Remember Me - Regency Brides 03 (14 page)

North laughed, and Helen felt her face heat up with embarrassment. With determination, she grabbed the basket of eggs and made her way to the skil et, ignoring North when he asked her if she knew what she was doing.

The next morning, North woke to the wonderful smel of bacon frying and the sound of a French song being badly sung, bringing him to the conclusion that Pierre was in his house.

"Good morning, monsieur!" The smiling black man greeted North as he walked into the room. Pierre had just placed the freshly fried eggs on the table.

"Good morning, Pierre," he greeted as he looked at his friend careful y. "Are you quite sure you are wel enough to be here?"

"Of course," he assured him. He set a glass of milk beside North's plate. "It was only one of those maladies that lasts about three-fourths of the day. By the time the sun had started setting, I was feeling better." "Wel , I said many prayers for you, and I'm ashamed to say some of them

were very selfish ones on my part," he admitted honestly with a sheepish grin. "I hate to admit it, but I am not a man who is used to taking care of himself."

Pierre sat across from him and sipped on a cup of coffee, a beverage he was often fond of drinking. "You are not tel ing me anything I do not know, monsieur."

North frowned. "Am I so obviously inept?"

Pierre held up his hand and shook his head. "No, no, monsieur!" he assured.

"But I see what no one else sees since I am here al day." He seemed to study him through the coffee's steam. "You seek to change, monsieur?"

North leaned forward, eager to talk to someone about what he'd been thinking over. "I do, Pierre. I suppose I've had things done for me al my life, and now that I'm here"-he threw his arms wide--"I see men who are wel respected who do things for themselves. They are not waited on hand and foot!"

he finished in an impassioned voice. He was discomfited to realize his voice had risen, and he was practical y shouting.

But it didn't seem to faze Pierre. "If you are determined to change, then you can change, but it wil take dedication," he stated firmly. "The important matter here is that you show a desire. Most men are satisfied to stay where they are and settle for what life has brought them."

Pierre was truly an amazing person. If al men were as passionate about what they believed and what they wanted out of life as he was, the world would be a greater place to live. Every day he and North talked about everything from the war to slavery and politics and even debated the merits of Cajun French cuisine versus true French. Pierre had an opinion for everything and profound insights about things North was sure he'd never even thought about.

They even discussed God and the Bible, and even then, he loved to hear Pierre's convictions about certain matters and how he was so careful to live his life the way he felt God was leading him, taking advantage of every open door.

That was the way North so wanted to be. He wanted to be a man God could look down upon and say, "He is a man after My own heart!"

The two of them chatted a bit more, and then Pierre remembered something..

"Oh yes! I forgot to tel you I received good news yesterday. My sister, who lives in New Orleans, had a fine baby boy. It is her first boy after giving birth to four girls, so everyone is happy about the
Ie petit garçon,"
he told North proudly and went on to tel what else his sister had written in a letter. North barely heard him.

A baby .
North suddenly had a flash of a genuine memory of holding a baby.

Afraid to even move lest he do something to make the memory disappear, North slowly closed his eyes and concentrated on what he was seeing in his mind.

He was in a garden fil ed with brightly colored flowers, and he
was dressed in a very fine navy suit. A baby in a linen
dressing gown was in his hands, and he was holding the
infant up, talking nonsense to him, causing the dark-headed
child to laugh.

He wasn't alone in the garden! With him were a man and two
ladies. The man with dark brown curly hair was chatting with
a lovely redhead He knew instinctively they were in love with
one another.

Suddenly the
other
woman, a beauty with wisps of black curls
falling about her
rosy
cheeks, sat beside him. He looked over
to her and felt a tugging at his heart like it always did
whenever she was around She reached for the baby, and he
gave him to her. He watched her lovingly kiss the infant on
the head.

''North?' She looked up at him, and he noticed it was his
Helen.

