Redeem Me (13 page)

“How could I say those words to you?” Noble counters, and I know he would never have to. Not Noble. “When you were missing after he told you, I looked all over for you. I went to your house, but you never answered the door. Your brother, Margo, Julia—none of them would tell me where you were. By the third week, Julia took pity on me and at least said you were in horrible shape but better than the first two weeks.” Noble’s eyes plead with me to understand, but I’m lost in the horror of the summer.

“It got easier after the first few weeks,” I say. “He stopped trying to contact me, and I could function from hour to hour. I also had to go back to work, which helped. But I’m glad you couldn’t find me.”

“Why?” he asks, the hurt evident on his face.

“Because the people who were with me the first two weeks still don’t look at me the same way they did before.” I lower my eyes, too ashamed to face him. “I think I scared them beyond their ability to trust me again. Sean’s called or texted me every single day since I came home.”

“I can only imagine, because when I first saw you in Butch’s yard, you looked like hell.” His eyes are kind as he breaks into a small, sympathetic smile. The memory of how everyone looked at me when I first came home still haunts me.

“Can we talk about something else?” I ask, still miffed he didn’t stop me.

He breaks out his patented all-purpose smile. “How are your renovations going?”

“That’s right; you haven’t been there in a few weeks. Clint’s doing a great job.”

“I’m sure he is,” Noble says with an air of sarcasm.

“What? He does beautiful work.” He does. I don’t get the attitude. “When he’s done with the bathroom, I’m going to ask him to start working on the bedrooms.”

“I’d give him a few weeks off in between. He could use the break, I’m sure.” His words bruise me and I wonder if Clint’s told him he’s tired of being at my house. Maybe I’m there too much. He never seems annoyed, though.

“Does Clint not like working at my house?”

“He likes working there plenty.” He looks at me, trying to figure out if I’m teasing him or not. “Do you really not know that Clint’s hot for you?”

My head snaps up and my smile vanishes.

“What, Charlotte? Seriously…this is news to you?” Noble lifts my legs up and sits underneath them on the couch.

I dismiss Noble and the idea. “He doesn’t like me.”

“The hell he doesn’t. He’s just trying to figure out how to make his move. While we’re on the subject, Rob’s texted me twice for your number. Apparently you put some kind of spell on him, too.”

My muscles clench as I sit up straight. The very thought of a guy calling me is beyond my comprehension. I’ve only just started showering regularly.

“You didn’t give him my number, did you?”

He is indignant.

“After it took me a month to get it myself? Do you think I’m going to help those two yahoos?”

I relax some and take a sip of my wine. Rob’s not a shock, but Clint…

“You should all stay away from me. I wouldn’t want any of you to get hurt.”

“You’re right. They should stay away.” His eyes darken. “But why don’t you let me worry about me?” He’s rubbing my legs with his fingertips and tracing something, a word, possibly. Now seems like a good time to exit.

My room is directly across the hall from Noble’s. It’s a large square with a window on one wall surrounded by bookshelves on both sides and a storage bench beneath it. A radiator with chipped white paint is to the left and a closet door is to the right. To my delight, the old doors all have glass knobs and the window curtains are homemade.

There are three pictures on the dresser: Noble’s Rutgers graduation picture and wedding portraits of each of his two older sisters. Mrs. Sinclair has beautiful children. To the left of the door is a double bed that has a lavender and beige quilt on it and about six pillows at the head. I feel at home in this old farmhouse. I’ve spent so much time the past few months in Julia’s and my ultra-modern apartment I’ve become accustomed to the cold, shiny surfaces. This room is warm. As if hearing my thoughts, the radiator begins to tick and Noble comes around the corner with towels in his arms.

“I brought you some towels.”

He puts the stack of at least five towels on the chair next to my bed. “I see that.”

“You know, in case you want to wash your car or something,” he says, and we both laugh. “I’m not used to having house guests.”

I tilt my head, knowing this is a lie.

“At least not ones that arrive before one a.m.”

“I’m going to take a shower.”

“Would you like me to help? You are my guest, after all.” His eyebrows rise, his devious intentions masked by his sweet eyes and innocent grin.

“I think I can manage alone. Do you mind if I use your stuff?”

“Stuff?” he asks.

“Shampoo, soap, razor—whatever you have in there I can make work.”

“My products are your products. Seriously, if you need anything I’m right across the hall.” With that, he lightly kisses me on the cheek and whispers, “Good night.”

Oh, Noble, so gentle. What would it be like in your bed?

I pass his room on the way to the shower and hear music coming from under the door. The bathroom reminds me of my mother’s except it’s twice as big. The toilet, sink, and shower are all a light teal and the shower curtain incorporates the same teal with pink and brown. There are rooster-shaped soaps in a henhouse dish, which make me laugh. Mrs. Sinclair is funny, like Noble. I shower, taking my time because I have plenty of it and the hot water is incredible.

