Release Me (14 page)

His hands cup at my breasts and his mouth is on my nipples tugging and biting with gentleness I never knew he had. He was slow with purpose. Every thrust was calculated and drawn out; he touched me with a delicate intention and whispers of promise that I was his forever.

“I love you too.” I say and even though I know that he has known that for some time now, saying it to him in this moment was overwhelming and tears fill my eyes.

“Shhh babe.” He says and kisses my tears as they slip down my cheeks. “It took me forever to get here and I lost you in it. Feel me baby, feel me in you loving you. I am here and I love you so fucking much.”

I came right then. I don’t know if it was him telling me everything I ever wanted to hear or if it was the passion but I felt myself tighten on him and my body went weak.

“Oh fuck yeah Tayla. You coming for me babe?” He asked and the pressed harder and faster, excited to know he took me there.

“Yes, you too Cal. Come for me.” I say and feel him lock his hips and explode inside of me.

“Flesh to flesh baby.” He groans and I am reminded that he is coming inside of me for the first time with intent to mark me as his. This isn’t a mistake this time, he owns me now heart and soul.

And I raised my hand as if to show you that I was your

I was so yours for the taking.

Chapter Thirteen

Cal

I wake up before Tayla because I am too excited for sleep. We exhausted our bodies last night and our hearts, bore our souls and never in my life did I feel as free or accomplished as I did making coffee in her tiny cabin. I don’t know what to expect from here on out other than the fact we are a united front and together, everything else will work itself out.

I grab my phone and hope I have service, with one little bar I send a mass text to the guys. CAL: I did it. I got my girl back. We will be home in a few hours.

Right as it sends I feel her hand on my bare back and her lips on my shoulder blade. “Good morning.” She says in a sleepy voice. I turn and pull her against me for nothing more than the feel of her in my arms.

“Good morning.” I say and motion to the fresh coffee. “I made breakfast.” I say and laugh.

“What a chef.” She says and laughs kissing my chest because it’s as far as her lips reach. “I’ll have some coffee breakfast in a minute. I am too busy basking right now.”

“Bask away baby.” I say and reach for my phone when it chimes.

I read the message from Shamus first before it goes off again and again as everyone replies. I turn my phone to Tayla and show her.

SHAMUS: fuck yeah bro congrats. That’s how it should be.

CASSA: About time. Congrats sweetie.

CHAD: Hell yeah. I knew I gave instruction well.

CARRIE: Don’t listen to him. You did this congrats.

NOAH: Good job. Don’t fuck up again asshole.

We both laugh at Noah’s response. “I think you did pretty good getting me back.”

“Oh yeah?” I say and lean down to kiss her. “I wasn’t so sure for a while there. I don’t think I have ever been more scared than the idea you wouldn’t come back to me.”

“Cal what do we do now? I mean about Axe and this legal shit with Jenny and where the band is heading? There are so many factors at play... I don’t want to be on the sidelines anymore. I am in your corner fighting with you.”

I know what she is saying and I also pick up on the real fear in her voice. “You think I won’t be able to handle it all. You still don’t believe me?” I am not angry, maybe a little bummed, but if anything I am scared she won’t ever let me in all the way.

“I don’t know. Maybe. I am so sorry I want to believe but I am scared. I can’t have a night like last night and then lose you again. I barely survived these last few months, knowing what I know now I can’t do it again.”

I hate knowing how bad I hurt her and pushed her.

“I’ll prove it babe. I have no desire to go another night without you beside me.”

“It’s not just that Cal. I know you. I know that if you vow to be there or do something, I know you will die proving it. I’m scared that this is fear talking. Fear of single parent life, fear of business going bad. I don’t want to be the Band-Aid.”

I rub my eyes and stand pulling away from her. I know that my needing space right now was hurting her, but she is pissing me off. “What do you want from me? I bore my soul last night Tay. I gave you every ounce of me. I want our lives to merge as one. I have always wanted that baby. I know you think that Axe is the change in me but he is a bonus to me Tay. I knew if business went bad between us, that I would let one of the guys take the lead and I’d do shit from behind the scenes because you to me and you to business are two different things. Noah may not be back, that’s something we will deal with when we have too but its business baby. We are us and everything outside of us is our life together. You have to tell me what you want from me that I haven’t made abundantly clear?”

