Remember Our Song (6 page)

“You were so beautiful that day…”

I found myself scanning around the room again trying to find something to steer the conversation away from such an intimate topic when my eyes fell upon the bed.  It was huge and opulent, as most everything else in the house, but at that moment a scary thought settled into my mind with razor sharp claws and took a good hold of my attention.

This was our
wedding
bed.  This was the place where the man in front of me, this stranger, had seen everything my body had to show, had used me for his own pleasure.  I backed away from the bed, from him, on unsteady crutches until my heel hit a chest of drawers and I could back away no further.

Tears welled up in my eyes as a panic attack on a whole other level compared to the paparazzi-fuelled ones began shaking my body for me.  A sense of dread, of sheer
violation
, grew within me and I heard a strangled whimpering sound coming from somewhere for a second before I realized it was me making it.

“Bea?  What’s wrong?”

Jeremy approached me and reached out with his hands, hands that had been on my most private of places.  But I didn’t
want
him to have touched me when I couldn’t remember having given permission.

“Don’t touch me!” I screamed, glad that the words still came out with some strength despite what the whimpering had sounded like.

Jeremy snatched his hands away as if he’d touched molten lava but didn’t back off, I felt surrounded even though he was only in front of me.  I tried to move to the side but fumbled with my crutches and went sprawling, Jeremy leapt forward and caught me before I hit the ground but I managed to struggle to my feet and pushed him away.

“Don’t touch me!”

“What happened, Bea?  Talk to me…”

I lurched
through the door and down the hallway as quickly as I could, sobbing, until I reached my room.  I slammed the door behind me and locked it, ignoring the sound of Jeremy’s voice on the other side for as long as I could, until I managed to calm down a bit.

“Just go away!  I’ll be alright, I just need to be alone!”

Reluctantly, he seemed to agree, and finally there was some peace and quiet.  I laid myself down on the bed and tried to concentrate on my breathing, just like Doctor Jensen had told me.  Eventually my mind managed to talk itself down from a ledge, but I stayed still for a good long time.  I had a lot to think about.

I had no idea how long I stayed on that bed, but eventually I stood up and went to the door, unlocking it to find Jeremy sitting on the floor leaning against the opposite wall.  He rose to his feet, as red in the eyes as the first time I had woken up in hospital.

“I can’t stay here, Jeremy.  I just can’t.  I’m moving out.”

*****

It grated on me more than I could have dreamed possible, but to save a battle I wasn’t even sure how to fight, I let Jeremy organize an apartment for me somewhat closer to the hospital.  In a matter of days it was ready and I was packed and set to go with nothing but a couple of suitcases.  The apartment was functionally furnished, and I brought with me a laptop that was apparently mine, clothes, a cell phone and a purse.

In the purse was a card that accessed ‘my’ account.  When I asked whether it was actually ‘my’ money that I had earned somewhere, the answer was not to my liking.  What in the hell had I been doing with my days?  Getting manicures?  Talking down to people?  Regardless, I vowed to myself that I would get a job and pay back every cent I used until then, but for the time being I had no choice if I didn’t want to live on the street and scavenge through trash for food.

Stan drove me to my apartment in Jeremy’s car, but I’d be using taxis after that.  I made Jeremy promise to only contact me when I contacted him first.  He bunched his fists and held them out too his sides before letting them go, like he didn’t know where his enemy was, before nodding.

“I love you, Bea. Please call,” he said through the open rear window of the car before it rolled away.

“Don’t worry, I will.  I’m not going to drop off the face of the earth.”

Stan helped me carry my things up to my apartment with few words, looking like he was deep in his own
contemplations.

“You OK, Stan?”

“I’m not sure Ma’am.”

“Well, a penny for your thoughts.”

“It’s just, this feels all kinds of wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve worked for Mr. Holt for a long time now, driven you folks all over the city more times than I can count.  I know it looks like my ears don’t work when I’m driving, but they do.  I’ve seen the way you were, and if you guys can’t make it… well, what chance do the rest of us have?”

