Red Zone: Boys of Fall (19 page)

Unlike Oakley—the eternal optimist—it was the angry part of Joel that had brought him here. He wanted Sadie to see his pain, to understand what she’d done to them.

So here they were. For better or worse. Standing in Pitchers.

Sadie hadn’t looked up upon their arrival. Probably because the place was hopping. It was Ladies’ Night and there was a band playing. Joel hadn’t known it would be so busy. If he had, he probably would have stayed home.

As it was, he was going to have to plaster a fake smile on his face and pretend he was having fun. Doing so would take more energy than he had.

He grabbed a seat at the table, surrounded by his former teammates and their girlfriends. Everyone was laughing, talking and drinking. Twice, Lorelie had given him a questioning look and asked why he wasn’t talking to Sadie. He’d shrugged it off, claiming she was too busy to chat.

Joel glanced at Oakley, who looked as miserable as he did.

“One drink,” Joel muttered. “Then we’re getting out of here.”

Oakley shook his head. “Nope. Not going anywhere.”

Joel hadn’t expected Oakley to dig his heels in. His friend didn’t have a stubborn bone in his body. Then he realized Oakley’s gaze was glued to the bar.

Joel followed his line of vision and suddenly understood. There was a guy sitting alone, chatting with Sadie. Flirting, actually. When Sadie set a fresh drink in front of the man, he reached out to grasp her hand, pretending to look at her tattoo.

Sadie withdrew her hand, but the fact she wasn’t responding to the asshole’s come-ons didn’t calm Joel down. He didn’t consider himself a jealous man, but he realized that was because he’d never been in love. It appeared Oakley was suffering a pretty bad case of the emotion as well, his friend’s hands balled into fists on the table.

Sadie must have sensed the heated looks honing in on her like laser beams because her gaze lifted and connected with his.

If he hadn’t been so furious, he would have chuckled when her lips clearly moved and she said, “Fuck.”

Her curse caught the attention of Mr. Can’t Catch a Clue, who leaned closer, his face covered with fake concern.

Joel wasn’t sure what Sadie said to the man, but she obviously hadn’t mentioned him or Oakley. Instead, her scowl softened, her lips curling into a coquettish smile of her own. One that she gave to the man at the end of the bar. The man she hadn’t given two damns about three seconds earlier.

Then she leaned over the counter, pointing to her tattoo. The man’s interest in her ink vanished in the face of the ample eyeful of cleavage she was treating him to. Then she gave the guy a flirty look and flipped her hair. Joel knew exactly who her little show was for, but he wasn’t sure what her goal was. If she’d wanted to solidify the fact she was no longer interested in them and was moving on, she failed. All she’d managed to do was trigger his temper and prove to him that she hadn’t meant a damn thing she’d said in the restaurant.

Sadie was in love with them and fighting it. Hard.

“Oakley,” Joel said, not bothering to look at his friend, refusing to take his gaze away from Sadie.

“Yeah?”

“I’m about to do everything wrong.”

Oakley didn’t laugh and he didn’t ask questions. “I’ll be right behind you.”

Joel and Oakley rose from the table, ignoring their friends when they asked where they were going. They made a beeline for the bar.

Sadie’s eyes narrowed when they stepped up to the counter, flanking the asshole.

“You want a drink?” she asked, her tone sheer belligerence. It was a dangerous stance to take, given Joel’s current state of mind.

“You got a break coming up?” Joel asked.

That caught the attention of the man sitting between them. “Hey, back off, man.”

Stupid prick must have thought there was some first-come-first-serve rule in effect.

“Excuse me?” Joel said.

The guy wasn’t easily intimidated. “Sadie and I were having a little chat. I’m sort of hoping she’ll take a twirl with me on the dance floor on her next break.”

He gave Sadie a look that reeked of confidence. The man didn’t have a clue she wasn’t really interested.

“Yeah,” Oakley said, drawing the man’s attention to him. “That’s not happening.”

Sadie slammed down the metal shaker she was using to mix a drink with enough force that everyone in the surrounding area looked up. She pointed at both Joel and Oakley. “Come with me.”