“I deserve to be somebody’s world Cal.” She speaks so quietly and I can hear the pain in that one desire. I want to hold her and tell her she is mine. Tell her that I am that somebody. But she needs to do it her way and so I let her. “I deserve that somebody to go crazy thinking about me and can’t wait to see me again.” Her lashes spike from the tears building in her eyes. “I deserve that marriage proposal in the rain, under the orange glow of the street lamp from a man who cannot live without me.” She places her rose tattooed hand over her heart to affirm how deeply she wants these things. “Babies. I want babies from a man who knocked me up for equal parts knowing I was the one he wanted a family with, but also because his love and desire for me results in the impossible fact he can’t keep his hands off me. I want and deserve to make him my world, my everything because it is a gift Cal. It is fragile and delicate and easily broken gift that I have given to you.”

She hiccups on that last part and shakes her head closing her eyes as more tears fall. I am finally aware of how deep her wounds went. Through all of the bickering, hoping to win her back and all within the mindset that I was keeping her forever, not once did I ever look at forever the way I just did now.

With her every word she painted a picture, one she most definitely does deserve. It was me I saw as she spoke of the man she deserves. It was me not keeping my hands off of her and knowing her swollen belly was my doing. It was me as I am now, anxious and desperate for every second I get with her... It was me on the street in the rain under the glow of an orange street lamp begging her to marry me.

I take a step closer knowing I need to play this hand, knowing that even if she rejects me out of fear, that we both know what I am about to say is right and she may run, but on this she will come back. Meant to be will be.

“You listen to me now Tay.” I move in close and do it so fast she can’t pull away from me. “I know I pushed you away. I know what I did was wrong and cowardly and so fucking dumb babe, but I am here now and I am so fucking late, but Tay, I am that guy for you. We are meant to be baby.”

I step in even closer, taking her trembling hands into mine. “Shh.” I say and pull her until she is in my arms and we are so close that where I end, is the deepest most special place in her heart. “Don’t say anything. Go home with me; think of everything you just put on the table. See me, in my eyes and see that I am telling you right now. I. Am. Him. Give me that baby, think on that and say nothing until you see it too.” I kiss her lips silencing her argument or concession, I don’t know which. “Until then, be mine; let’s enjoy being together for the first time as me and my girl.”

She nods but I can see the shock and awe on her face. Tayla isn’t ready for me because she is too busy fighting me, but I will get her there.

And I’ll throw it all away

And watch you fall into my arms again

I’ll throw it all away

Watch you fall, now

Chapter Fourteen

Tayla

It has been four weeks in Cal’s bed. Four weeks of burying Jenny Pope and her lawyers in a mountain of paperwork, all while we appeal on Axe’s behalf to get Cal as the permanent custodial parent.

I think of all of the revelations over the last four weeks and I am mind blown how far Axe has come in the five weeks Cal has had him.

Axe is in speech therapy three times a week as well as we all on a whole are trying to potty train him. He willingly hugs and plays. It’s astonishing how completely he has found happiness by just being given the tools he should have never been deprived.

My phone chimes and I look to the screen of my iPhone and see the man I worship holding his sweet boy. I took the photo on my cell a few days ago when we went to the zoo.

“Hello” I say and continue my Pinterest obsession looking for little boy birthday ideas.

“Hey beautiful.” He says and I can hear the strums of a guitar in the background. “We just got word that there is a benefit concert at Qwest Field tonight that Rock 102 is hosting and they had a local band drop out. They are faxing the info to you here any minute; I wanted to give you a heads up.”

Right as he said it I hear the fax ring. I have been staying with Axe two days a week and working from Cal’s house. He doesn’t want to shock him with child care right now so we all, Cal’s parents included, are all taking turns helping out. Before I can get to the fax I watch at Axe pics up the handset on the machine and looks at me. “Pone mama.” He says and my heart stops.

“Oh my God.” I say and I am scared to move or even blink not sure I heard it right.

“What did he say Babe? I couldn’t hear him.” Cal says unaware that his son just called me mama...I think?

I walk over to Axe and stand before him, his little hand holding the handset toward me. “What Axe?” I say and I can hear the tremor in my voice.

“Pone mama.” He says again and I can’t hold back my sob. I am not scared by his referring to me as his mom, it would be natural for him to think it and in speech therapy they are teaching him common words and meanings as well as he sees his cousins and Noelle refer to their moms as mom. I am shook to my core that he sees me as his mother, I want to one day be his step mom and help Cal raise him and maybe be lucky enough to adopt him as mine and give him siblings...

I shake my head and listen as Cal is talking and I hear the joy in his voice. “Baby did you hear that?” He is asking me and I can’t speak but I nod and finally respond once it hits me he can’t see me.