When I’m done, I wrap myself in the robe hanging on the back of the door, assuming it’s Noble’s. It’s blue and the same material as a sweatshirt and has a hood, which I put up after I finish brushing my hair. I brought my own toothbrush but use Noble’s toothpaste.

While I brush, I look out the window. The bathroom faces south across fields and eventually Pointary Road. For as far as I can see, there’s only snow, like the horizon at the end of the ocean. To the left, there’s a light post and Butch’s house beyond that.
Good night, BJ
. I smile at the thought of him. I’m blessed to have him. In the glow of the light post the storm’s full fury is visible. The snow is now coming straight down, inconceivably fast. At this rate we may never get out of here. I spit and rinse and place my toothbrush in the cup alongside Noble’s. I hang up my wet towel before hitting the light switch and opening the door.

Noble’s leaning against the side of his bedroom door. “Nice robe.”

I touch the soft fabric on the arms. “Do you mind?” I ask.

He’s my sweetest friend, standing here. “No. You’re a funny girl, Charlotte.”

“Are you waiting for me?” I ask.

“I didn’t know that was an option.” I tilt my head to the side and he adds, “I have to go to the bathroom.”

“Oh, Noble, I’m sorry. I took the longest shower because the water felt so good.”

“Can we talk about the water in a minute?” he asks as he moves by me.

I call, “Good night,” and escape to my room.

T
he radiator bangs as if someone’s hitting it with a wrench. It doesn’t keep me up because I’m not sleeping anyway. I just lie in my bed and stare at the ceiling. A crack of light seeps under the door and creates a gray glow in the room. What would Jason say about me staying here? He and Noble are friends. Noble and I are friends. Jason and I were so unexpected I think it took us all by surprise. I tried to keep my close relationship with Noble, but Jason didn’t make it easy. He thought every guy who spent any time with me wanted to have sex with me or, worse, was in love with me. Noble was no exception. By my senior year, I stopped telling him when Noble came to my house at Rutgers. I assume Noble instinctively kept it to himself, although I never would have conspired with him to keep something from Jason. It’s the only thing I did keep from him. In my head I justified it because I’d given up so much that was available at Rutgers to be with him. Giving up Noble was too much to ask.

I hate you, Jason. You ruin everything.

I can think of a few sorority sisters who probably wouldn’t be thrilled I’m here either. I can see why they want him. Noble’s one of those rare individuals who appeals to both men and women. He’s a guy’s guy and women adore him. I think it’s because, besides being hot, he’s also hilarious. I’ve laughed so hard with Noble I’ve forgotten how handsome he is.

I wonder what he sleeps in…

Not his robe. At least not tonight. I roll over on my stomach and try to quiet my brain. The sheets are cold on my bare legs. I was so worried about forgetting something BJ might need that I completely forgot anything to wear to bed. If I’m still here tomorrow night, I can borrow a T-shirt from Noble.

I wish I’d taken Noble to my spring formal. I wish I’d taken him and had sex with him until he couldn’t remember his name. A sob catches in my throat. I won’t cry over Jason Leer. Not here, not in Noble’s house.

Fuck you, Jason Leer.

I get out of bed and look into the small round mirror on top of the dresser. I’m starting to look more like myself. Eating helps. My hand swipes away a stray eyelash from my cheek and moves down my face and rests on the rowel necklace Jason gave me our first Christmas together. It hasn’t left my neck since.

“Why didn’t I take this off?” I ask my reflection.
Great, now I’m starting to talk to myself.
I take it off and throw it in the side pocket of my overnight bag. I rub my neck, disturbed by its absence.

I stand frozen by my reflection in the mirror. If I look like myself, when am I going to start feeling like myself? There’s nothing left to wait for. Unsure of what I’m doing, I cross the hall and knock on Noble’s door. I hear music coming from inside and swing the door open without waiting for a response. Noble’s sitting up with his glasses on, filling out some forms in bed. He’s shirtless, and his shoulders arrest my sight. He takes off his glasses and starts to gather up the papers when he sees me.

“Charlotte, what’s wrong?”

I slowly shake my head but say nothing. He’s bewildered and I know if I don’t leave now, I won’t until morning. Oh, I should stay away from him. My breath quickens and I slowly walk over to him, confusion letting go to hope on his face. I straddle him and the robe opens, exposing my collarbone to the tips of my shoulders. My hair, still damp, hangs down my back, cold and wet.

His stare morphs to complete desire, and I can feel him responding on my thigh. I kiss him, gently at first, but I succumb to months of loneliness. It quickly gets away from me and I’m pressing my lips on him hard, excited by his immediate response. His flexed arms, his generous lips, everything responds to me with an unleashed hunger.

