Redemption of a Fallen Woman (15 page)

‘I think we should go back inside.’ He smiled wryly. ‘Otherwise I may lose what little self-control I have left.’

‘That might cause a few raised eyebrows.’

‘I fear it would do a lot more than that.’

The implications brought a rosy blush to her cheeks. At the same time it caused a surge of hope that he really did want her, after all. If they’d been alone... Her blush deepened. She had no idea where so bold a thought had come from and was only glad he couldn’t read her mind just then.

Harry surveyed her appreciatively. ‘Do you know how very lovely you are when you blush like that?’

Her neck and face grew hotter. His smile did nothing for her composure at all. ‘You are enjoying this, aren’t you?’

‘You have no idea.’ The tone was both mischievous and provocative.

‘It’s no use, my lord. I shall not rise to this teasing.’

‘What a shame. I shall have to try harder.’

With that he took her back to the ballroom. If she had imagined he’d relinquish her hand, then she was mistaken. He kept a firm hold of it until the next measure struck up. Then he led her onto the floor. As they moved through the steps every look and touch achieved heightened significance and there could be no mistaking the look in his eyes. Her pulse quickened in response. At that moment desire outweighed fear and she found herself anticipating the time when they would be alone together.

Eventually the company retired from the ballroom and sat down to supper. Elena made polite conversation with those around her but in reality only one person interested her. It seemed she was not alone. Several women vied for Harry’s attention with smiling faces and inviting looks in their eyes but, although he was courteous, their blandishments seemed to make no impression on him. More than once Elena intercepted envious glances and experienced a little thrill of pride that he was her husband. She knew that most of these women had married at the behest of their families and it appeared that not all were entirely satisfied with their lot. If Harry had shown the least bit of interest she guessed it would have been followed up with alacrity. The thought sat ill with her and she realised then that she had no wish to share him.

It was late when they eventually took their leave. Their host bade them farewell with a charming smile. The previous incident might never have happened, save that he held Elena’s hand a little longer than was strictly necessary. She ignored it. He didn’t matter and after this evening the chances were they wouldn’t meet again. She wasn’t at all sorry to see the last of him.

Harry handed her into the carriage and then climbed in after her. As the vehicle pulled away he settled back in his seat, surveying her steadily. ‘Did you enjoy yourself this evening?’

‘With the exception of the five minutes I spent with the conde, very much.’

‘Good. I’m afraid you’ll have to live on it for a while. We leave tomorrow.’

‘The sooner we leave, the sooner you will meet Sanchez,’ she replied, ‘and that is why you came here in the first place.’

‘The thought of more days on the road doesn’t daunt you, then?’

‘Not unduly.’

‘You are forbearing. Most women would have objected most strenuously by now.’ He smiled faintly. ‘But then you are not most women, are you?’

She was unsure how to respond to that and he saw it.

‘I meant that as a compliment, my dear. Very much so.’

Her heart beat a little faster. This evening their relationship was almost back to the way it had been before that charged conversation about Badajoz. Nor did she want that to change.

The inn was quiet when they returned and they made their way to their chamber unnoticed, save for a watchman at the door. Elena laid down her fan and gloves and reached for the buttons at the back of her gown but, being new and stiff, they resisted her efforts.

‘Allow me.’ He stepped behind her and unfastened them. However, he made no attempt to do anything else. Instead he began to remove his own clothing.

Elena slid the gown off and laid it carefully over a chair. Then she finished undressing to her chemise and sat down to undo her hair. Freed of combs and pins the mass of dark curls tumbled over her shoulders and down her back. She reached for a brush. The glossy strands leapt beneath the strokes.

Harry removed the last of his clothes and slid into bed, watching her. ‘You have lovely hair.’

‘Thank you. It has a will of its own though.’

He grinned. ‘Like its owner.’

‘Hmm. I’m not sure how to take that.’

‘You may take it as a definite compliment.’

Something about his tone brought warm colour to her face. ‘It does not bother you then that a woman should have a will of her own?’

‘Far from it. The opposite would be unbearably insipid.’

‘I think most men would disagree, but then you are not most men.’

He laughed softly. ‘I mean to take that as a compliment.’