"Monsieur Campbel ?" Pierre cal ed out again, causing the memory to suddenly come to an abrupt halt. "Sir, are you al -"

"Wait a moment, Pierre," he said urgently as he put his fingers at his temples and tried desperately to bring the memory back. "If you are il with a headache, 1. .. ,"

the servant tried again, but North interrupted with a shake of his head.

"No, no, it's not that," he said, sounding defeated. He knew the memory was lost for the time being. "I was remembering . . .." He stopped when he realized what he was about to confess, then quickly thought of something else to say. "I was remembering something I told Helen," he said instead. He got up quickly from the table, not even noticing he'd barely touched his breakfast.

"Where are you going?" Pierre asked, also getting to his feet. "Pierre, I’m sorry, but I need to ride over to the Golden Bay plantation. There is something I need to ask Helen about," he cal ed out as he ran to his room to find his coat. He knew he wasn't making any sense, but he couldn't explain, either.

He dashed back out and found Pierre just leaning against the table, watching him--and looking at North as if he'd lost al his senses. "You have to go ... right
now?"

North smiled apologetical y as he glanced at the table and saw his uneaten meal.

"I'm sorry, but it's important." "You're not asking her to marry you, are you?" he asked suddenly, his voice wary.

North opened the door and turned to grin at his friend. "Not today," he answered mischievously. "Oh! Is there any way you can prepare a food basket for three?

I've invited Helen and Josie for a picnic today."

Pierre barely got a nod in before North was out the door and running to the buggy in which Pierre drove over every day. He'd been told he could use it anytime he needed.

He was so eager to see Helen and ask her about his memory that the usual y short trip seemed to take longer. It did, however, give him time to dwel on the images for a bit longer, to study them and try to figure out what he saw and how he felt. The main question that burned in his mind was the obvious one. It was the one thing he wanted to know before he asked anything else about Helen being in his memory.

Whose baby was he holding? Final y, when he had arrived, North jumped from the buggy and threw the reins to the stable boy who had come running up to meet him.

Luckily Mr. and Mrs. Baumgartner Were either out of the house or busy with other things, so he was able to instruct the servant to fetch Helen right away for him without having to make smal talk with her employers.

He was pacing back and forth in the library when she breezed into the room, her expression indicating her surprise. "North! What are you doing here so early?"

He swung around to see her and noticed her hair was total y unbound and flowing around her face and shoulders. She had always had at least the sides of it pul ed back before, so it fairly took his breath away to see it in its natural state.

"Your hair ... ," he murmured, feeling a little dazed and momentarily forgetting what he'd come for. Immediately her hands flew up to her head, and she began pul ing it back. "Oh no! I ran out of the room so fast I forgot about my hair!"

"No!" he cried, putting out his hand to stop her. "It's...it's fine, I assure you."

She gave him a look that said she didn't real y believe him, but she decided to let it drop. 'Wel ," she said, as if not real y knowing what else to say. "Would you like to sit down?" She motioned toward cushioned chairs that faced one another.

North spied a sofa on the other side of the room that was more to his liking.

"How about there? We have a view of the window."

They both walked over to it and sat close together. North turned slightly askew so he could better see her, then took one of her hands. "Helen, I remembered something this morning, and I need to ask you about
it."

North felt Helen stiffen at his words, and he assumed it was due to the excitement that he could actual y be getting his memory back. "Oh?" she said, and North got the feeling she was a little nervous about what he was going to say.

~

Helen had never been more nervous in her entire life. What had he remembered? How
much
had he remembered?

"Did you remember ...everything?" she asked careful y.

She was a little relieved when he shook his head. "No, actual y it was only a smal segment, but it real y brought a lot of questions to my mind." Helen swal owed, knowing this was not going, to be easy. ' All right. Suppose you tel me about it." North explained what he'd seen of the three people being there and the baby. Helen knew exactly what he was talking about. "First, I guess my biggest question is, whose baby was I holding? I think I was cal ing him Ty?" He shook his head as if the details were a little sketchy.