Every word dripped with fury. Joel welcomed it. They’d let her walk away from them in the restaurant without a fight. That wouldn’t happen again.

She stepped out from behind the bar and led them down the small hallway that ended at the back alley. Joel remembered the last time they’d been together in that alley. How explosive it had been.

Sadie appeared to remember as well, because she took a sharp left just before the exit, leading them into a storeroom. Bottles of liquor, bags of peanuts, packs of napkins and trays of clean glasses covered the shelves. It wasn’t a large space, but it suited Joel’s purposes just fine.

Sadie clearly regretted her decision the second Oakley closed the door behind them, the three of them in very tight quarters. She recovered quickly.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” she asked, her voice dangerously quiet.

Joel crossed his arms. “That guy was a douche.”

“No shit. I’ve been around the block a few times, Joel. I can hand out my own rejections just fine.” Then she lifted her chin, her pretty face the picture of haughtiness as she added, “And I can accept whichever hookups I want.”

Oakley shook his head, but it was Joel who answered her. “No. You can’t.”

If it were physically possible, Sadie would have rocketed into orbit at his cocky reply. Her face was flushed with fury and her hands were shaking with rage. “You fucking asshole! How dare you—”

Joel cut her off. Not with words, but with his lips. He’d told Oakley he was going to handle this situation wrong and he hadn’t lied. But he also hadn’t been able to stop himself. He saw Sadie flirting with another guy and lost it.

She pressed against his shoulders, trying to shove him away, but Joel tightened his grip and deepened the kiss. When she failed to dislodge him with force, she moved on to punching, her fists pounding against his chest. Joel took the blows, refusing to give up any ground. He might have backed away if not for the fact her lips weren’t exactly agreeing with the actions of her fists. Her lips had softened and parted. And then, her tongue found his, touched it lightly before darting back into her mouth.

Oakley saved Joel from a continued beating by stepping behind Sadie and grasping her wrists, tugging them behind her back. Their bondage girl responded instantly. Her head rearing back as she gasped. Her chest rose and fell rapidly, drawing his attention to her very noticeable nipples poking through her t-shirt.

Joel’s anger had faded, but it was still there. “You’re killing us, Sadie.”

Her face fell, and for the first time since she’d stormed out of the restaurant, he saw a trace of true regret in her eyes. “I’m not changing my mind.”

“We’re not watching you flirt with other guys.”

“I’m not yours.”

She’d said those same words when she walked away. Now, like then, she was wrong.

“You can say that as many times as you want. Still doesn’t make it true,” Joel said.

Oakley continued to hold her captive, though he remained silent, letting Joel fight this battle.

“Why can’t you let this go?”

Joel shook his head. “We just can’t. We told you we loved you, that we wanted to build a future with you. You said some shit about not feeling the same. Well, you know what? I don’t buy it.”

He looked at Oakley.

“Neither do I,” Oakley said.

“There’s something you’re not telling us,” Joel continued. “What it is, Sadie? Say it. And we’ll fix it.”

She snorted scornfully. “Believe me, this isn’t something you can fix.”

For the first time since they’d begun sleeping together, Joel sensed she was finally ready to confide in them. He silently prayed whatever was holding her back was something they could overcome.

“What do you mean?” Oakley asked.

“I don’t want to get married.”

Joel narrowed his eyes. It was a sentiment she’d voiced before. “Sadie—” he started.

She cut him off. “I’m not someone who can do forever. But it’s more than that.”

He and Oakley waited for the other shoe to drop.

“I don’t want to have kids.”

Neither he nor Oakley moved as they let that bit of information soak in. Until she’d said the words, Joel hadn’t realized how much he did want a family. He wasn’t exactly sure how it would work out logistically, but he knew he wanted a baby girl with Sadie’s bright blue eyes and sweet smile. Now that the idea was out there, Joel felt that desire intensely.

Oakley was the first to ask the question left unanswered. “Why not?”

“I’m not mother material.”

It was a vague response at best. Joel knew there was something else at work, something stronger. “Try again.”

