Rekindled (Titanium Security Series) (12 page)

He flicked a glance at her. “No.”

“Is he still using the Taliban and other insurgents?”

“If it suits his purposes he will. But he’s not motivated by religion.”

“Then what?”

“Power.”

“What kind of power? You mean—”

“Grace, stop. I can’t.”

At his closed reaction she wanted to smack herself. He’d already told her he couldn’t discuss an ongoing investigation. But driving alone together with this brittle tension between them was taking its toll on her and she needed something to talk about.

“That color reminds me of the dress you wore that night in Mombasa.”

She blinked at the jarring change in subject. Looking down at the cobalt blue top, understanding dawned. He’d taken her out for a quiet, romantic dinner at a fancy resort overlooking the ocean the night they’d had sex. She’d worn a chiffon cobalt dress with a pretty ruffled hem that came to just below her knees. It had made her feel feminine and sexy, the first time she’d felt that way in a long time, but it was the look on Alex’s face when he’d seen her that had done her in.

His eyes had heated to molten silver as they raked over her from her head to the tips of her polished toenails revealed by her high-heeled sandals. After weeks of phone calls, texts, secret rendezvous and the hottest make-out session of her life, they’d finally slept together. Well, okay, not slept. The moment his hotel room door had shut behind them, they’d been all over each other. They’d only made it as far as the sitting room before he’d stripped the dress off and had her on her back on the leather sofa in just her underwear and heels. He’d made her come twice there before carrying her into the bedroom and finally taking her, fulfilling untapped desires she hadn’t even been aware of, throughout the night until the first rays of dawn streaked across the bed.

She looked away, throat aching at the memory.

Another few minutes of silence passed before he spoke again. “When did you finally divorce him?”

She snapped her head around to stare at him. “What? Why?”

He shrugged, a tight motion of his shoulders. “When I first found out you were in Islamabad I saw you’d taken your maiden name back. I just wondered how long it’s been.”

She turned her head and went back to staring out her window. “Almost two years.”

He grunted. “I’m glad you finally did it.”

The buried anger in his tone made her look at him again. “Why?” What the hell was it to him after all this time?

Alex’s jaw flexed. “Because he didn’t deserve you.”

She understood why he thought that. When she’d met Alex, she and Robert were already separated. Alex had seen them interacting at their worst point, when Robert viewed her as a convenient diplomatic partner, someone he could send to various social functions when he was unable to attend. With disastrous results for her. “He wasn’t a bad husband. He just…quit trying and fell out of love with me somewhere along the way. I agreed to stay after the separation until the end of his posting to help him save face and avoid gossip that might hurt his career. But then I met you and didn’t care about any of that.” So very unlike her.

Alex snorted. “He treated you like an employee, not a wife, and he not only completely ignored your needs, he fucking used you to get what he wanted.”

The impassioned outburst surprised her as much as it pissed her off. “But you didn’t?” she shot back.

His hand tightened on the wheel as he cut her a censuring look. “No, never. And I know damn well you remember how it really was between us.”

Yes, she did, and that was the hell of it. She folded her arms, glanced away. “You broke my heart way worse than Robert ever did,” she said quietly. He’d gutted her, every bit as much as those bullets and the surgery had.

At her admission his head snapped toward her and the tension in the vehicle became almost suffocating. “God, Grace…” He shook his head, nostrils flaring. “I’m
sorry
. I wouldn’t hurt you for anything. You believe that much, right?” He glanced at her again and the anguish in his eyes hit her full force.

She swallowed past the sudden restriction in her throat. She couldn’t lie to him about that. “Yes.”

He focused back on the road and expelled a weary sigh that twisted her up inside. She
did
believe him. Punishing him for things he couldn’t change was not only immature of her, it was cruel. But dammit, learning to live without him had damn near killed her. And there was still that one burning question pinging around in her brain.

“Have you really not been with anyone since me?”

He shook his head, not seeming surprised by the question. “No one.”

“Why?” She needed to know.