“Yes babe.” I say and I kneel down to Axe’s level. “Come here baby.” I say to him and like usual he smiles his toothy grin and waddles to me coming easily to my embrace. I place the phone on speaker and place it in my bra so I can hold him. I cradle his head to my shoulder and hold him tight smiling. “Oh honey I love you so much Axe.” I say and Cal I hear sniffle over the line before I hear Noah in the background.

“What’s up bro why you crying?” He sounds shocked and I bet he is, Cal until recently wasn’t one for public displays of emotion.

“Axe just called Tay mama.” He says and hear the pride in his voice before all the guys start cheering and I realize I am on speaker there.

“Axe you are one lucky kid bud. Tay is your mommy and she is damn good at it too.” Noah says and I laugh through my tears.

“Noah.” Axe says and starts clapping his hands in excitement. Axe and Noah have a pretty crazy bond and we all noticed it from the start.

“Yes baby, that’s Uncle Noah. He and all your aunts and uncles are coming for dinner tonight.” I say and I am all for an impromptu party to celebrate this boys happiness and the blessing of his seeing me as his mom.

“Cal I need you to call Rock102 and have them resend the fax. Axe answered it and handed it to me.” I say with joyful laughter. He is quiet for a minute but I hear the guys in the background so I know he hasn’t hung up. “Cal?”

“I love you Tayla.” He says and with so much conviction in his tone, he is demanding I believe him and I am trying, but his declaration openly in front of everyone make it almost impossible to fight him on it.

“Oh baby, I love you too.” I say and another roar of hoots and hollers from the peanut gallery on the other end of the line makes me laugh and Axe start clapping again.

Cal

I am pretty sure that I have never loved like this before. I am certain of it. Nothing has ever consumed me like Tayla does. I can’t keep my eyes off of her tonight. I see her laughing with the girls as we watch the kids play together in the living room and I can’t wait to get my hands on her. Ever since that morning at her cabin when she painted a picture of what she wanted I haven’t been able to stop thinking of it. Every day I tell her I love her, in everything I do I try to show her and at night when I get her in bed I make love to her.

I miss the rawness that we shared when I was being a fool. I miss pinning her to the wall and fucking her brains out. I have a buzz and with the fun flowing freely in my house she is lucky she isn’t within touching distance right now because I am primed to get her dirty tonight.

Hearing Axe call her mama only intensified what I already know and what she keeps fighting. I have no intentions of letting this woman get away from me ever again. There isn’t a shot in hell I would let her go, and by the sound of things neither does my son.

It’s getting harder and harder to not beg her to marry me, but I promised her all the time she needed until she believed me and I will keep that promise.

I watch Axe as he follows Noah everywhere and I watch Noah who always has his eyes on Axe and the way he acknowledges him. It just hits things harder to home how becoming a dad has only improved my life. Noah and I were barely speaking not even two months ago, now he is at my house three to four times a week to hang out with us.

“What’s up man?” I say as he grabs a beer from the fridge and sits across from me at the counter.

Noah leans down to grab Axe and sits him beside Noah in his own barstool. I grab a small plate and put some chips on it setting it in front of him.

“Just kicking it with my dude here.” He says and steals one of Axe’s chips.

“I’m glad he has you Noah. I don’t know what it is but he is connected to you.” I mean it too, I am so glad my son has this group of misfits, but the bond he has built with Noah is special and I can’t pinpoint why.

“We both had a shitty start in life. He seems chill with Carrie too if you watch him. It’s in our eyes, we share that same sadness and it is something you recognize in others like you. We give a safety he understands I guess.”

I know what he says is true because there is a sadness there in them all. “I’m glad he has you Noah. I mean that.”

Noah just nods and we act like the emotional moment didn’t happen. I wonder if he will ever move on and I think of Tayla again and know that he probably won’t. If he felt even a fraction of what I feel for Tay there isn’t hope. I can’t imagine my life without her and that is Noah’s reality every day.

Just then Tayla walks into the kitchen and comes to stand beside me. I wait for her to kiss me, she doesn’t though. She is so used to hiding her feelings for me and the secret fucking we had going for so long that she still acts like we are only friends and it irritates me. I pull her into me. “Come here woman.” I say and plant a sloppy kiss on her lips.

She laughs but doesn’t push me away and I am grateful for that. I hope that one day she will come to me and touch me on her own, but I don’t push her even though I want to.

“What are you guys doing in here?” She asks with a sweet smile and steals a chip from Axe making him laugh.

