Redesigned (16 page)

I pull my hand out from under hers. “Scarlett!”

“What?” she asks in mock innocence. “You started this story telling me you’d had the best sex of your life.”

“I did no such thing.”

She lifts an eyebrow. “Okay, I’m paraphrasing, but you
know
that’s what you were saying. So when did it go wrong?”

I close my eyes in embarrassment. “When we were … done … we honestly could have gone again, but someone tried to come in. So Reed blocked the door while I pulled my dress up and then he kissed me when the guy walked in, trying to make it look like we were back there making out.”

“And….”

“Then the guy kicked us out, and Reed pushed me up against the wall and kissed me until the guy left. But when Reed pulled back, he told me what we’d done was a mistake.” I bit my trembling bottom lip. “I asked him how he could say that. He looked at me with disgust and said because we were there with other people. I could handle what he said. It was how he said it.” I shake my head.

“Like what we’d done was filthy.” I release a bitter laugh. “I suppose it was.”

“Caroline,” Scarlett’s voice is harsh. “You stop that right now. What you did was not filthy. You were both consenting adults. You both have feelings for each other.”

“Do we?” I ask. “We’ve barely had a civil conversation in the entire few weeks I’ve known him. No wonder he was disgusted with me. He thinks I’m a slut.”

Her eyes narrow. “I told you—”

“No, Scarlett.” My voice is hard. “Girls who fuck guys in a storage room who aren’t their boyfriends are sluts.”

Her face reddens. She’s furious with me. Finally, she says, “We’ll agree to disagree on that.”

“So I congratulated him on achieving what no other man had ever done and went into the bathroom. When I came out, he was gone, so I told Brandon I had a headache, but I had a ride home, and that he deserved someone better than me. Then I called you.”

“And Tucker picked you up.”

“Reed came out of the club as I got in the car, calling my name. Tucker knew I was upset and put things together. He wanted to beat the shit out of Reed, but I stopped him. He must have stayed after he took me home to make sure Reed didn’t come by and bother me.”

Scarlett’s lips lift into a sweet smile.

“Tucker’s a great guy and you’re lucky to have him.” I take a drink of my margarita. “I wasn’t going to tell you any of this, but I couldn’t let you think that Tucker isn’t happy with you. He’s crazy about you.”

“I can’t believe you weren’t going to tell me. You can’t keep something like this to yourself.”

“I’m humiliated, Scarlett. You and Reed are the only two people who know. I’m not sure what Tucker thinks, but I didn’t tell him anything.”

“It’s going to be okay, Caroline. I promise.”

“I have to face Reed on Monday at our meeting. I have no idea what I’m going to do.”

She grabs my chin. “You’re going to hold your head high, and if he treats you with the tiniest amount of disrespect, Tucker will beat the shit out of him.”

I laugh, grateful for the millionth time that Scarlett is my friend. “Why, Scarlett, Goodwin.

You’re usually not pro-violence.”

“I am where you are concerned.” She stabs her enchilada. “We need to eat.”

“There’s something else.”

She looks up in surprise.

“Non-Reed related.” Scarlett’s bound to be upset that I kept this next subject from her. “It’s about my mother.”

Scarlett puts her fork down. “You talked to your mother?” She knows we haven’t talked since the day I left.

I nod and take a deep breath. “She called me.”

She takes a moment before she asks, “What did she want?”

“She called to tell me she’s dying.”

“Caroline, I’m sorry. What is it?”

I shrug, still amazed at my indifference. What does that say about me? But I can’t confess this to Scarlett. “She said it’s lung cancer, and she doesn’t have long.”

“What did you say?”

“Nothing. I wasn’t sure what to say.”

She nods. She of all people knows my relationship with my parents. “Are you going to go see her?”

My eyes widen. “Why would I do that? They made their choice. They told me if I drove off to college, thinking I was better than my upbringing, not to come back. I’ve done what they told me to do, Scarlett.”