“You’re a very loyal employee of his, Stan…”

“Ma’am, pardon me, but that’s a bit insulting.  I’m my own man, just callin’ it like I see it.  Saw it.”

“Hey, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to imply anything.  I just… I don’t remember those people you drove around.  I don’t understand how the person I was got there.  I need to do a lot of thinking.”

“That’s OK, Ma’am.  I’m a lot harder than that to offend.  You need anything else before I go?”

“No, thanks though Stan.”

“You stay safe, Ma’am.  Bye.”

I closed the door behind him and leaned against it, feeling like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, breathing easier than I had in weeks.  My own space again, at last.  I unpacked and settled in as quickly as my semi-crippled state would allow, feeling my confidence build with every task I completed for myself.

Eventually my stomach rumbled and I opened the fridge, seeing nothing but the air and shelves I had expected.  I sighed, glancing down at my crutches and then spotted my purse on the kitchen table.  Tonight, pizza, tomorrow a session with Ellie back at the hospital and a trip to the supermarket.

*****

I concentrated all my energy on getting everything I could out of the physical therapy sessions, asking Ellie what else I could do at home to speed things along.  She gave me some printouts detailing some exercises but told me not to overdo things, and holding myself back was just as hard as actually
doing
the exercises.

I kept Jeremy updated with the barest of essentials via text message, and turned down his replies that invariably asked to meet when I was comfortable.  A few weeks later I walked a few steps without my crutches, and a week after that I was able to go short distances without feeling like I was going to topple over.  Finally I was in my last scheduled slot with Ellie, not that she took it any easier on me.

“High five!”

Ellie held her hand up and I gave it a hearty slap before taking water bottle she held out to me, gulping the cool water down as if my life depended on it, which felt really close to the mark if the truth be told.  I wiped the sweat off my brow and drank some more before limping to a nearby chair, Ellie following a few steps behind writing something on the clipboards that were so popular at this particular hospital.

“Well, that’s almost it, Beatrice.  Bet you’re not sad to see the back end of me, huh?”

“You’re harsh but fair,” I laughed between deep breaths.  “What now?”

“Now you can keep on doing those exercises I gave you, but the main thing is to stretch out your leg and strengthen it doing the things you would normally do.  I’d suggest you go for a walk around the block or around a park or something every day, build it up from there.”

“Will do.  Thank you, it’s been… interesting.”

“There’s a euphemism if ever I’ve heard one.  What now for Beatrice Holt?  Aside from exercise of course.”

“Beatrice Hampton.  And I don’t know, I’ve got to figure out my place in the world all over again.”

“What about Prince Charming?”

“He can go find a princess, I wasn’t cut out for that life.”

“Bea, would you mind if I was a little… blunt?”

“Oh God.  OK, what?”

“What is it you’ve got against Jeremy?”

“Nothing!  He’s just not my type.”

“That’s not what I saw before the accident.”

I furrowed my brow, Ellie had never given any hint that she knew me before the accident before.  How had she managed to omit that fact?  Seeing my confusion, she clarified.

“Confession time.  In my spare time I read the gossip mags.  I’ve seen pictures of you two together ever since you were the ‘mystery girl’, right through to the pictures from your honeymoon.  Sorry, I don’t know how that makes you feel… I never thought I’d meet anybody I read about.”

“OK, it’s a little weird to tell you the truth, but I read
those magazines too. At least I used to.  What are you getting at though?”

“It was just such a Cinderella story, but the photos were what always got me.  The way you looked at him.  The way he looked at you.  If you tell me that those looks were just for the camera or something, I’m not sure if I could handle it.  Us single women need those stories to be real once in a while, it’s the only thing stopping a riot.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Ellie, I’m in a pretty strange place right now.”

