Redemption (6 page)

It came in the form of Psalm 50:15:
Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.

Nothing about what Tim had done was honorable; in fact, she was deeply ashamed for him, for both of them. But here in God’s Word, among all the other promises that would always be true, was one that seemed written just for her. To think that God would not only deliver her but also give her a chance to somehow honor him in the midst of this disaster. It was enough to make her heart rate return to normal and the flushed feeling fade.

Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.

“Help me, Lord,” she whispered into the night. “I’m so lost.”

She closed the Bible, flipped off the light, and lay there repeating the verse in the dark, believing the promise within. It was the only thing that got her through the rest of the night.

In the morning, when she remembered that Tim had left her for another woman, when the reality of that settled around her consciousness like a vise grip, she called her parents’ house.

“Hello?”

It was her mother.
Help her understand without asking a lot of questions, God . . . please.
Kari knew she sounded awful; no doubt her mom would be worried. She closed her eyes and began to talk. “Hi, it’s Kari.” A fresh bunch of sobs collected at the base of her throat, and she could no longer speak.

“Kari—honey, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” Kari felt strangely reassured by the alarm in her mother’s voice, as if she’d finally stumbled onto someone who cared.

Kari coughed, trying to clear away the thick and heavy sadness blocking her airway. The anger and fear from yesterday were gone. In their place was a sadness she couldn’t begin to describe. “I need to talk to you.”

“Want me to come there?”

“No.” Kari’s sinuses were swollen shut from hours of weeping, and at the moment it was all she could do to carry on a conversation. “I’ll be there in an hour.”

Minutes later she stepped into the shower and considered what her life had become. She had no idea how long Tim would be gone or how serious he was about the divorce.

And there, while the hot water washed over her body, she allowed herself to drift back to the days when she first met Tim Jacobs.

She remembered so many good things about him—his friendly looks, his sense of humor, his intelligence. His stalwart faith. Who wouldn’t have jumped at the chance to date him?

Kari mulled over these points and realized there was one thing about Tim that had stood out more than all the others combined. Ultimately it had been the thing that convinced her to marry him.

He made her forget about Ryan Taylor.

Kari Baxter’s senior year in college had been a difficult time for her. Some days her heart had been in such a shambles that she wondered how she got dressed in the morning, let alone survived the day.

Back then Tim Jacobs had seemed like the answer to all her prayers. Especially after the way things had ended with Ryan.

Kari sighed. It would do her heart no good to dwell on Ryan. Not now. Better to skip the part where the boy who had been her best friend, her first love, made his sudden and lasting exit from her life.

It was spring when Tim made his entrance, and Kari was in her final semester at Indiana University. Though she was still reeling, she had started to think she might survive. She even made a plan to attend a campus Bible study at the Indiana Memorial Union.

Kari remembered feeling indifferent that day, as if she were merely going through the motions. She showed up ten minutes early, slipped into a booth in the lounge where the study would be held, and rested her head on her backpack.

Tim was one of a few people setting up that day, and for several minutes she watched him talk with a short, redheaded girl. He seemed older than the average student, and Kari wondered if he was a professor. Most campus clubs had a faculty advisor.

“I know it might not be spiritual, but the way to really lure people in is with trips.” The girl spoke with her hands, her voice tinny and flirtatious. “Lots of trips. I think a camp-out at Lake Monroe would be perfect.”

Kari peered at Tim and noticed he was good-looking in a simple way—about six feet tall, with dark hair that already showed some distinguished gray. Eyes full of good-humored confidence.

Tim smiled as he shook his head. “I don’t think so, Ruth.”

The redhead threw him a teasing look. “Why not?”

“A bunch of college kids on a camp-out?” He shook his head. “Then what? Next year we start a campus nursery for single mothers?”

“That’s what I like about you, Tim.” A blush fell across the redhead’s face. “Always thinking.”

The girl put her hands on her hips and stifled a smile.
She won’t let it drop
, Kari thought absently.
I wonder if he knows she has a crush on him
. She shot a look at his left hand. No wedding ring. At least the redhead wasn’t flirting with a married man.