“I guess I kept comparing every woman I went out with to you, and they couldn’t measure up. I dunno, I just…couldn’t go there. I buried myself in my work instead.”

It was a lot to take in, but she actually believed him. And there was no reason for him to lie about it.

“What about you?” he countered.

“I’ve dated,” she answered evasively, feeling the blood rush into her cheeks. Yes, she’d gone out with a handful of men and yes, she’d slept with some of them. Every time she’d regretted it afterward because with all of them she’d secretly fantasized about Alex. After a few experiences like that where she’d felt ill afterward, she’d given up dating and focused exclusively on her career.

If Alex was disappointed by her answer, he didn’t show it. “Did you ever think about me?”

He damn well knew she had. “Of course I thought about you,” she huffed. She’d had no choice—he’d ruined her for any other man.

“Well, I’m glad you’ve got at least a few good memories of me.”

She had plenty, but they were like a form of torture. No matter how hard she tried to forget him, move on emotionally, she just couldn’t. And each minute she spent in his company her resolve to shut him out slipped a little more. She was terrified of letting him in and then having to deal with the aftermath if he left her again.

The rest of the drive passed in silence. Once they were back in his room he muttered something about having things to take care of and that she should call or text him if she needed anything. Additional security had been hired to make extra patrols on the floor.

Left all alone with nothing to do, she pulled out her e-reader and curled up in the chair by the window. She read an entire book and a third of another. The light outside was fading fast and when her head drooped for the third time she put the reader aside and looked at the clock on the bedside table. It was already after ten and she was exhausted.

She changed into yoga pants and a snug top. Normally she slept naked but that so wasn’t happening tonight. She washed her face and brushed her teeth then debated sleeping in the armchair. Since the thought of waking up every few minutes with a crick in her neck held no appeal, she opted for the bed. Alex could take the floor. The maid service had been in to tidy the room but they hadn’t changed the sheets because the moment she laid her head on the pillow she could smell Alex’s scent on the pillowcase.

She closed her eyes as bittersweet memories rose up to haunt her. The way he’d smiled down at her in the moonlight on the terrace the first time he’d kissed her. That soul deep connection she’d found with him. The intensity of their lovemaking and the way he’d lavished her with pleasure for hours on end that one night. Finally, after tossing and turning for a while, sleep overtook her.

She woke sometime later in near darkness when the bed shifted. She sucked in a breath and pushed up on an elbow, but paused when she heard his voice.

“It’s okay, it’s just me.”

At the whispered words she relaxed, though her heart was now pounding for a different reason. She wasn’t ready for Alex to sleep beside her.

He made an annoyed sound. “It’s a big bed, and I’m too damn old to sleep on the floor.” With that he slid in beside her and rolled so his back was to her.

Grace stared at him over her shoulder, barely able to make out his silhouette in the faint light of the bedside digital clock. The strange sinking feeling of disappointment caught her off guard. She mentally rolled her eyes at herself.
Make up your damn mind, Grace.

“Stop thinking so hard and go to sleep,” he muttered, then yawned.

Acutely aware of him lying just inches away from her and his body heat licking against her spine, she put her head back down and forced her eyes shut. Even as sleep finally overtook her again she was aware of being safe because Alex was beside her.

****

Strong hands gripped her hips. She lifted up in a tight arch beneath her lover’s powerful body, moving as much as her limited range of motion would allow. He held her hands above her head, those silver eyes seeming to stare right into her soul as he pumped in and out of her body. She was desperate to come, so primed for him she could easily have reached release with one more caress against the throbbing bud at the top of her sex but he wouldn’t let her topple over that edge.

Her muscles strained as he rode her, slow and steady, his iron control reducing hers to ashes. She writhed in his grip, straining for the release that hovered just out of reach. He made her feel things she hadn’t even known her body was capable of, and he got off on making her whimper and beg as much as she did giving him that power over her.

“Relax, angel.” The hot whisper against her ear only frustrated her more. She wanted her hands free to grip his wide shoulders, run her fingers over his muscled back. He felt huge inside her, thick and hot, stroking over a spot so sensitive the pleasure bordered on pain. “Give yourself to me.”