“Well, I know what to tell you.  I’m telling you, give it a chance to be real or I’m going to break
both
of your legs,” she said with a smile.

“Haha, OK,” I laughed, but stopped when I saw Ellie’s smile didn’t
quite
reach her eyes.

Chapter 6

With my newfound hobby of walking without crutches, I gradually began exploring my neighborhood, getting to know all the side streets and what stores were where.  Starting from my regular route to the supermarket and expanding from there, it wasn’t long before I felt reasonably well versed in the local geography and acquired some innate sense of direction.

On one such exploratory walk I was buying some fruit from a stall when I happened to glance across the street and saw a café.  Above several outdoor tables on the side of the building was a sign that said ‘Holt’s’ and I thought about some of the things Doctor Jensen and Ellie had said to me.

After staring across the road for long enough that the man behind the fruit stall asked if I was OK, I reached into my pocket to find my phone.  Now that I was properly on the mend with my own place (kind of) to retreat to and two working legs (mostly) I owed it to myself, or the Beatrice who had been in charge for the last eight years, to try to remember as much as I could.

I wrote a text to Jeremy that said ‘
Lunch at Holt’s?
’ and hesitated for a good solid minute, pressing a button every now and then to keep my phone from locking, before closing my eyes and pressing ‘send’.  I had no idea what he was up to, he might even have been out of town on a business trip for all I knew, so I continued my little exploration up the street a little ways before I heard the beep and felt the vibration in my hand that meant a message had come through.

‘
I can be there in 15.  That OK?
’

The clock on my phone said it was just after eleven in the morning, kind of an early lunch but I thought I might as well agree before I lost my nerve and changed my mind.  Sending a text to that affect, I made myself busy trying to find something interesting to look at through store windows for ten minutes before I spotted Jeremy’s big black car slow to a stop in front of the café and him step out, looking from side to side expectantly.

Crossing the street carefully, I caught his eye and gave a wave, seeing his face light up as he returned it.  He bent back into the car to say something to the driver, Stan I assumed but couldn’t quite see to confirm, before closing the door.  The car pulled out and drove away as Jeremy stepped on to the sidewalk and waited for me.

My heart fluttered in my chest as I neared him.  Ellie and Doctor Jensen were two people that I had only just met but in a way they were also my oldest friends.  They both seemed to think it was important for me to give Jeremy a ch
ance, to let down the walls I’d put up to keep myself safe.  I didn’t know how exactly I was going to do that, but I was going to try.

“Wow, Bea, you look amazing!  No crutches!”

“The new improved me,” I said.

“Do you…” Jeremy made a vague gesture at the side of his head.

“No, sorry, not a thing.  But I’m ready to try, so let’s just have some lunch.  An early lunch… hope I didn’t pull you away from anything important?”

“Nothing as important as this.”

Tables were available both inside and out, the latter quickly filling up due to the weather and what I assumed was a usual lunchtime rush.  Jeremy and I secured one of the few remaining spaces and offered to go in and order.

“Wait, I haven’t seen a menu yet.”

“Let me surprise you.”

“You know I’m supposed to avoid stress,”

“C’mon, I’m not going to order you a lit stick of dynamite.  Chicken sandwich, banana muffin, orange juice with lemonade.  Sound good?”

Despite my best efforts I couldn’t hold back a snort of laughter. “OK, yes, sounds good.”

“Great.  Not going to be much of a surprise now, though,” he said with a smile and went inside.

I settled myself in a chair and looked around nervously.  Nobody seemed to be paying us any attention, and more importantly there weren’t any men lurking with cameras.  I guessed as far as celebrities were concerned, Jeremy wasn’t a Hollywood star.  It wasn’t lon
g before he returned with a tall and thin metal stand holding a card that said ‘73’ on it, which he placed on our table before sitting across from me.

“Jeremy, I want to
apologize for the… uh… outburst that day.  It wasn’t your fault, I just felt like I was backed into a corner all of a sudden.  I needed my space.”