Tim sorted through a stack of flyers on a nearby table. “Maybe a movie night, something like that.”

Ruth ran her fingers through her hair and batted her eyes at Tim. “Come on, have a little imagination.” She flashed him a grin. “We could have Bible studies in the morning and at night, well . . . we could organize a swimsuit competition one night, a wet T-shirt contest another, maybe organize a dance party with a muscle-beach theme or—”

Tim raised his eyebrows. “I like your creativity, Ruth. But it’s the first meeting of the semester, and we’ve got five minutes to come up with some suggestions that might actually fly.”

The redhead moved in closer. “Don’t you ever lighten up?”

Tim cocked his head and grinned. “Not that way. Not around students.”

“So?” the girl whined. “I’m not your student.”

Ruth’s message was unmistakable, but Tim merely shook his head and returned to sorting through flyers.

Undaunted, the redhead leaned her face near his. “You think you’re too old for me, don’t you?”

At that, Tim’s head fell back and he laughed. “Just how old do you think I am?” But then he leveled his eyes at her and spoke gently. “Look, I just don’t date students. Okay?”

Kari watched, mesmerized. Though she wasn’t interested in the man, she couldn’t help but admire both his ethics and the smooth way he deflected Ruth’s advances without totally deflating her.

When Tim and Ruth were finished preparing for the meeting, Ruth handed out name tags and welcome flyers to the students who were trickling in. Tim looked like he was about to take a seat when he spotted Kari. Their eyes held for a moment; then he looked away.

Instead of sitting down, he headed in her direction, greeting several students along the way. When he finally wound up at her table, it seemed nothing more than a polite gesture that he held his hand out and introduced himself. “Hi, I’m Tim Jacobs. I’m sort of the token faculty guy for this bunch. I teach part-time over in the journalism school.” He smiled as their eyes met once more. “Anyway, welcome.”

Something about the feel of his hand in hers made Kari’s cheeks grow hot. “Thanks.” She drew her hand back and buried it beneath the table. “I wasn’t going to come, but . . .”

Tim waited, his expression curious, but without the slightest show of interest in anything more than her answer. “But . . . ?”

Kari shrugged. “I needed a change.”

An easy grin filled Tim’s face, and she felt his guard fall a bit. “We all do, now and then.” There was an awkward silence between them, and Tim glanced around the room. “Good turnout. Bigger than we expected.” His attention was back on her. “Guess we better get started.”

They didn’t talk again until the meeting was over. As Kari was leaving, Tim smiled at her. “Was it a good change?”

“Definitely.” The hour of conversation and Bible study had been just what she needed.

“Okay. See you next week.”

Kari’s path didn’t cross with Tim’s until the next meeting, but several times in the next few days she kept on wondering about him. When she passed the journalism building on the way to lunch each day, she found herself looking for him, guessing about his personal life. He had to be in his late twenties or early thirties. Probably engaged. Most men that age were tangled up in some kind of relationship.

Four weeks passed, and Kari continued to attend the Bible studies. And though Tim did nothing inappropriate, made no suggestive remarks or flirtatious gestures, Kari had the uncanny sense that he was interested in her. At the end of the fifth meeting, Tim left the building at the same time she did and saw that she had an armful of books. “Want help?”

Kari struggled to get a tighter grip on two of the heavier tomes. “You don’t mind?”

“No.” Tim took most of the stack and slipped the books easily beneath his arm. “Where are you headed?”

She pointed with her elbow. “Parking lot.”

They talked about the meeting while they made their way to her car. Then for nearly an hour they stood talking about her classes and his work and the churches they attended and what they’d done before coming to Indiana University. Tim was finishing his Ph.D. from another school, teaching some writing courses, and doing editorial work on the local paper. He’d grown up as a missionary kid but had been away from home for quite a while, working as a journalist and pursuing his education. He had moved to Bloomington from Chicago.

“That’s amazing.” He smiled at her, and Kari had the sense that this was the real Tim Jacobs, the one who probably lived behind the confident, unflappable public veneer. “We’ve both been here on campus. I can’t believe we never met before.”