‘So you should.’

‘I’m flattered.’

‘No, I meant it.’

‘Then I’m honoured.’

Elena laid down the brush and crossed to the bed. He drew the coverlet down and watched her slide in beside him. This time he did not turn away. Instead he leaned closer and kissed her softly on the mouth. It brought a rush of heat into the core of her being. She turned towards him and the kiss became more persuasive. Strong warm hands rested on her waist and stroked gently, then moved across her back. The touch sent a charge along her flesh. He slid the chemise off her shoulder and kissed her naked skin, gradually moving lower until his mouth closed over the peak of her breast, lightly teasing the nipple to tautness. Elena caught her breath. The caress was erotic and it aroused sensations she had never dreamed existed. His hand moved to the place between her thighs and gently stroked. She gasped, arching against him, pressing closer until every inch of their bodies touched, feeling his arousal hard against her thigh.

Harry rolled, pressing her back against the bed, pinning her with his weight while his mouth sought hers. Elena tensed. Out of nowhere an old memory stirred and woke. Unable to move and scarcely able to breathe, her heart began to thump and she felt the first flutter of fear. As the kiss grew more ardent fear quickly became panic. She tore her mouth away from his, panting.

‘No...no...please.’

Harry drew back a little. ‘What is it, sweetheart?’

‘I can’t.’ Her hands pushed against his breast. ‘I’m sorry. I...I thought I could but I can’t.’

‘I’m not going to hurt you, Elena.’

She struggled harder. ‘Please...let me go.’

Desire ebbed and he rolled aside, frowning. ‘It’s all right, sweetheart. Don’t be afraid. Nothing’s going to happen that you don’t want.’

Her eyes filled with tears of shame. ‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered. ‘I’m so sorry.’

‘There’s nothing to be sorry for.’

The gentleness in his tone was the final straw. The tears spilled over and then became sobs. Harry was appalled but he had sense enough not to try and stem the flow, guessing that it was long overdue. In that he was right. It was as though the wall of a dam had given way and the gathered mass of emotion behind had broken loose. He knew it was a necessary part of the healing process but he was quite unprepared for how much it hurt to hear it and to know himself the catalyst.

When eventually the tears were exhausted he found a handkerchief and gave it to her. Elena took it and rather shakily dried her face and blew her nose. She felt wrung out, as though every last ounce of energy had been drained out of her. She was also mortified.

‘Harry, I...’

He put a finger to her lips and stopped the words there. ‘It’s all right. You don’t have to say anything. What you need now is some sleep.’

Elena closed her eyes, waiting for her breathing and her pounding heartbeat to quieten and wondering how she was ever going to sleep again. What must he think of her? Shame and embarrassment obliterated everything else. She’d really thought she could put the past behind her, had wanted to, only to behave like a frigid little fool at the last. She squirmed inwardly. Harry had never given her reason not to trust him so why hadn’t she? No answer presented itself, then or later.

Beside her, Harry stared into the darkness. He could still see the fear in her eyes, hear it in her voice. It cut deeply. He’d really thought that tonight they might overcome the last barrier to their married relationship. He had wanted that so badly, had thought she’d shared his hope. At first she had seemed to. He hadn’t imagined that spark of passion or the building fire inside her. She was beautiful and sensual and she’d wanted him, all right—until the shadow of Badajoz returned. It was clear that she equated his attempted possession with what had happened there. He would rather have cut off his right arm than hurt her but she didn’t trust him. His lip curled in self-mockery. Why should she trust him? Others had and they were dead. He heard a woman call his name, a desperate plea for help that never came. In his mind’s eye he saw the image of the burning house and, silhouetted against the flames, half a dozen sinister forms clubbing a man to death with rifle butts while he looked on helplessly and did nothing.

He rolled over and sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. The images continued to taunt him. Belén had offered him her love and discovered how poor a choice she had made. It seemed Elena was wiser. All hope of sleep had long since vanished so he rose quietly and dressed. Then, with a rueful backwards glance towards the figure on the bed, he left the room.

Elena heard him leave. Her throat tightened. She wanted to call him back, to beg him not to go, but what would be the point? There was no reason for him to stay.