“Talking man stuff.” I say and she pokes my side. It is such a small almost stupid that I feel butterflies at it. She is never playful or flirty with me in front of anyone and that simple poke in my side is enough to make me hard. I turn on her and step in close. “Wanna poke baby?” I say and the blatant innuendo isn’t lost on her or anyone in the room. I press up against her and pin her to the counter letting her feel how hard she is making me. I kiss her hard, not allowing her to tell me yes or no because I see her need in her eyes just before I kiss her.

Oh fuck yeah; my girl wants to play dirty.

I forget there are people here because they are my people and the guys are just as sexually charged as I am and I appreciate that quality more than ever as Noah grabs Axe and leaves the kitchen.

“What are you doing?” She asks when I pull back from the suffocating kiss.

“I am kissing you.” I say and lick from just behind her ear down to her collar bone, feeling her shudder when my breath skims her neck. I reach between her legs and feel the heat at her pussy and I know she is soaked already.

“Mmmm, baby. I want that pussy.” I say and press against the seam of her jeans right to her clit and she rolls her head back. I take her hand and guide her to the front of my jeans where my hard as fuck cock is pressing against my zipper. “Want this baby?”

“Yes.” She whispers and strokes the front of my dick through the denim.

I use both hands to grab her ass and press her against me as I grind into her. “I want to fuck you so hard right now Tayla. The minute this house is cleared out I will be on you so fast.”

“What are you gonna do Cal?” She asks me and that violet stare is on me with determination.

“Wanna play dirty baby, I’ll play dirty. I am gonna eat that pussy like a peach all fucking night and when you can’t take it anymore I’ll fuck that tight little cunt and make you cream for me."

When she moans at my words I vow to myself to follow through. “Fuck yeah you love that don’t you baby?”

“Yes.” She cries out as I pinch her ass.

“Shhh baby. We have a house full of people. I can’t have you screaming my name just yet.”

I go for her buckle because I need to feel how wet she is. Just as I get her jeans open I hear Carrie clear her throat and I pause mid finger fuck and we both stand stalk still.

“So I went ahead and packed a bag for Axe to come stay the night. You two need a night just you. We love you and we will call if we need you which means we won’t be calling. Get drunk and crazy; we will see you in the morning.”

She doesn’t wait for us to say anything and I don’t think we could considering we were totally busted getting busy. We both looked at each as we hear the front door close and the house goes silent.

And then all hell broke loose.

Tayla

Cal lifted me up and placed me on the counter in the kitchen, shedding my jeans the minute my ass hit the granite. “Put your feet on the counter and show me that sweet wet pussy baby.” He said as he undid his pants and let them fall along with his boxers to his ankles. He grabbed his cock and stroked it as he stood between my spread legs. I place my heels on the counter and spread my legs still blocking him from the view of my core because my panties were still on and I wanted him to shred them.

“Oh fuck you are the sexiest thing babe." He reaches between my legs and slips a finger through the side of my panties and tugs them to the side exposing me. His eyes are on me in the most primal way and I have missed this side of Cal. I was starting to wonder if the filthy man I fell for was gone for good. I wouldn’t trade all the other sides he gave me in its place, but to know he still wanted me in such a graphic yet basic way, it melted me.

“I have missed this.” I say and place my weight on the palms of my hands and watch him stroke himself before me.

“Me too baby. Fuck I have missed fucking you. I just wanted to make sure you know how much I fucking love you baby. And I do Tay. I love you so much and I am about to fuck you as hard as I love you.” He used his thumb to rub little circles over my clit and that combined with that rough and sweet speech he just gave had me trembling.

He went right for my clit with his mouth and devoured me. The first lick of his tongue on me had me coming against his mouth. “Oh damn Tay. Do it again baby. You taste so good, I need more.”

He used his fingers, slipping two inside of me and bending them to just the right angle that makes me scream. He knows how to make me cum in mere seconds and he does it over and over again as he promised. “Give me a minute.” I pant, I am covered in sweat from grinding against his face and I am weak from the strain of holding myself on the edge of the counter. I watch Cal stand, his lips glistening from all he did to me and I watch him swipe his hand over his mouth then lick his palm to show me how much he loved my taste.

“I am so fucking hard right now baby.” He says and strokes the head of his cock letting the precum coat his thumb. I reach out and pull him to my mouth and lick his thumb. He groans and grabs his cock, pinching at the base. “I can’t fuck you yet baby. That little tongue on my thumb tasting me is enough to make me explode right now. I need to jerk off.”