Red, White and Beautiful (7 page)

I give him the thumbs up. “I’ll be fine.”

“All right, well I’m going back to bed for a few hours.”

I roll my eyes at him, flash a smile, and leave his room. When I get back to mine, I sit at my desk and fire up my laptop. Time to get serious with this studying. I am mid-way through an extremely difficult subject, I’m chewing on my bed and frowning at the screen, when my phone rings.

I stare down at the screen, Marcus. Why doesn’t that surprise me? Pulling the pen from my mouth, I answer the phone.

“Hey.”

“You didn’t stay at the apartment?”

“I have studying to do.”

“And I said you could do it at my place.”

“Marcus,” I warn, giving him my best scolding tone.

“Don’t say my name like that. Why didn’t you stay?”

“I wanted to come back and do my study, and I have an afternoon class, ok?”

He sighs deeply. “Fine, I’ll pick you up after work.”

“No, it’s ok, I’ll meet you at your place.”

“Sierra…”

“Marcus, please, I don’t need you to control me everywhere I go.”

He sighs deeply. “Fine, I’ll meet you there.”

“Thank you.”

“Is something wrong, Sierra?”

“We’ll talk later ok?”

“Sierra.”

“I have to go, Marcus,” I say, cutting him off. “Bye.”

When he hangs up, I hang my head and sigh. I know I’m keeping him at arm’s length, but I can’t help it, I’m so scared of getting hurt again and while things are so up in the air, I don’t want to give up my control. I’m in love with Marcus, that much I know, but sometimes his need for control frightens me and I wonder if he’s forced to give it up, if he’ll give me up, too. It’s petty, I know, but I can’t help my feelings and how they affect my everyday life and my relationship with a man, who is so dominant, I think he’s forgotten how to live any other way.

I get back to my study. By early afternoon, I’ve done as much as I can. I gather my backpack and head out to class. It’s a long, dreary class and I don’t finish up until well after four o’clock. When I’m done and I’ve gotten back to my room, I see a mass of missed calls from Marcus.

Sighing, I pick up the phone, but he hasn’t left any messages. I drop my bag and take a quick shower before changing and gathering some clothes for the night. I’m just picking up my bag when a pounding on the door has my head snapping around.

Rushing over, I open the door to find Marcus standing. He’s panting with rage and his eyes are wild. He’s not wearing the suit from work, but instead workout clothes. A black singlet and loose cotton shorts. He’s sweating, his body is so wound up, I can see the veins in his neck. I knew Marcus exercised, but what did he do, run over here? Why is he running at this time of the afternoon anyway, that’s not like him? I open my mouth to speak, but he barges past me and slams the door. I spin around, confused. Have I done something wrong?

“When were you going to tell me?” he barks.

In shock, it takes me a moment to process him being here so I can answer. “Tell you what?”

“That you took a job with Ben!” he roars, spinning around and running his hands through his hair.

What?

“I didn’t…I didn’t take a job with him.”

“Bullshit, don’t you lie to me, Sierra.”

“He contacted me this morning, I didn’t say I was going to do anything, I was going to speak to you first and…”

“Are you stupid, Sierra?”

“I beg your pardon?” I snap, crossing my arms.

“You heard me? Do you honestly think that man has your best interests at heart? Do you honestly think he’s genuine about giving you a job?”

“I don’t know, that’s why I was going to talk with you!” I cry, throwing my hands up.

“He wants to fuck you. He knows what we’re doing and he wants to claim back his control. He has no interest in giving you a job for your benefit, it’s for his. How could you be so naive?”

I gape at him. “Oh, so he’s just doing what you did then?”

His eyes flare with rage and he storms forward. “I would never hurt you, not ever. Me and him are not the same, don’t you ever compare us again.”

“How dare you come in here and treat me like this! I didn’t do anything but take a phone call. I didn’t even decide what I wanted to do, but you’ve just come in here, ripping me a new one because you’re jealous.”

“I’m not jealous,” he hisses.

“Really, then you don’t trust me? Is that it?”

“I don’t trust him!” he roars. “I don’t trust him. Did you see yourself last night, Sierra? Did you see how you freaked out when I tied you up?

That man scarred you for life, how can you even consider a job with him?

How can you ever get that close again?”

