before eyes caressed.
 
A fleeting moment when everything they needed to say rode invisible
rays.
 
“I know. I know.”

Managing a step
across the threshold, Sullivan’s heart screamed, “Call out to me, Dear God,
call out to me.
 
Change my mind with a
look, a touch.
 
Say you can’t live
without me.
 
Look into my eyes, can’t you
see it’s not too late to change my mind.
 
Just give me half a reason.
 
Say
you’re crazy about me.
 
Rush into my
arms.”

How would
Sullivan know that Cassidy’s heart was orchestrating the words?
 
 
Just
an embrace would have ended their torment, jump-started tomorrow, an embrace
that never came to be.
 
The click of the
door ended the last chapter of their love story.

CHAPTER 30

Cassidy feigning exhaustion due to the time zone difference
between New York and San Francisco should have been sufficient nonetheless,
Philip was sulking.
 
She had not only
ruined his special plans for the evening, but also continued to accept one case
after another in various cities across the country during the past six months.
  
It was time to put an end to her
nonsense.
 
If she married him, he’d give
her everything her heart desired.

San Francisco, the city of her dreams was indeed breath
taking, as was Philip.
 
A male specimen
much too, handsome, debonair, and rich, that any other woman would consider a
fine catch.
 
The fact that Cassidy wasn’t
the least bit interested made her wonder why she even became involved in the
first place.

They met a few months previously on a plane headed for San
Francisco where a case required her expertise.
 
Taken by his intellect and the fact that he was a perfect ten; she
accepted an invitation for dinner just like that, from a complete stranger,
mind you.
 
Needing a diversion in her
life at the time both traveled back and forth whenever possible to see each
other.
 
A few dates later, Philip made it
clear that he felt their relationship was heading somewhere.
 
Knowing otherwise, the time was long overdue
to put an end to his torture.

Today Cassidy was returning to San Francisco for her newest
assignment, a rookie cop had accidentally killed his female partner.
  
Upon accepting the case, she believed she
had the emotional stability required now, while in flight, she was beginning to
doubt her fortitude.
 
Unable to meet her
contact until Tuesday, and the fact that she hadn’t seen Philip in over a
month, she hoped a long weekend in his company might brighten her drooping
spirits.
  
Then, before returning to New
York, she’d end their relationship for good.

Like most men these days, after every date Philip believed
he'd get lucky.
 
Among the modern day
species of males, he was overconfident, and arrogant, his philosophy was to
wine, dine and sack, every woman he dated.
 
Adding insult, women today were damn lucky if they didn’t have to pay
their share of the evening’s expenses.
 
Tonight, refusing a kiss deflated Philip's ego.
 
Quickly shutting the door to the long, sleek
limo, positively punctuated her goodnight wish.

Leaning out the window, “Tomorrow, bright and early,” Philip
reminded before pressing a hot kiss to her sweaty palm, a brush of lips that
left a layer of ice, and Philip rock-hard.
 
Oh, there was visible evidence, plus that stupid come-hither gleam in
his eyes.

God, anyone else might consider their accidental meeting a
modern day fairy tale, anyone but a Brady.
 
Living in the here and now, she knew there was no, Snow White, Sleeping
Beauty or Cinderella these days, no sir-re.
 
Welcome to the twenty first century.

Finally rid of Philip, for the time being anyway, she was
ascending in an elevator.
 
Feeling
confident that she had overcome her fears, it wasn’t until the doors closed,
that labored breathing warned of another panic attack.
 
Unmercifully and unexpectedly they'd strike,
mostly in an elevator, sometimes the bathroom, the bedroom.
 
Killing someone screwed up a persons’ mind,
as did loving someone.
 
Unwanted
wandering reflections that accelerated her heartbeat, and triggered sweat
glands making nerve endings stand to attention.
 
Following close behind an overwhelming urge to scream, to bolt from the
elevator, and yet she was unable to move.

When the conveyance stopped, and the doors opened, blocking
the only means of escape a woman entered holding an infant no more than a few
weeks old, along with her, “lover.”
  
Standing smack dab in front of her, in between cooing and fusing with
their off spring, they kissed. Never having paid much attention to lovers
before, or children, Cassidy wondered why recently she saw them
everywhere.
 
A startling recognition that
made her wonder how people met, and kept their relationship alive.
  

Tonight on the dance floor, surrounded by gyrating couples,
she felt close to hysteria.
 
Damn
Philip's dreamy eyes that were saying marry me and have my children.
 
He had no idea that his ploy’s to woo her were
only making her desire Sullivan more.