Chapter Fifteen

H
arry walked for a while without having any particular destination in mind, letting the cool air clear his head. The night was far advanced now and the sky beginning to lighten. Soon it would be dawn and the city would start to stir. Then they would be on their way. He wasn’t sorry. Quite apart from anything else he wanted Elena well away from Villanueva, not because he didn’t trust her but because he most emphatically didn’t trust his former colleague. For all manner of reasons Seville had lost its attraction.

Since he had no immediate solutions to the difficulties besetting his marriage, he turned his mind to the forthcoming journey instead. Barring accidents, they could be in Cádiz inside a week. Then he would find Sanchez and get the proof he needed. After that everyone could move on. Perhaps when they reached England he and Elena would have a better chance of making their marriage work. Here in Spain there were too many reminders of the past.

By the time he returned to the inn he felt more focused and marginally more optimistic. Seeing that the servants were once more in evidence he ordered some breakfast and, having eaten, went to find Jack. Between them they made the necessary arrangement for supplies and provisions. As Jack went off to expedite the matter, Harry returned to the bedchamber. It was empty. He found Elena in the parlour with Concha. When he arrived the maid murmured an excuse and left them.

For the space of several heartbeats neither one spoke. Elena was dressed in breeches and boots once more. Her face was pale and there were smudges of shadow beneath her eyes but she was composed now. However, he read sadness in her dark gaze, and it tore at his heart for she had never seemed so achingly vulnerable. He wanted to take her in his arms and hold her awhile but he guessed the attention would not be welcome. Instead he broke the silence.

‘Have you breakfasted? We need to depart very soon.’

‘I’m quite ready.’

‘Good. I’ll collect my things and meet you outside in the yard, then.’

‘Certainly.’

He reached the door and paused on the threshold. ‘Has Concha taken your things down?’

‘Yes, I believe so.’

‘Is there anything you need before we leave?’

‘No, I thank you, nothing.’

‘Very well. I’ll see you downstairs.’

As he turned away Elena let out the breath she had been holding. The stilted conversation was painful but it obviated the need for anything more personal. She had no idea what she could have said to amend the situation in any case. Clearly he hadn’t wanted to revisit the subject either. His cool, controlled manner was a reproach in itself. Not that she could blame him for that. He’d asked for her trust last night and been rejected. What was he supposed to think? With a heavy heart she made her way down to where Jack and Concha waited with the horses.

The day was fine and it felt good to be on the road again. Elena could not regret leaving the city behind in spite of the comforts it offered. It held too many memories. Now at least they were focused on their original purpose and it gave them something else to think about. She wasn’t sorry for that either.

For the majority of the morning she rode with Concha, since the two men seemed to have matters of their own to discuss. The women travelled in companionable silence which afforded leisure to look around. Since leaving the city they had been following the river valley where the surrounding countryside was green and fertile with orchards and fields of crops. The region had a look of quiet prosperity about it.

From time to time Elena found her gaze shifting involuntarily from the scenery to the man in front of her. Harry sat his mount with the casual ease of a born horseman, controlling the powerful animal with the lightest touch of hand and heel. He wore his power lightly in every respect. He was also heart-stoppingly handsome. The thought that she had thrown away the chance to make him hers was all the more poignant and painful.

When they stopped at midday he made no particular attempt to seek her out and when they did speak it was about practicalities only. Elena followed his lead. It was impossible to do anything else now. She had created the gulf between them and in the circumstances it was small wonder that he made no attempt to cross it. He had been more patient than any man she had ever met, but even his patience was not infinite. If she could not give him what he wanted, then might he not seek solace elsewhere eventually? The thought appalled her.

‘Are you all right?’

Concha’s voice brought her back to the present with a jolt. ‘I’m just a little tired, that’s all. We were back quite late last night.’

Although the maid didn’t look entirely convinced she didn’t pursue it. ‘No doubt you’ll make up for it tonight.’

‘I’ll volunteer for the first watch,’ said Elena. ‘That way I can sleep straight through afterwards.’

‘Good idea.’ Concha glanced around. ‘This scenery is pleasing. It reminds me that we are drawing close to our goal now.’

