Red Solstice (Alfheim Book 1) (18 page)

“Did not the Lady Chandrelle question who had impregnated her servant?”

“I have no idea on that matter, Sir, I believe it was of little matter to her as she was pregnant at the time herself, her betrothed, as you know, dying in a tavern brawl.”

“So you were left to the guards, but then who taught you how to use your gift?”

“I taught myself mainly as there was no one else to help me there,” I smiled ruefully.

“Then did not your liege comment on your abilities?”  Caranthir continued .

“She never really said anything about them”.  I said.

“Finally,”  he asked , “What was your mother's name?”

“It was Primrose but I understand she is now calling herself Sobhrach which means the same but in her lord's families tongue”

Lord Caranthir seems to be lost in thought but eventually he looks up at me and it is again a long searching stare.  “I would like to speak with you again at some further date”, he says, “That is if you do not mind.”

I reply, “It would be an honour , Sir” and bowing I leave his presence.

We have gathered again in the hall but to me this now seems a waste of time as I cannot see Lord Caranthir offering for my lady even after a nights contemplation.  He has stated that he may have an heir himself and that this is being investigated, or negotiated, and good luck to him.  I like the man he has a lot of moral sensibility, from what I have seen, and I would not wish our lady upon him for the world.  It is probably hard enough for him keeping Lily in check without adding her grandmother to it.  By and large, I get the feeling that he is enjoying having a family around him even if they are not entirely of his blood.  Our conversation too, is a puzzle that I  will think on during my empty hours in the barracks.  

The chamberlain once again refers to Chandrelle's proposal but this is fast shot down and then Lord Caranthir makes the statement that he has advised Lilly and her mother of Lord Garrander's proposal and that they are adamant that he would be unsuitable, by age, for any alliance with her.  There is not much else that the chamberlain can add to that as it is true ,even if worded to placate.  Having thought of her ability in the gymnasium I am certain Garrander would come of far worse than Lily in any encounter not of her choosing, and I also feel he would not like dodging out of the way of any fire balls she might throw in a temper.  Somehow that makes it easier for me and we are now going to pack our things and return home.

I have returned to the room that they designated for me so as I can pack but looking out of the window, I can see her in the garden.  She is dressed in silk that floats about her and obscures but then emphasises her body so it is tempting as much as it is covering and around her a child cavorts, like a small planet around its sun.  I can hear their laughter and I watch as another small body launches at her and she catches him and swings him around.  I am astounded to see that my babies are not only walking but seem to be running as well.  Time races away whilst we are not watching.  The attendants with them are equally carefree and suddenly I feel trapped, alone and hidden.  I cannot watch this, yet I cannot turn away.  I think back to how this all started and a moment of enlightenment comes.  I had followed her and hoped to take her immediately before the full Solstice . To this end I had stripped to the waist as I carry the spiral tattooed on my chest and through this I had hoped to set the transfer in motion.  I was concentrating so hard that I did not notice her friends following us.  They caught me by surprise and I had instinctively reached to grab her wrist and pass her my jacket so that she was compliant.  I remember contact with her amulet which acted on me like a key, opening my defences and then I made contact with her skin and received a shock, well not quite a shock but more a feeling as if I had drunk too much wine.  My head had reeled and instead of setting off in pursuit I had stood there fighting to regain some sense of equilibrium, my body suddenly  on fire and my face  flushed.  It had been the first and the only time that our bare skins had touched in actual reality and I had felt such overwhelming desire that I thought my body might not contain it.  I do not know what witchery this is or was but it has had a far reaching effect worse than any geasa of my knowledge.  It also explained her over reacting to my geas.  In all innocence I had set in action my own undoing, as reacting to me she drew me further to her, and without realising why we have become locked into this potent need for each other.  Perhaps then there is a way to unlock this and then I could be free of desires  I can neither live with or quench.

I am Lily Millefleur, almost twenty, daughter of three worlds part elven, part human and part demon.  I live, love and create with a passion.  Without passion there is no point and so I do not seek some tame shambolic marriage or even a series of enthusiastic lovers.  Yes a human man is somewhat lacking in what I want but maybe so too are my elven brothers, perhaps I need a demon to bring that fire to my bed.  But then what about honour and justice and compassion, all these things matter too me as well.  And more than all of this, love.  It is love that is setting my boundaries and although I have so much love for those I care about there is only one love that will call to me for all eternity.  I have been told that they are going, and so, before they take their leave, I have to see him one last time, and then maybe I will know where I stand once and for all.

He is packing his bag as I enter his chamber and I get the feeling that I am not welcome although he does not gain say me entrance.  Without preamble I face him and ask, “Are you still under orders to take the children?”

“Yes”.

“And myself?”

“Perhaps not at the same time.  If I take the children, then I know you will follow and that will save my energy” he is still neatly folding and packing his clothes as he speaks.

“Why are you doing this?”

“Because I obey orders, because the land needs stability, because my lady needs an heir.”

“And what then is my mother?”

“Her heir and as such, in time, I would serve her as loyally,”

“Yet you would see her heirs suffer?”

“It is not like that, you have brought these things upon yourself” He has still not looked me in the eye. His whole focus appearing to be on his kit.

Because we do not wish to be slaves to our grandmother?  So what if I am finally the heir will you serve me too?”

“You don't understand”. Finally he raises his eyes to my face.

“Don't understand?”

“I have nothing to offer you”.

“Did I ask you for anything?”

“You are too wild for your own good”

“And would you be first in line if I gave some lord an heir?”

“No!”  He paused before finishing, “Yes,” he hung his head “ I don't know”.

“So you seem to endlessly  torture yourself”, and me too I thought, exasperated by all this.

“I have nothing.  In the end you would have taken other lovers”.

How much time does the idiot think there is in a day? How empty does he perceive my life to be?  I take a deep  breathe and continue,

“In a society where such practice is the norm, why would it bother you so much?”

I have him there, and he stops to look at me while his brain tries to identify what is really filling his mind.   “I cannot”,  is all he says so I continue “Have you ever had to take care of two babies?  Have you had to train them and also train yourself to handle magic so strange it stretches the mundane into a comfort zone? “

“In time”

“In bloody time” Now I am close to shouting at him.

“You don't understand you are too young.”

Finally the major cop out line spun by all supposed adults when losing a battle and it makes my blood boil.  I am definitely counting to ten now.  If I walk away from this there is one thing I will never be sure of and so instead of leaving it hanging in the air I reach out and gently place my hand on his cheek.  He does not back away although I half expected him to.  The power pulse is incredible and I know then that he feels exactly what  I feel and  the sorrow in his eyes mirrors my own.  I shut my eyes and sigh.  “Then my friend we will play at  enemies for the sake of everyone else.”

I straighten up and walk from the room without a backward glance.  I wish the ground would open and the demons come back to take me.

Research Bibliography

DE RUITER, Dick:

BECHER, Danny

BERKVENS, Marjolein              Sounds Like Om: Universal Primeval Mantra  Binkey Kok                                                                       publications 2005

STEVENS, Christine              Music  Medicine: the Science and Spirit of Healing Yourself with                                                         Sound.   Sounds True 2012

VACASPATI                                          Tattwa Kaumudi  authored by in the 9th century A.D.,

WALKER, Barbara G.              The Women's Encyclopedia of Myths and Secrets, Harper and                                                         Row, 1983

Specific Music References

PEGG, Bob                                          The Gay Goshawk, from the album, Mr Fox 1996

RICE, Mack                                          Mustang Sally   1965 (original title Mustang Mama)

SCOTT, Mike                              This is The Sea.  (2004 remix)   Title Track (Water Boys)