“She reached out to you, Caroline.”

I shake my head, refusing to cry.

“You think you’re over this, but you’re not. This is your chance for some closure.”

I release an ugly laugh. “Funny, I don’t see you running off to get closure with your mother.”

What I’ve said is the ugliest thing I’ve ever said to her, but she doesn’t bat an eye. “Maybe this is a wakeup call for both of us. Maybe we both need more resolution to our pasts. But you’re about to run out of time. Don’t do something you’ll regret.”

I almost say
Like have sex with Reed in a storeroom
? But the ugly truth is I don’t regret that part. I regret what happened afterward.

“Just think about it, okay?”

But I can’t think about it. My life is too messed up as it is. My mother is the proverbial last straw. She made her choice. Now she has to live with it. Or die with it.

Reed’s not at the committee meeting when I get there on Monday. I’ve worried myself sick all day.

My heart races each time the door opens until everyone but Reed is seated.

“Reed won’t be able to attend today.” Lexi announces. “We’re in really good shape, though, and Reed has sent notes of what he thinks we need to address.”

We get through the list within thirty minutes and Lexi adjourns the meeting. “Caroline.” She looks into my face. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

I want to tell her no. I’ve spent the last half hour wondering where Reed is and why he’s not here. Is it because of Tucker? But I ask myself why I care. Isn’t it better this way?

Everyone else vacates the room while I stand and gather my items.

“Evelyn called and said she has a list of thirty-three children whose parents have agreed to let them take part in the fashion show.”

“That’s great,” I say, trying to find some enthusiasm. I’m not sure why she couldn’t announce this during the meeting.

“She said if you want to tell the other students to coordinate a time to come and take measurements, that would be great. But she told me that you had emailed and said you were using children for all of your designs, so she said you could come tomorrow afternoon if you like.”

I nod. “Thanks. That’ll work with my schedule.” I start for the door.

“Caroline, wait.”

I pause, my back to her.

She hesitates. “About Friday night.”

I squeeze my eyes shut. Oh, God. Did Reed tell her something happened between us? “Lexi, I don’t really want—”

“I wasn’t trying to steal your date.”

I breathe a sigh of relief. I turn around with a tired smile. “Lexi, please don’t worry about it.

Brandon is an awesome guy, but there was something missing. I just didn’t feel it with him.”

“Because you feel something for Reed.”

I feel lightheaded and press my back to the door. “Why do you say that?”

“I can see there’s something between you two.”

I’m not sure how to answer her. She’s right, but I refuse to admit it and I refuse to deny it. I decide to risk my pride and ask the question I’m dying for an answer to. “Where’s Reed today?”

She glances down then back up at me with a half-smile. “He’s sick.”

That’s a lie, and we both know it.

What did I expect? I reach for the doorknob. “I was serious when I said I don’t feel anything for Brandon. I hope he asks you out.” I swallow. “Is there anything else? Because I’m seriously behind on my project.”

She blinks. “Sure … no….”

I leave the room and hurry across campus to the design lab. I spent most of Saturday night and Sunday sketching and I have seven semi-completed designs. I groan, realizing I should have asked how many boys had volunteered. I can work on figuring the seven girls’ designs and then determine the rest when I know who my models are.

I try again to push Reed from my mind, but it’s impossible. My imagination runs wild with reasons why he didn’t show up today and none of the conclusions are good. Part of my problem is that I’m not sure how I want this situation resolved. Do I want to date him? Doesn’t that question alone make what we did even more despicable? But whenever I think about Friday night there’s a tiny bit of guilt and the rest is molten desire.

The answer is that I do want to sleep with him. That alone isn’t a basis for a relationship.

For now, I need to focus on the fashion show and providing outfits for ten children who need a bright spot in their life. Nothing else matters.

***

I make a run for it, holding the canvas bag that holds my notebook and measuring tape over my head. It does little good at keeping me dry.