‘I know what you mean.’

‘At one point I felt rather like that foolish knight in the story.’

‘Don Quixote?’

‘Yes. I used to wonder sometimes if we were tilting at windmills, but I’m sure now that we are not.’

‘Sanchez is real enough,’ said Elena. ‘All we have to do is reach Cádiz.’

They resumed their journey shortly after this. Elena had been unconsciously hoping that Harry might ride alongside for a while, but they barely exchanged a dozen words all afternoon. Several times when she looked his way he seemed not to notice even though she was sure he had. It was becoming increasingly clear that he didn’t want her company. She could well understand it, but it hurt all the same.

When next they made camp Elena took note of his preference and avoided him as far as she could. Initially it wasn’t too difficult. There were the horses to tend to and when that was done she and Jack went off to collect firewood. It was a relief to be out of the way and Jack was much easier company. Between them they gathered a pile of small logs and some twigs for kindling. Then they started slowly back for camp.

Elena eyed her companion covertly, knowing now that there were questions she wanted answers to, answers about Badajoz and about Belén. This was the opportunity to find out. However, she felt apprehensive about his possible response. Not wishing to alienate him as well, she decided to test the water.

‘May I ask you something, Jack?’

He surveyed her steadily. ‘You may ask, my lady.’

She came straight to the point. ‘You were at Badajoz with my husband, were you not?’

Jack’s eyes registered momentary surprise but he was quick to recover. ‘Aye, my lady, I were there all right. It were a bad business and no mistake.’

‘The officers tried to prevent the men from looting, I believe.’

‘That they did, and His Lordship among them, but they hadn’t a chance. They were vastly outnumbered and t’men crazy wi’ drink. They were prepared to kill anyone who got in their road.’

‘I understand that they killed one of my husband’s friends.’

Jack nodded. ‘Captain Radcliffe. He were attempting to stop a group o’ rioters from looting a shop. There were nigh on a dozen of ’em. They’d have fired on him only they’d already discharged their weapons and hadn’t bothered to reload, so they used t’rifle butts instead. Clubbed him t’ground and kept on hitting him.’

‘Merciful heavens.’

‘His Lordship saw it and shot two o’ t’beggars straight off. Then he waded in t’rest to try and help his friend, but t’rioters attacked him too. I shot a couple more of ’em and t’rest ran off swearing revenge. By t’time we got to him Captain Radcliffe were already dead. Murdering brutes’d stove his skull in.’

Elena paled. ‘What happened then?’

‘We managed to get away before t’scum came back wi’ reinforcements. It weren’t easy neither. My lord had a concussion and a couple o’ nasty gashes to his head as bled like t’devil, but he got off lightly, all things considered. All t’same, he took Captain Radcliffe’s death very hard. Blamed himself, even though there were nowt more he could have done.’

She digested this in silence and then made an intuitive leap. ‘It was the same night that Belén died, wasn’t it? That’s why he couldn’t save her.’

Jack’s nodded. ‘Aye, my lady. Happen if His Lordship hadn’t stopped to help Captain Radcliffe he might have been able to rescue her. As it turned out, by t’time he’d come to properly and we’d made a detour round t’mob, her house were ablaze. Heat were that fierce you couldn’t get within twenty yards. No one could’ve got in there. Even so I had t’devil’s own job to stop him trying. So, in t’end, he lost ’em both and it’s my belief he’s never forgiven himself for it.’

Elena swallowed hard. It was worse than she’d imagined and it explained so much.

‘I’m glad you told me. Thank you for speaking so frankly, Jack.’

He nodded. ‘May I ask why you wanted to know, my lady?’

‘My husband told me much of the story but he omitted the part about trying to help Captain Radcliffe. I just wanted to understand.’

‘His Lordship were never one to boast. Nevertheless, what he did that night were brave by any standard. He knew he were outnumbered and he knew t’men were drunk an’ dangerous, but he wouldn’t leave his friend in t’lurch.’

‘I can well believe that.’

‘To my mind there were no better officer and no one I’d rather have wi’ me in a fight.’

The camp came into view and Elena paused. ‘I’d be grateful if you didn’t mention this conversation to anyone, Jack.’