She moaned and shuddered as he held her there, the pleasure spiraling up, up, impossibly high…

Sudden darkness swallowed everything. She fought the restraining grip on her hands as the blackness engulfed her, tore her free of that strong embrace. Bright lights blinded her, reflecting off the polished marble floor. The ballroom.

She knew what was coming, what would happen. Terror flooded her. She scrambled to her feet, tried to run in her spike heeled shoes, but it was too late. The masked men were already there at the doorway, taking aim at the guests with their deadly black guns. Gunshots ripped apart the silence, replaced by screams. The sickening metal-tinged scent of blood filled her nostrils. Panic drove her to her hands and knees. If she could just make it to the marble pillar, maybe she could hide behind it, maybe—

The bullets slammed into her belly, ripping the scream of agony from her throat.

Grace jerked upright in the darkness, her heart slamming in her ears and a film of sweat covering her body.

“Hey. You okay?”

She closed her eyes at the sound of Alex’s sleepy voice. No, she was definitely
not
okay. “Mm-hmm.”

Pushing from the bed, she stumbled into the bathroom and shut the door behind her before flipping on the lights. She flinched as it hit her eyes but walked straight to the glassed-in shower and turned the water on hot. Once the water steamed she stripped and stepped beneath the spray, allowing the warmth to cascade over her. Breathing slowly, she forced the fear away and let the tension bleed out of her stiff shoulder muscles.

Worried that Alex might try to come in, she quickly soaped up to rinse away the sweat. Not wanting to linger, she shut off the water, toweled off then put on the robe hanging on the back of the door. She turned off the light and headed back toward the bed, catching a glimpse of Alex sitting up in it, his bare, sculpted chest illuminated in the split second before the room was plunged back into darkness. Her footsteps faltered. Was he naked?

“Nightmare?” he asked quietly.

She nodded, then realized he couldn’t see her. “Yeah. Kind of a flashback.”

He made a sound of understanding and let the silence stretch between them. “You going to come back to bed, or stand there all night?”

She didn’t know what she wanted. It’d been a long time since she’d dreamed about the attack. Maybe the threat with Hassani had caused it. Maybe it was because she was sharing a bed with Alex. She swallowed, opened her mouth to say something when he beat her to it.

“Come back to bed, Grace. It’ll be okay.”

Her throat tightened at the tenderness in his voice. “I don’t—”

His sigh was loud in the quiet room. “Come lie down and get warm. I can tell you’re cold.”

It would be stupid to stand there shivering and it was clear he had no intention of leaving the bed. She walked around to the far side and slid in, careful to keep the robe tied securely around her as she laid on her side with her back to him. The mattress shifted as Alex rolled to face her back. He ran a gentle hand over her hair.

“Want to talk about it?”

“No.” The memories were still too fresh, too raw.
Hold me. Make love to me the way you did before
.

A long beat of silence passed. She realized she was holding her breath, half expecting him to grab her shoulder and turn her to face him. She jolted a little when instead he moved in behind her, his thighs against the undersides of hers, his chest pressed against her back. He slipped one strong arm around her waist and tugged her into him so that she was surrounded by his heat and strength.

She lay rigid, afraid to move, terrified of the needs rising inside her. More than anything in that moment she wanted to erase the emotional distance from him and just feel, experience one last time what lovemaking was like with him. Her muscles knotted with the need to turn over and wrap her arms around him, burrow into his heat and let him burn the lingering fear away. She knew he could do that.

Alex kept his arm around her and laid his head beside hers, his breath fanning the nape of her neck, stirring embers of desire that could burst into flame at any moment. She knew he was aroused, could feel the solid length of his erection pressed against her bottom. But he didn’t act on it. He simply held her close and let his presence chase the demons of her past away. The heat of the hand splayed protectively over her stomach burned through the thin fabric of the robe. Slowly she relaxed, took a few deep breaths and closed her eyes to better savor the feeling of security that washed over her.