“You don’t need to say sorry for anything, Bea.  It’s… strange times, I understand that.”

“Thanks.  So here we are.  What now?”

“Well, first we have lunch and enjoy the weather.  After that, I’ve got an idea.  I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.”

“What did you have in mind?”

“Well, I thought, let’s go back as far as we can, to as close to where your memory cuts off as possible.”

“How?”

“Seattle.”

“Go there, you mean?”

“Yeah.  Right back to the boardroom of
Bloxhamtech Ltd.  That’s where we met.”

“What was I doing there?”

“You worked there.”

“Oh.  The boardroom?  You can do that?”

“Sure, I own most of it now.”

A man wearing
an apron and carrying a tray walked up at that moment with an almost fanatically huge smile on his face and began talking to us as he set down item after item on the table.

“Hola!  Jeremy, Beatrice, so good to see you again.  Where’ve you been?  You haven’t been cheating on me with that hussy down the street, Bella’s Café, have you?”

“Haha!  No.  Good to see you too, Konrad.  Life’s thrown a few curveballs and we’ve been pretty busy.  Rather than offend you, I’ve chosen to just go without food in general.”

“Ah, good.  I trust you’ve done the same, Beatrice?”

“Uh… yes, of course,” I smiled, the good spirits of the man with the Scandinavian accent was infectious.

“Good to hear. So, chicken sandwich, banana muffin and orange juice with lemonade for the lady.  Ham sandwich, chocolate brownie and a Coke for the gentleman.  Anything else I can get you?”

“Not for me.  Bea?”

“No, this all looks fantastic.”

I picked up one half of my sandwich and had a good look at it.  It was a sandwich that meant business, an impressive distance between each slice of bread was full of a nice crisp looking salad in addition to the obvious pieces of chicken.  I bit into it with a satisfying crunch and began chewing, it was delicious.

“Mmmm,” I swallowed, “this is fantastic!”

“You’re telling me.  I’ve told him his talents were wasted on sandwiches, but he says this is the business he always wanted to have.”

The meal went quickly
(my banana muffin was spectacular) as Jeremy and I talked.  I mostly told him about how my physical recovery was going, and how my daily walks had led to the discovery that I was living near Holt’s café.  It was a nice talk, I couldn’t help but think maybe I’d been overly harsh in my initial assessment of him.

“It’s a nice area, and much more convenient for the hospital.  So, you’re all done there now?”

“I’ve got a check-up in a month, but other than that it’s just a list of exercises that Ellie wants me to do, as well as just a lot of walking.”

“What do you think about going to Seattle, then?”

“I think it’s as good an idea as any.  When can we go?”

“I’ll have my assistant clear my schedule, we can go tomorrow if you want.  Will you be OK with flying?”

“Well, I don’t like it at the best of times but as long as it’s not a helicopter, I think I can make it.”

“Great.  I’ll get it all
organized this afternoon and text you to let you know when we’ll pick you up.  It’ll be sometime early-to-mid-morning, if that suits.”

“Sure, I’ll have my assistant clear my schedule too.”

Jeremy smiled, “Deal.  You want a coffee before we go tell our assistants the bad news?”

“Uh… do I drink coffee?”

“Sometimes.”

“OK, well I don’t know how I take it.  Surprise me, I’ve got to go to the bathroom.”

I struggled to my feet, still not one hundred percent steady, especially when standing up from a sitting position.  Jeremy raised a hand and got the attention of a waiter as I began to walk away, who approached with a smile that was pleasant enough but not even approaching fanatical, as Konrad’s had been.

I noticed a group of three women sitting at a nearby table looking in Jeremy’s direction and giggling.  They appeared to be in their early twenties, which made it feel like they were older than me but I supposed
since I was actually twenty-five now they were my juniors.  The clothes they wore looked expensive and as I watched I saw one of them remove a small jacket to display cleavage that must have cost even more than the rest of the ensemble combined, shooting Jeremy a look with a clear meaning.  ‘If you’re tired of hop-along over there, I’m ready to take her place.’