‘I won’t say owt, my lady.’ He smiled wryly. ‘Besides, if His Lordship knew I’d been praising his courage I’d never hear t’last of it.’

Elena could well believe that too. Harry would never boast of such things, or indeed speak of them at all.

They walked the last fifty yards in silence and, on reaching the campsite, dumped the firewood in a pile. Then, leaving Jack to light the fire, Elena went to fetch water for tea. The conversation had given her much to think about and her heart bled for Harry. She knew how it felt to lose those she loved and to be helpless to prevent it. After such an experience pain and guilt had a tendency to turn inward. Her answer had been to seek a quiet house in the country, his to throw himself into his work. Then fate had brought them together and offered another way. Harry had once told her that he saw no reason why they could not have a future together. Perhaps he too had glimpsed the possibility of happiness. It was her failure to trust him that destroyed that chance, a failure now bitterly regretted.

She returned with the water and set it to boil. Then she began to help Concha prepare some food. She avoided looking at Harry. It didn’t go unnoticed.

‘Is everything all right between the two of you?’ asked Concha,
sotto voce
.

Elena was about to answer in the affirmative but the words wouldn’t come. In any case it was a waste of time trying to pretend anything to Concha.

‘Not really. In fact, it’s about as bad as it could be. Not his fault either.’

‘Do you want to tell me?’

‘I’m not sure I can at present.’

Concha made no attempt to probe but merely continued to slice bread. ‘You mean to apologise, then, for whatever it was that caused offence, no?’

‘An apology will not suffice.’

‘Oh. That bad.’

‘Yes, that bad.’

‘Well, even if apologising does not suffice, it’s a start.’

‘I’m not sure he’d even listen.’

‘Is your relationship worth the effort of trying?’

There was only one answer to that and Elena knew it. Being at odds with Harry just made her feel wretched. All the same, she had no idea how to mend fences with him. Even knowing what he did of her past he had wanted to make her his wife anyway. He must be feeling very disillusioned to say the least.

Later, after they had eaten and begun to think about retiring for the night, she got up and checked the priming of her pistol.

‘I’ll take this watch.’

Harry frowned. ‘You should get some rest, Elena. You had a late night last night.’

‘So did you,’ she replied.

‘I don’t want you falling asleep at your post.’

‘I won’t fall asleep.’

Seeing she wasn’t going to be dissuaded he gave in. ‘All right. I’ll take over in a couple of hours.’

She nodded. ‘As you wish.’

With that she strolled away, taking up her position beneath a tree some fifty yards off. She was quite unaware of the gaze that followed her.

The two hours of her watch passed slowly and she found herself stifling yawns. The day’s ride and the lack of sleep were beginning to tell now and she was looking forward to her bed even if it was on hard ground. The night air was cool and she shivered a little. Fortunately there were no other signs of life, save for the insects in the grass and the occasional call of an owl. When her limbs grew stiff she got up and walked around a little. It helped but not much. After that she didn’t dare sit down again in case she dozed. With the mood Harry was in she didn’t want to lay herself open to further criticism. She sighed and leaned back against the tree.

A little later she heard a familiar voice. ‘Anything to report?’

Her heart missed a beat. Then she was annoyed with herself. Even now she still was caught out by Harry’s ability to move softly. ‘No, it’s all quiet.’

‘You must be worn out by now. Go and turn in.’

‘In truth I don’t mind if I do.’ She made to leave, then hesitated. ‘Harry, about what happened before...’

‘Forget it.’

‘I can’t forget it. Nor I think can you.’

His tone became more guarded. ‘What is it you wish to say, Elena?’

‘That it wasn’t your fault.’

‘Is that supposed to make me feel better?’

‘I wish it may but somehow I doubt it.’

‘You’d be right.’

She licked dry lips. ‘I can only say that I’m sorry.’

‘So am I.’

Her heart sank. The damage had gone deeper than she’d thought and he wasn’t ready to talk about it. Better to go now before she annoyed him any further.

‘I’ll turn in, then.’

‘Do that.’

‘Goodnight, Harry.’ She hurried away, keen to be gone now.