Helen nodded, feeling safe to answer that one. "Yes, that was Tyler Douglas Thornton, Nicholas and Christina's nephew. They were raising him for a while when everyone had thought Nicholas's brother had been lost at sea," she explained, hoping she wasn't giving him too much information.

But North only nodded thoughtful y and looked a little relieved. "I'l admit the baby had me worried. I'd wondered if you'd been married before and had a child or ifI had. But then, of course, that is sil y. You would have told me anything important such as that," he stated assuredly.

If he only knew what I've been keeping from him,
she thought shameful y. "I was friends with Nicholas, wasn't I?" he asked, as he seemed to be figuring things out.

"You were best friends," she affirmed. "Are you remembering anything else about him?"

He shook his head. "No, but when I think about him, I feel a strong bond between us." He smiled. ' And I think you can guess who else I saw in that memory."

Helen could stil remember the day like it was yesterday. It was probably the second time she'd ever talked to North, and she'd been so excited. "You saw me," she said with a wistful smile.

North rested his arm along the top of the sofa and touched the back of his hand to her smooth cheek. "I saw you," he confirmed, his voice husky with emotion. "I remember what I felt,
too,
when I looked at you. You had taken the baby from me and were holding him in your arms, and it made something in my heart yearn for things I'd never real y thought of before."

Helen could hardly believe what she was hearing. This was a memory from North the nobleman, not North the commoner. "What was that?" she asked breathlessly, so anxious for his answer.

His hand reached back to cup behind her ear, sending goose bumps down her spine. "I wanted a family. A wife, a child." He frowned, as he appeared to be analyzing his memory again. "You know, it's so strange. There are so many pieces missing, hut I'l just tel you what I remember feeling." He took a breath. "I remember looking at you and feeling such a strong attraction; but coupled with that was a sort of regret or ...or maybe it was indecision. I just don't know. But it was like I had feelings that I believed could not be realized or shared."

"You've spoken of this before," Helen broke in, unable to stop herself as she remembered an earlier conversation.

"I know! But this time I felt it even stronger than before," he stressed, seeming so desperate for answers. "Why did I feel this way? I know we've been over this, but what was keeping me from pursuing a relationship with you?"

Tears began to sting the backs of Helen’s eyes, and she quickly looked down so that he wouldn't see them. This was the frustration she had always felt when she was in his presence, and, too, here was the answer she'd always looked for.

And maybe she knew it deep inside al along.

He had wanted her but was not wil ing to defy society to have her.

"I can't tel you that," she answered final y as she looked up at him. The sudden anger she felt over his inability to take a chance had dried up al her tears. "I had no idea you felt that way, North. You never, ever let me believe you wanted anything more than friendship."

He turned more so he was almost ful y facing her. Cupping both hands on either side of her face, he asked urgently, "What was the obstacle? Was it my family?

Was it because I knew you loved someone else?"

Tears came to the surface again, and this time she could do nothing but let them fal . "I can't tel you that. Only you can know the answer," she said softly, her voice smal and broken.

He stared deeply and intensely into her eyes, and she noticed his own seemed a little misty. "I don't know what it was," he said, his voice husky with emotion that she'd never heard before. "However, I wil promise you this. When my memory returns and I find out what the barrier was that kept me away from you, I vow to you now that I wil never let it come between us again."

Guilt and shame ate at her soul as she tried to shake her head, yet he held fast to her. "You can't make that promise," she cried, trying to speak sense to him.

"Perhaps it was insurmountable."

She nearly started crying again when he smiled at her with wonder and love shining so brightly in his eyes. "Helen, I promise," he stated emphatical y. Then as if to seal his word, he pressed his lips to hers in a solid, strong kiss that lasted only a few seconds but spoke more than words could ever say.

North reached into his coat pocket and produced a white handkerchief, and he proceeded to gently wipe the remaining wetness from her cheeks. "You're even beautiful when you cry," he teased.