My clothes are soaked by the time I get in my car. My long gauzy skirt twists between my legs and my white blouse is plastered to my skin, revealing every detail of my lacy white bra. I toss the bag into the passenger seat and turn the ignition. Nothing. I try again and realize I left my headlights on when I drove in this morning.

Closing my eyes, I lean my forehead against the steering wheel and groan.

My life sucks
.

There’s no way my car is going anywhere until I get a jump, and I can’t jump it until the rain lets up. I really need to measure the kids
today
. With the crazy tight schedule to get things done in time, I should have measured the kids last week and already had one design completed. I haven’t even begun to make patterns. Using children for all my designs is great in theory. But since I have no idea how old the children are, let alone their clothing size, I’m behind. At least there are standard model sizes for women and you only have to make adjustments for the fitting.

I pull my phone out of my purse and call Lexi. “Hey, Lexi. This is Caroline. Can you call Evelyn and tell her I can’t come today? My car is in the student parking lot and the battery is dead. Maybe I can make it tomorrow.” My words are heavy with disappointment.

“Wait.” She pauses. “The problem is your car, right?”

“Yeah….”

“I’m done with classes for the day. I’ll just pick you up and take you. Then you can get their measurements today.”

“I hate to bother you.”

“Oh, it’s not a bother at all. Besides, Evelyn said the girls were excited. You don’t want to disappoint them.”

I don’t and I need to get started. I push my guilt ovr=er inconveniencing her away. “Okay.”

“Great! I’ll call Evelyn and tell her that you’re running late because of the rain. I should be there in about fifteen to twenty minutes. What do you drive?”

“A blue Ford Focus.” I’m embarrassed to tell her. It’s a clunker. I give her directions.

“Okay, just sit tight in your car, and I’ll pull up right behind you. When I stop, hop out and run into my car. It’s the black Altima that we drove to the charity.”

“Sounds great.”

I spend the next fifteen minutes with my sketchbook. I have a couple of ideas for boys if any volunteered, but I also have an outfit in mind for Desiree. While the design theme is
Everyday Living
, I’m stepping out of the guidelines for her. Desiree wants to look like a princess and I’m going to make sure that happens.

A car pulls up behind mine and idles. I can’t easily see through the rain, but it looks like Lexi’s sedan. I grab my bag and run for the door, climbing in. “Thanks, Lexi. I don’t—” I turn toward her and realize it’s Reed.

Gasping in horror, I reach for the door handle. My worst nightmare has come true. I’m stuck in an enclosed space with Reed Pendergraft. My pulse races and my hormones spring to life, my body hyperaware of his and what he can do to me. What I
want
him to do to me.

“Caroline, wait.” His hand grabs my arm and holds me in place.

The skin where he touches reacts, my hair standing on end, and all I want to do is throw myself into his arms. I force out my words. “I was waiting for Lexi.”

“She came by to get the car keys, but I told her I’d take you.” His words are clearly enunciated and seem carefully chosen.

I take a deep breath in a desperate attempt to calm my jolted nerves. “Don’t you have a math lab now?” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I realize he’ll know I’ve memorized his schedule. Just like a stalkerish jilted lover.
Great
.

But he doesn’t seem to notice. “I got someone to cover it, so I have the afternoon free.”

Scarlett works in the math lab, so I know how it works. There’s no way he could have found someone that quickly. “You didn’t have to do that.” Defensiveness rises to the surface. “I can go take the measurements tomorrow.”

“I wanted to come, Caroline.” His voice is soft and pleading.

I turn to him in surprise. “Why?”

“We need to talk about what happened—”

I bolt for the door handle. “No! No we don’t—”

His fingers tighten their hold. “Caroline, we do. We can’t leave things the way we did Friday night.”

I close my eyes and press my head against the seat. “I can’t do this now, Reed. I can’t risk getting upset before I go and measure these kids.”

“It’s okay. We can talk afterward.”

I nod. I might agree, but I hope I can find some way to permanently delay our discussion.