I look down, he’s right, I know he’s right. As much as Ben’s offer was good, I would never want to be that close to him again. Why didn’t I just turn him down in the first place? Did I want to see Marcus’ reaction, is that why I really did this? I rub the bridge of my nose and sigh deeply before looking back up at Marcus. Admit you’re wrong, Sierra, because in this case you are. He’s only reacting how you would react in the same situation. He cares about you, he doesn’t want to see you hurt. Don’t push a good thing away. My pride wins out though, and I snap, “What about you and Candice?”

He reels back and stares at me in confusion. “What?”

“I saw the texts, Marcus.”

He narrows his eyes, “You snooped through my phone.”

“Maybe I did.”

“Fucking Christ, Sierra, I have not done anything to make you not trust me.”

“You were flirting with her!”

He pulls his phone out and thrusts it at me. “Don’t trust me, go ahead and read everything I’ve ever sent her. I was being nice. Learn the fucking difference.”

“I….”

“No,” he barks. “You are pulling the past shit into this right now.

You used Ben because you were angry, didn’t you? Deep down you were never going to take that job, but you wanted to hurt me because I hurt you.”

“I…”

“God dammit, Sierra, when will you fucking grow up?”

He yanks his phone from my hands and turns, before he gets to the door, he barks. “Don’t bother coming over.”

Then he’s gone and the door slams loudly in his wake. I shudder and then lower myself to my knees and cry. I fucked up. This one is on me.

I sit like that on the ground, pitifully, for a long time. I don’t know what to do, heck I don’t even know where to go. I don’t want to be here, but I know Marcus doesn’t want me there. Angry and frustrated, I dress myself and go out. I end up at a local bar, sitting at the wooden set up with a glass of vodka and orange in my hand. Drinking is never the answer. Yeah right, it makes me feel better now, that has to count for something. I stare down at the orange liquid and sigh. I was wrong. I went out of my way to hurt him, and part of me didn’t even realize I was doing it. I am still punishing him, and he doesn’t deserve it.

“Another drink miss?”

I look up at the young bartender, with his pale hair and eyes. I give him my best attempt at a smile.

“Please.”

He slides me another drink and I finish the one in my hand, sliding him the empty back before starting on the fresh one. I pull out my phone, there are no texts from Marcus. Not even a call. I decide to call my parents, I haven’t checked in for a while and I could use the sound of my mother’s voice right now. She answers on the second ring and I smile when I hear her cheerful greeting.

“Hello?”

“Mom, it’s me.”

“Sierra, baby, how are you?”

“Not so good.”

“Oh honey, what’s wrong. You sound awful?”

“Marcus and I had a fight.”

My mother doesn’t even know we broke up. I literally went into hiding for the five days we were apart so no one, but Quinn and Raine, knew what actually went down. I know I should have called my mom, but I think it’s all too complicated for her.

“Oh, what happened?”

I tell her from start to finish, everything that’s happened. She needs to understand it all, to understand what’s going on now. I didn’t really want to tell her, but I didn’t see a way around it. She’s silent a moment.

“Oh honey, that sounds complicated.”

“It is. I really screwed up, mom.”

“You were reacting with raw emotions, sometimes we do silly things like that.”

“I hurt him, and there was no need for it.”

“Oh sweetie, I know.”

“What do I do?”

“Talk to him, it’s all you can do.”

“He doesn’t want me there.”

“Give him some time, love, he will come around.”

I nod, sighing. “How are you and dad?”

“We’re good, missing you.”

“I will come home soon, I promise.”

“I hope so, and hopefully you’ll bring Marcus too.”

I nod, even though she can’t see it. “Hopefully. I should go, I’ll call later in the week ok?”

“I miss you, Sierra, give him time ok? He’ll come around.”

“I love you, mom.”

“You too.”

I hang up and swallow the rest of my drink. I can feel it already swimming to my head. The bartender gives me four more in the course of an hour and by the time I stand to go to the bathroom, I’m drunk. When I stumble my way down the hall and step into the small, white bathroom, I see a girl standing by the mirror, swaying. Her dark eye make-up is running from the hard night she’s clearly having. I look at her face, wondering if she’s going through the same as I am. I obviously look too long, because she barks, “Fuck are you lookin’ at, you little skank.”