I stop, breathless, and try to regain some control. Noble’s face is inches from mine and he reminds me of an animal being stalked as prey. No sudden movements.

“Noble, promise me you won’t hate me in the morning,” I say, knowing he should stop this, not sure if I can go back to my room if he asks me to.

“Why would I hate you?” His voice is quiet and his words are slow.

“Because tomorrow I’ll call this a huge mistake. I’ll say it’s too soon and I’m not ready. That it cannot happen again.”

Noble bends me backward and lays me flat on top of the covers. His boxer shorts hang low on his waist and my eyes pause there. My gaze saunters past his defined stomach and lingers at his shoulders, his incomparable shoulders, before passing his expressionless lips and settling on his stare. Noble waits for a breath and kisses me with an urgency that pushes every thought from my mind. He sits up and unties my robe, unveiling me to the night air. My best friend’s eyes behold me, naked in his grasp. Nothing will ever be the same again. I shiver and he kisses me again, my body warming under his touch. Noble kisses my neck, pauses, and looks at it as he runs his hand over where my necklace used to rest. He moves to my ear and kisses behind it and plays with my lobe with his tongue, finishing by grabbing it with his teeth and yanking a little.

My breath catches.

“A huge mistake, huh?” His head hovers inches above me as his eyes bore holes into mine. They are dark and mischievous, and I want him inside me immediately.

I reach up and grab his hair. He kisses me as he takes each of my hands and gently places them above my head. “Then let’s make sure it’s indelible.” He moves down, sliding his body against mine and begins playing at my nipple with his tongue, his amazing tongue. My knees rise and he lowers them, maximizing my exposure and my excitement. I may come just from this, and I start rocking my hips forward and backward slowly. He leaves my nipples to face me again. “Not yet, Charlotte. Hang on.”

Easy for you to say.

He lands on the other nipple and quickens his pace, taking it in his mouth and sucking it hard, blowing on it gently until my control is gone. He releases it and gives me a second to steady my breathing. Always thinking of me. I concentrate on the music to hold on. The beat quickens as my heart rate comes down from arrest levels.

Noble moves down my stomach, kissing my navel, letting his lips drag on my skin as his hand finds my nipple. He searches for what I want, what I need, as he kisses each thigh and he spreads my legs. I can’t seem to get enough air in me and my breathing mimics my pelvis, thrusting forward slowly to the rhythm of my wanting. He’s moving slowly, calculated, and I hate him and love him for it at the same time. He…is…driving…me…crazy…ER.

He keeps his hands on my hips and touches only the tip of his tongue to me and I moan. I stop moving my hips. Frozen. Noble pauses, too, and when I look down at him, he’s smiling up at me with a glint in his eye. He pays the same attention there as he did to each nipple and I’m lost. I cover my eyes with my hands and try to slow the tempest but can’t manage it. I come and he places one hand flat on my stomach as I writhe beneath him. It rocks my entire body and I can’t catch my breath. I could cry—such a sweet release. Noble lies on top of me and warms me as he kisses my neck.

“I promised you wouldn’t forget it.”

“I won’t,” I vow breathlessly.

“We’re not done yet.” Noble climbs on top of me and I try my best to focus, still dizzy and electrified from my orgasm. He enters me and my body convulses again, the perfect fit of Noble causing my body to engage again. He rocks gently at first and takes his time. How does he manage such control?

I can’t take much more and whisper, “I’m going to come again.”

He says, “Be my guest,” and pounds into me harder. I wrap my legs around his waist and cross my ankles behind his back. My hands clutch his biceps as they flex, supporting most of him. Noble speeds up and I close my eyes, arch my back, and surrender to my beautiful friend. I cry out and he comes at the same time. He rests on top of me. The full weight of him makes it difficult to breathe—or maybe I’ll never breathe normally again.

It’s 3:37 a.m. when the thunder wakes me. We’ve lost power and Noble’s iPod must have finally drained its battery because the room is silent except for the storm. I watch Noble sleep. He’s so big. Long and broad. Light brown hair that’s playfully long, big blue eyes, and a smile from ear to ear; everything about him is wonderfully large—and I’m going to ruin his life.

When I’m done with you, you won’t have the same smile. People will look at you the way they look at me.

I withdraw from Noble’s bed and go to the window as the thunder cracks again. I consider waking him to hear it. Snow thunder is rare in Salem County, but he’s so peaceful I can’t disturb him. The radiators are kicking into gear now and the room’s hot. The warm air is soft against my bare skin. Noble’s kicked off most of his covers and his arms and chest are completely exposed. The violent sky fills the black room with flashes of light, warning of the coming thunder, and Noble reaches out. I watch as he opens his eyes and rolls over, searching for me.

“I’m sorry if I woke you,” I say, and admire his beautiful face. I can’t look away.

