Regeneration X (31 page)

Unaware, I was still planning to meet them all one afternoon, but I when arrived Mel was sitting at our communal booth, alone. I approached the bar and ordered a drink; I was stalling while waiting for the others to arrive. Unfortunately, my drink arrived before the rest of our party.

“Where is everyone?” I slid into a seat on the opposite side of the table. What am I supposed to say to her?

“I asked ‘em to bugger off this time.” She casually gazed into the depths of her lager.

“If you said it like that I wouldn’t be surprised if the time you met them here before wasn’t the last,” I tipped my head down toward my glass, taking a sip of the mead while eyeing her over the small glass.

“Well, I dinnae say it that way. I asked politely.” Mel looked up with an innocent expression.

Somehow, she had managed to convince everyone else in the collective not to show up at our regular time. I have no idea how she got Robert and Sima to comply.

“Okay, so are we going to get around to
why
you asked them not to come?” If she became catty, I was resolved I wouldn’t be provoked, nor was I going to be run over by her blinkered truck.

“So you and Parker are dating again. I knew it. That’s just wrong.”

“Mel, what’s wrong exactly? You dating him after he dated me—especially since you and I were supposed to be friends—or me dating him again? I don’t understand. If it doesn’t bother me that he dated you, why should it
still
bother you? It’s not as if you broke up yesterday, a week or even a month ago. It was over the summer.”

Completely disregarding my reply, she continued, perhaps just needing to be heard. Considering the few other commiseration sessions we’d had, it wasn’t beyond her.

“I knew he was still stuck on yeh when we were dating. I thought we’d hae a little break and get back together, but now it doesn’t look as if that’s going to happen.”

What was she doing? Asking me to what … release Parker from bondage so he could return to his beloved?

“Did you really? Think that? I wanted say this before, but Mel, I don’t think that would have happened. You were pretty scary.”

“What dae yeh mean? I’m not scary.”

“Super possessive. Next time around, I suggest you tone it down and get used to the idea your boyfriend is with you because he has a choice and he chooses to be.” I hoped a little philosophy lesson would penetrate her thick scull.

“I had every right to be. He was thinking of ye when he was with me and that’s no way to treat someone. Is that what he said?” She asked suddenly looking rather sullen.

I didn’t know if this was feigned or not, but I continued with the education of Mel. “First off, it seems to me you acted that way from day one. You started your relationship feeling insecure. Parker showed nothing in his manner or said anything to validate your insecurity. At least I never saw it when I was around. In fact, I remember thinking I was glad he’d forgiven me and gotten over the whole thing. And I’m not sure it was any better outside of school.

“Second, if you thought he wasn’t over me, you should have waited. This applies to any future relationships you have. You shouldn’t get involved with anyone until the previous ghost is gone and well buried.

“Lastly, no you do not have a right, no one owns anyone.”

Mel was exceptionally quiet. For a moment, I thought I had actually gotten through to her.

“So, are ye getting a divorce now?”

The again, perhaps it was me who needed to be schooled on the ways of immaturity. “Again, this is not your concern. I apologize if I haven’t helped you, but I have done what I can. I’m going now.” I casually gathered my things and walked away.

I was practically at the exit when my phone vibrated with a text message. It read, “Alright then, let’s share.”

Is she for real? What kind of person asks to share a flesh and blood being and without that person’s permission no less? I couldn’t help it; I turned around and looked down the length of the pub to find her waving and beckoning me to return. Slowly I turned back around, shook my head in disbelief and sauntered out the door. All that came to mind was a series of expletives.

Chapter Twenty-eight

And whether we shall meet again I know not.

Therefore our everlasting farewell take:

For ever, and for ever, farewell.

—William Shakespeare,
Julius Caesar (5.1)

・
・
・

“HELLO THERE,” I SAID HAPPILY TO MICHAEL on the receiving end of the phone.

“Hi, sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with my phone. The video isn’t working.” He sounded funny, almost as if he was speaking inside a tunnel.

“Hmmm, let me call you back. Seems like we have a bad connection. Give me a sec.