Shocked, I meet her gaze. “What?”

“You heard me. The fuck are you lookin’ at?”

“I thought you might need help, that’s all.”

“Why? ‘Coz I’m not beautiful like you? Thought maybe you’d pity me and see if you can save the day.”

“No,” I snap. “I was just going to see if you were all right.”

“Bullshit. Girls like you are the reason I’m not all right.”

She’s slurring so badly, I’m fairly sure alcohol isn’t the only thing in her system. When she steps towards me, I step back.

“Aw, you’re not scared, are you princess?”

“I’ll leave now, because clearly you can’t handle your alcohol. If you hate your life so much, go and take it out on the person who made it that way.”

That was a bad move on my behalf. Before I can see what’s happening, she swings her arm and hits me with the full can she has in her hand. It explodes on my cheek, sending me flying back with the blow.

Liquid, which I’m sure is not just the mixed alcohol from the can, runs down my face as my vision blurs. I hear another girl come in and yell at her, and before I know it, they’re gone and I’m left swaying. My vision swims as the throbbing pain in my temple becomes almost too much to handle. I turn slowly, gripping the bench and look into the mirror. My eye is already going black and I have blood trickling down from my temple.

I drop my handbag onto the counter and reach for my phone. I pull it out and dial Marcus with blurry vision. He doesn’t answer on the first attempt, so I send him what I imagine looks like a pathetic, drunken text message.

SIERRA - I need help. At the bar near the uni. Girl hit me with a can.

I lean my body against the bench and reach out, gripping some paper towel and pressing it to my temple, my hand becomes smudged with blood and the wound on my head burns as my fingers graze over it. Great, just great. I stumble out of the toilets and when the bar assistant notices me, he rushes over.

“Are you ok?” he asks, horrified at the blood on my hands.

“I’m ok, some girl just threw her can at my head.”

“Sit down, I’ll call an ambulance.”

“No, I’m ok.”

“You’re bleeding pretty badly.”

“Head wound, they always bleed.”

“Move!”

I hear the voice booming behind me. I know that voice. Marcus. I turn just in time to see him shoving his way through people, his gaze wild.

“Is that Marcus Harrison?” the bar assistant gasps.

“Yes,” I murmur. “It is.”

Marcus notices me and he stops, his face drops and his anger turns to worry. He hurries over, stopping in front of me and gripping my face.

“What happened?”

“A girl hit me, with her can.”

“Show me.”

He pulls the paper towel off my head and winces.

“That will need stitches. You, is there a back exit?” he barks at the bar assistant.

“Y-y-yes sir.”

“Well don’t just stand there, show me.”

Marcus wraps an arm around me and lifts me to my feet, then he begins following the bar assistant. I hear girls behind us gushing over Marcus and how hot he is. He completely ignores them, and focuses on getting me out. When we slip through the back and out the door, Marcus is on the phone ordering his car around. Moments later, the sleek, black SUV pulls up and a man jumps out and opens the door. Marcus slides me in.

“Where to sir?”

“Hospital.”

Marcus slides in beside me and slams the door, then he turns to me. I stare sheepishly at him.

“What the fuck were you thinking, Sierra? You go out and get drunk because we argue?”

I shift uncomfortably. “I didn’t go and get drunk because we argued…” I protest. “Ok, I did, but I didn’t provoke that girl. I thought she was in trouble and she got angry at me. She was drunk, or high, or both and she lost it. I know I shouldn’t have come out, but I was hurting because…because I was wrong. You were right, I was trying to punish you for hurting me. It was childish and I shouldn’t have done it. We should have talked before we let it get this far, like you first suggested and we didn’t. I regret that.”

His eyes soften and he lets his gaze search my face.

“You scared me, baby, when I walked in and saw you like that. All my anger died. I don’t want to be like this with you.”

I nod, feeling a tear slide down my cheek. He reaches over and swipes it away.

“I was wrong Marcus, I knew you wouldn’t have done anything with Candice, I was just making a mountain out of a molehill because I was still angry at you, and I shouldn’t be. What happened was as much my fault as it was yours, and I ran out without letting you explain. I was hurt and I over reacted. I shouldn’t have even spoken to Ben, and for that I truly am sorry. I want this, more than you know, I know I didn’t show you that, but it’s the truth.”