He should have known better than to take that arrogant tone with her. Coupled with the fact that he’d crossed his arms, Sadie went off. Her emotions had been riding too close to the surface since they’d entered the closet. Joel had been stupid to push her, to set her off. But he was running on empty too. His heart ripped out, beating painfully in her clenched fist. One squeeze and she’d have him on his knees, begging her to come back.

“You asked for my reasons and I gave them to you. I’m not going to get married and I’m not going to wreck some poor, innocent baby’s life the way my mother fucked up mine!” She was practically yelling at them.

And at last, they’d gotten to the truth.

“You’re not your mother,” Oakley said.

She turned on him, her face radiating pure fury. “You didn’t know my mother.”

Oakley was typically able to hold his shit together, but the tension was causing some cracks in his composure. “I didn’t have to know her to know you would never leave your kid behind. Jesus, Sadie. You can’t seriously believe what you’re saying right now.”

One look in her shattered, terrified eyes told Joel she believed every single word. And there was precious little he or Oakley could do to change her mind.

How did they fight against a lifetime of disappointment and mistrust? Something had broken when Sadie’s mom skipped out of town all those years ago, and there was only one person capable of putting the pieces back together.

Sadly, that person wasn’t him. And it wasn’t Oakley.

“Sadie, if you’d just let us help you,” he began, knowing there was nothing he could offer her that they hadn’t already given. They’d given her love, trust, friendship, everything they had. It hadn’t been enough.

“Please, Joel.” His heart ached at the pain in her voice. It went against everything inside him to hurt her. Yet it was obvious that was what this conversation was doing. It was tearing them all apart. “Please don’t ask me to come back, for any more than we’ve already had. I can’t, I just can’t give it to you.”

Then he looked into her eyes and saw the tears and he knew.

Knew he had to walk away. Even though it would kill him to do it.

“Sadie,” he whispered.

“Please,” she repeated.

He nodded his reluctant acquiescence. Then he leaned toward her and kissed her gently.

Oakley didn’t speak, but the utter devastation in his friend’s eyes told him he understood it was over as well.

Oakley gave her his own sweet kiss and then they left the storeroom together.

Though he walked next to his best friend, Joel had never felt more alone.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

Sadie closed her eyes and prayed for strength. After tossing and turning, replaying everything she and the guys had said in the storeroom four evenings earlier, she had managed less than an hour’s worth of sleep last night.

She’d seen Lorelie the second the woman had walked into Pitchers. And considering her friend had honed in on her like a homing missile, storming straight to the bar, it was obvious Sadie was in for a few unpleasant minutes.

She didn’t need this shit. Sadie had only been back in Quinn a few hours. She’d left the bar after her talk with the guys a few nights ago, climbed on her bike and taken off to San Antonio to recover, hoping the time away would help her get her shit together. All it had done was make her more miserable and lonely and horny—she really needed to get a handle on that last issue.

She’d still be away if her dad hadn’t called her yesterday afternoon and told her to get her ass home before he fired her. She hadn’t given him a reason for skipping out of town without so much as a word of explanation, so she knew—in addition to this ass-chewing from Lorelie—she had that inquisition to endure later.

“Good to see you too, Lorelie.”

“Don’t pull that crap with me.”

“I’ve been out of town. How did you know I was here?”

Lorelie pointed toward the front of the building. “Saw your bike parked in the lot. I’ve driven by here and your apartment every day for four days. Knew you wouldn’t run forever. Where did you go?”

“San Antonio. Do Joel and Oakley know I’m back in town?”

Lorelie shrugged. “I doubt it. They haven’t left the ranch since you split. They work from sunup to sundown, barely eat, hardly speak and look like someone killed their best friend.”

Sadie winced to hear how badly she’d hurt them.

“So you know why I’m here?” Lorelie asked.

Sadie had never backed down from a fight. And while she was tired as hell and her heart wasn’t in this one, some small part of her was raring to go. “You shouldn’t have put in so much effort. This is none of your business.”

“Bullshit!” Lorelie said, her voice too loud. Sadie saw her dad’s head pop up from the back of the room. The afternoon crowd was low, so he’d decided to take a break to play a quick game of pool with a customer.

Sadie leaned over the bar. “Can you keep your voice down? I’m not interested in giving the gossips anything to wag their tongues about today.”