“Hi Again,” I said once I’d heard his pickup greeting. “Still sounds a little hollowish, but better. Where are you anyway?”

“I’m in my office, my
new
office. Mark’s last day was yesterday, so I’ve been moving all my stuff in here.”

“That’s strange. Why didn’t he wait until the end of the quarter or retire before the quarter started?”

“I don’t know. I think at the beginning of the term he was probably finding it a little hard to let go and then got impatient as the term went on.” He stopped abruptly and didn’t say anything further, perhaps waiting for me to bring up the reason for my unscheduled call.

“I know it’s not the normal time I call, but being Saturday I thought it would be okay. Is this a bad time? Moving is stressful so I understand if it is.”

“No, it’s fine really. I wanted to talk to you anyway, but you go first.”

“Is it just me, or are we acting weird? Let’s see if we can’t channel an easy and open Charley and Michael moment.”

“Okay … I am receiving that spirit as we speak. Is there something you would like to ask Michael or relay to him?” Michael intoned in an eerie séance-y tone.

“O.M.G., that’s hilarious.”

“Wait, you broke my concentration. Did you just say ‘Oh em gee,’ as in
Oh My God
takes too much effort so you have to say it as an acronym? What are you, 16?”

I couldn’t control my laughter. Holding onto my sides I fumblingly switched on speakerphone for a minute. “I’m go ing to hav ta call you back. I haf ta pee.”

Minutes later, I called back. “Okay, let’s try this again. I’ve recovered.”

“Onward. Did you want to tell me something? Or just calling to talk?”

“No, I’ve a reason. Unless you are planning to visit again, I wanted to ask you something I’ve been meaning to bring up for some time. I don’t really know if you’ll mind or not but …”

“Why do you hesitate? Go ‘head.”

“When we got married, I should not have taken your surname. Hmm, that shouldn’t have been the first thing I said. Anyway, I’m not saying anything about getting married or anything, just after the fact I felt I lost a part of my identity when I took your name. So I’ve been thinking of changing it back to Avery. Any objections?”

“Does this have anything to do with anyone else? A romantic interest perhaps?”

“No. I’ve always felt this way. There didn’t seem much point in upsetting you in the past, assuming it would be upsetting, that is. And now, regardless of what the distant future holds, I think I will always keep the name I was born with.” I implied there might have been a romantic interest but, one, the relationship was nowhere near matrimonial considerations and, two, my reasons were more self-driven.

“If this is what you want, it doesn’t bother me. But honestly, I do wonder when we are going to come around to addressing the matter of our marital status. I assume you are dating?”

I was hesitant to offer a solution. I couldn’t just say, “
Yeah we should get divorced now because you see, I’m dating a 20 year old and we’d like to start having babies.
” Even though we’d (Michael and I) been separated now for over ten months, I was still confused. How could we just terminate by contract the previous seventeen years (especially if he decided to move here after all)? I would undoubtedly support him and there wouldn’t even be a question of whether we would be together in this case.

“Please don’t hold back on my account. Trying new things, meeting new people, making connections is exactly what we agreed to do.”

“Then yes, I’ve been reserving this fact. I’ve been dating. But truly, my changing my name back has nothing to do with it.”

“Charley, like I said the first time you called. I have something to tell you as well, and I think I have a little more reason to be wary than you.” Michael paused and there was an uncomfortable, mysterious silence.

Did we get disconnected? “You there? I’m listening,” I hesitantly replied into the empty space after his last words, steeling myself for I want a divorce coming from him instead.

“I’m here, was just thinking of how to say this. Hmm. Okay here goes. Charley … Rebecca … Becks and I have been dating.

“But, we are both fully prepared to stop seeing one another if you and I decide to reconcile our marriage.”

It was my turn for silence. What was I supposed to say to this? “Uh, you definitely caught me off guard. Does Inez know?” I asked, my voice sounding and I feeling suddenly removed from the situation.

“No, Rebecca didn’t want us to come between you and Inez.”