Kari could. She’d spent very little time getting involved at IU. Why bother, when she still lived at home and until November had spent all her free time with Ryan Taylor? “It’s a big campus, I guess.”

“I guess.” Their conversation stalled, and Kari was about to say good-bye when he fixed his eyes on hers. “Hey, Kari, you seeing anyone special?”

Even now she remembered the way her heart had winced at the question. “Not anymore.”

Tim’s eyes sparkled, and she realized again that he was letting her see who he really was. “Well, if you’re not doing anything, maybe we could have dinner sometime.”

Kari remembered Tim’s comment to Ruth, the way he held her advances at bay. “I thought you didn’t date students.”

He chuckled. “You mean Ruth?”

Kari nodded, biting her lip to keep from smiling. “You handled the whole wet T-shirt thing very well, I must admit.”

“Ruth means well.” His grin faded. “Actually, I don’t usually date students. I’ll be working here full-time soon, and—” he shrugged—“it isn’t a good idea.”

“But . . . ?”

“But the truth is I’m still a student myself.”

She giggled. “How convenient.”

They had dinner the following Friday after Bible study, and a month later they were getting together twice weekly at the library—she doing her homework while he worked on his dissertation. The more she got to know him, the better she liked him—and admired him. He was intelligent and focused, but beneath his intensity was a fun-loving guy whose quick wit made her laugh. She was convinced Tim Jacobs was going somewhere, and she was curious to see where that place would be.

They had had dinner together more often as time passed. Sometimes they had gone to church together or had taken in an occasional movie or concert. But Kari had been determined to keep things platonic. She hadn’t been ready for a relationship. Not when she knew it would take a lifetime to get over Ryan Taylor.

Kari turned off the water, stepped out of the shower, and grabbed a towel. She remembered something her mother had told her later that spring.

“You aren’t going to wait for him, are you, honey?” They’d been washing pans side by side while Kari’s siblings filled the house with sounds of homework and conversation.

Kari’s heart skipped a beat. “Wait for who?”

Her mother cast Kari a knowing look. “You know who.”

“Ryan?” Kari’s voice grew irritated. No one around the Baxter house had mentioned Ryan in months. Kari had absolutely forbidden it. “I told you, Ryan and I are finished. Over. End of discussion. He’s moved on without me.”

Elizabeth Baxter was silent for a minute. “He won’t play pro football forever, Kari.” She bit her lower lip and seemed to look straight into Kari’s soul. “I hate to see you make a mistake.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know. With Tim, I guess.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Something about him feels, well, plastic. Like he works too hard to impress you. And I worry that he’s too old for you.”

Kari dropped the dishrag into the soapy water. “Tim and I are friends, nothing more.” When she felt sure she’d conveyed her frustration, Kari reached for the rag and resumed scrubbing. “At least we pray together.”

Her mother didn’t say another negative word about Tim after that. Throughout the semester Kari and Tim remained good friends, casual companions, and Kari told herself that was all they would ever be. But one day three months into their friendship, Tim was particularly quiet over lunch.

They had finished eating, and Kari sipped a cup of steaming cinnamon tea as she eyed Tim. “All right.” She could feel the way her eyes danced, hear the teasing in her voice. “What’d you do with Tim?”

“Hmmm?” Tim looked up from his plate as if her question had taken him by surprise.

Kari released a dramatic sigh. “Now I know you’re an impostor. My Tim would’ve laughed a little, even if I’m not that funny.”

Tim produced a fading smile. Something in his expression told Kari this wasn’t a time to joke. She blinked and softened her voice. “What is it, Tim? What’re you thinking about?”

“Truth?”

She nodded.

There was a hurt in Tim’s eyes that she couldn’t explain. Not once did he break eye contact with her. “Okay. I want to know about the special guy. Who was he?”

“The special guy?” Her heart lurched.

“That first day when we talked by your car, I asked you if there was anyone special, anyone you were seeing.” His tone was gentle, and she knew he was being vulnerable with her.

Where is this headed, Lord? Don’t let me hurt him.
Kari let Tim finish.