“I’m not. What are you doing?”

“Thinking about you.” My face becomes sad as I think of how our friendship will be in ruins. “And how incredibly powerful, unpredictable, and magnificent the weather is. Just like you. It’s gorgeous out there…and in here.” I choke on the final word and turn toward the window to keep from crying.

“Come back to bed,” he says. The thunder booms and shakes the walls of his bedroom. And this time Noble doesn’t take his time.

I wake up the second time with Noble spooning me. His one arm is under my pillow and the other is wrapped around me, cupping my breast. How we slept like this I don’t know. I slide out and Noble rolls over on his other side without opening an eye. I tiptoe around the bed and out the bedroom door.

I turn on the light, thankful the power’s returned, and once the bathroom door is closed, I look in the mirror. There’s not a bruise, bite, pinch, or scratch on me. Not one sign of rough sex. Apparently a person can have an orgasm without Jason’s version of mixed martial arts. I lower my head and chastise myself for comparing the two.

Let it go, Charlotte.

“Charlotte!” Noble bellows from the bedroom in a funny, barbaric way, as if he’s going to find me and drag me back to bed by my hair. I go and stand in his doorway, still brushing my teeth, completely naked.

“Yes?”

Noble watches me, grinning.

“Come back to bed,” he says, his sweet voice having been restored.

I smile and point out the toothbrush. I hold up one finger in answer.

When I return, Noble lifts the covers so I can slide in next to him, and I’m again reminded of why he’s popular with the ladies. My friend Noble is beautiful.

“Do you always walk around naked so much?”

I pull my head up and meet his eyes to try to gauge the question. “Do I offend you?” I ask, wanting to laugh but not wanting to offend him further.

“No, no, of course not. I love it. I’ve just never seen another girl walk around naked like you. Everyone else seems to prefer to be covered up the majority of the time.”

Since I don’t spend a lot of time naked with my friends, I’ve never noticed. I sit up and get cross-legged, and he laughs.

“What?” I ask, becoming frustrated.

He gestures toward my legs. “I know for a fact no girl has ever sat in my bed crisscross applesauce, naked.” I look down at my spread-eagle bird. Noble reaches out and touches my mermaid’s tail. “Charlotte, is this a monogram?”

I’m delighted. “Yes, the tail wraps around to form a C, the fins make the A, and the hole in between is the O. I’m impressed you figured it out,” I say shyly.

“Do all the other guys you walk around naked in front of have trouble with it?” Noble asks with his eyebrows raised.

Ignoring his question, I ask, “Have you had sex with many swimmers?”

Noble’s smile lights up his eyes.

“I’m being serious. In swimming we had to be completely naked before and after every practice or meet. It wasn’t like basketball where you just change your shorts and shoes. And once practice started, we were pretty much just swimming around half naked the whole time, girls and boys together.”

“I should have given the swim team more consideration in high school.”

I roll my eyes dramatically. “Perhaps if you’d stopped bedding so many girls, my oddities wouldn’t be this obvious. Did you ever consider that?”

“Are you hungry?” he asks.

“Are you changing the subject?”

Noble lunges forward and has me on my back, arms locked by my sides as he kisses me right below my navel, and at the side of my breast, and on my collarbone, and my neck. A short breath escapes my lips and I feel a tingling spread just below the surface of my skin.

“All my past experiences were just practice for being with you,” he says in my ear, right before he kisses my lobe and gently bites the tip. I feel like the center of Noble’s world and his is better than my own. I close my eyes and turn my head, letting my brain stop functioning and just feeling him on me. He runs one finger down the center of my chest as he kisses me, the desire in his tongue searching again and again. He spreads my legs with his knee and climbs between, siting up.

When I open my eyes, he’s staring at me with the same look I’ve seen before. Desire, urgency, fear, love…I don’t know.

“Charlotte, you belong here.” Rising to his knees, he lifts my pelvis and legs up and I instinctively wrap them around his waist.

My shoulders are still on the bed, but every part of me beneath them is suspended in air, connected to Noble. He plunges into me with a force I hadn’t anticipated. “Oh…Noble,” escapes me. He pulls out slowly, letting his tip rest at my entrance. I open my eyes just before he plunges into me again, and I grab the sheets with both hands to steady myself. I look into Noble’s eyes with a greedy smile on my face. I lower my stare to his bare chest and let my eyes feed on his divine shoulders. They devour his biceps and traps, all flexed holding me up as he—“Mmmm…”—plunges into me again.

He’s tilted at the perfect angle, and I close my eyes. I squeeze the sheets in my hands and try to hold on to something, unwilling to let go of everything. He begins a rhythm that launches me into orbit at the same time as he comes. He’s still supporting the lower half of me when he pulls out for the last time, and an aftershock convulses my body. He lies next to me and we each try to steady our breathing.