Jeremy glanced over, gave them a polite smile and then turned his attention back to the waiter, who had arrived at the table by this time.  I pursed my lips and went inside, pausing near the doorway as my eyes adjusted to the comparative dark of the inside of the café while I looked for the signs indicating the bathroom.

Spotting them at last I made my way through, passing a wall covered in pictures.  Most of them seemed to be of the owner, Konrad, with his arms over the shoulders of famous people who had presumably eaten there.  One picture drew my eye because of the associated artwork, a logo in a similar style to the way ‘Holt’s’ was written on the storefront visible from the street but incorporating a sombrero and saying ‘Hola’ instead.

The picture was of Konrad, with his trademark smile, wearing a sombrero, his arms around Jeremy and I.  I paused, staring at it for a moment, trying to remember the girl in the photo, trying to reach out and touch the happiness I saw in that face, frozen in time.  I couldn’t do it, though, and my more immediate needs made me halt my efforts and go to the bathroom.

When I returned, the three women/girls were still trying their best to get Jeremy’s attention, attempts which were toned down when they saw me coming back. Jeremy, to his credit, was doing his best to ignore them, busily tapping away at the screen on his smartphone.  I collapsed ungracefully into my seat and Jeremy smiled, putting away his phone and reaching across the table as if to hold my hand before pausing and pulling back.

“The ball is rolling,” he said, “my assistant is going to be looking very sadly at a computer screen within the next few minutes.”

“Mine too.  Coffee on the way?”

“Yep.”

It was only another few minutes until the coffee arrived.  Growing up I had always loved the smell but not liked the flavor, so I hoped at some stage I had acquired the taste.  I sniffed the steaming cup deeply before taking a tentative sip and finding it much more palatable than I remembered my previous attempts at drinking coffee, though I didn’t think it would ever be my favorite.  Jeremy and I made some more small talk as we drank, ranging from the weather to various interesting stores I’d spotted in my travels around the area.

“No more problems with paparazzi?”

“No, they don’t seem to bother with me if I’m not with you.”

“Oh.  Well, I’m glad they’re staying out of your way.”

“Me too.  How long will we be in Seattle for?”

“Just for the day, I think.  If something comes up while we’re there that means we think we should stay longer, well, we can arrange it.”

“Your schedule is awfully flexible for somebody with such a large… empire.  Is that the right word?”

“Haha!  Well… I’m not sure I’d call it that.  I don’t feel like an emperor, it’s just business.  Playing the game, I was alw
ays good at it.  And when you are your own boss, there’s a certain amount of leeway with the schedule.  Getting time out here and there isn’t hard, but getting a lot of it in a solid block is a problem.  Besides, I’m always connected.”

Jeremy
patted his pocket that held the smartphone and as if in response, a beeping sound emitted from it.  Pulling the phone out, Jeremy had a look at whatever message had just come through and sighed.

“Listen, I’ve got to go put out some fires that have just sprung up
in response to clearing the schedule tomorrow.  The bill for lunch is on my tab, so that’s all taken care of.  Do you need a ride back to your apartment?”

“No thanks, I’ve got to get my walking quota in for the day,”

“Alright.”

Jeremy pressed a few buttons on his phone and held it up to his ear, listening for a moment before somebody on the other end answered.

“Stan?  Yes… I’m ready now, thanks.  See you soon… Bye.”

Jeremy hurriedly finished his drink and stood up, scanning down the road to look for his car and then looking down at me while the three women at the next table checked out his ass.  I fought back an urge to throw my remaining coffee at them, but it was a near thing.  I was surprised at myself, I had no idea where that defensive impulse came from. 
The joys of dating such a hot guy
I thought and then cut the internal monologue off… had I just called him ‘hot’, even if only in my own head?