“Reconcile? I didn’t realize we were
unreconciled
. I thought we just weren’t together by agreement.”

“Right, I meant restore or de-separate. Whatever. You know what I mean. Let’s not get stuck on definitions. We both know defining what we are is too confusing.”

“Okay. So when you say a few months, how long is that, exactly? Since she came back to Seattle or when?” I was starting to feel a touch angrier than perhaps I had right to be. No! I have every right.

“We went on one date, prior to my visit in June and started seeing one another more after.” His tone was as controlled as ever and he was purposely ignoring the slight edge in my own.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say, feel. It doesn’t feel good that’s for sure.

“Have you had sex?”

“Charley, we’re all adults here. You are dating; did you think I wouldn’t be? Isn’t it better, even slightly, that it’s someone you know and trust? You know Rebecca is a wonderful person,” Michael asked and said kindly, almost paternally. He could have said something more along the lines of, “
Did you think I was just going to wait around for you to make up your mind?
” but he didn’t.

“Please answer the question. And thanks for the ‘we’re all adults.’ You do not need be condescending just because you’re uncomfortable. What you’re saying makes absolutely no sense to me because I just want to know if we decide to reconcile, how I’m supposed to get past the part where you had sex with my best friend!

“As for Becks being a wonderful person in general, yes, I know. Another thing you don’t need to remind me of.”

Michael was quiet, not confirming or denying my question. Perhaps I needed to calm down. “Okay, Mr.
I’m an adult
. I need some space and time to think about this rationally. I’ll call you back sometime.

“Do you mind if I talk about it with Inez or does Becks want to tell her?” I said trying hard to be rational, but still felt petulant.

“Go ahead, Rebecca mentioned you might. And she’s going to be calling you herself soon. I’ll tell her to wait a few days if you want.”

“Tell her I will call her when I’m ready. She should not call me. And I’ll talk to you maybe next week.” I was deflated when I hung up.

December 21, 2026

It is two weeks short of a year since I came here. This means we’ve been separated for that long. Michael said, “If we want to try to reconcile our marriage.” I wonder if he wants to try or if he was just saying that. What about what he said during his visit: we would wait until I was at least out of school. But, he also said unless one of us decides before that.

I knew there was something up when he said, “Don’t be afraid.” He and Becks had been on a date already. Not that he would set much in store by one date, but he’s known Becks for years. I wonder if they had mutual feelings before. This is depressing, and emotionally it feels as though he’s been cheating on me.

And do I want to try to restore our marriage? Do I want to move back to Seattle? I have half the mind to call his bluff. Of course, he was just saying that. What a conniving thing to say. No. Michael has never been conniving. But, this all seems pretty set up. I feel like such a fool. Damn straight he should have been more wary.

The fact is, I can’t control what’s already happened or how this all came about. Why doesn’t he ever tell me plainly, what he wants?

Maddeningly, again, he is forcing me to make the decision on my own for myself. I guess this is what I asked for two years ago when I went ahead with CR. So it comes down to this: Do I want to go back and try again? If not, then do I want him to put his life on hold until I’m done with school, while I go on with my life the way I please?

I already know I don’t want to move back. I don’t want the same ‘ole again. This is history repeating itself. He didn’t make a fool out of me; I’ve been fooling myself.

I’m going to have to let him go.

The problem is, I don’t feel any freer than when we agreed to stay separated the first time, after his visit. Nothing has changed. Since somewhere in the back of my mind I knew he was carrying on with his life just as I was mine. There’s the reality. The only difference is he’s dating someone I know.

True, the news was shocking, but in hindsight I really I couldn’t have hoped for better for either of them. Becks and Michael are so very different—perhaps this is just what they both need. I can’t see them getting too comfortable in patterns as we did.

Maybe what I’m really upset by is selfishly, I knew before that, we were both still alone in this world and we had each other—misery loves company. Now the oneness is much more singular.

While I wasn’t happy with the situation, with the help of my journal I had faced some facts. I called Michael and we talked for a long time. I needed to get everything out and also set aside some suppositions.